NovocaineKisses

Most days I do pretty well. I go to the store, I go to parent teacher conference, I go to the gas station, the school recital, I've even driven the 10 miles to my mom's house to help work on the yard and to see all my furry kids that can't live with me. All in all I've come a long way from how I used to be. It's still a long road to get to where I want to be, but I'll take small victories over no victories any day. There are also days where I start to go to the store and have to turn around. I still have to drag my best friend or my brother or my mother along for those trips, but I'm still going out and doing things. Baby steps :-)

Coming off of Xanax is never easy. I'm so glad you had help with it and your tests came back normal. I had to come off of Xanax on my own with a very limited amount and that was not a fun time. Some of the things you describe after coming off relate to what I went through as well. Hopefully this finds you feeling better and with more normal test results :-)

Hello all! So it's been a while since I've felt the need to get on the internet and connect with other people who suffer from some of the same problems as I do. I went to log in to my Anxiety Zone account and low and behold, it was gone. After a brief search I found this had spring from it. I'm already feeling a bit happier since I started my evening. A little background, I'm a 30 year old single mom of three amazing kiddos and I suffer from panic disorder with a heaping side of agoraphobia. Go me. I've been suffering with panic attacks since 2008. Gee, seeing that I'm a flabbergasted its been going on for so long. I did not have agoraphobia until 2013. Everything was great. My panic attacks we're almost noon existent, I had a good job, and I had finally gotten into an apartment that wasn't sucking my bank account dry. One night after work I was waiting at the bus stop for my oldest girl with my, at the time, youngest child when I suddenly couldn't breath. I was terrified. I felt faint and dizzy and it consumed me. I had to get out of there. I called my friend, who was on his way to meet me at the bus stop, and told him he had to get my oldest and meet me at the hospital. I drove to the hospital in a state of sheer panic. It was all I could do to gather my youngest out of her carseat and stumble my way into the emergency room. Looking back I was clearly overreacting but at the time it was all I could do. They gave me a Xanax and told me to go home. My friend and oldest daughter were there by that time and we all climbed into my car to go home. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave the safety the hospital offered me. That was one of the longest nights of my life and I shudder remembering it. That was just the start of my long battle with agoraphobia. I struggled to get to work and ended up having a nervous breakdown and quitting. Believe it or not but it got worse after that. I got my best friend fired from his job, multiple rumors were started around town about us, he lost his house and I was so codependent on having a safe person around me at all times I drove friends away and family to the breaking point. Even with medical help and a therapist I was a mess. But I managed to take care of myself and my children. They were clothed, fed, taken care, taken to school and provided for. Mommy just couldn't leave the house. Then I got pregnant with my son. I had to put on my big girl panties and deal with more then I had in almost two year and without his and my youngest daughters' father. Long, complicated story. Anyway I got it together for the most part. I had bad days and good days. The good days far out number the bad now but I still struggle. I haven't left my hometown for 4 years. Some days it's hard to believe I ever will, even though I want to move out of state. I know, big dreams. I was just accepted to college, online, and was awarded my financial aid. In May I become a part time student working towards my bachelor's degree and hopefully after that starts I will be moving my crazy, wonderful children and I to a different state with more options for mental health care, jobs and a better future for us all. A novel I know, but if you stuck it out to the end you're pretty cool in my book.