My dad won't take me to get checked out??

[mccawwbird 0]

I know self diagnosing or trying to figure things like this out without an official source is bad but I need SOME idea of what's going on with me. I put this under GAD because I don't know specifically how to identify it. As I begin to explain, you're gonna think I'm some typical teenage girl with perfectionist problems but PLEASE hear me out. I'm 17 years old. It usually happens when im doing my makeup(don't go yet!). When I'm doing my eyeliner or eyebrows, I HAVE to get them to look perfect. It gets to the point where I can spend TWO HOURS just trying to get both right, and hour for eyebrows and an hour for eyeliner. I get so frustrated that o start crying. I start pulling at my own hair, digging my nails into my skin and into the counter (its very unsatisfying that I don't pierce the counter since its.. You know.. A counter). Sometimes, when its really bad, I sort of just collapse sitting on the floor and bawling my eyes out. I do those weird silent airy sounding screams and they're usually really quiet because I don't want my dad to hear. Its just this thing where as soon as i start working on the eyebrows or eyeliner, its like I'm lured into this cage and locked into it and can't get out of it until I get them PERFECT. This usually results in me crying and scolding my reflection, asking things like "why can't you look pretty?? Why can't you do this right? What's wrong with you?" Etc. Its not uncommon for me to be wiping tears and trying to breathe steadily. I tried explaining it to my dad but he thinks its something I can get over, like I can just switch it off (strangely enough, he's officially diagnosed with OCD). I came to this forum seeking help because I know that this is NOT normal. I just want some idea of what's going on.

(Also, I get some social anxiety when I have to confront people, appointments, etc. For example I almost cried once because my dad made me call Dominos to order a pizza and I was too nervous)

Any help/advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks!

[AZState2012 1]

I am not a professional or anything remotely close, but: You may be showing signs of OCD as well, that is, in addition to your father. You're obsessive with making sure everything is perfect, and then when you can't quite get it you start digging your nails into your skin. Does the pain feel good and serve as a distraction? You did state that it is not satisfying to you to dig your nails into the counter, which tells me digging at your own body satisfies something. Why won't your father take you to get checked out? This sounds pretty serious. How long has this been going on? Has it gradually gotten worse over time or did it come out of the blue? 

[Gilly 1086]

Hi mccawbird, welcome to AC

 

I agree with AZstate it looks like you are displaying some signs of OCD too, it can be very complicated even for a professional to work out, as anxiety disorders often can have traits of each other. I wish I could give you a hug, your dad is right, it will be ok but you do need professional help. Try and talk to him again and explain how much you are struggling, explain that seeing a doctor would give you peace of mind. Is there anyone else that could take you to the doctor? A relative or friend? 

[mccawwbird 0]

Thanks guys! Once I turn 18 I'll go by myself.  Its a military household so we get all that free stuff.  To answer AZstate's question-  the makeup thing has been going on for a couple years now.  But now that I look back at it, I am an artist and I remember when I was younger I would draw pictures and sometimes I would spend 40 minutes to an hour or more on a part (leg, arm, face, etc) and I would get so frustrated that it wouldnt look the way I wanted to and just cry, and give up on the drawing all together.

ALSO, what I failed to mention which is actually really important, is that I always have had these thoughts based on satisfaction-- for example, ever since I was little, I would imagine this flower in my head.  This flower's stem will break in half, and the flower would fall over. Literally NOTHING I could do, tape it, glue it, staple it, tie it, would keep the stem from breaking and the flower falling over again (keep in mind, this is all in my own imagination). I also sometimes imagine a circle filling in itself in a clockwise motion, but right before its about to be full, it would start to empty itself. I can spend up to five minutes just trying to fill the circle or keeping the flower upright in my head just in hopes of feeling that satisfaction of a full circle or a flower that wont fall over.  Also, sometimes I would get one thought stuck in my head; most of the time its a word or a short sentence, and when it gets stuck in my head, it keeps repeating over and over and over in my head and I cant get it to stop a lot of the times.  It could be anything from something I heard someone say to something in the background that I wasn't even paying attention to. Just typing "over and over" made the my mind go wild just repeating itself like "over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over....(continued)" hahaha 

[JOYCICLE 654]

Hi honey ! I'm sorry you're struggling but glad you are here. A couple of questions .  Is your dad really over bearing? Does he scare you or make you nervous?  And is there any way to just not put on eyeliner and see how that goes?  I only wear mascara these days and occasionally some eye shadow and even more occasionally some eyeliner. But my basic 'every day' makeup is just mascara. So much less BS and it actually looks great and clean .  I know you're a young lady and younger ladies I think like the more makeup look but maybe give it a try for days you don't have time for the eyeliner routine.  When I was a teen, my bff was similar to you but with her hair. After her shower, she had this routine of hair dryer, brush, curling iron, hair spray and it was a delicate  situation and she'd stand before mirror and fluff it over and over and over and if a couple of hairs would not cooperate that day, she'd start all over by taking a new shower. We were often late for things we went to.