Dewdrops

Members
  • Content Count

    1
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

0 Neutral

About Dewdrops

  • Rank
    Newbie
  1. Hey everyone, I'm new to this website, just looking for people like me or people who have been in similar situations. I have tried getting help from people close to me but so far it hasn't helped. If you could take a moment to read this if you had anything close to this I would really appreciate it. First of all, let me say a few things about myself. I am 23 and I have had depression and anxiety since I was around 12 years old, and have been on medication since. Until nearly two months ago, my depression and anxiety was getting worse and my doctor urged me to try a new medication. I have taken the same antidepressants since I started them and was hesitant. But I agreed. A few weeks later I was getting side effects, mild ones, I went back to my doctor and she suggested I double my dose and her logic was it will cancel out the side effects, Reluctantly I agreed. I have never felt the way I did during that, I only lasted about two weeks and I begged her to let me stop taking it. I couldn't go out in public anymore, I couldn't sleep by myself, I couldn't even distract myself from constantly feeling like I was going to die or something terrible was going to happen. It's been about 2 months since I stopped, and things have very slowly gotten better. Until around 2 weeks ago I started having intrusive thoughts. The problem is, they come on completely randomly. I will be playing video games or just sitting watching TV and they come on. They are violent thoughts about hurting people I care about. Things I KNOW deep down I would never, ever do. But the more I try to not think about them, the more I think about it. Like there's this feeling in the back of my head that knows I'm trying not to think about it. Distraction itself just feels like that, I KNOW its a distraction and then I keep thinking about it. Its honestly tearing me apart. I can't eat, my stomach is constantly in knots. I'm scared of myself, I'm afraid of my thoughts and why they are happening. I have always dealt with things like this by myself or through people I care about but I honestly can't keep living like this. I feel like I'm a danger to the people I care about and I just want to hurt myself or worse.