CarolineStein

Hello, my name is Caroline. I'm new to both this website, and panic attacks. I haven't really been diagnosed or anything, but my father and mother have had panic attacks before, and my symptoms match up. I was even hospitalized not too long ago. (About a day or so ago. My days feel so mixed up now.) They prescribed me some medication for these panic attacks as well. I had my first one about a week ago, after smoking marijuana. After that terrible day, I have had non stop panic attacks. It felt so weird.. I felt as though I could not control my body. I felt like I lost control. The first thing I said to my mother was I am dying, and that sensation of dying has left me completely terrified of when I actually am dying. I now have an intense fear of death. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was being choked. I could feel my blood pumping through my body, as my arms and legs began to get numb. There is a strong pain in my chest, mixed with a burning. I start crying, hyperventilating.. but what I loathe even more than the actual panic attack itself, is thinking all day about when I am getting it again.. It doesn't hinder me going outside and enjoying life, as of now. I am afraid that it might get worse later.. It does hinder my sleep though, I always wake up scared. Scared of what exactly? I honestly couldn't tell anyone. I don't have insomnia, but I might get it soon. I don't think I can sleep without my mother rubbing my back, telling me all will be alright. Today is one of those nights where she wasn't rubbing my back, which explains why I am still wide eyed at about 6 am. I always been a very stress filled person, and I suffered depression for quite some time now. I am going to go out on a limb and assume that maybe these all correlate with each other. I could be incorrect though. I may not be having a panic attack at this very moment, but I did just wake up from one of my night terrors again. I only managed to get only an hour of sleep. I don't know if this is normal, if this is something anyone else feels. This inability to sleep. I guess someone could say I am slightly questioning my reality. All feels unreal. It feels like I am in a constant dream, and will wake up laughing at this whole thing. It's felt like this for years now.. It would be nice to associate with someone, anyone, singular or plural, who also deals with this. It would definitely calm my nerves, when no one else is around to help me. I don't have many friends anymore, so making some new ones who will help me with this new condition will surely make me a very happy girl. Bless you all so much, and thank you.