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Total Eclipse

I left 8 years ago today...

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Today marks the 8th year of the 100% no-contact I made on my abuser (it was the last time I physically saw my abuser). He child groomed me starting at the age of 13 years old (he was a grown man). There was threats. From suicide, to killing my animals, to killing us all. And making me promise myself to him at a very young age. I was socially isolated; and not allowed to have friends.

My family knew him and for many years I felt like this was my fault and for so many years I had to hide it that the 'double side' of him being family; was just that. He knew my anxiety would be too much to tell others to confront him. He held that as a weapon as well. Before this date he would randomly show up at places I lived, outside the place, or would tell me "I'll be at your place on X day at X time" and spiral up my anxiety until I was physically ill. Most of the times he didn't show up but he did it for a power trip. I'd have panic attacks for days.

Each year this comes around I am reminded how strong I was to walk away. And how my small support system let me decide; when I was ready for that step. Thank you. I’m a much stronger person for removing that toxic, traumatic, horrific person from my life.

Nothing but positivity came from that. I now have gained a protective brother by my side. Fewer flashbacks. I have been blessed to be stable enough to be able to be in stable relationship. My friends role on helping me get out of an abusive inappropriate relationship without controlling me, as my family member did, has been the biggest gift anyone has ever given me.

It needed to be me who said enough. Their patients, understanding, and non-judgment helped guide me to the right choice and receive help for the trauma. I can't even begin to thank them. If he wasn't gone from my life I'm not sure where I would be right now.

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