tired of panic attacks

[mandii 4]

I write this with very shaky hands and an equally if not more weary heart. The fight to just accept that I suffer from panic disorder with agoraphobia has become the hardest match I've ever fought in my life. A few moments ago I had a full on panic attack just from sitting on the toilet trying to pee. Seriously??? I can't even use the bathroom. I'm so tired of this shit. The racing thoughts are running rampant and I can't seem to catch a break at the moment. I'm just about ready to give up. I ran from the bathroom borderline screaming because I was seriously convinced that this is it. My mom and sister are fed up with me and they secretly laugh at me. I can't do this anymore and I'm afraid to leave the house to go anywhere at this point because I don't want what just happened to happen outside. Sighs I just can't anymore. I'm losing my wits.

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi. mandii.  Sitting on the loo or in the supermarket anxiety panic can strike anywhere without warning and there lies the problem. If only we had time to prepare for it. In anxiety the muscles in general tighten up and that applies most often to the bladder. It is usually a  case of  rushing to the loo and when we get there we can't go. I know, been there. This is a pure anxiety symptom and nothing to be alarmed about. It is a shame that you are not getting support from those near to you but there is hope. You ARE NOT losing your wits!! Get that idea out of your head. What you have is a good old fashioned dose of anxiety and no more. It can be horrible, horrendous and nasty, but it will not harm you physically in the long term. I do wish people would not try and 'fight' their way out. This just increases the adrenaline and causes more anxiety. Try (I say try because it is not easy) to calm yourself. Accept how you feel for the moment, you will not always be this way. Take deep breaths and sit quietly or as quietly as you can. You know enough about this site to know that there is a lot of useful info on here to help. We help others but it is often so difficult to help ourselves. Don't give up. Never do that. Despair drags you down and there is always hope mandii, honest there is.      Jon.

[mandii 4]

Its so hard to keep that hope. Especially when this is my third time in three years dealing with this. It has me convinced that something is really wrong. I had to pop a xanax to calm down and this is the first time I've ever had to take it in the house. I'm trying to remain calm but I'm just so convinced I'm dying. No I dunno what I'm dying from this time but I'm just so over this shit already. Good grief

[Gilly 1086]

I'm sorry mandi, you are one strong chick and I know you got this. Jon is right, listen to what he says. You have beaten this before and you will again, yes it is hard living with panic disorder and agoraphobia, as you know I have them too. But you CAN feel better, you CAN beat the agoraphobia. CBT was the best thing I did, you should really give it a shot, when you feel ready, go easy on yourself but when you feel ready make getting help a priority. And try CBT. You aren't dying, that is the panic monster talking, it's lying to you, scaring you into thinking it's true, it makes you feel like you are, and that's pretty traumatic but with help and tools (CBT helps here) to manage your overall anxiety and challenge the agoraphobia you will feel better and calmer overall, and that is when the panic attacks lessen, they may never go away totally but I went from having them daily to not having one for months at a time.. and hey, I'm a damn train wreck so if I can do it anyone can

 

You're badass mandi   don't let the panic monster fool you into thinking otherwise

[mandii 4]

I know. Last time I had one like this I ended up in pysch er and I don't wanna go back. They are horrible and they treat everyone like they are crazy. I'm crying and I feel like shit. I accidentally woke my mom up because I ran through the house kinda yelling and jump around. They are tired up me and they whisper about me being crazy. I just sat on the side of the tub and cried even more. Its so discouraging and makes me feel like shit. I just wish I could go back to who I was. Go to sleep and then wake up like none of this ever happened and I never ever had an attack ever.

[jonathan123 2368]

Can you see that taking a tablet and feeling calmer means it is anxiety? If you had a really bad illness taking a tablet would not help. You are frightening yourself by adding fear to fear. Your adrenal glands are working overtime. And listen. YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY. We all wish we could go back to being as we were but that is not possible but you can be better if you calm down. Gilly has suggested help in the form of CBT and I endorse that. You definitely need help but you can help yourself so much by trying to calm down. You are being lied to by your mind; the anxiety is talking and, unfortunately, you are listening. Don't listen to the trickster. It has fooled many don't let it fool you.     Jon.

[mandii 4]

I knw, its just gotten so hard. I can't live like this. Being scared to live and stuff. This can't work

[Sunnybunny 289]

Hi mandii.  Sorry you are having a rough bout.  This too will pass.  Honest.

 

I see my reply is already several houors since you last posted so hopefully by the time you check back here you are already feeling less panicked.  Full on anxiety has a pretty short lifespan and will fizzle out within a few hours - maybe less.

