I gave in

[moneakers 3]

I was trying so hard today not to take my blood pressure today. Honestly I've been taking it everyday, several times a day for the past couple months. And it's always been fine. Even if it's a tiny bit lower it's fine. And lately I've been checking my O2 and heart rate at work (I work on an acute Geri-psych unit- ironic I know) because I've had what seems like a slower heart rate (like in the 60s sitting at work... I'm usually in the 70s... and also like high 48-50s lying down). I've also at times felt like I've been having a hard time getting a breath, but I feel like it's mostly due to me focusing on it. I'm going to the cardiologist next Friday. It's probably fine but I just want it checked. 

 

So anyway today I said I wasn't going to do it. I could feel the anxiety rising in me this afternoon. I always feel kind of off balance/dizzy/lightheaded throughout the day and it gets worse as my anxiety increases. It doesn't ever really go away though. (Going to a neurologist on Monday- never been). After running a group at work today I was in my office, stood up, and felt like I was short of breath and like my heart stopped beating in my chest. Made me SUPER anxious. I sat down and took my BP and of course it was high but my pulse seemed low. I ran over to our pulse ox. My heart rate was better in standing but then my O2 started going down. That freaked me out. I took it off and put it back on and it was fine. I ran to another BP machine and pulse ox in the charting room where no one was. Pulse stayed steady in 60s sitting, O2 100%. In standing, heart rate 80s-90s O2 100%. 

 

I wanted to go without it today :/ why is it so hard not to check?  I'm sure this must be anxiety/panic. I've never been to a cardiologist or neurologist. Never been one to have lots of tests or run to the ER (but I think about it all the time). I hope it gives me the reassurance I need going to these specialists.