Why did Taylor Swift hype up 22?

[miknugget 0]

I don't know where else to go for help. I have been truly suffering in ways I never have before. 
Let me put it out there that I am almost 3 years into recovery and have turned my life around completely since I put the needle down. I got a new car, my first apartment and a ful-time min. wage paying job. So living large if we're talking upper-lower class. Or whatever you want to call it when you're in the infancy stages of adulthood. Bullshit - if you will. I worked so very hard to get myself in that position. I thought I was golden and good to go. I was so wrong

In the past 6 months my life has just erupted into chaos. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years who I was living with and decided then I would start my life over. This is also when I started experiencing my anxiety a lot more intensely. I truly believe it is nothing but a good thing that him and I are apart, I thought I would finally be happy and focus on myself. In breaking up with him, I have to move. To an apartment. By myself. Just me and my frenchie. I'm nervous, short of excited, and obviously overwhelmed. My dog got sick for the first time last week and it destroyed me. My car is now falling apart and funds are low. I am currently undergoing several tests for my digestive system because I haven't been able to eat without turning feverish for months on end. (Likely not related to my anxiety). However, my health has spiraled down drastically resulting in a total weight loss of about 80 lbs (I was heavier, I'm at a "normal" BMI now).I started a new job hoping it would lessen my stress levels - which it did to a certain degree. 

I guess when I'm writing it out there really isn't too much on my table but a lot of change at once seems to be very overwhelming. I will admit that I have a lot of good things going for me. I am trying so hard to stay positive but my negative attitude won't get out of my way. I have tried to push my negative energy out and remain hopeful but I have this bottomless pit of emptiness inside of me. I feel like I could choke on air at any given second and I don't know when I'm going to start crying again. I've yet to process a lot of what's going on mainly because I'm just not sure how to deal with it. Everything is just so new and unnerving. It seems like the second I start to surface my reality inside of me the whole world comes crashing on me.

I've had panic attacks since I got delivered from my mothers womb. It's common for me to get shaken up, freeze, or just straight up turn to hysterics. What concerns me the most and something that I hope somebody might have some kind of answer to is: I have been getting this numbing sensation in my left leg and my right arm a few times over the past few weeks. It begins with me not being able to catch my breath, or focus on just what is in front of me. (It is has happened twice while driving). In time, my fingers start to turn blue and I get dizzier and dizzier and can't seem to catch myself before I start a screaming fit. It's like I'm reaching out my arm for someone to take it and they're just letting me sink into sand. 

I just need help. I am young, ambitious, and capable and my anxiety is holding me back from showing my true colors and being whomever it is that I am meant to be. 

I might add that I take 25mg of Adderall in the morning and 4 doses of 300mg Gabapentin throughout the day. Among vitamins as well. 

[cbhaga01 29]

Hi mik!  Welcome to the boards.  

First off, early TS > anything post-Speak Now.  

I'm sorry to hear what all you're going through.  It sounds like a "when it rains, it pours" kinda situation.  And there are few things worse than a pet getting sick.  My rescue shih-poo got sick last year (bladder stones), which took a considerable toll on me once it was all said and done (along with a $700+ vet bill).  It's heartbreaking, because we can't really explain to them why they hurt or that it will pass.  My wife said I took things harder than the dog, and I'm inclined to believe her (he's fine now, in case you're wondering).

As for the numb sensations: welcome to the club.  Everything you described is 100% textbook physical manifestations of anxiety.  I've had the numbness, along with buzzing, burning, tingling, you name it.  In fact, two weeks ago I was convinced I'd messed up a nerve in my thigh because my upper leg burned off and on for two days.  And then it just stopped, because that's how anxiety works.  

And the not being able to catch your breath and getting dizzy?  It totally sounds like you're hyperventilating.  Even when our anxiety isn't at just outright devastating levels, we react to it in very subtle ways.  One of those is shallow breathing.  I know I'm doing it because I have a very mild cough (throat dries out).   When it's a bit heavier, we can make ourselves dizzy.  And the blue fingers totally sound like a not getting enough oxygen kinda thing.  

Do you see a therapist?  Because your situation doesn't sound like just anxiety.  Most of the time, people who are anxious tend to be depressed as well, and that "hopelessness" you mentioned is a tell-tale sign of being down in the dumps.  If you don't see someone, maybe it's time to do so.  

Again, welcome.  Hope this helps ?

[Bobnnat 496]

cb is spot on.  I'd also add that for many people, myself included, change is very difficult and can manifest in physical symptoms. So it's probably a combination of your natural state of anxiousness as you've described it, made worse by all the change (even good change). In addition to seeing a therapist, do you have a close friend, one you can confide in?  Just talking things through can be therapeutic.

You're moving away from the shadows and into the light. Keep moving that way and don't let your emotions ever cause you to shrink back to a life of (non-Rx) drugs. Thats a sure fire path to nowhere.

[miknugget 0]

28 minutes ago, cbhaga01 said:

Thank you! Literally so much. I definitely took it way harder than Duke did, my wallet and my emotions both hope he stays healthy. 

It sucks knowing others suffer in the same ways but at the same time very relieving. I am glad to not be alone in this, I was starting to think I had nerve damage myself. 

I do see a therapist, I've been diagnosed with manic bipolar, add, and gad. Just trying to figure this whole mess that is my psyche.

Thank you immensely for being so honest
 

 

 

28 minutes ago, cbhaga01 said:

Hi mik!  Welcome to the boards.  

First off, early TS > anything post-Speak Now.  