 

You have already had some great feedback from Jon and Gilley.  Heed their words.

 

I will also add that you are most definitely NOT going crazy!  Honestly, people who are truly going crazy don't know it and certainly don't worry about it.  Your mind has been racing and your system is full of chemicals like adrenalin that are making it hard for you to focus but if you can manage to relax things will settle down.

 

You don't have to live like this long term.  It feels like it right now but it honestly will get better.  There will be good days and hard days but you do have some better days in your near future :-)

[lonesailor14 653]

Hey Mandii hope you're feeling better. I found my best progress with anxiety and panic came from times where I've felt the way you do. You get so low, so beaten up & feel there's nothing left you can do. This is when I've thrown my hands in the air and given up saying "you win". This is how I learnt acceptance. I got so tired and fed up and angry at anxiety and panic, I just gave up. I'm not talking about giving up living, oh no, I'm talking about a feeling where I've thought "stuff this, I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep trying to live my life & if anxiety and panic get me well stuff it, I'll just let it." Let it do its worst, let it come get you. I was prepared to let it kill me. It kept threatening it would so when it tried to bring symptoms I'd just say "bring it on, do your worst, I can't fight anymore" I figured if something did happen, great, an ambulance would be called and doctors would find a real reason for my symptoms. If nothing happened, if I wasn't killed or hurt then I'd know it's just anxiety. Once you learn anxiety and panic can't harm you, you're no longer afraid of it. So while you feel terrible right now, it's a good spot to be in to truly give in and accept anxiety and panic and whatever it throws at you. Tell it to come, tell it "you win, I'm not fighting anymore". That's when you'll learn true acceptance & gain your freedom once and for all.

[JOYCICLE 654]

Mandii, would you like to get on a plane and come visit ?  Sometimes a change of pace really puts things in perspective. 

I have SUNSHINE !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

 

Also in a pinch and don't laugh,,,,, I have found listening to this for 10 min a super SUPER distraction. I saw it in a movie and thought ' hmm' and gave it a try and sure enough 10 uninterrupted minutes flies by. Lay on the bed with your eyes shut and listen. 

 

[Candii 3]

OMG I'm going through the same but I suffer silently because I'm scared to let anyone knw but these days it's getting worst I cannot take it anymore I constantly have panic attacks like one day I'm good the next it's bad and I sit and wonder why me where did this come from. My doctor told me once it's anxiety but says I don't need medication and I havnt been to the ER once cause honestly I'm a strong person and just get by. But u can only be so strong and trust me I'm at my wit ends. At least I knw I'm not alone. It SUCKS!

[anthonycain 15]

Hey.. I think im going through the same thing.... Sometimes i get so tired..i feel like im in an alternate reality. I cant control myself, and my perspective on everything around me feels like a dream. The funny thing is i always think back to when none of this anxiety stuff ever existed to me..how did i get here? Suffering from panic attacks everyday....or at least 4 times a week.

[Christopher 0]

not really sure how to use this site, just looking to talk to someone about panic attacks

[jonathan123 2368]

Christopher. See my reply to your other post.    Jon.

[anthonycain 15]

Im right up your alley.... I was actually dozing off..and boom!... Panic attack woke me right up...body felt numb.. it was as if i couldnt feel my legs .. Im tired of this and i dont know how to stop having these things... I go sometimes for about a week without a episode..but thats it.

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi Anthony. You are looking for a way to stop the feelings but anxiety does not work like that. The more you try and stop them the more anxious you become because nothing happens; in fact they may get worse. You then get disappointed and so the cycle goes on. A week, a day, a month; does it really matter when you get the attacks? If you go about it in the right way it matters not at all how often they occur because you know how to handle them. You totally accept without comment any thought, feeling, sensation, pain or emotion. Without comment. No 'Oh my goodness, here it is again, what shall I do?'. You panic because you panic! You worry because you worry! Your FEAR of an attack is what brings it on. It can, of course, come out of the blue for no reason that you can see, but nerves behave in that way. Some thought or sound that you may not even be aware of can trigger it. Don't analyze. A waste of time and an energy consuming operation. 'Free floating anxiety' hovers in the background waiting to pounce. Let it. Don't go looking for it by constant anticipation. You see how we do everything the wrong way and wonder why we go on suffering.                Jon.

