Possible Trigger Warnings for Trichotillomania!! Cutting!! And Abuse mentioned:
The name is Littlestbit, or Lil Bit, Bit, etc etc. I'm hoping hitting the web will help me manage my anxieties and hair pulling issues. I've been pulling since I was a little girl, and even had therapy sessions as a little one for a few weeks.
For about 6 years I was free of the pulling episodes, I would occasionally pull out my hair, but I think subconsciously I didn't pull because I kept my hair in a near buzz cut. And dyed it about every three weeks, cutting it about every 4 weeks.
Over the past year my life went from being homeless, jobless and ending medical bill dodging- to finding the first man in my life (let's call him Jim), a career and absolution with my family. Before Jim I bounced from woman to woman, fresh off a G.E.D and skidding from one menial job to another. The beginning of April last year I managed a certification in medical assisting, while going through a very abusive and toxic relationship with a woman who I would've given my everything for (and I did in the end).
Jim snuck into my life a few weeks after my break-up and wormed his way into my life. At first the emotional dependency was terrifying. I couldn't let him know I had explosive panic attacks, that I'd pull my hair out in fist fulls sometimes. That I had no control over my paranoia and emotions at times. The months have flown by and I have let slip at times I can control, he now knows of my paranoia, my smaller anxieties and that in the past that I used to cut to cope with stresses.
Lately my family and now Jim, have been finding little piles of hair in the carpet. I had no idea I was pulling again. The scariest thing for me? I've spent this past year purposefully growing my hair out, healthy and strong- all representing how I have grown this past year. I don't want to cut my hair off again! It's killing me slowly- I catch myself twinning my hair in between my fingers, that small bit in my brain screaming to pop it out. One by one.
I start school in June and I've had a few meetings with my GP about anxiety meds, possibly starting on some medication to control my ADHD and having my insurance cover monthly therapy sessions. Im terrified that now I am pulling again I'll be bald by fall. What can I do?
