cr@zyd0t

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About cr@zyd0t

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  1. So for example. Today I have a small white bump below my lip in the corner or my mouth. It does not hurt. I felt it with my tongue after I brushed my teeth. I have been in a panic all day that I've contracted cold sores. One of my odd health parnoias. I can't shake it. I can't stop touching it. Thinking it will turn into a cold sore. Which for whatever reason terrifies me. I will be like this for days until either one appears or nothing happens. in my 40 years I have never had a cold site but for the past year I guess I have thought I was getting one. What do I do right now?
  2. I guess what I should have asked was, how do you guys talk yourselves out of the feeling that something horrible is happening inside of your body? I have accepted anxiety, and I have realized that it is with me for the long haul, and I am ok with that. But then the fear rises in me....the overwhelming sense of overheating because I am anxious and scared of the unseen illness that has only ever been in my head.... when that happens. When you become hypersensitive to every tingle in your body...how do you choke down the fear and convince yourself that of the one million times that this has happened, it has never evolved into reality, and the doctors have said that you are fine. How do you convince yourself? Calm yourself? I know that it doesn't last, and ultimately I know that it isn't real, but that doesn't change my bodies response to it. How do you guys calm that beast? Am I missing it?
  3. For me as well Kristen....if it were just that simple to embrace it I would. So much easier said than done. I do try. I tell myself the "what ifs" that I fear aren't real or that nothing has happened yet so stop worrying. . It works sometimes...but then that power ends. I am in the process of getting TM classes for some better balance. Soooo expensive but I have done the seminar and need to suck it up...fork over the cash and do tha training. I'm hoping that will be my power!! Optimistic about it!
  4. I was hoping for some techniques to help me not fight, and a reassurance that it gets better. I apologize Jon if my request upset you.
  5. 2015 was supposed to begin with a positive attitude. But mine began with anxiety and fear....as many of our days do. Before you think it was alcohol induced, I will say that I toasted in the new year with a sip of champagne, and then went to bed. For whatever reason, my anxiety spiked while I was sleeping on New Years eve/morning. I woke up...maybe 90 minutes after I had gone to bed. My heart was pounding hard and fast. The heart rate was 86 beats per minute. My normal resting heart rate is around 65. Most anxiety attacks for me last a few minutes. This lasted for hours. I could not calm myself. I could not go back to sleep. All of January 1st I spent sitting on the couch in my pajamas thinking about my weakness. I find my inability to have power over my emotions, and my fears to be a huge weakness. I feel pathetic and sad about it, and I can't figure out where I went wrong, and where this began. When I get like this, I hate life. Don't misinterpret that....I don't want life to end, and I am certainly not s*****al (because my other huge fear is death...so I have that going for me.) but I hate life when I am low like this. I hate fearing that a swollen gland and a headache mean that I have c****r or HIV...or a tingle in my face means that I have oral c****r or a cold sore, or Lupus. Those are my fears...c****r, lupus, HIV and cold sores. I know...it is ridiculous...but I can't shake the fears when they attack me. They are absolutely debilitating at times. I obsess about them, and then for a few days/weeks I will be ok, but then when I least expect it....they are back. How do normal people do it? How do they have a scratch or a tingle and think nothing of it. How do I get back to the me I used to be. Is that person even in here any more? Does anyone wonder this? Does any one have any coping skills? I want to be normal. Santa forgot to leave my normal under the Christmas tree, so any help in finding it, would be greatly appreciated.
  6. I wasn't really implying that a wrong shot or reused needle were intentional. Just my paranoia running wild...that mistakes were made. It usually stings when I get the B12 shot but I honestly can't remember if this one did. Is the flu shot red? I am pretty sure it was red! I am really sick of the crazy swelling up in me like this. Just when I think I've got it licked. Anyway...I'm assuming that needles are a one time use thing and that there is a safety device on them which prevents accidental re-use. Is anyone a nurse who can enlighten me. If it was the flu shot...I think I can live with that. It is just my stupid fear that a dirty needle was used and my sickness is caused by my body trying to fight off some horrible disease. It sounds crazy when I type that...but I can't help it. I know you all get it.