I'm sorry to hear what all you're going through.  It sounds like a "when it rains, it pours" kinda situation.  And there are few things worse than a pet getting sick.  My rescue shih-poo got sick last year (bladder stones), which took a considerable toll on me once it was all said and done (along with a $700+ vet bill).  It's heartbreaking, because we can't really explain to them why they hurt or that it will pass.  My wife said I took things harder than the dog, and I'm inclined to believe here.

As for the numb sensations: welcome to the club.  Everything you described is 100% textbook physical manifestations of anxiety.  I've had the numbness, along with buzzing, burning, tingling, you name it.  In fact, two weeks ago I was convinced I'd messed up a nerve in my thigh because my upper leg burned off and on for two days.  And then it just stopped, because that's how anxiety works.  

And the not being able to catch your breath and getting dizzy?  It totally sounds like you're hyperventilating.  Even when our anxiety isn't at just outright devastating levels, we react to it in very subtle ways.  One of those is shallow breathing.  I know I'm doing it because I have a very mild cough (throat dries out).   When it's a bit heavier, we can make ourselves dizzy.  And the blue fingers totally sound like a not getting enough oxygen kinda thing.  

Do you see a therapist?  Because your situation doesn't sound like just anxiety.  Most of the time, people who are anxious tend to be depressed as well, and that "hopelessness" you mentioned is a tell-tale sign of being down in the dumps.  If you don't see someone, maybe it's time to do so.  

Again, welcome.  Hope this helps ?

Hi mik!  Welcome to the boards.  

First off, early TS > anything post-Speak Now.  

I'm sorry to hear what all you're going through.  It sounds like a "when it rains, it pours" kinda situation.  And there are few things worse than a pet getting sick.  My rescue shih-poo got sick last year (bladder stones), which took a considerable toll on me once it was all said and done (along with a $700+ vet bill).  It's heartbreaking, because we can't really explain to them why they hurt or that it will pass.  My wife said I took things harder than the dog, and I'm inclined to believe here.

As for the numb sensations: welcome to the club.  Everything you described is 100% textbook physical manifestations of anxiety.  I've had the numbness, along with buzzing, burning, tingling, you name it.  In fact, two weeks ago I was convinced I'd messed up a nerve in my thigh because my upper leg burned off and on for two days.  And then it just stopped, because that's how anxiety works.  

And the not being able to catch your breath and getting dizzy?  It totally sounds like you're hyperventilating.  Even when our anxiety isn't at just outright devastating levels, we react to it in very subtle ways.  One of those is shallow breathing.  I know I'm doing it because I have a very mild cough (throat dries out).   When it's a bit heavier, we can make ourselves dizzy.  And the blue fingers totally sound like a not getting enough oxygen kinda thing.  

Do you see a therapist?  Because your situation doesn't sound like just anxiety.  Most of the time, people who are anxious tend to be depressed as well, and that "hopelessness" you mentioned is a tell-tale sign of being down in the dumps.  If you don't see someone, maybe it's time to do so.  

Again, welcome.  Hope this helps ?

 

[miknugget 0]

9 minutes ago, Bobnnat said:

cb is spot on.  I'd also add that for many people, myself included, change is very difficult and can manifest in physical symptoms. So it's probably a combination of your natural state of anxiousness as you've described it, made worse by all the change (even good change). In addition to seeing a therapist, do you have a close friend, one you can confide in?  Just talking things through can be therapeutic.

You're moving away from the shadows and into the light. Keep moving that way and don't let your emotions ever cause you to shrink back to a life of (non-Rx) drugs. Thats a sure fire path to nowhere.

Thank you, I was thinking the same.  Maybe once I'm settled in by the end of this weekend at least some of the symptoms will alleviate. I don't really have anyone but my mother, I have such a hard time explaining to people what's going on in my life. Like, I freeze up whenever I get asked what's bothering me. The only thing I can say half the time is "nothing's wrong".

I'm trying to head towards the light but I'm so fearful I'll get pulled right back into the shadows if life continues to go on like this for me. I don't have any kind of reservations but my greatest fear is getting so out of line with myself I go back. It's not something I dwell on, I just know the probability might be a little higher for me. 

[Bobnnat 496]

Mik, I have a friend that I knew in grammer school believe it or not. Last saw her when she and I were about 13. She went on to have a really tough life. All the bad things you can imagine, it affected her. However, she was able to emerge from that and now she works at a place where she helps people who live life in the shadows. She's 100% recovered and she's so happy about life it makes me sick :-)

If you'd like, I could ask her if she would talk with you (on line). She's been where you've been and a whole lot worse and makes her living helping others to avoid/get out of the life she suffered for so long. If you're willing, and she's willing (I'm sure she'll be). I can get her email and then provide it to you. Only if you think that will help.

Bob

[miknugget 0]

2 minutes ago, Bobnnat said:

Mik, I have a friend that I knew in grammer school believe it or not. Last saw her when she and I were about 13. She went on to have a really tough life. All the bad things you can imagine, it affected her. However, she was able to emerge from that and now she works at a place where she helps people who live life in the shadows. She's 100% recovered and she's so happy about life it makes me sick :-)

If you'd like, I could ask her if she would talk with you (on line). She's been where you've been and a whole lot worse and makes her living helping others to avoid/get out of the life she suffered for so long. If you're willing, and she's willing (I'm sure she'll be). I can get her email and then provide it to you. Only if you think that will help.

Bob

If she is open to talking with me, I am more than willing! I would love to have an opportunity to talk with her. 
Please let me know if she wants to talk! Thank you sooo much for even offering