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[QuatroIstari 4]

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[fortheo 15]

I can relate man. I think half of it is our mindset, for me anyways I know it is. I have a habit of picking out all the negative things people say and then holding on to that negative comment for a long ass time. The other half of it is that a lot of people are just dicks. Gotta learn to be a bit less vulnerable I suppose. Don't know exactly how to do that though :/

[QuatroIstari 4]

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[Gilly 1086]

Quatro your posts don't annoy anyone, just a little paranoia we all have sometimes. I don't suffer from social anxiety myself but my husband does, having said that I think I have started to suffer some social anxiety by proxy lol I find myself doing all the things you have said myself lately. And I used to be the most comfortable social person you could meet, not anymore.

 

I've started analysing what I say, what other people say and then obsessing over it. Having conversations in my head about what I should have said. I know we are over critical about ourselves because the anxiety makes you do that and I agree with fortheo, a lot of people are just assholes, and I'm gonna say it, stupid and ignorant. They don't seem to grasp that people can be different to them, and If they can't understand it they hate on it and judge it. They have no right to, just be yourself, they aren't worth beating yourself up about. 

[Lilymeadow42 0]

Quatro,

I am really sorry that you are feeling alone and rejected. Its kind of a vicious cycle because our inner "critic" can be the most damaging to how we truly see ourselves. And yes, the world needs to be kinder and less ignorant and rude to people who are a little quirky. Normal can be a bit boring sometimes! The first part of overcoming your fears is to accept yourself and love yourself as you are NOW. You have infinite value and God and the universe need you to be here to teach us and hear your perspective and be changed.

I empathize with your social anxiety becase I have been through that myself and it sucks! But there is help and you can grow and manage your anxiety so life isn't so overwhelming. I wish you the very best!!!! :-)

[Steve4AM 14]

   i have been exactly where you are, and it still happens sometimes, especially now that i'm one of the only ones who quit drinking!  there are two things happening - you might want to hang out with nicer people, but you are mentally rejecting yourself from the group by taking a negative view of the situation and yourself.  smokers are hooked on nicotine, they have to feed that constantly if you are there or not.

  fuck pubs entirely!  but i can't say that, because i play music there.  still, there are other places to check out.  good luck, and never hate on yourself!

[Steve4AM 14]

after last night, I wonder:  is it more depressing to go out and try to socialize, or just stay at home and watch TV?  i'm not so sure, but i think going out is still better, even if you don't do great - you can always return to the TV as a backup plan.  if i can only convince myself of this, everything is great!

[JOYCICLE 654]

I agree Steve. Keep going out. Once you stop, its a very short leap to going nowhere and then soon nerves about going out your door. So while you're still social and moving about , do it  

[Steve4AM 14]

   the shame spirals when i cancel plans to go out are not too cool, though.   also, it annoys me that my introvert friends won't go places with me.  with two or more of a kind, we might actually not have a terrible time!

 

   i get angry when not enough people come to my music shows, but what can i do?  i don't go to a lot of their shows, secretly because i can barely leave the house, so why should they return the favor?

[alli3 0]

I feel the same way for sure.  I feel like I'm constantly being judged and then negative thoughts take over and then it gets in my head that no one likes me or they're just using me. So the whole time I'm out I'm wondering if they like me or did I just say something stupid.  But at least you go out.  At least you have people to go out with.  I've learned that people that don't know about social anxiety usually view us as stuck up or rude because we sit there without talking.  Whatever you do don't stop going out!! I did and now it feels more hopeless than ever!

[Steve4AM 14]

   yesterday i tried something, I admitted that i had social anxiety to people who were at the club.   believe it or not, they actually talked to me more than usual, and more than one of them admitted having it too.  im sure this isnt suitable in all occasions, but it worked here.  anything to avoid the snob diagnosis, because really its not true

[JOYCICLE 654]

Steve ! Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew it ! Don't hide from it. The more you hide it and feel ashamed, the stronger it is. And with roughly 1/10 to 1./3 of the population struggling with something similar , then for sure the more you talk about it, the more people you will meet who can relate to parts of it. They may not have just what you have but some will have bits and pieces and then you don't feel alone and when you don't feel alone, you can do more . You can meet your friend who also has SA for a coffee and you can both be nervous nellies toghether and work through it. So happy for you . That's a big step! 

[Steve4AM 14]

   thanks!  I think my depression and isolation are finally starting to lift.

[pear12 0]

Hello, i must admit, that you are quite effective on this forum in dealing with problems. Not that it is ever easy to deal with mental problems but this forum is so much better than going to an ignorant doctor!!!

 

I to have/had social enxiety. I say have/had because it still have it, but it is getting less. I one day decided that fighting against it is just the wrong way to go, fortunately  it is the natural reaction of people to fight against things. In almost all cases the only thing you are doing is making it stronger. I just accepted everyting, and i mean everyting and after 2 weeks i was a different person. But it is important that you believe in it.

 

Let me tell you the way i believe in it: "our lives are in our head! Our lives and everyting we think, our opinions and the way we think others think about us, it's all in our head!! So my life is an illusion fabricated by myself (my thoughts). So if my life is an illusion, made by my thoughts, just changing my thoughts changes my reality. And the way to change you thoughts is to make sure that you control your own thoughts. By fighting them you only make them stronger, so you use acceptance (just like budda) and then you will control your thoughts instead of that they control you. Now you can make your life the way you want". I strengthen this believe with my own knowledge about science, because scientist more and more find out that reality is quite different than we thought!

 

I have a question, i have some problems with my muscles from lots of stress and anxiety from the past. I was thinking about using a magnesium supplement: http://www.voedingssupplementennederland.nl/en/now-magnesium-malate-1000-mg-ww.html, but i do not know if this is a good type of magnesium. Does anybody here has some knowledge about supplements?

