limper

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i don't have a therapist, no. i used to take medications but have stopped cause had some bad reactions before and don't want to risk doing any more harm to my body. i feel like maybe if people understood better that i meant well with my feelings, maybe if they could somehow understand that i feel feelings very quickly and strongly, it would be easier for me to deal with. but as it is, most people don't understand and as a result can be pretty judgmental and mean about it, as if i did something to intentionally hurt them. does me being whats probably just overly nice really warrant the same reaction that one would get for being a complete jerk? its sad and pathetic to me that what seems like most people now are seriously grouping those together, just based on their own insecure suspicions. course that's me being judgmental right back then. but its just like if im being too nice and it makes you feel uncomfortable or wary then just say so. it isn't like im coming at you with a knife. do you see a therapist though? have you spoken to anyone about you thinking you might have bpd? thanks gilly.

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in november, 2011, but had been experiencing the symptoms of it for much longer before. the past 6 years, my social life has been alternating between having a couple friends, and going through long stretches with no friends whatsoever. at first, the lack of friends was because i wasn't able to control my feelings, whether it was me overwhelming people i had just met with affection, or me blowing up and raging at the few people that still hung around and cared about me. now i feel more in control of my outward expression towards people, but at the cost of having to almost bottle my feelings until i have to let them out not with affection or rage but by pushing everyone away and punishing myself. i feel feelings a lot stronger and faster than most people do. i also have a lot of very extreme black and white thinking and can be very easily disillusioned. i feel like if im not very important to someone, then there is no point in having any association with them at all. if i feel unimportant or ignored by somebody i care about i'll immediately become numb and indifferent towards them until i feel acknowledged or needed again, at which point id go back to basically loving the person. on top of that just a lot of drastic impulsivity even as a result of the most inconsequential things. i just feel very lonely, and learning my lessons is coming slowly. can anybody relate at all?

hey guys. was told my by friend that this was a good place for anxieties in general. so have joined. am sure i'll post more frequently. i have ocd and some other non-anxiety issues. hope this place is cool.