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Posts posted by VampireEyes

  1. Thanks Jon! I should stop reading things in the Internet except stuff like this! The 6 week Hep life cycle thing threw me and now I'm dreading going on tour with my guitar, the tour probably started my intense anxiety in the first place. I'm also going to grad school in the fall. Perfect storm ofstress then I go looking for trouble on health websites. I just wanna be strong but I know my mind will be screaming. I guess I just have to do it!

  2. Hey guys, 

    I have been doing really well for a year with my contamination ocd. Recently,  I have been having more fears and compulsions. It got really bad when I brought my guitar in for the class I tutor. I let them all strum the strings and one kid was like "look" and showed me his thumb was bleeding. I then assumed that blood was all over my guitar and then he ran his hand over the inside of the guitar case.  I was like, you have no idea what you have just done! So that was like May 24th and I read that Hepatitis-C can live on surfaces for like 6 weeks. I'm about to go on a tour and I'm freaking out about my bloody guitar. I Lysol-ed the crap out of it and wiped it with sanitizing wipes but I still am terrified. Any advice? I hate that it got so bad again. 

  3. Thanks so much for your input and support Joy, Gilly and Steve! It is much better today, and I have been trying to continue to challenge myself. I do want to try to journal more, thanks Gilly for that suggestion.

    This weekend my assignment was to put my hand over my mouth and rub it all over myself and my bed, etc. This is because my gums bleed sometimes so I am afraid to touch my my mouth, eat things without a fork/spoon, etc. I have been slipping on that but I have been trying other things like not showering after I go #2. Haha sry for so much tmi but I know you guys understand! So i will try to carry on through this tough week, ugh!! And I think I'm going to be on my period during a family beach vacation, so disappointing! I think that realization threw me yesterday too.



     I know that often OCD impulses do not necessarily make sense . So I wonder what washing hands has to do with the HIV. Do you feel the doctors have it wrong and that it can be transmitted through something other than blood? 


    Well, I feel like all my bodily fluids are contaminants (tears, snot, anything) so I wash after blowing my nose, brushing my teeth, etc. And I also fear touching anything red like spots in my environment and stuff. So yeah I have trouble believing it is not easily caught like through casual contact. I came in contact with blood like 3 times last year and my OCD went insane. So weird.

    • Like 1

  4. Hey everyone,


    So I am in week 4 of treatment and it's been going pretty well. I have contamination OCD, my main fear being that I have HIV and will give it to others. So I have been washing less, my hands healed and I was having practially no crying fits or freak-outs.


    Yesterday, I was doing an exposure of trying on dresses at a store. I used the restroom and there was a red spot on the toilet paper. I threw it in the toilet and finished up but I was freaking out! I figured I should do the exposure anyway and tried on dresses. My therapist was impressed that I carried out the exposure after the much worse accidental exposure. I was keeping it together for the most part but today my dad was fixing a pipe and turned off the water so I could not wash my hands. I had to pee, but I also had to wait for him to be done and my the time the water was back on, I was very upset and just freaked out completely. I am on my period which is always really bad and I felt like blood was everywhere.


    It feels like I am falling back to square one, what types of things help when you feel like you're falling back?


  5.    yeah, that sounds like a therapist who doesn't understand C OCD - we can't just STOP, like a switch.

    You might continue for a bit, then see if you can't find someone better suited to help you?


    I consider and avoid possible germs and visible filth everywhere I go, but I don't "see things" that others don't...

    ( But you are mainly speaking of a level of detail, rather than actual hallucinations, right? )


    I hate to say it ( because gothic stuff is cool ) but you may want to avoid horror films, heavy metal etc. for a while.

    The very realistic effects and creepy ideas can "spike" ( provoke OCD ) 

    I think he might just be putting it out there to see how I can do with the idea. But who knows. He's pretty much the best in my area, he goes the OCD conferences and keeps up with the new stuff, so hopefully it will get better.

    Yeah I guess I mean I notice things that other people don't notice or they just brush it off. Like when I moved back home and stayed in my old room, I noticed so many things that I hadn't before, like blood spots in the wall that I thought I cleaned from when I cut myself on my guitar, stains that bothered me, etc.

  6. Hello all! Thanks for the support, I am very nervous about getting back to therapy, he told me to only wash my hands when normal people do right off the bat (after bathroom, before eating and when visibly dirty). I am wondering wht he gave a washer such a drastic order the first day, maybe to gauge how much I will resist, because you know I washed my hands more than that!

    Anyway I am trying to give up the delusions that I think I can, I am convinced there is blood on my hands as I am typing this but since the keys aren't red, I am moving on, hard as it is.


    Hey Vampire, curious your nick name vs. your fear. Is that to face your fear or has your like of Vampire things driven the blood fear? Interesting for sure ! Glad you are here. 

    Hey Joycicle, my name comes from a part in Interview with a Vampire when Brad Pitt looks around for the first time after he becomes a vampire and Tom Cruise says "now look with your vampire eyes.." and Brad can see stuff that he couldn't before. So with my OCD, I see stuff that I didn't before like red stuff, brown spots, etc, just hyper vigilance all around, so I think it's kind of funny to think I have developed vampire eyes.

    • Like 1

  7. Hello,


    Just wanted to introduce myself. I have had OCD for about 9 years and just recently found out what it was! So I am starting therapy and it scares me a lot but it has to be better than the hell I'm going through now. I have an intense fear of HIV, blood, boldily fluids (my own and others) and other contaminants.

    So hello, I thought it might be nice to talk with other OCD people as most people don't get it.