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About Emma245

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  1. Hi Chuck. Thank you for your reply. You’re right. The trouble with the anxious brain is that it always thinks about itself and it’s always something I’ve done wrong. My self esteem is so low that I always think i must be the one doing wrong or upsetting someone. my boyfriend and I have been together 10 years this year and sometimes I feel he isn’t supportive but most of the time he is. He does his best. He doesn’t have any history of mental illness in his family and so finds it hard to understand how I feel. I know he loves me and cares for me though and he’d do everything for me. Last night I think he could see I was anxious and so he gave me a cuddle unprompted! i think maybe I should go back to see my counsellor x
  2. Hi bob, thank you for your reply I really appreciate it. i too have been this way since I was a small child and I agree that sometimes being shy can come across as rude when in fact most anxious people I know are kind and caring. Also I think when you’re anxious and couple that with parents who were verbally abusive but yet oddly wouldn’t let us do anything (maybe controlling?) people tend to leave you out because you aren’t as interesting as someone else. Does that make sense? its funny because on my old team I was well liked and told I was a positive person. If only they knew the real me! I too have a fake me that turns up at work, smiles, makes people laugh...and then goes home and feels bad about myself because I think I said something stupid or whatever. On my new team I’ve been interacting and making people genuinely laugh so I thought they liked me. Maybe I’m just not their sort of person after all. The older I’m getting (now in my late 30s) I am getting more comfortable in my own skin and I don’t think it stems from that. I genuinely feel a bit more comfortable with myself but maybe I am giving off a vibe that says stay away? I don’t think I’m loud or in fact quiet enough to give off a bad / standoffish vibe, but maybe there something about me that shows I’m different in some way. I don’t know... i think I also go into situations thinking I’m not going to enjoy myself which can’t help. I’m already thinking about how to get out of the work Christmas party for goodness sake because I’ve told myself that no one likes me! ive seen many counsellors, the last one was about three years ago and she really did help. Been thinking about going back but it’s expensive isn’t it so just need to try and work out how to afford it again. Thank you for your time, Emma x
  3. Hello, it’s been a very long time since I’ve been on here. Probably a year. recently I’ve been feeling so alone. I always have - for as long as I can remember if I’m honest - but recently it’s been so bad. I have no friends so I don’t have anyone to talk to about anything. I have social anxiety (among many other things!) so find it difficult to build bonds with people. I’ve been low and tearful everyday recently. I keep it inside and then go sit in the bathroom and cry to myself just to let the tension out. I have a lovely partner but I don’t want to burden him. He has a stressful job and he doesn’t need my problems too. Don’t think bad of him. He does so much for me and I get that I can’t just tell him I feel awful everyday. i recently changed roles at work and I’m on a new team. I thought I was fitting in ok but then most of them went out to lunch and they didn’t invite me. I’d been in the team about 2 months. Felt like sh*t. also a friend of mines father died recently I thought we were good friends. But I found out through someone else and I didn’t even know when the funeral was but other people did. I know people grieve but I literally didn’t hear from her whole other people did and I tried to contact her via text just to say I was thinking of her. these two things have made me doubt every relationship I have as none of them seem real anymore. I feel more alone than I ever have. Like I’m back to that 8 year old girl crying alone in my bedroom. i think I’m a good person. I try to be mindful and kind, I’m not brash or in your face and I’m quiet. I don’t know why I can’t make friends. i just wish I had a best girl friend sometimes x
  4. Thank you for your kind words. I do try to write three nice things that happened to me during the day down each day but that has dwindled recently so I’ll get back to that! ive also put a plaster over the mole so I can’t see it! Nothing bad will happen for a couple of days so if I can’t see it I figured I wouldn’t worry so much! X
  5. Thank you Bterfly for your reply. Move known for 5 weeks about my job and I’ve (well I think I have!) done really well at putting it out of my mind because I kept telling myself there’s nothing I could do about it. It’s just as it’s now less than a week away from finding out it’s at the forefront again. Additionally my partner and I both work at the same place so it’s a double worry. He is more senior than me so touch wood I think he will be ok but it’s not set in stone yet ?. thank you for your words of encouragement. re the mole, I think I will leave it until the weekend and then go if it is still there. It doesn’t itch or anything and I think I have just aggravated it some how. When I woke up this morning it looked like I had scratched it in the night. Probably because I’m constantly thinking about it-even when I sleep! But yes if it is still worrying me next week I promise I’ll have it looked at. It only felt raised since Sunday afternoon and not noticed it before (I recently put fake tan on so maybe that has aggravated it). thank you for taking the time to reply. I think I will do some meditation later and write in my journal! This morning I felt so alone and tearful. I don’t feel it so much now xxx
  6. Hello everyone, ive not been on here for a while. I find things trigger me really easily sometimes. I need some support and don’t know where else to go. Sorry. My job was put at risk about 5 weeks ago and on the 18th I find out the outcome. I’ve only ever had one job and I’ve been here nearly 16 years. My employer have always been accommodating of my anxiety as the main way it affects my job is that I struggle with transport and so they don’t make me go out and visit clients etc. I had a migraine yesterday and I just feel so down about it all. If I lose my job I wouldn’t be able to get another one that pays as much as I’d have to go in at a lower grade elsewhere. This would put extra pressure on my partner and I worry about his mental health too. I might get put in another department which would be better than losing my job but it also means new managers and team members and I’m sure you all get how hard that can be if you suffer with anxiety. Going through it all again with a new manager. ive also got a mole on my leg that has become raised (although I think I’ve caught it shaving rather than it being anything else) but I struggle with health anxiety and that is worrying me. I have also had bad IBS pains recently. Probably stress related. I feel very alone at the moment and that I just want to curl up in my bed and stay there under the covers where it’s safe. I’m finding it hard to concentrate at work at the moment x
  7. Emma245

