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Hello, I’m so glad that I found this group! Yesterday I was on the verge of committing myself because Im still trying to get a diagnosis. I’ve had approximately 6 therapist in the last 10 years and I’m convinced that nobody really wants to help unless you demand it. It’s not enough that they are getting paid, they also have to be nudged along to do their job thoroughly. I saw my therapist on Tuesday and opened up to her about some of my thoughts. She said that she would email me exercises for my current struggle with anxiety (rumination), I waited until Thursday before I emailed her to let her know that I never received the email. She responded back that school closed early and she had to get her children and she would send it the next morning, Here we are almost Sunday and still no email. My next appointment is Tuesday..... I plan on letting her have a piece of my mind when i get there. Im feeling a little better today. I was able to find my old psychiatrist from 10 years ago. I stopped going to her because she moved over an hour away but she’s now back at her old office from what I can see online. I left a message. Hopefully I hear something soon. Im ready to go back on meds.... Background Long story short, I remember being a small child and thinking I caused a car accident because I fell alseep while my mom was driving. See, my mom drove the car but I helped by pushing the imaginary petals in the back seat (I did this every time we went for a drive) I was riddled with guilt thinking that i had cause the accident. I thought about it obsessively. I cried.... but didn’t tell my mom because I was scared that she would be mad. That’s my first memory of rumination..... the first of many. As I get older its increasingly harder to distract myself as I did when I was a kid. Im a semi newly divorce mom (2 years this coming March) and Im lonely because I can’t date...... I mean who would want to deal with this ocd baggage. Im a nice looking woman, Exotic looking from what Ive been told but Im petrified to get close to anyone for fear of them finding out my deepest secret. Im 40 but look much younger thanks to my parents who seem to have made a deal with the devil to look much younger too. My dad is 69 and he has only a few grey hairs and not one visible wrinkle. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia before I was born..... Vietnam war vet..... what a gene cocktail. To my knowledge he’s never taken meds but was medically discharged from the army with that diagnosis. We dont talk about it because he claims he faked it to get out of the army but everyone knows that’s not the truth. We just grin and bare it. Some of my ruminations and oddities … My health is always the Pink Elephant in the OCD room, however I’m not ready to be specific about that just yet.... My children.... I fear them being sexually abused... it’s hard to not think about it when they are out of my presence. This is where I stop..... My food just came.... Im down to one small meal a day (usually in the evening so I can sleep comfortably). I skipped a couple of days of eating since last Tuesday. This is my body’s response to my anxiety. I need too loose weight anyway so Im not too worried yet. I haven’t felt this bad in almost 10 years. Im mad at myself for returning back to this………… for not being strong.... It was easier to distract myself before but now my kids are teenagers and Im now single and alone.

My name is Jaclyn, and I am currently a first year graduate student pursuing my MS in Psychology at Villanova University. Having battled anorexia throughout my working years, I have experienced both social and occupational stigma. My own experiences have been unique and upsetting, and I do not believe that experiences of stigma should be reduced to numbers. For that reason, I am conducting a qualitative research study in the form of interviews with men and women battling eating disorders in the workplace in the hopes of learning more about the stigma they face. There is a LOT of research on the implications of stigma in the workplace as well as the sort of stigma those with eating disorders face, but there is very little literature regarding the impact of having an eating disorder in the workplace, and I hope to contribute to the field in a meaningful way by conducting this study. I am hoping to present at both the ANAD and NEDA conferences in October. Your participation in the study would consist of a 60 minute (maximum) phone interview in which your history with the disease and how it has affected you in the workplace. You would be completely free to skip any questions you found uncomfortable or simply did not wish to answer. The interview is recorded and transcribed so that we (Dr. Katina Sawyer, who is supervising my project, and myself) can see if certain themes arise from these interviews. All recordings and transcriptions are locked in Dr. Sawyer's office and all potentially identifying information (name, phone number, employer - if any of this is mentioned) would be removed to ensure complete confidentiality. If you are still interested in participating in the study, I would absolutely love to speak with you! If you could send me some times that would work well for you to talk for half an hour to an hour, I'm sure we could work something out! Thank you so much again, and I hope to hear from you soon! Contact at jasresearchinfo@villanova.edu

Never posted to a message board before, actually can't even see what I'm typi g for some reason so I apologize in advance for errors. I'm struggling at the moment with restricting. I've been hospitalized several times in the past for anorexia, and realized I've lost too much weight recently. So over the last month I've tried to put some back on and have gained 3 pounds. But now I'm freaking out about it. Trying not to, but am anyway. It's sending me into a panic. I know I have to gain weight, but I don't like it.again, sorry for any errors but as I type this, can't see the words! Sorry for the ramble.