Spot mid cycle- Dr Appnt Terrified- UPDATED

[LilyLabVA 56]

I am on BCP. In April I had a regular check up with normal pap and exam. 2 weeks later I started to spot mid-cycle. I figured it had to do with my Pap so I watched and waited. May and June same thing.So I've given it enough time to resolve and its not. I have a GYN appointment with an in office ultrasound and appointment. IM TERRIFIED. 

In 2011 I had mid cycle bleeding and it turned out to be a benign but scary tumor on my ovary which has since been removed. Mr DR was not convinced that the tumor caused the spotting, he thinks it was incidentally found. 

2016 On BCP had mid cycle bleeding and it was a polyp.

So you see, I've never had it not be anything. Although its all been benign it was VERY Scary times in my life waiting for surgery and pathology. I am also scared they will do bloodwork which I have not had since last September. That blood work showed slight anemia and cause me to analyze the scale or normal and see if I was too low or too high normal in certain things. A panic attack ensued and ended me up in the ER. 

I'm just terrified to go through with all of this. It's ruining my summer with my kids. I want freedom from this anxiety so badly but it's always just another thing away. I am in CBT and on new meds this month (changed from Zoloft to Prozac)

Please help me. I'm a nervous wreck and want to enjoy life. I woke up this morning shaking with fear before I even got my thoughts together in bed. This is not a life to live when you feel terrified all the time. I'm thinking I have ovarian cancer, which is usually discovered late stage. Or maybe I have a complex odd cyst that will be an unknown and cause me anxiety. Or maybe its nothing but my blood work will turn up wonky. Maybe all will go well. I will have peace for an hour or so until the next thing..... 

So low right now.. .

[mollyfin 366]

First of all, as I'm sure you're well aware at this point, what you're describing can be caused by myriad benign things.  I've been in the same situation as you, as the patient a few times and as the loved one of the patient at others, and it was some of the worst anxiety of my life, so I think I understand at least somewhat what you're going through.  

I think you're doing better than you're giving yourself credit for though.  You clearly recognize your patterns of disordered thinking, and anxiety tends to feel worse before it gets better for a lot of people.  It's possible CBT isn't right for you (it's not for me), and there are lots of other therapies to try if you don't feel like you're making satisfactory progress in due time, so don't give up.  Historically, is there anything that's helped your anxiety?  I try arguing with mine and treating it like it's some other jerk bugging me rather than my own head.  Sometimes I do well when I just acknowledge and accept that I've done everything I can in a situation and it's out of my hands.   "I'll worry about it later" can be a useful phrase.  

You recognize that the issue causing you distress is anxiety; don't give up on yourself!  IMO that's the hardest part, accepting that these fears are only real to me.  And you're already doing that.  

And as an aside, never try to interpret test results - there will always be something to panic over, and it's best left to someone with training in that area.

[LilyLabVA 56]

Thanks you- part of me wants to cancel my appointment as many close friends and family members have told me that I'm investigating too soon and that just serves to continue the cycle of anxiety and I should give it more time. 

I feel like 3 months is enough watch and wait but I'm scared. I go from okay to panic all day long. Up and down. Ready to get it over with. The reality with health anxiety is that as soon as this is over I will feel okay for a bit until I'm on to the next thing! 

[mollyfin 366]

I think 3 months is a pretty usual length of time; I feel like I'm usually told 3 or 6 months.

[Holls 1505]

I do that too.. I will say ok after this worry I'm done I'll never worry again.. then I get a scratch and I'm worried about infection etc.. it seems to never end. I call those anxiety spirals. You can pull yourself out.. believe you can .. journal, walk, listen to anxiety guy, meditate.. do daily affirmations. Make a goal board .. read.  I do all of that lol.. I have to keep my mind from wandering.. I keep it busy and away from medical worries. Hugs. 

I had an ultrasound last yr for intense pain during my periods.. I was terrified and cancelled my appointment thinking I'm over reacting.. but I made another one and just got it done Bec I know my mind wouldn't have dropped the worry. It all was fine and yours will be as well. 

[LilyLabVA 56]

Thank you ALL. Quick update 

scan showed a clear normal ovary! Yay! 

No fibroids or polyps were shown but my lining was a bit “thick” for just getting off my period .9mm so they could not totally rule out a polyp hiding in there. 

Offered stronger BCP and of bleeding continues after 3 more months then saline hysteroscopy to rule out polyp. 

Feeling relieved! 

[BejeweledMexican 32]

20 hours ago, LilyLabVA said:

Thank you ALL. Quick update 

scan showed a clear normal ovary! Yay! 

No fibroids or polyps were shown but my lining was a bit “thick” for just getting off my period .9mm so they could not totally rule out a polyp hiding in there. 

Offered stronger BCP and of bleeding continues after 3 more months then saline hysteroscopy to rule out polyp. 

Feeling relieved! 

This is so wonderful to hear!!! 

I am happy that everything turned out okay. As a younger woman(26) with never having been to the Gyno, no sexual intercourse, and wacky periods happening currently, it's nice to be able to have you other amazing women who seem to have some of the same problems from time to time. 

As soon as I read your post my heart went out to you but I also applauded you for at least being brave enough to get it checked out because I know I'm not and that will probably be the death of me in the end haha but I just wanted you to know that I'm so happy for you! 

Now go have fun with your kids!