Harm OCD

[davide.h 26]

Fear of harming people, often without realizing it. For instance, I can be down right paranoid while driving, specially in places where I know kids will be. At my former work place I could not go into the kitchen if a knife was on the table, because I knew it would be so easy to use it on another person. Even though i didn't want to I still had thoughts about it and i was scared of what it said about me. I have barely discussed this with therapists. 

 

Is there a way out of it?? 

[Ironman 190]

1 hour ago, davide.h said:

Fear of harming people, often without realizing it. For instance, I can be down right paranoid while driving, specially in places where I know kids will be. At my former work place I could not go into the kitchen if a knife was on the table, because I knew it would be so easy to use it on another person. Even though i didn't want to I still had thoughts about it and i was scared of what it said about me. I have barely discussed this with therapists. 

 

Is there a way out of it?? 

Good question.  I had a bit of this.   I remember having episodes like your describe, and then I would get home and watch the news to make sure I wasn't on it lol.  I was that bad for a while.

There are two parts of this from what I learned.  One is attention span/awareness, and two oddly enough, self-trust.

When driving, at least for now, use your hypervigilance to your advantage.  Be aware of anything around you when driving and know that you are not doing anything wrong.  Then, practice positive self-talk that you will be okay.  If something happens, you would have addressed it.  You are okay!

It's a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

[davide.h 26]

On 2/21/2022 at 2:39 AM, Ironman said:

Good question.  I had a bit of this.   I remember having episodes like your describe, and then I would get home and watch the news to make sure I wasn't on it lol.  I was that bad for a while.

There are two parts of this from what I learned.  One is attention span/awareness, and two oddly enough, self-trust.

When driving, at least for now, use your hypervigilance to your advantage.  Be aware of anything around you when driving and know that you are not doing anything wrong.  Then, practice positive self-talk that you will be okay.  If something happens, you would have addressed it.  You are okay!

It's a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

It isn't just driving. I always think I am over it but then it comes back. I don't trust my own memories sometimes.

[Ironman 190]

39 minutes ago, davide.h said:

It isn't just driving. I always think I am over it but then it comes back. I don't trust my own memories sometimes.

That's part of the anxiety realm.  You have to reassure yourself that you are fine.

[Mark G 1186]

2 hours ago, davide.h said:

It isn't just driving. I always think I am over it but then it comes back. I don't trust my own memories sometimes.

Yeah man, this is another jacket on the same anxiety.  The reason for the lack of trust in your own memory/actions is hyper analysis of every function.  Everything you experience is an interpretation of data received to the brain and that includes memory.  So just as anxiety can form physical symptoms, it can also interrupt memory recall, muddy memories or creating false memories.  The main element to all of this is fear, it's the fearful reaction to what you're experiencing that fuels it.  I suspect you have an engrained fear of losing control which could be the main driver.  Would that make sense to you?

[davide.h 26]

5 hours ago, Mark G said:

Yeah man, this is another jacket on the same anxiety.  The reason for the lack of trust in your own memory/actions is hyper analysis of every function.  Everything you experience is an interpretation of data received to the brain and that includes memory.  So just as anxiety can form physical symptoms, it can also interrupt memory recall, muddy memories or creating false memories.  The main element to all of this is fear, it's the fearful reaction to what you're experiencing that fuels it.  I suspect you have an engrained fear of losing control which could be the main driver.  Would that make sense to you?

Yes I sort of do understand that. 

[Mark G 1186]

Ok now fear is the driver and is the fuel that keeps the anxiety engine firing so the way to treat this is to first lock in on what your main fear is.  Looking back on your original post you explain that you don't trust yourself when driving or if you come across a knife for fear of hurting others.  Now, ask yourself this, would you be fearful of hurting others if you felt the compulsion to hurt others? No, you would be feeling a whole different set of emotions.  What you're feeling is the anxiety spun from a fear distorted mindset.  Would you use that knife? No, you absolutely wouldn't but you feel fear from not being able control the thought that you could, right? This is anxiety at play, it's very powerful.  Everyone has strange thoughts like this, EVERYONE from time to time.  It's normal, it's part of the thinking process but the difference is you fear that thought as if it shows some deep longing to hurt within your subconscious.  None of that is true.  Typically a non anxious person would not even think twice about that thought, they would just discard it and move on.. no fear and no reaction.  What you're doing is latching on the thought and running with it fearfully which is fuelling it.  Does that make sense?