wormlady

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About wormlady

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  1. Hi Johathan123. Thank you for your reply. I'm one of those people that have nothing but "live events" so I can't say exactly when it started, but it got worse after I closed my diner and started staying home more between job hunts. Within 3 months I developed a pulmonary embolism (PE) which is where the rubber hit the road and the panic attacks started one after the other 24/7. I was medicated for them while in hospital for the PE but not offered medication to manage at home afterwards. I am also a disabled veteran (US Navy) so all my medical care is managed by the US Veterans Administration. I was offered counsel if I came in to the hospital for appointments.I begged for phone counsel to help me get there, they said no, and do not make house calls. I have looked at the online counseling now available, but they will not approve payment for it so that's a no too. My husband is very supportive, but hesitates to put me in a moving vehicle that leaves the driveway, last time we tried to go I jumped out while in motion because I couldn't tolerate it. Had I asked him to stop he would have, I just went into panic and jumped out. I was not hurt...he was going very slow as we turned out of the drive just in case. I will not kid you and say I have not debated the sensibility of continuing on this way. I have sought assistance from the help line on several occasions. They are not well versed in panic disorder or agoraphobia but do their best to talk with you, lol, which is difficult when you can't breath because of the panic attack. I have found that just laying on the bed and accepting that I am dieing helps more than anything. I went to the trouble of getting my "affairs" in order many years ago. In an effort to keep my mind busy thinking that would help I sought my masters and am working on my PhD degree and had a Psychology class as part of the degree program. In that class we were to write a final paper on a psychiatric topic we knew the most about. I wrote about agoraphobia. (Laughing) she commented on how realistic and how well I had a grip on the subject matter and even offered incites she had not considered ...it was a "A" paper. I still have hopes that one day I will find a way on my own to venture past the driveway, for now I am content to be able to go outdoors for periods of time, its progress from being totally house bound for many years. Wormlady
  2. Hi Maxxy, I so understand what you mean about "other people". I sit in the window of my home and watch people go by in their cars, presumably to work in the morning wondering what it is like to get up in the morning and just get in the car and go where ever you want without a second thought. I suffer from agoraphobia and panic. I can't even leave the property to work anywhere. In the last 10 years I have managed to expand my boundaries to include the yard but return to the house about every 30 minutes to re-group so-to -speak. I too suffer the depression of the situation and will spend about a week sleeping to recover from one day of trying to be outdoors. I bought Dr Weeke's books on audio and carry her everywhere with me outdoors. I have not seen a doctor in over 10 years, because I would have to leave the house to do it, and my doc is a hour a way because I live in a rural environment. I have resigned to the fact the next time I ride on pavement will be at the curiosity of the county corner. I have been checking out the resources they have on tis site and have found some thought provoking and in some ways helpful, like Dr Weeks's materials. I would like to encourage you to look at some of them as my moderator suggested to me when I first signed on. Chin up we're all in this together --Red Green
  3. With all the talk of the uses of medical marijuana, and it being a natural verses a pharmaceutical, does anyone have an opinion on using it for panic and anxiety, or depression? Has anyone tried it? I had a friend suggest may I might give it a try...lol..to me...the person who is terrified to even take prescription drugs when ordered by a doctor, and will most times not take them and suffer with the infection instead. Her heart is in the right place, she is about my only remaining friend in the world and has been for 40 some years. She will take a call from me at all hours of the night and day, so I know she suggests this only to try to help.
  4. I so understand your flustration and feeling of defeat. I have suffered panic and agoraphobia most of my life (I am now 53). I have had spells for years of totally home confinement to times of leaving the house to venture out thinking I am on my way to recovery only to fall back into the old well. I think the one thing that I have discovered in all the years is that we who suffer are not as alone as we think, and that there are others who can relate to our feelings out there even if our families (and few remaining friends) can't. When my attacks come it is the palpations that I fear the most and the day that comes when I do not go to the hospital because I miss the sign that it is something else other than panic going on. Just know that you are not alone in your journey.