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GAD, long time suffer, need help! ...

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Dear All,

I am 26 years old from germany, (I hope my english is not too bad ).. To keep it short, I have a quite long anxiety story. 

It all started so to say ‘basic’ in summer 2014 , i came home from a stressful period of university (exams etc) for the holidays – we just sat together with my family and drunk coffee and suddently I got very dizzy and I couldnt hear anything. And I got a very BIG panic attack – by this time – I had no idea what anxiety/panic is or how It can affect our body/brain so I basically thought I am going to die.
I became so obsessed whit the thought – what is wrong with you or are you sick etc – that the other days also depression flipped in. 

So I lived like this for about 1,5 year + DP/DR + 5-7 panic attacks a day + extreme health anxiety + 1 mio hospital visits and checks. 

But one day I came to the blog from an ex anxiety sufferer named Paul David and understood everything, what was going on , what anxiety is and so on. Paul explained everything so good.. I really felt that this guy knows what he is talking about and also found myself in his writings.. thought to myself ok I have nothing more to lose and started to implement everything Paul explained and bought the first of his book – At Last a Life.. it was really hard but after 5 month or so everything began to dissapear, EVERYTHING step by step. 

First I became panic attack free – then DP/DR free – then my hypochodria almost disappeared  and in 2016 I was almost back to normal (just left with an extreme fatigue – but that was more or less ok for me) till Sep 2017. Thats the good news..

Now in Sep 2017 it came again but it was weird tho. It was after a stressful work week. I had like 4-5 strong cups of black coffee that day. I came home and felt really bad – I had again extreme fatigue, I felt REALLY bad, and my mind just thought about : what is wrong with you?, why are you so tired?, why cant you concentrate? and so on.
And in that moment my sister talked to me and I couldnt follow the concentration – I felt so distant and dr/dr and then I began to think like : You must be psycho, I must have depression or some other mental illness and I got again a big panic attack which lasted like 2 hours and during this attack it was like my brain ‘clicked’ and I became from one minutr to the next like really depressed and from that moment on I became obsessed with the feeling of depression , I became like emotionless/ listless,didnt feel fun for normal stuff I usually like, and just stucked with the thought : I must be depressed .. and began again to figure it all out and question everything in life, and I became anxious of maybe hurting myself it was really horrible at the begining.. And then again I remembered how I became anxiety free, and bought the second book of Paul - At Last a Life and Beyond , also I read the book of Claire Weekes and the story/letter of Chris - Nothing Works.. and now I am again trying to accept but its somehow different because I have no panic attacks ( just the one in september ,when it all began) and no fear of illnesses but fear of being depressed/ mentally ill (because I really feel depressed!!!)..
I dont know what to write more.. 

– because my problem is I really feel this feeling of depression and this very feelings make me anxious. and also this what if thought – like what if I am really depressed and stay like this forever, or what if I kill myself because I have no more fun in life and so on.. Or that maybe Im bipolar and thats a chemical imbalance in my brain or even genetic probs.. 
Currently I am so in my head - I feel so foggy and dont enjoy stuff/ Im fatique/tired (chronically - all the time) and have concentration problems.. Just thinking about myself and my feelings of extreme listlessness. I am not really feeling myself. I am just like obsessed about my well being and future. 

Today I also started to take medication - its called „Opipramol 100mg“ in germany.. although Im anxious about the withdrawals..

I feel very bad today, like im loosing my mind soon.. it is so hard.. 😞

Maybe someone can relate or give some advice. Maybe even lonesailor/jonathan (your posts were awsome and extremely helpful..) or other guys who came through something similar the other side/ recovered?? idk. [weep]

Anyways thanks for ‘maybe’ reading my really long post. And again sorry for my ‘not so good’ english, but I wanted to post in the english thread because of the good advises given from the english community..



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Hi Epic, I suggest you go and read Lone Sailor's posts called ' the off switch' and ' letting go'. They're so amazing and informative. 

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One thing about going through anxiety and depression is no matter how well you get you will always have the memory of it. So when you have a bad day it is easier to sink back into the despair. 

It is just memory tricking you though and you got out once before so you can do it again! 


I would suggest cutting out caffeine though. It's very bad for anxiety suffering. It sounds like you got over stressed (and over caffienated) and it drummed up the memory of depression/anxiety/panic and you started worrying.


You made a mistake and were not taking proper care of yourself. We are all human and we all do this from time to time. Just get back to your healthier ways and you will start feeling better again. Anxiety will pass but only if you let it. Relax into it knowing that once you start making the right choices again and start taking care of yourself that it will eventually lift.


You got this! You have beaten it before and you will again!

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