New

[Lily 0]

I'm lying to everyone in my life about how I really feel so i am going to say it here annonomously in hope that maybe i will feel better. i cry daily in secret. 2nd i physically hurt, my shoulders hurt, my hands burn. 3rd no one understands how bad I really feel. I'm stuck in a rut. Feeling super sorry for myself, ready to call it quits. I am scared. I am misunderstood, i am overwhelmed. So hard to see the bigger picture right now. I have no reason to feel this way. I am loved, i work hard, i take care of myself, I exercise .I want someone to understand me without looking like i want attention for my problems. I want a break because i am just tired and worn out. I want to lay on my couch all day without getting fat. I want to be comfortable without having to take pain killers to get through the day. I don't want the chronic pain label. I just want my life back because i really fricken hate it right now.

[MrsCollMom84 2]

I understand completely. I also suffer chronic pain and fatigue that is unexplained I suffer panic attacks regularly. Chest pains and abdominal pains. I just want to give up and watch bad TV all day sometimes. I also have no reason to feel this way. I am in college and am successful. On the dean's list and editor of my college newspaper. I still suffer from this. Know that there are others out there!

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi Lily. Sorry you feel so rotten but you are here now and the first thing to realise is that you ARE NOT ALONE. Everyone at AC understands because we are or have been where you are now. Now try not to look for reasons at the moment, that can come later. It is the present that needs healing. Like you I had no reason that I could see for my GAD to start but there was a reason which I discovered by seeing a therapist but that came in time. You have become sensitised by some event, trauma or happening that you can't at the moment put your finger on but the pain, both physical and mental, is there and needs to be dealt with. Don't worry about crying daily. I did and it does help to relieve tension. 'Scared; misunderstood; overwhelmed! If I had a pound for the number of times I have heard that I would be a millionaire. These are all classic anxiety symptoms and to be expected just as is being exhausted. Nervous exhaustion is beyond normal tiredness, isn't it? Have you seen your GP? You may need mild medication to get you over this phase so that you can sit down and reason things out. Reason is difficult when in an anxiety state. we can only see and feel the now. To look into the future is painful but we do need a plan for recovery. Also counselling with someone you trust can help. CBT has helped many and our Admin, Gilly, has done a course and found it helpful. Kick self pity out of the door it does you no good to indulge in that time wasting pursuit. I know, we can't help feeling the 'poor me in this state' emotion but it does us no good. ANY bodily pain or discomfort can be the result of anxiety. It is amazing how this illness can cause so much unaccountable physical suffering.   What I am going to say now may seem strange but you are behaving normally in the circumstances you are creating for yourself. Who wouldn't feel strange; tired; depressed when you put yourself through all that suffering. You body is reacting to what you mind tells it. "I am tired and fed up". Ok, says the body, that's what you want so here it is. See what I mean? Sit down somewhere quiet. Take deep breaths and try and relax into the feelings. Don't fight or struggle. (The natural thing to want to do but don't do it). Stay with it and resist the temptation to run away. ACCEPT for the moment how you feel. Give up the struggle. This is not 'putting up with', far from it. If you find any of the above difficult at the moment then  just ACCEPTING how you feel will help. You WILL and CAN recover but it takes time so try not to be impatient with time. Very best wishes.    J.

                                                                                    ***********************

Hi MrsColl. I hope some of the above helps you too. Once again all the symptoms you describe are the result of prolonged anxiety. Fatigue is one of the most debilitating of all the symptoms beacuse it drags you down but as I have said to Lily, it can be recovered from. Try not to push yourself too hard. Take some time out for yourself. Read the articles and posts on this site about panic. I am sure you will find them enlightening. Best of luck.    J

[Gilly 1086]

Hey Lily, welocome to AC. i'm glad you have felt you can open up to us, because you really can. We DO understand. Jonathan has given some great advice ^^ I totally understand where you are coming from, as well as the anxiety I deal with now I have had Crohns Disease for 30 years, since I was 12. I hate pain, hate hate hate it. And it really does get you down, cry, as much as you want, IT'S OK, it's a natural release. Do yourself a huge favour though and go see your doctor, you can talk to them in confidence, they are there to help, and it will help. You aren't alone in suffering, you can talk to us, about anything and I really hope it will help. You can and will feel better again, I promise, I have, and I have seen others too, lots of them. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself, I think it's healthy, you need to, but don't give up!