  7. I hate that anxiety can't just stay away. I've been doing so well coping with my little bouts of fear. But here I am....awake at 3:00am and struggling to calm myself for the past couple of hours. I have been sick since Friday night. I am almost never sick. I was coughing in the middle of the night and in doing so, I woke my husband. He says "babe. What's wrong with you. You are never sick like this." That's all it took. That is when I started going through every possible reason why I could still be sick. Tuesday I had my vitaminB shot. The circumstances were different this time. They took me to a room instead of the lab. I actually mentioned to the nurse that they must be really busy to be bringing me into a room. She brought the shot with her already in the needle. I was worried about it then.... But talked myself out of asking where the bottle was. See I was doing pretty well!!! I think it was the typical red color. But now I can't be so sure. What if it wasn't the vitaminB shot I always get. What if they accidentally gave me the flu shot? I'm scared of the flu shot! What if, since I didn't see Her open the needle that it was a used one?! Why am I crazy? I've tried to find out online what color the flu shot is. I've tried to find out how needles work. I've played some word games in my head to try to diffuse the situation in my head. I've taken a hot shower. I'm drinking chamomile tea. It isn't working !! What if?!
  8. Welcome to the group. Many in this group had a struggle admitting their problem. For me, admitting it to this group, and to a couple of close friends was a huge step toward feeling better. Saying out loud...or at least typing what was going on in my head, did wonders for me. I am by no means healed...but having the support of this unbiased group...and reading each persons individual stories has given me the strength to try to cope and heal. One day at a time. Congrats on almost finishing school! How great for you!!!
  9. I have never once considered that thought. I can't imagine we are the only ones.... Perhaps the obsessions of third world countries are just different than ours. If they don't exist, then we need to man up! (I don't really mean that...it is so much easier said than done)
  10. Hi Melody, welcome to the group. Sorry I'm slow to reply, but I've been trying to pretend that I have no anxiety for a few weeks....the past week reminded me, unfortunately. I wanted to tell you that I absolutely have an issue with obsessive thoughts. I do not suffer, as much from the compulsion portion of OCD, but I obsess to the point of anxiety attack, about things that aren't real or that I can not control. For me, at this stage in my life, I obsess about my health, and things associated with illness. It is horrible, but it is the way I am, and I am working to control it. I hate to admit it, but I have, again, started some meds to help ease my anxiety, or at least the "flight" mentality that comes along with it. Someone in this group also had given me the "alphabet game" as a means of trying to change my train of thought. It is like the old drinking game from high school......start with a subject, for example Fruits. Go through the alphabet, from A to Z and come up with a fruit beginning with each. A=apple B=Banana, c=cantaloupe etc. It forces you to think about something different. It does not always help, but other times, it does and those little successes offer amazing moments of relief. Try vegetables another time. Or boys names, or movie titles. Change it each time to make it different. This coping "game" has even, a few times, helped me to fall asleep at night when I can't stop the obsessive thoughts. Every little tool helps. I hope you feel stronger today!
  11. So true! I am so thankful that I found this site, and that I have the courage to admit and ask for help. The support is so helpful, but to be honest, for me, it is more about the reassurance. The reminder that I am not alone in this. The admittance by other people that they feel what I feel. it makes me feel far lazy crazy. We are not alone.
  12. Thank you. Since my "freak out" yesterday I am back to normal face today. I really need to focus on the fact that this is all anxiety related instead of panicking. FOCUS! I will say that someone on here, maybe you Gilly, recommended playing the alphabet game. I have started doing this over the past few days, and it really helps to move my focus to something different. It actually helped me to fall asleep with out the need for any meds!! Thank you, thank you, a million times, thank you for the suggestion!
  13. Did you get tingly lips and tongue ?
  14. I'm not sure I know what the tingle would feel like? I think that is another problem....the not knowing. I did just poke all around my lips, as you told me NOT to, and they are not sore or sensitive. Just this constant buzzing feeling that moves around. My lips tingling has been going, on and off since February...so I am guessing that it is just anxiety or the Vitamin B12 deficiency. If I were going to get a cold sore one would have appeared by now, right? I don't know what is what. And of course I googled the causes of Vitamin B12 deficiency. If any one needs me I am going to go crawl under a rock for a little while.
  15. It is actually a sign of weakened memory if scents do NOT set off a thought/memory. I have heard it said that people who can not recognize scents are more likely to suffer from dementia and Alzheimer's. Even though it is hard to turn off the memory switch....