    Chest pain

    Thank you all for your replies. It does help to know that I’m not alone in this! NervUs-glad it isn’t anything sinister. That does sound like a similar pain to mine. Maybe that’s what I have too. Makes sense from all the coughing! X
  8. Emma245

    Chest pain

    Yeah the pain was a general tightness which I think was the coughing. Now it’s more of a sharp pain and mostly when I think about it. I think I’ve developed it into this pain through anxiety. Will keep an eye on it. Thank you for your support x
  9. Hi everyone. I’ve being having a pain in my chest for a few months now. I’m in my mid thirties, not overweight, eat fairly healthily and walk at least 30 minutes twice a day. Most of me knows it’s anxiety because it only came on after a friends relative died after suddenly having chest pains. They started around the same time. I also had two colds back to back and both came with quite a nasty cough so I was constantly coughing for about 10 weeks. When I have a cough I get a bit ocd about getting the phlegm up (sorry TMI) and I do pull my chest. Before this worry I had a a worry I had C (at that time a friend had been diagnosed with that too) but had blood tests etc and was given all clear on that. It’s like I have to think there’s something wrong with me. I know from previous counselling that I don’t like not being in control of things. Why am I doing this to myself??? Sometimes the pain goes into my shoulder too or to the other side of my chest so again this makes me think it’s anxiety. Then other times it’s a distinct pain. It could also coincide with my time of the month. My health Anxiety has been pretty bad for at least a year. I had some major life changes and since then it’s like this I can control almost if that makes sense. The other things I couldn’t. There are a few stressful things going on at the moment with work so maybe it’s that. Someone tell me they have the same thing. I’ve had two ECG’s in my adult life and they never showed any issues. I keep telling myself it’s nothing and tbh when I forget about it there is no pain. I had a week off work and it was hardly there or not there for a few days, only coming back when I thought about it. I don’t have a particularly stressful job, it’s just much more relaxing being at home like most people feel. Any support would be appreciated ? Thank you.
  10. Hi Mark, Funny because this morning I was just thinking that it's the anxiety/panic attack that I'm ultimately frightened of. I hate the feeling and I do everything to avoid being in a situation that gives me a panic attack. I've been trying for months to just let them come and get through it but I find it so hard. I just instinctively battle it away and do something to distract myself because I can't stand the feeling. I can't deal with it because it's so frightening. I don't know how to do it. I'm doing my best to do as much as I can because I don't want to be this way but sometimes it's feels impossible!
  11. Hi mark, thank you very much for your reply. My health anxiety has been so bad recently and I don't know why ?. I think I need to keep myself busy more so I can't think about it. That and keep telling myself that I'm not going to collapse in the street! I suppose it worried me a bit cos this isn't a symptom I usually get. But then my anxiety changes all the time so I guess it's just showing itself in a different way now.
  12. Hi everyone, Well recently I've been getting pains in my chest. I'm a mid theirties woman who is not overweight and I eat what I would call a fairly decent diet. Not the best but not the worst either. I walk minimum 45 minutes each day. I'm sure it's anxiety but most of the time it is where I imagine my heart to be. But sometimes it's across my other side of my chest or higher up (if that makes sense). But then other times I forget about it and realise I haven't noticed it for a couple of hours. Hence why I think this is just anxiety related rather than heart disease ?. Like most people here I am generally anxious most of the time and move from one symptom to the next which also backs up my just anxiety theory... Does anyone else get like this??? Thank you
  13. Hi me again. Sorry if I'm commenting too much I just don't really have anyone else to talk to. Had my blood test. Glad it's done but keep worrying. Trying to think about other things. Have started tablets for IBS today -how long do they take to kick in? Got to take three a day. Also started using the cream for the piles. Sorry TMI but I know you guys understand how I'm feeling. Was late in to work today cos of blood test and my colleague goes 'oh I thought you'd had some bad news at the doctors'. Yeah thanks for that. Just what I needed to hear ? X
  14. Thank you for replying Bob. I just want the all clear and then I'll feel better. I suppose if they didn't do a blood test I'd be convinced there was something awful wrong anyway and they just hadn't found it. So much as it scares me it is the right thing to do and only then can I move on. Thanks again I really appreciate it x
  15. So I just got back from the doctors. She thinks from the symptoms I've described it's classic IBS and piles. Best answer I could have got! But I've got to have a blood test tomorrow which worries me. She thinks the results should be there tomorrow evening though so hopefully then I can relax. I told her I was frightened the blood test would show up something horrible, but she said 'please don't worry about it I just want to do it as you haven't had a blood test since 2008'. She said she wanted to make sure that she's treating the right thing is all. I suppose as I've had a tummy ache for most of the week it could be a tummy infection or something. Still can't settle ?. Did anyone else have this when they went to see the Dr?