mollyfin

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Everything posted by mollyfin

  1. Good luck dude. You've beaten this thing back before and you can do it again!
  2. Everyone's nondominant hand is smaller than their dominant hand. I found that out in fifth grade when one really bored kid said to no one in particular, "Why is one hand fatter than the other?" and the smartest kid in the class just mimed writing. Didn't know until then that everyone had two different sized hands; just thought I was weird. No real point to the story. But we do indeed tend to have one bigger hand than the other. If you're left-handed, that might be worth mentioning to your doctor, but even then it's probably nothing to worry about. It's also normal to have HA relapses. Having it under control for that long means you were doing something right so don't be hard on yourself! You'll get through this!
  3. Yeah, to rule out causes of symptoms that were thought to be unrelated to any serious neuro problem but asses needed to be covered. Brain is mostly normal on that level at least. Some white spots probably migraine related given my history.
  4. Missed everyone! Hope you're all great!
  5. You might try directly messaging them, but the lack of followup posts does kinda suggest it was nothing worrisome!
  6. Yeah going through my hyst I met a lot of endometrial cancer patients and the majority of them are doing great. One has sadly since passed, but the rest are thriving, even some of them being stage 4 patients. They'll always have cancer but it's controlled. Of course there can be very dangerous endometrial cancers, but they're rarer, I think. I really don't get why insurance has to be such a fight. What the heck am I giving you all this money per month for if you're going to decline to pay for everything?! Time to bust out the little fella again.
  7. And you would be atypical because...why? Do you have a history of GYN problems? Family history of ovarian cancer? Are you over 60 years of age? If you're blowing off the idea of your being typical "just because," well, I hate to tell you, but it's your anxiety you need to worry about, not your ovaries. The doctor told you not to worry. Your problem is anxiety. Yes, it could be different this time. A piano could also fall on you tomorrow. Part of learning to deal with anxiety is accepting the tiny possibility that yeah something could be very wrong right now, but you can't live every moment of your life like that's so, or you'll never live.
  8. Her uterine polyp has grown so it needs to be removed and tested. Oncologist is consulting with a colleague to see how long they think she can safely leave it while she fights her insurance provider. At this point they're not anticipating anything catastrophic but it does need to be biopsied. So I was hoping for this to be the end of it but it could've gone a lot worse.
  9. Her appointment's tomorrow morning. Trying to be sane about it, but we all know I'm awful at that. I'm generally fine with normal doctor visits and strange symptoms, but as soon as a doctor finds something amiss is when I start to lose my marbles. Oh well. I'm wearing my lucky shirt and that's literally about all I can do at this point, so. Just gotta wait and see.
  10. My SO finally got her repeat ultrasound, and got a voicemail Friday afternoon to make an appointment to come in to discuss her test results and "treatment." Naturally the fact that there's something to treat set me off (yes, I realize that they don't even know for sure what the problem is; yes, I realize it could be something not devastating; HI MY NAME IS MOLLYFIN I LIKE TO JUMP TO THE WORST POSSIBLE CONCLUSIONS IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU YOU MUST BE NEW) and has it ever been a long weekend. Uh, not the good kind. Nothing to do but keep moving forward. No sense worrying until I know there's something to worry about. But do you ever feel like if you stop worrying, disaster is just waiting to strike the moment you let your guard down? Dunno if anyone here was a fan of The Simpsons in its golden age, but there was a bit with Lisa trying to explain the difference between correlation and causation to Homer, saying she could declare that a rock keeps tigers away, because, hey, there are no tigers around, right? Homer considers this, pulls out his wallet and offers to buy the rock. Sometimes I feel like exactly that, except unlike Homer, I'm not too stupid to realize how ridiculous I'm being. Still doesn't stop it from feeling that way, though.
