Anxiety over the holidays

[Sara95x 1]

Hey all !

Haven't posted in a while. Just when I think I am doing well I realise how much worse I am. My anxiety has brought me great deppression more so than ever, I have caused harm to myself in the past few weeks, I have constantly been crying and avoiding social situations even to the point I wanted to stay home on Christmas. I have been using alcohol to cover up my anxiousness, after drinking a bottle of win, beers, and bottle of vodka to myself I can't remember majority of Christmas. So with it being boxing day it was time to. Visit my mums house (more booze!) , which I dread as she is full of criticism toward me. I'm just so terribly low and stuck. with noone to talk to. I hate myself so much I am disgusted and can't even look in the mirror anymore. feeling like giving up. Any advice or anyone feeling the same ?

Apologies if any of this doesn't make sense I couldn't wait To reach out x

[rainbow 333]

Hi Sara, 

i am so sorry your struggling...holidays it seems can be rough for a quite a few people on this forum. 

as for the alcohol..you know its not going to solve the underlying issues you may be struggling with... its just a way to cope but not a healthy way... i think you already know that.... 

DO NOT SAY....you hate yourself... because you are good person inside and out..you are just having a rough go at it... and DON'T GIVE UP...because trust me there is a light at the end of tunnel.....you just have to work your way to that light....and nobody said it would be easy..it takes time, patience and the main thing... is once you learn to LOVE YOURSELF....alot the problems you maybe struggling with eventually will be a thing of the PAST.. just believe in yourself... and have FAITH.... 

As for your mom, she has never lived in your shoes, to know how anxiety and depression can affect a person...so my motto i try to follow now, and trust me it took me a long time to get here and i still struggle with at times is..... IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER  

Take care 

Amber 

Edited December 27, 2015 by rainbow

[JungleJulia 235]

This time of year is so hard. I spent the weeks leading up to christmas with increasing anxiety too. I was having more panic attacks, more days where I struggled to get out of bed, and more disappointment that i'm not doing well. There are lots of social events on at this time and I've avoided several. I did go out on christmas day but I had to force myself, and spent a good part of the morning crying in bed. Im now trying to recover from it all. Im hoping that 2016 holds better things for me. I hope you're doing better soon but know that you arent alone xx

[jonathan123 2368]

Christmas is a bad time for so many, Sara. It's about contrasts. We see those around us enjoying the holiday when we feel so low. We begin to feel guilty that we can't do the same and that we may be spoiling it for others. As JJ says, we just want to hide away. But Amber is right about drinking. Now I know how difficult it can be to give it up because it's often the only way you can get relief. I went down that road for a brief time. I found the depression lifted after a drink then it wore off and I needed more. I soon realised the futility of that approach. Read 'rainbows' post carefully. So much understanding there.

"Apologies if any of this doesn't make sense I couldn't wait To reach out x".

NEVER apologise, Sara. You have not done or said anything to be sorry about. You are caught up in circumstances that you can't, at the moment, control. However bad it may seem now there is always HOPE. It's there you know. I do know how you feel, honest I do, we all do because we have all been there; maybe in different ways to you, but suffering is suffering whatever way you have it. Criticism  from those who are close to us is difficult to bear. But your mum may be trying to shock you out of it. A misguided and often hurtful approach, but that's how she sees it. Don't blame her. It may be a difficult time for her too.

 "I'm just so terribly low and stuck. with noone to talk to. I hate myself so much I am disgusted and can't even look in the mirror anymore". 

Yes you have and you are doing it here. Talking. We always listen and although at a distance can still help. As for hating yourself let me ask you a question. If you had a friend in the situation you are in would you hate her? Of course not. You would do all you could to help. Be a friend to yourself. As Amber says, "because you are good person inside and out". You are you know, but it's difficult to see at the moment, but you WILL. Hang in there and try to mange without so much drink. Cut it down with a view to stopping altogether. I know you have posted before but are you on medication? If so drinking is a big no no! Drugs and alcohol just don't mix. Keep talking if you wish.

Jon.

[Sara95x 1]

Hey all thanks for the replies. I have just been so incredibly low, I am usually but recently its been so much worse and yes Jon it probably is the contrast of everyone else enjoying themselves ! I don't normally drink its just been the past week or so to go through with nights out ext, makes it easier I guess! Today been chilling at home with my partner he promised me it will all be better this year lol, so feeling hopeful! 

As for being disgusted it's not just the way I am but how I look, ever have so much anxiety about how you look? What even is that! I'm sure noone really cares lol it's just so overwhelming at times I guess. I have cried non stop recently its just draining.

Thanks for all the support it means so much! Xx

[jonathan123 2368]

Well, Sara you do surprise me!

"As for being disgusted it's not just the way I am but how I look".

If your profile picture is you then, well; but I was always a sucker for a pretty face.. 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder', as the old saying goes, and how you see yourself is how you think about yourself.

"What even is that! I'm sure noone really cares lol it's just so overwhelming at times I guess. I have cried non stop recently its just draining".