[panic9922 0]

hey mandii

 

I promise you that you are not going crazy! these are all classic signs if panic disorder. when I first started having panic attack I was only comfortable in my home. I didn't ant to go anywhere. not even 5 min up the road. have you seen a doc about this? if you want to try and beat this without meds I don't blame you. but many SSRI meds really help. I would recommend that. I was taking meds for many years and felt like the sun came out and the birds was chirping again lol I stopped taking the meds thinkin I didn't need them but they all came back full force. now I feel like I am starting over from day one with this. hang in there! you are not the only one out there dealing with this.

[KH84 42]

Panic9922 when you stopped the meds did you feel as if you weren't having anxiety anymore and could stop? I just started taking meds and am so scared I won't be able to get off of them ever because the anxiety will come back. My mom has been on lexapro before and able to get off and be fine but I'm so scared I won't be able too. This is the first time of being on these meds so don't know what to expect

[Steve4AM 14]

   i'm on lexapro, SSRI does help.  i'm also on clonopin, and having difficulty stopping it.  when i try it, the panic attacks start to appear, and i can't sleep.  i don't want to be on an addictive medicine that does this ever again.  suggestions?

   if they prescribe clonopin for you, say no.  i wish i had known about this before!

[KH84 42]

Steve are you stopping it cold turkey or tapering off of it? If you are tapering off of it the things you are experiencing might be just until you get it out of your system. You might just have to go through withdrawl for a while. Maybe have them up the lexapro? That way it takes away more anxiety?? Good luck and I hope you can get off that med. I have read that Benadryl helps with withdrawl symptoms when trying to get off of something. Might be worth a try

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi Steve. If you are coming off any prescribed drug then advice from your GP is essential. If you are thinking of 'tapering' then a lot of good advice can be had from the website of Professor Ashton.  (The address is somewhere on this site). If you punch up her name you will get it. She was a specialist in withdrawal techniques and gives tables on 'tapering' from various drugs. Never 'cold turkey'. Dangerous.      Jon.

[panic9922 0]

kh84

 

yes. I stopped cause sense I started celexa I was feeling great and I was living my life again. so after about 5 years I figured I didn't need them anymore. so, I stopped taking them. I was fine for about 3 months maybe a little longer but I went through some stressful family events and they all came back full force! I feel like I would have ok if I didn't have to deal with the family stuff but that might not be true. I will say when I stopped taking them and tried to get back on them the side effects was bad. I found out when you take ssri and them stop and start back its worse the second time around. im not sure if I will ever be able to get off them. hopefully one day.

[wormlady 1]

I so understand your flustration and feeling of defeat. I have suffered panic and agoraphobia most of my life (I am now 53). I have had spells for years of totally home confinement to times of leaving the house to venture out thinking I am on my way to recovery only to fall back into the old well. I think the one thing that I have discovered in all the years is that we who suffer are not as alone as we think, and that there are others who can relate to our feelings out there even if our families  (and few remaining friends) can't. When my attacks come it is the palpations that I fear the most and the day that comes when I do not go to the hospital because I miss the sign that it is something else other than panic going on. Just know that you are not alone in your journey. 

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi wormlady. Welcome to AC. My GAD, many years ago, was brought on by palpitations. After 30 years and having worn out numerous ECG machines I now conclude there is nothing wrong with my heart! I still get them on and off but acceptance has taught me that the more I worry about them the worse they get so I accept them for what they are and move on. The heart beats because of electrical impulses from the brain. ALL nerves are electrical impulses. When in an anxiety state the signals get interrupted, confused. so that they go out of sync.

When palpitations occur and we don't know why it can be really frightening because the heartbeat is so fundamental to life. But when we know the reason it takes a lot of the fear out of it. We get caught in the old palpitations/fear/anxiety/palpitations syndrome. The more fear we add the more palps we get. I assume you have been checked out and found to be physically OK.

If you look under RESOURCES on the site you will find some useful info on agoraphobia by Dr. Claire Weekes. She specialised in that condition and her books are still bestsellers. No matter how long you have been in this state it is possible to  recover or at least manage your anxiety so that you can lead a normal life. Have a good look around the site as it contains some useful stuff that relates to how you feel. Good to have you with us and come back whenever you wish.      Jon.

[Maxxy 0]

Hi all,

 

I'm new to this site and just wanted to say that I am also fed up with the panic attacks / anxiety. I almost get jealous when

I see people living there lives normally. I work full time and have a full social life, but the anxiety occurs when I am

making life decisions. The anxiety sends me into a depression, and I just can't function. Having a bad time at the moment.  Wish I

didn't have this so I could live a normal life !

 

Cheers me