  11. You can't "lace" something with fentanyl. It's given in tablet (rarely, I think, since it's mainly given to end-stage patients or patients with severe pain from cancer or chemotherapy) or dermal patch form. But that doesn't matter, because you KNOW this is all anxiety-based, because you're here, on an anxiety forum, not in the ER, right? Recognizing that it's anxiety is a great beginning, but if you keep looking for people to tell you that it's not reality, you're still letting the anxiety control you. Talk to your doctor, therapist, whomever, about how to calm your anxiety on your own, without Google or reassurance. There are self-help books and workbooks for managing obsessive thoughts, and there are great resources posted right here. And I'm betting a lot of people here have techniques they can suggest for how they work through their anxious times. I literally have arguments with my own thoughts, reminding myself my fears aren't reality. And sometimes that doesn't help at all, and I'm back off the rails, or I KNOW it's anxiety but that doesn't help. But it's better than it was. That may not work for you, and there are plenty of other methods for coping with anxiety. Hell, just coming here and talking about it can help sometimes. But right now it doesn't seem to be helping you much and you seem kind of stuck. What has worked for you in calming anxiety in the past? Does it no longer help?
  12. Logical, no, but understandable and to be expected for those of us with HA, heck yeah. Mostly I just try to force myself to ignore it but to say it doesn't always work is an understatement.
  13. It can take years to successfully diagnose MS. Yet another reason incessant medical testing is no good for anxiety - it's ultimately never going to be "enough." If the doctor thinks it's not MS, that's the closest thing to a definitive answer you're going to get, and your best bet is to work on accepting that it's not always possible to be "sure" you don't have something. And even if it were, you'd soon need reassurance again anyway. Presumably you trust this doctor or you wouldn't have gone to them. They don't just send random people off the street into an office and say "Okay, you're a neurologist now; just guess some stuff." A medical specialist said you're probably fine; I would work on the anxiety that won't let you accept that as good enough.
  14. CBD oil gives my SO massive panic attacks. Not sure why since THC doesn't affect her negatively. I took buspar once upon a time, but I honestly don't remember if I didn't keep on because it didn't work for me or if side effects were too annoying. When was the last time you had blood work done? Might be worth finding out if you're low in anything you might be needing so you're not taking redundant supplements and aren't missing anything. Plus you really should clear all natural remedies with your doctor just in case.
  15. Two doctors have told you not to worry. I know easier said than done, but your anxiety doesn't hold a medical degree! What did the doctor at urgent care tell you to do?
  16. If your grandma told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it? If you have HA, this is the risk Googling comes with. Scaring yourself.
  17. HIV patients are prone to fungal infections because of their suppressed immune systems. It sounds like daily preventive antifungals are part of routine HIV care.
  18. Mine is also in the crapper - I forget the exact number but it's pretty regularly low. I didn't know it could cause pain symptoms, but I really hope that explains why lately EVERYTHING HURTS. My memory has also deteriorated badly over the last few years; it'd be nice to get that back. I guess I'll see...
  19. I'm glad you're making progress! My SO has psoriasis/psoriatic arthritis and it sucks but it seems like a lot of promising new medications are cropping up for it.
  20. Know what makes me eat? Stress. Guess what HA causes...wait, you don't have to guess! Ugh. I know exactly what risk factors I'm creating in myself, and while I'm terrified of them...here I still am.
  21. She needs to have the ultrasound redone because she went at the wrong time of the month. Argh. I love her, but her carelessness and preference to ignore things instead of dealing with them are starting to piss me off right now. She's at a very increased risk for high grade endometrial cancers (pretty much every risk factor - diabetes, endometrial hyperplasia, PCOS, family history) but didn't see a GYN for the better part of a decade, and now that she's having indicators of serious issues she's at high risk for, she's still choosing to ignore the problem. She's literally everything to me, and I can't imagine life without her, but I also don't know how to build a life or plan a future with someone who doesn't seem terribly invested in staying alive. If she eventually gets the all clear (which I hope for but don't dare expect), I know my inclination will be to pretend it's not a problem, until it becomes one again. But then maybe I'm trying to turn this into a bigger deal than it is so I don't have to think about what I'm really afraid of; I'd rather have her leave me a thousand times over than watch her die. Endometrial cancer seems to be what they're concerned about over ovarian, which is sort of good; the cure rates are much higher. But early detection is key to that, and she's let it fester for six months. I don't need to explain why that isn't good.
  22. I know what you mean, but at the same time I find it hard to know where the line sits between "offering support" and "offering reassurance," or for that matter seeking either of those things.
