Asha

When I look back on the other times it is clear that my thinking was very skewed. But each time, there is such a small grain of truth in the story I tell myself that it looks very valid and real. When I am in the story I cannot see that it looks much like the other times, this story is more true, is more real. It is only afterwards that I get any perspective. But the idea that in time things can change is great. All of this make me read and learn as I can and I feel that it is leading to something important, but it still so difficult.

Thanks. Funny that, how we don't spend much time anticipating positive things. Hmmmm. This believing the thought is real and the visualized situation is happening right now and I have to do anything I can to get away from it or fix it this very instant is just too exhausting. It is only a thought. It might be real, it might not be real. This tired old brain doesn't have the ability to think this one through right now, so better just to leave it and carry on.

You know I did a little April Fools Joke on Facebook. I fooled some friends and enjoyed the feedback. I found myself laughing at this. Now I couldn't have anticipated this reaction or these thoughts and feelings; they just came. I didn't plan them. I didn't say to myself "I bet I will be laughing around noon today and thinking I am very clever." So I see what you mean when you say just let thoughts come and then let them go.

Thanks Mark for clarifying part 1. Yes you are right, that is anticipating. This is quite difficult to get. But I see your point now. I probably used the wrong term. She was talking about the reptile brain and how it really locks us into fight or flight or freeze - basically fear. There is so much to learn. I am going to think about what you said about anticipatory thoughts and trying to control the future. So when you wake up and there are negative feelings you just say, oh well, and carry on. Don't overthink this? I wonder if brains can explode ha ha.

So many good ideas here. One thing I am thinking is - I don't want my thoughts of the future to ruin a perfectly good day. If I focus on the idea that the day is good and things are going fine RIGHT NOW it seems to help. I don't want to waste my days worrying and dreading. I am trying to just accept that this stuff comes up and not chase the thought down the rabbit hole with thinking it through, visualizing, creating dialogue, rationalizing, justifying, defending (all the strategies that make it worse). I just want to recognize that thought and carry on with this perfectly good day. I now have a counsellor I am seeing and she is talking to me about the reptile brain and response. I think this will all help.

I took a very light dose this am. I feel fine, like myself. My mind also can think realistically without all that emotion invested in my thoughts. It is interesting to compare this calmed down version of myself with the crazy, scared version. Only one feels like I normally feel; the calm, rational, patient see what happens person feels like me. Once that fear sets in it is as if another person has been let loose in my skin.

should or shouldn't Mark?

I agree with this, but what do we do with other people. While this is all going on and we are afraid or in pain what is the role of friend, spouse etc. I don't want to burden these people with my difficulties. How much help can we ask of spouses, who are probably even more bewildered than we are. Counselling sounds like a great thing

This is more or less what I was thinking. Drs. are loathe to give out these sedatives these days, and with good reason. I did take one the other evening and it did give my mind and body a little break. It was if I didn't have to run at top gear the whole evening long. I am addressing the thinking part more, though. It is nice to know though that the occasional use of a sedative under dr. orders is not something that is forbidden. I did feel a better sense of perspective the next day. Then it was up and down. Thank you for your comments.

I am just about finished withthe book Hope and Help for Your Nerves. With some good advice here I am beginning to get what Dr. Weekes is talking about. One thing I am not sure of is her interpretation of sedation (or I guess meds that have sedative qualities). She seems to think that at very difficult moments they have their place and shouldn't be discouraged for short term use. Any comments on this please.

thanks. The words are useful. Does anyone else use any special words?

Thanks Mark. Can you tell me any specific things you have done over the months, or is it just the not responding with emotion. Anything practical or words you say to yourself. Thanks

so practicing when calm will serve well for the times when there is more fear or anxiety.

What strikes me is that my relaxed mind (which I do have) would never cotton onto these topics and try to scare the hell out of me. But my tense, adrenalin juiced mind will do it in a second. So during an episode it seems so hard to give myself a break, to climb down from the high to get any kind of perspective. Once my mind is calmer, all this seems to happen more naturally. So what comes first, the calm or the float or do they work together?

thanks guys