[Lily 0]

Thanks for listening. All of you responding to my post reminds me I'm not alone and that's important to me. I didn't mention earlier i am seeing a therapist. He has talked with me about gad, and also ocpd. I don't think i have been diagnosed and i don't care to be. I am learning CBT right now and find it to be difficult and extremely uncomfortable but im trying. I understand the instinctive struggling idea and it is a new prospective for me, one i will consider. In all honesty, my initial thought process on that idea is very black and white... Not struggling feels like I'm going against everything i know and it feels like I'm just laying down and giving in...i might as well just be done then. If i fight... Because i am a fighter, doer, fixer....I find reason and purpose. In the same breath though, everything i know isn't working anymore. I take Ativan sparingly. Its a sandy beach, warm sun in-your-face kind of place all in a little pill! But, it's just a quick fix and i hate pills. I have been this way my whole life-hiding anxiety, panic, fear, however a simple misfortune in my life 6 months ago triggered this hell.I feel like I have lost control which has caused a downward spiral into an Alice in Wonderland type hole for me. I am struggling to pretend everything is normal. I just want get in my car and drive until the road runs into the ocean, get out, wave my hands in the air and scream " Okay God, i get it! please give me my life back now!" Seems this is some sort of lesson i am supposed to be learning or way of saying " you can't run from your problems forever my dear."

[jonathan123 2368]

Hullo Lily. Did I say give up? Don't take any action? I do appreciate how difficult it is to go against our natural instincts. To fight our way out of everything. Now let us look at this from a different angle. What is fear? You are in a fearful state so it may be well to look at the beast. Fear is the result of an apparent danger to our person. That's what primitive man found out.  So his body developed a mechanism to counter this danger, this fear. The adrenal glands  secrete a hormone when we sense danger. This puts us in the fight or flight mode. We can face the sabre toothed Tiger or run away. (I prefer the latter!!). When we have a safe distance from it relax and the adrenaline dies down and we go about our food gathering or whatever. But what happens to a modern person in an anxiety state.? You cannot run away because of your responsibilities. Fighting would land you up in jail so the anxiety does not dissipate. The adrenaline goes on being secreted and you finish up in a permanent state of fear with all its problems. Physical symptoms etc. This is not how it was meant to be. We are in a state of dis-order.So we can safely conclude that fighting is not going to get us far is it? This is what you have been doing and are you any better?The fight-adrenaline-fear- cycle clicks in. We are caught in a vicious circle. I am NOT suggesting laying down and giving in. There is action in inaction. Yes Lily, it is a lesson and a hard one but one we can come out of a better person more caring and understanding. This may not mean much to you now as you feel but believe me it is true. 'You are a fighter,a doer a fixer' and there we have it. The real lesson is that we can't fix everything in life. Some things have to be accepted and that is what I suggest you do. By total acceptance you are NOT giving in. This is the sensible thing to do because acceptance begins the process of recovery. It begins to calm you so that less adrenaline flows thus less anxiety. But this takes time. Go a day at a time, an hour at a time if necessary. Try not to be impatient with time. A lot to do? Not really. If you forget everything else and just concentrate on that one word. ACCEPTANCE. Write it on your heart. It has worked for many people and it could for you. This is from my own experience.  I can only suggest  something that has worked for me. I was like you. Impatient, a real fixer; a go getter, and look where it got me! Go to the Resources part of this site and look at the write up on Dr. Claire Weekes. Then get the book. You won't regret it.   My best wishes to you.   J.

.