Chefsamantha

Is this anxiety or legit?

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I’ve been so anxious for so long I can’t tell if this is anxiety or something I should actually worry about. 

In another forum, someone brought up something I did 5 years ago on a “work” trip. Basically, it was my first work trip, booze was free, I drank too much and was wandering around the hotel in my nightgown.  I didn’t hurt anyone, wasn’t rude or anything, just embarrassed myself!  I didn’t miss any of the conference or anything either, it was just one night of too many drinks.  

She didn’t mention it was me, so really no one knows but I just have no idea why she even remembers it?  I don’t even think she’d know what I look like or my name or anything. 

Anyways, I feel sick about it and on top of an already bad anxiety week, I lost it and was just sloppy crying and I can’t recover. 

Its this anxiety or something legit? 

Has anyone else done this before? 

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Well I haven't done that before but so what, it's over and time to let it go.  She might have had too much to drink too but since she hasn't said anything about it I would just go on like all is OK and not give it any energy.  I've done some crazy things in my life too as we all have so enjoy your life and forget the one night you had too much fun.

 

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On 8/24/2018 at 8:04 PM, Chefsamantha said:

I’ve been so anxious for so long I can’t tell if this is anxiety or something I should actually worry about. 

In another forum, someone brought up something I did 5 years ago on a “work” trip. Basically, it was my first work trip, booze was free, I drank too much and was wandering around the hotel in my nightgown.  I didn’t hurt anyone, wasn’t rude or anything, just embarrassed myself!  I didn’t miss any of the conference or anything either, it was just one night of too many drinks.  

She didn’t mention it was me, so really no one knows but I just have no idea why she even remembers it?  I don’t even think she’d know what I look like or my name or anything. 

Anyways, I feel sick about it and on top of an already bad anxiety week, I lost it and was just sloppy crying and I can’t recover. 

Its this anxiety or something legit? 

Has anyone else done this before? 

 

Hi Samantha!
Firstly, I want to say, we have all done things in our past that make us cringe, and, honestly, I think this is simply all that is—one of those stories that, in years to come, you can reflect back on and laugh about. After all, laughter is one of the most powerful tools in combating anxiety and embarrassment.
Let me use myself as an example, I'll share with you my most cringe-worthy moment: It was my senior year of high-school, I was 17 and looking forward to going on a field trip with my two best friends. It was to a play that would take at least 3 to 4 hrs to get to and so we were loaded up with snacks, games, and excitement! My boyfriend at the time was a National Guardsman and a collector of knives. He'd bring them over and I'd marvel at them and, being a knucklehead, I thought, "Hey, I'll bring these to school in my purse to show my friends! They'll be so impressed."
Now, rest assured, I'd never had so much as a day of detention and had never been in trouble in my life, and I certainly had no intention or even a flicker of an idea of using them to hurt anyone, I just wanted to show them off.
Well, when it was time to get on the bus, we all got in line and much to my horror, our school police officer began searching all bags and backpacks before we were allowed to board. So, trying to be smooth, I sidestepped out of line and made to make a quick trip to my locker—an immediate red flag for a trained eye! They zeroed in on me instantly and, long story short, I was caught with not one, but three knives, and a torch lighter. Could you imagine anything more incriminating?? (Well, yeah, I guess we could but it was still pretty bad.)
I was sent directly to the principal's office and had to wait there for hours until I could finally get a hold of my mom and tell her, "Guess what!"

Because I'd never done anything before and the principal knew what kind of kid I was, he personally went to the school board and vouched for me, getting me three-days detention instead of a suspension, or worse, complete expulsion! I was absolutely grateful but for years afterwards (and I'm now 32), the memory of the whole incident would haunt me; so much so that whenever it popped into my head, I would physically cover my eyes and ears and try to waive it away! Even saying No! out loud!
I stuck to the lie that, "Oh, I had no idea they were in there! My Mom must have put them in there when she was straightening up my makeup and room. Knowing they were my boyfriend's and thinking I'd go over to his house eventually and I'd bring my purse—as I did everywhere I went—and so I could return them, she simply put them in there but I was running late this morning, didn't have time for makeup and so didn't realize they were in my purse until I got to school!" (I was fooling no one, btw lol)

It wasn't until I finally realized that it was one day of my life, years past, and that there was nothing I could do to change it, that I finally accepted that I had done something regrettable and mortifying. Doubtless, students and teachers still remember the day and may talk about it from time to time (my parents certainly do lol) but the moment I accepted—I don't know what to call it really, responsibility? or maybe it was just accepting that, hey, yeah, I did something stupid but now I can groan and smile and say, "Yeah, that was me, I did that," that it stopped haunting me.
We have the opportunity to show people who we are today. What we've done years ago, even yesterday, cannot control us unless we let it.

Try to accept what happened and try to smile about it. You survived it and be rest assured, we all have stories about ourselves. Just put your hand to your forehead, close your eyes and smile, nodding and saying, "Yeah, I remember that," and shake your head like even you can't believe you were so drunk. It's a cute story and how we perceive it is all about how you deliver it, my friend.
This does not define you, I promise. ;)

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If you are able to see a counselor and discuss this, perhaps you would find it beneficial. They can give you tips and strategies for anxiety and have a better understanding of your needs and what you are going through. 
We all have things that we wish we could forget. When you have a constant replaying of it over and over in your head and a fear about it, it may be time to get help if you are unable to move past it. You said this has been five years ago and sounds like it is still heavy on your mind. 
I pray you find some peace and encouragement. Please know you are not alone, we all have things we wish we could erase. But thankfully, we learn from them!
Best wishes

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