Bella P

Someone Please Help Me!

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I have not been okay at all. Life blew up in my face. I don’t even know where to start... There are also a lot of holes because so much has happened it would take too long to explain. 

My dad ruined so much and we had to evacuate our home and go live with a family friend, we thought it was a safe haven, but it wasn’t. The friend’s husband had a bad temper and scared me. Another person living there kept smoking inside and giving me asthma attacks. Dad kept hacking and calling and saying horrible things and I kept having breakdown after breakdown. I’ve lost so much weight, I haven’t been able to eat because I’ve been afraid to get my own food because I didn’t feel comfortable in that house, and it scares me. I did finally see a therapist, though, and a psychiatrist. I was given two new diagnoses. Autism and body dysmorphic disorder. Along with those two I have anxiety, depression, complex PTSD, panic disorder and insomnia. I also have PCOS, separate, but relevant due to previous statements and as I said there are some holes. 

Anyway,  mom took us back to the house we evacuated for Christmas because dad tricked her into thinking he changed... For the past few days it’s been on and off fighting. I’ve broken down and completely dissociated twice. I have no memory of either dissociative state but I know I did something because I was sore each time. At one point while they fought I screamed at the top of my lungs for them to stop. Mom tried... Dad just looked at me, and it was like he didn’t care, and I couldn’t see any emotion in his eyes. Just cold blankness. Dad kept provoking her even as I screamed, cried and begged.

I am not okay. I’m not okay at all :’( I am sitting in my room crying unable to sleep. I just don’t know what to do and I’m sorry if this is bothering anyone but I just need someone, anyone, to listen. I can’t do this anymore! I really can’t! 

Edit: I’m sorry if I seek attention seeking or if I’m bothering anyone, but I really need help. There was no fighting today but I still feel like I constantly have to watch my back and all of my other issues are weighing so heavily on me 😞 I really, really need help...

Edited by Bella P

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@Bella P I’m so sorry nobody responded to your post yet! How are you doing? What’s the update? I’m totally willing to listen, it sounds like you’re going through extremely hard times and nobody deserves that! 

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17 minutes ago, Nat1996 said:

@Bella P I’m so sorry nobody responded to your post yet! How are you doing? What’s the update? I’m totally willing to listen, it sounds like you’re going through extremely hard times and nobody deserves that! 

It was a duplicate thread others posted on the thread here

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2 hours ago, Nat1996 said:

@Bella P I’m so sorry nobody responded to your post yet! How are you doing? What’s the update? I’m totally willing to listen, it sounds like you’re going through extremely hard times and nobody deserves that! 

I did get response when I reposted this to a more active place, but thank you. It got bad again and I wasn’t active online, but we are doing our best to get to a good place. We might be going to live with my cousin in a week or so. It’s still nowhere near perfect, but I’m hoping this is where things start looking up.

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