Hello, I'm Morgan... and I'm new.

[MorganL0831 0]

Hello Out There, I'm Morgan

 

I'm 26 years old, and ...I have Anxiety. I'm very new to this joining a forum thing, i've never really done it before, But I'm excited to try something new.

I never really understood Anxiety. My mother also has Anxiety as well as Depression, and she has suffered from this for many years, Trying lots of different meds... Having the really bad break downs... and has tried to take her own life...twice. I didn't understand when she would say "I can't help it." I didn't understand when she would want to talk about the same thing over and over. Or even before starting something new, whether it be a job, or meeting someone, would plague herself with negative thoughts of "it's not going to work out" "This person hates me" "This person is trying to sabotage me" "I'm going to fail...because I'm not good enough." I would feel this way alot of the time also but instead of voicing it i would try my best to just ignore it, put a smile on my face even if it was fake. I've heard of the term "weak minded." and would feel like this applied to me. I have a hard time voicing my opinion, standing up for myself, and sometimes i can be incredibly shy. But mostly it's because I think I just didn't love myself enough. And then on top of that... The Anxiety would kick in.

Over the last couple of years, i'd notice that my thinking has changed. Instead of feeling invincible, happy, out going, and positive, i would begin to worry over little things. We're driving to fast...we're going to get into an accident. I'm alone....I'm always going to be alone. No one wants to be around me if i'm having a bad day because no cares.... i thought feeling this way the majority of the time was normal for some people, so i never talked about it. After getting into a car accident a few years ago, i began to try to and control situations. If someone started speeding i would point it out, even if it was just a few miles over. I felt as though by me asking them to slow down i would prevent us from getting into an accident. And thats really where my anxiety started to take over i think.

In 2011 I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and my boyfriend and i moved into his grandma's until we could get our own place. After we did... I began to stay home alot. I liked being at my own house because i felt i could control things better here, i felt more comfortable here. My relationships with other began to deteriorate because i would keep to myself. I didn't want to go places with other people because i felt like i would get into an accident if they drove or if we went in their car. If i left the house and no one was home i began thinking my neighbors would break in to steal things we have. 

 

Two weeks ago, I had my first full blown anxiety attack. I couldn't swallow, My chest felt tight and heavy, My heart Rate kept speeding up and slowing down, I felt dizzy. My sister took me to the ER, and on the way there my heart rate was so high i thought i was having a heart attack...especially after both my hands went numb. When we arrived i told the nurse that i was pretty sure i was having an anxiety attack. While at the ER they did blood tests, took an ekg, took an xray picture of my chest.... I was fine... the tests all came back normal. The doctor was very good to me, sat and talked to me, let me get things off my chest and helped me relax. She suggested i follow up with my regular doctor to begin treatment, and do as much reading as i can. And to think about finding someone to talk to. While doing some reading on a few different sites on ways to also self help your anxiety including excersizes, diet, and keeping a journal, i came across this site.

 

I want to learn as much as i can, I want to understand and Grow from this. I also like to help people, I like meeting new people, and if nothing else, maybe i can be ear for someone else.

 

Feel free to add, or message me. Especially if you have words of wisdom or even suggestions on ways to help with Anxiety.

 

It's nice to meet everyone!

Have A GREAT day and Godbless.

[JOYCICLE 654]

Morgan, welcome. You sound like an amazing and insightful person . I'm glad you've joined us. I'm also glad you want to LEARN about your condition. Knowledge is power and so much more so with this situation than some others. The more you know about why your heart raced and why your hands went numb, the less scary it is. Then when it happens again, you can scoff at it and say ' this doesn't scare me now because i understand'. It's going to be great !  

[Gilly 1086]

Hey morgan, welcome to AC I agree with joy, I am glad you joined us too! I see a lot of similarities in your post, I did a lot of the same things, it bubbles under the surface then a trauma is the trigger to set it all off. Yup, happened to me too.

 

Read the forum, pop on the chat room, we support and help each other and have lots of tips and advice, and we are a friendly bunch. I think you will find you relate to a lot of us, and visa versa. You will kick it, you have gotten help and some great advice from the hospital already, they did real good telling you what you should do, kudos to them! Most importantly it sounds like you have an amazing attitude towards it, learning is power!

[MorganL0831 0]

Thanks Joy and Gilly!!! Nice to meet you both I'll deffinetly check out the chat room. For now it's dinner time and Family Night, Watching the Lion King with my 2 year old for the first time. I don't know who's more excited her or me. lol have a great night ladies!

[JOYCICLE 654]

Morgan, that you can be excited to watch a movie with your family is really encouraging ! You don't forget all the good times there are to look forward to! 

[Friend 0]

Hi Morgan- I'm new as well. Not only am I new to this particular sight, I have never done anything like this. I too have an anxiety disorder as well as Major Depression. I struggle with a great deal of self-imposed lonliness and isolation. I guess my hope in trying this is to hear about the experiences of others and offer support and encouragement when I can.