If someone constantly criticises you and puts you down when already anxious you get to believe them 'I'm no good to anyone' is a cry often heard. Now all this is lies. Anxiety is a liar and a cheat. Someone somewhere cares about you, we do for a start. The object of this site is not just to have a good vent, although that's important, it's to share experiences which, hopefully, will help people to get well. It seems to me Sara, and don't take this in the wrong way, but you have PLOMS disease. Poor Little Old ME. You are feeling sorry for yourself and depression will do that. Feeling sorry for yourself can lead to despair, anger and frustration. Now I am not underestimating how you feel. I suggest we have all been there. I felt VERY sorry for myself when I had GAD. I was the only one in the world who had felt that way. No websites in those days and did I feel alone! But there is so much help available now if you look for it.  Let it go, Sara. Let go that tight hold you have on yourself and stop putting yourself down.       Jon.

[JOYCICLE 654]

Holiday time is very trying. Good news it's trying for everyone and not just ' us'. It's stressful and expensive and it wears you down. Good news is the holidays are over now and we can get back to the business of living and not stressing on that stuff. Hang in there  

[JOYCICLE 654]

Jon is right . You're a lovely girl.  I think we always view ourselves more negatively than the rest of the world. We are our own worst  enemy in many ways. But listen to others when they say you 're a beautiful person!   

[Sara95x 1]

Thanks for the replies

And lol thank you Jon it is me. 

Just to say I'm not a fan of being judged on one post lol. The last thing I do is feel sorry for myself I feel guilty more than anything. I certainly don't believe I'm the only one that's felt this way! Hence why I come on here to share.

And that's so true Joy, I just usually LOVE Christmas I go mad lol. What I was getting at is the social events, I thought I was doing well and suddenly I can't do anything through anxiety. 

Anyway it's done with! Apart from dreading new years...

Had a panic attack today :(. 

[JOYCICLE 654]

Thanks for the replies

And lol thank you Jon it is me. 

Just to say I'm not a fan of being judged on one post lol. The last thing I do is feel sorry for myself I feel guilty more than anything. I certainly don't believe I'm the only one that's felt this way! Hence why I come on here to share.

And that's so true Joy, I just usually LOVE Christmas I go mad lol. What I was getting at is the social events, I thought I was doing well and suddenly I can't do anything through anxiety. 

Anyway it's done with! Apart from dreading new years...

Had a panic attack today :(. 

This is anxiety's LIE to you . You can do whatever you want to. Once you remember you're the boss and take charge you can. Doesnt' mean it will be easy or pleasant but you have to remember your'e the boss of your brain. The very same way you can decide to read a book and understand the words or make dinner and understand the instructions, you can tell your brain what to do and do it.  Anxiety has tricked us into believe Anxiety is master and we , the human are servant. That's YOUR brain. You tell it who's boss and it will follow.     It's hard and easy at the same time. Easiest thing ever is to just walk out and do what we need to. At the same time, due to anxiety, its' the hardest thing ever. But you've got to remember you are in charge. So even saying things like ' i cannot' is giving anxiety more power . And we know what it will do with more power , right?

So even when you do not feel you can do things, remember that you can and say out loud that you can so you can have a little bit of the power back.  If we hand anxiety the steering wheel to our lives, it will drive us right into a ditch. 

[Joeetaku 122]

I thought I was doing well and suddenly I can't do anything through anxiety.

That's anxiety. We can be doing so well and then suddenly anxiety shows its ugly face and tries to bring us down. But that's just part of the recovery process, and we can all benefit from keeping that in mind. As we get better, just as we think we're doing well, we WILL have off days. But all we have to do is accept those days, let them have their moment, and move on in the knowledge that we'll have an 'on' day again soon.

I'm doing well lately, but like you, I had some off days this Christmas. I woke up one day feeling awful. But instead of fighting, I just said to myself "Oh, okay, we're going to be anxious today are we? That's fine, as I'll be okay again eventually.". I lost the day to anxiety, but was able to enjoy the rest of the holiday.

And I'd like to echo the comment of " please don't hate yourself!". You've opened up to a bunch of like-minded people on the internet in complete honesty. Many people would find that difficult. But not you, because you're awesome, and you don't let your anxiety stop you from seeking support

[Sara95x 1]

 

That's anxiety. We can be doing so well and then suddenly anxiety shows its ugly face and tries to bring us down. But that's just part of the recovery process, and we can all benefit from keeping that in mind. As we get better, just as we think we're doing well, we WILL have off days. But all we have to do is accept those days, let them have their moment, and move on in the knowledge that we'll have an 'on' day again soon.

I'm doing well lately, but like you, I had some off days this Christmas. I woke up one day feeling awful. But instead of fighting, I just said to myself "Oh, okay, we're going to be anxious today are we? That's fine, as I'll be okay again eventually.". I lost the day to anxiety, but was able to enjoy the rest of the holiday.

And I'd like to echo the comment of " please don't hate yourself!". You've opened up to a bunch of like-minded people on the internet in complete honesty. Many people would find that difficult. But not you, because you're awesome, and you don't let your anxiety stop you from seeking support

This made me smile, thanks so much :). its so true. been having so many off days recently, burst into tears when my cat ate my toast... yeah i dont know, feeling good tonight though! Thanks for replying xx