My moms is very sick, I think i'm having a breakdown

[flagirl 2]

I'm having a very bad time.  My mom is very sick and dieing, I don't think she will be with me for much longer, this is very hard for me.  My anxiety since she got sick has been very heightened.  I try tell myself she could be with us for another year, but I know in my heart it wont happen.  I have a very hard time with death and I've been thru alot of it in the past 1.5 years.  I think I'm handling it but all I do is push it back down inside.  I've also been having medical issues myself, been having so much dizziness for the past 9 months,  it feels like I'm rocking/swaying and when I walk sometimes the floor is bouncing,  my ENT thinks it migraine associated vertigo and my thyriod meds have been going up and down for months, so I'm constantly worried that i'm dieing myself.  but in the past few months I've been constantly anxious, in the past week I've taken my xanax every day, I try to only take 1/2 of the .25mg but somedays I take the whole pill and then I worry about getting addicted to it.  I know its not much but still worry.  I beleive I'm also having depression about all of this.  I can't get in to see the psychologist until the end of May, so I'm trying to cope and its hard.  I think there is just to much going on.  I spend a lot of time now because of this wondering if its going to coz me to have a heart attack, because of the stress and anxiety.  My symptoms now are nervousness thru my entire body, lightheaded, chills, increases sweating with my hot flashes, I'm also post menapausal, legs and back ache, headaches, tightening shoulders and neck pain, worry every minute of the day, can't concentrate, can't remember things, shaking, heart pounding every morning when I wake up, constant checking everything on my body.  Since this vertigo started I spend every waking moment looking for what it is and why I have it.  I'm obsessed with it now and with my mom being sick all the time, the anxiety is much worse.  

 

I have an appt on Monday with my GP about this to see if he thinks I need meds.  I hate taking them, everytime I try I have awful side effects and they scared me to death.  So I opted to go back to therapy but have to wait for it.  

 

I'm curious does any here have constant fear and anxiety 24/7 every day and worry whats it doing to you?  

 

Thanks for listening. 

[rainbow 333]

Hi Flaggirl

sorry to hear about your mom. Of course your anxiety is going to be heightened your mom is dying you have had to stare death in the face the last year and half. 

If you can't deal with the side effects of the meds than therapy is good too always helps to talk things out especially with all that is going on around you. 

Lastly just try to take care of you so you can be there for your mom. Death is not easy trust me i know but it's a part of life and  something we have no control over we just have to learn ways to cope. 

Wish you well . 

Amber 

[Bones0013 43]

Hi Flagirl

So sorry to hear about your mom. I am facing the same thing. My mother's health is failing and I'm worried sick. I fear loosing her. I'm closer to her than anyone in the world. Yes, I do experience anxiety and panic 24/7. Day after day. It is exhausting  but I deal with it the best I can. I accept it and am thankful for the days that are better than others. Hang in there!

[AkM 39]

you not alone in it we all been through difficult times like so  just try to have some help even from a close friend chat with that friend about what you feeling and the problems and so as not to be alone in it sometimes it helps to see that someone can feel or understand what you going through and for xanax i been on it for awhile yea it helps to calm down and so but with time you will get addict so try to not to surrender easily and take it daily try to go out and drink warm drinks and eat healthy and try to do anything positive to help you feel better