MorganL0831 0 Posted January 11, 2014 Today was actually a really good day, all day... Then sure enough just like every night the last two weeks, I get ready for bed. I start sweating, my chest starts hurting, the muscles in my arms start to ache, dizzy.... And again I start thinking about going to the hospital, wanting to go to the hospital. I feel like I should be in a facility, and i would check myself in if it weren't for my little girl. I don't know where to vent.... there is so much more than the anxiety going on.... If i don't clean, who'll clean? If i don't give her a bath, who'll give her a bath? If i don't play with her, who'll play with her? Who'll keep up the good spirit and make her laugh and tell her she's beautiful, or tell her she's a princess.... or drink 60 cups of pretend tea with her? I feel like everything just adds up and adds up and the answers i get are "if you need help all you have to do is ask." But... why do i have to ask? why do i have to say any thing at all? You should just do it to do it. I feel like i'm going crazy, i feel like i'm failing but i don't want to fail. I'm trying so hard to stay positive and bright and i feel like my light is just going out. and that no one understands....... ....i just wanted to go to sleep.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gilly 1086 Posted January 11, 2014 Ok morgan, take a deep breath. If you had broken your arm, or had diabetes you might cope or you might just need some help. This is no different!! You're anxiety flared just before bed because you let your guard down, you were relaxing preparing for bed, then BOOM. That is quite common, used to be like that for me at one point, soon as I got in bed it would hit. Even now this still happens, I am doing well, still challenging myself and being able to complete something with no anxiety, but after the event I can get a panic attack. I'm still so over sensitive to adrenaline, which I produce a lot of overcoming a fear, and it has to go somewhere. I am able to recognise the why now though, which does help. All those fears and 'what if's' you have, they turn internal, your mind is worrying about them, so your body creates a reason to worry, it's a vicious cycle, but you can break the cycle. Therapy will teach you how. I know it's frustrating, and you are scared, but if I told you ,you will get through this, would you believe me? Because I know you will! I can say with total honesty I know these feelings, when my anxiety first got really bad I had the same fears, how can I look after my mum when I'm like this? But 4 years have passed and I have been able to do just that, nothing I feared ever came true, it was all in my head. It's the fears and doubts and 'what ifs' that cause the havoc in our minds and bodies. You will cope, but if you need help, it is totally ok to ask, nervous illness is no different to any other illness, so do not beat yourself up! 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MorganL0831 0 Posted January 11, 2014 Thanks Gilly, last night was pretty rough, i ended up being up till 4:30. worrying and over analyzing. i knew what was going on so i got up and hopped on here, fooled around on the internet for awhile. After i was finally tired enough i was able to fall asleep. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gilly 1086 Posted January 11, 2014 I'm glad you were able to get some sleep, there is something I never am without, and that is my trusty bottle of Bach's Rescue Remedy, because I don't take meds it is the only thing I use, and I highly recommend it. It's herbal and you will find it in most health food stores, maybe the pharmacy. Here you can buy it in the supermarket. It might be worth you getting a bottle if you can, because it's herbal you can use as much as you like, it comes in drops, spray, gum and pastilles and they do a bedtime version too. I squirt that thing until the panic and anxiety has eased, and it does help. The spray tastes a little like whiskey,(it has the teeniest amount of grape alcohol in to preserve the herbs) the gum is orange flavour though. I sound like a commercial LOL I just thought it's something to try, it has gotten me through some really bad times, I think I went through half a bottle at my dad's funeral, it takes the edge off and does calm you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MorganL0831 0 Posted January 11, 2014 I'll have to look for it and try it out. I'm not on medication yet either... I do have a couple of ativans the doctor gave me from my hospital visit tucked away but she suggested that i hang on to them in case i have an attack like i did the night i went in. I will look though and if i try it out i'll let you know lol sometimes i feel like that too when i'm describing things to people! Well, i think i'm due for a hot shower. Tomorrow i have decided to try and get up and go to church. I haven't went in years but... i always felt so relaxed when i would go (So relaxed i would often start to fall asleep haha) so i think i might check it out, get out of the house and try something different. Thanks for the recommendation! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vickyaustin69 9 Posted January 15, 2014 I feel like I can really relate to what you are going through. I have attacks at bedtime and upon waking, a lot. I hold it together for my kiddos, but it is hard! I am taking as needed clonazepam. It works well, and doesn't cause me any side effects. I also find that coming on here and just reading others posts is helpful. It makes me feel not so alone and crazy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
