Search the Community

I just wanted to try something I haven't yet, so this is where I'm at. I'm a 26 year old mother of 2, I've had mild anxiety since my son was born 7 years ago, it went away but me talking myself through attacks about 4 years ago and haven't really had any issues since, when my daughter was born (21 months ago) I didn't really have problems at first, I moved to Tennessee in August 2015 and stayed with friends for a new job and my anxiety started back up again, pretty mild at first then got worse so I moved back home around my family in Illinois, thinking this might help, my anxiety is now the worst it has ever been, I've never had a problem with driving but all of a sudden have panic attacks every time I get in the car to drive alone, I find myself being anxious most of the day, I have tried breathing and everything that used to help me through them but nothing works, I talk to family about it but I think they get sick of me "blaming" my problems on anxiety, I HAVE to be able to drive but I just can't break this feeling, I cry a lot because I feel as if I've become such a weak person who depends on other and I've always been a very hard working (50+ hours a week) single mother, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, it's caused me to fall into depression, can someone please give me some advise or what you've done to stop the panic attacks?

Hey all ! Haven't posted in a while. Just when I think I am doing well I realise how much worse I am. My anxiety has brought me great deppression more so than ever, I have caused harm to myself in the past few weeks, I have constantly been crying and avoiding social situations even to the point I wanted to stay home on Christmas. I have been using alcohol to cover up my anxiousness, after drinking a bottle of win, beers, and bottle of vodka to myself I can't remember majority of Christmas. So with it being boxing day it was time to. Visit my mums house (more booze!) , which I dread as she is full of criticism toward me. I'm just so terribly low and stuck. with noone to talk to. I hate myself so much I am disgusted and can't even look in the mirror anymore. feeling like giving up. Any advice or anyone feeling the same ? Apologies if any of this doesn't make sense I couldn't wait To reach out x

Hello everyone, I'm new here. My name is Vanessa. I felt like I needed to do some sort of introduction. I've never really used a forum like this (mental health wise) to be honest. I have no clue what I am doing, but I felt I really needed to reach out because I'm lost. I suppose I'll attempt a quick little summary. I am 20 years old. When my anxiety first started to affect me was when I was 10. I barely remember anything from then, but my dad (whom also has panic disorder) tells me some of major signs I showed, plus skipping school due to extreme chest pains (had many panic attacks before school) etc. I obviously had went to the doctor as well, put on medication and what not. The only one I've stuck with since then is Alprazolam but it never works, so I usually have to push through every day. Back to today, I somehow graduated from highschool, with honors, even though I hardly ever could go, and they threatened to kick me out. Proud of myself there. I haven't gone to college, because well, I can't. I don't have a job, I can't get one. I'm stuck in my house (living on my own, ssi) everyday. Doing nothing. I can't leave my house by myself, I'll usually go out if my parents go out, join them. I have two or three friends that I can spend the day with, but very rarely does it ever happen, they have their own lives. I've lost a great deal of people to this illness. Whether it being them not understanding or me rejecting every invitation to go out, always. I'm always alone, which I love being alone, but I don't fancy being so lonely. I don't exactly remember the last time I was actually happy. I haven't even begun to start living my life and I feel like this hell will never end. I can't sleep due to the horrific symptoms of anxiety that I have every waking moment, and the equally horrific thoughts that I have. I've been on so many different medications the last 10 years and nothing seems to work, I give them all at least 3 months. I've been to doctor after doctor, therapists and psychiatrists. Living in a very small town in Iowa doesn't help that at all though. Anyone nearby doesn't seem to quite know how to do their job, or they just don't care. A lot of people say that they've overcome their panic by just saying yes to things, and JUST going out and doing something but I am so beyond this point I don't know what I'd even do. I have nothing to say yes to anymore. Nothing to just go out and do if I could even go out without completely destroying myself for that month. I hate when people say it gets better because my life has been nothing but this and I'm still so young, I'm just so tired. So very tired. Hope that wasn't too long of a summary, I apologize. I really hope that I can meet some friends here that truly understand this illness.

...."Where to start" Certain things that have happened recently ,have made me want to share my journey so far with you all and I hope you understand. So.. I was born on the 24th of May 1994 weighing a very tiny 1.5lb.. so I guess i didn't want to give up just then! I have two Loving, caring and supportive parents who are the nicest people anyone could ever meet. So as I grew up I'd like to think that they brought me up to be a respectful, kind and caring person. which sometimes I highly doubt, but I'll come to that later. So I was diagnosed from a fairly young age with NLD (Non Verbal Learning Disorder) I learn better by practical ways of teaching.. rather than reading text books. also I sometimes can't get everything down that I want to say that's in my brain to make sense.. .. so I apologize if some of this "Story" lacks structure or sense! As a kid I was always very very impulsive and hyperactive and had a wild creative imagination and it never really caused any problems up until I was about 12. When I was 12 I moved from primary school too my first secondary state school. Before the move my Primary school was a local Country Village school.. with a maximum capacity of (50) people! so I guess my hyper episodes and franticness could of been checked up on. So it was a big shock for me when I first arrived to the secondary school that had around 1200 students. So being premature at birth I have always been small, and as I was growing up no one really noticed it..and I didn't care about it.. until I started to get Unwanted attention from the local school jokers/bully type characters. The first few weeks at the new school I managed to get past them..without any trouble but that quickly changed.. being the smallest in my class I didn't really have the ability to defend myself.. so situations started to happen where Some days they'd try and put me in a locker or Bag and sometimes the bin. So after A few weeks of that happening, I started to lose myself as a person. to stop getting teased or put in a bin I decided to go with the " If you can't beat them, join them" way of things. So I almost created this completely different "George" to fit in..(But mine was extreme) My behavior started to get worse, I started to get into a lot of trouble at the school. I became constantly angry, and I hate to admit it but I became one of the "Bully's/Jokers". I felt like I had a sense of belonging. and this impulse was the hardest one to control.. The feeling of being liked, or to be someone different to fit in. Anyway after a year of being at that school, My parents moved me realizing if I stayed I was heading down a dangerous route. They moved me to a private school that was a lot smaller. and at first I felt alienated I hated everyone there and the concept of "Posh school".. So I'd been at the school roughly 6 Months and I had made friends but for all the wrong reasons.. I was known as "Nutter George" "Crazy George" anything to get that attention and feeling of safety and protection I'd do it.. whether it was to break something or general disrupt the classes I'd do it. It was towards the end of my first year that a friend came to me.. and said "Oi mate, there auditioning for this school play you should do it mate and take the piss".." My typical response as a idiot would say was "No way, Drama is for gay-boys.." eventually he dragged me to the audition room and I did an Audition.. this strange feeling came over me.. I WAS NERVOUS!.. Looking back on it now.. it must of been a good thing.... (This is only Half of what my Story) but my computer keeps messing up.. but I hope you guys enjoy the read. sorry for my bad grammar and punctuation... I'll do the rest ASAP.