[Gilly 1086]

Hi pear, welcome to AC

 

Personally I buy epsom salts and have epsom salt baths 2 times a week. 2 cups of salts per bath. Epsom salts is a good natural source of magnesium, helped me a lot with my muscle tension and pain.

 

Magnesium spray is good too, this one is what I have been recommended, you spray it directly onto the skin. I haven't tried it yet as the epsom salts work well for me, but i have heard good things about the spray.

 

[pear12 0]

Hi Gilly,

 

Thank you for your advice! I personally never heard about magnesium spray! Looks good, spray is better absorbed i guess!

[Stones345 32]

Gilly always has the best advice and remedies to follow!!

[Steve4AM 14]

   don't assume any forum can replace going to a doctor, they can see the entire you, we only know what you type.   but it is really valuable, and there's no reason you should not do both!   I have learned some things here no doctor explained.

 

   i'm working on how to explain what i'm dealing with on the net.  It's hard to know where to start, which issues?   I guess most things are caused by my ocd, so that would cover a lot of it, but that's a big thing to admit to the public.  I actually have some fans I need to think about - will they distrust me?  it would probably explain a lot of strange things I do trying to hide it.

[QuatroIstari 4]

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[jonathan123 2368]

Hi Quatrolstari. At least your grandparents must think something of you to give you such a present. Can you try and stop knocking yourself down? Of course you can't socialise and have fun; of course you just sit around and watch TV; that's anxiety and it's how it takes you. Can you not confide in some member of the family? I am not surprised you felt uncomfortable with the therapist. People who make such remarks to the nervously ill should never be allowed near a therapy room let alone a patient. It makes me really angry when I hear of such things. Where do they come from!! No matter how bad you feel now; no matter what thoughts are going through your mind there is ALWAYS hope. Never ever give up on yourself come what may. Agoraphobia is not pleasant and is sometimes difficult to overcome but it can be done. Look up under RESOURCES on the site the work of Dr. Claire Weekes and get her book "Essential help for your Nerves" from Amazon, or any good bookshop. She was a recognised authority on agoraphobia and suggests various ways out of it. You are not incapable, you just think you are and there lies the problem. Your thinking. CBT is supposed to address that but in your case you have had a bad experience. It is available online and you could spend a little of your present looking at that possibility. Never give up. Hope is always there however bad you feel at the moment. I know; been there.      Jon.

[SadPenguin 4]

Sending my love to you Quatrolstari. Everyone on here will always be here for you to talk to. And if you want to have a live conversation on chat there is the chat room on here and if by some change no one is online there is a site called 7 Cups of Tea that usually always has people who are available to chat. (Not that im advertising, its great for if you want and anonymous chat with someone who doesn't know you) they are all volunteers who WANT to be there. You are never alone.

[QuatroIstari 4]

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[jonathan123 2368]

Hi Q. Dr.Weekes talks a lot about nervous fatigue because that is exactly the cause of the way you feel. It takes away your motivation to get better. When a so called normal person is tired they do not feel like doing much, so just rest until they gather energy, then carry on. With nervous illness that feeling is greatly exaggerated so that we lack the energy to do simple tasks. It is like a car that won't start. You have thrashed your batteries with worry and fear so that they will take some time to recharge. They do eventually if you can take the fear out of the situation.

You see, in your last paragraph you really sum up the total negativity in the way you think. Everything you say is untrue but you believe it to be so. This downward spiral needs to be halted.  No one can give you motivation; it has to come from within you. There is always a spark of energy left to get you going and you need to fan that spark into a flame by stopping the negative thinking. Forcing yourself to do things is not necessarily a good idea. Rather 'float' through without making too much effort, as Dr. Weekes suggests. You can and will recover. Lack of motivation a common problem in anxiety but it can be resolved given time and a little, just a little effort to start.     Jon.

[Joeetaku 122]

One thing I'm coming to realise lately is that even though I may be the quiet one with nothing to say, at least I'm not the guy everybody hates for speaking his mind too much and hurting people.

 

In other words, being the quiet one in a large group isn't such a bad thing, and no decent person will think less of you for it. You may not be making a positive contribution to a conversation, but you're not making a negative contribution either.

 

I can kind of relate to your problem, as I experience it with some groups, just not others. I get on fine with people from my church and a local Japanese society, but I really, really struggle with people at work. I just have nothing to say to them, I feel really awkward at lunch and sometimes feel silly for even sitting with other people. I was incredibly tense about a work outing I had to go on, fearing they'd think less of me for not staying out late with them, but also fearing that they'd think less of me if I did join them but made boring company.

 

But over time I realised that none of them hated me for being the quiet one of the group. They'd say hi if I passed them in the coridoor, thank me if I helped them with something, and give me a helping hand when I asked. I still have nothing to say when I sit with them at lunch or in a meeting, but I'm starting to realise, 'so what?'. They don't hate me for it, I just accept it, and I'm starting to feel calmer for it. So calm, that I feel more comfortable around them, and less scared of saying something when I do want to say something.

 

Okay, sometimes some people won't say hi in the corridoor, and sometimes people will just walk all over you and use you for coat-watching. As others have said above, some people just aren't nice people. You deserve better friends, and believe me, there there are good people out there. You may not be able to make conversation with these people, but they won't hate you for it. You may not find these people straight away, but never blame yourself when the next group you try aren't those people. You won't get on with everybody, neither do I, and neither do most people.

 

A lot of dealing with anxiety is accepting the circumstances and not fighting them. It's okay to be the quiet one of the group, so try not to fight it

[jonathan123 2368]

Anyone feeling shy or embarrassed about being in social surroundings should read and re-read the above post. It is one of the best on the subject of social anxiety that I have come across.     Jon.