  23. I'm in a similar position - always waking up in pain and numb, can't hold one position too long. I would discuss it with your GP because I don't have anything terminal or systemic (uh, as far as I know, but none of my doctors think I do) but what I do have is a rock-hard mattress and a buttload of herniated discs, spinal problems and pinched nerves. They may be able to recommend something to reduce discomfort. (Mine wants me to do physical therapy, but I can't find a place that takes my insurance, so that'll have to wait.) You took this to a cardiologist. If he didn't seem worried, well, the odds are better that he would recognize a serious health issue than those of us who just have Google, right? A cardiologist probably wouldn't listen to you talk about chest pain and dismiss it as not worrisome for no reason. Keeping us alive is good for business if nothing else! I know it's hard to trust doctors when you have health anxiety, but if you chose this doctor, you probably have some faith in their abilities, and if not, see if you can find someone you do have confidence in, if that's possible. It made a huge difference for me.
  24. If you don't want to see the doctor because you usually run to them nonstops and you're looking to break a reassurance cycle, it's reasonable. If you don't want to see the doctor because your anxiety is preventing you from doing so, it's just another form of HA taking over your life, just like those of us who run to the doctor over every little thing in case it really is the plague this time. Same anxiety, different manifestation. There's really a limit to the help that can be offered here. Few if any of us are medical professionals. We can offer support, but the only things we can suggest are things that have worked for us. You seem very conscious of the toxic cycle your brain is stuck in, and that's good - but if none of our advice is helping you break it, you need to find someone with better advice. I very rarely suggest inpatient care for anyone who isn't s*****al and I wouldn't suggest it now, but I do think you need to find someone who has an education and experience treating these things. Since your therapist isn't around right now, do they have someone covering for them who might either be able to help you temporarily or point you to someone who can? If you were talking to someone else who was saying "I got into grad school - " (which is a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT, btw, congratulations!) "but I can't go because I'm afraid the TB test I need to attend will bring bad news," would you agree that it sucked but they should stay at the job they hate just in case they got bad news, when they could be doing what they love? Or would you be encouraging them to find every possible method of attack against the mental illness that's controlling their lives? People here like you; no one wants to see you miserable! I think we've all had those times where the fears kept coming and nothing we did seemed to help, and I think we've all at least gotten the "Okay, I know we're all crazy, but you're being crazy" talk from someone else at least once! God knows I've gotten a few. I doubt anyone's judging you negatively. BTW I know someone who had TB when they were little. They're fine. As with most things we fear, the reality is rarely a worst-case scenario. So if your test were to come back positive, you wouldn't be doomed. You would get treatment. (I mean I do sympathize with how disgustingly expensive medical care is in this country and paying for that would be its own kettle of fish, but in terms of "not wanting to know if you have a terminal disease," this one's probably more of a molehill than a mountain.)
  25. Ultrasounds aren't diagnostic in every case but they give you an idea of what you're dealing with. It'll be able to tell if you need more detailed imaging done. The ultrasound will show whether the cyst is solid, liquid-filled or a combination. It'll show how thick the walls of the cyst is. It'll show whether it has one chamber or if it's septated into multiple areas, and the thickness and pattern of those septations. Depending on the type of ultrasound, you may know whether or not there are blood vessels feeding it. Unless it's a simple cyst (basically a water balloon type structure) they may not feel comfortable diagnosing what you have based on an ultrasound alone and may recommend further testing. There are multiple types of benign cysts that are complex but generally not harmful, such as endometriomas, cystadenomas and teratomas. They're more common than ovarian cancer. Normal functional cysts are so common as to be boring. In someone who's still menstruating, the odds are heavily against cancer. Unless it's huge they likely won't recommend anything besides waiting to see if it goes away on its own. They may suggest birth control if it's a regular cyst and the symptoms are making you miserable. They may want to have you back in three or six months to monitor potential growth. I've gone through my own scares with this, then with my mother, and now am doing it again with my SO. I get how scary the thought is. If the results show a complex cyst, my best advice is TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Don't just get the results and run off to Google. Go over everything that you don't fully understand. Ask "What makes you think it's _____ instead of _____?" "Why is ____ the correct next step to take?" Everything you might google, just ask your doctor instead. I've gone over lab reports line by line at times saying "And what does this mean? What's its significance?" like a broken record. You may not want to get that far in depth, but whatever you do want to know, ask. ...and if you're in the New York City area and need a recommendation or ten for a good doctor, I've got a list a mile long at this point!