armeade25

Absolutely panicking

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I was putting my hair in a bun in front of my bathroom mirror today and noticed on my right side, I have an extremely swollen lymph node sticking out of my neck. 

I am already panicked about lymphoma as it is due to my chronically itchy back and alcohol intolerance. 

I've had bad seasonal allergies, sinus issues, sneezing and ear pain on the same side for about a week. 

I am literally freaking out. I keep touching it and looking at it. 

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1 minute ago, armeade25 said:

I was putting my hair in a bun in front of my bathroom mirror today and noticed on my right side, I have an extremely swollen lymph node sticking out of my neck. 

I am already panicked about lymphoma as it is due to my chronically itchy back and alcohol intolerance. 

I've had bad seasonal allergies, sinus issues, sneezing and ear pain on the same side for about a week. 

I am literally freaking out. I keep touching it and looking at it. 

I went to the Dr about a month and a half ago over a lymph node on the back of my neck.  My Dr wasn't concerned one bit. She did say that yes she could feel that it was swollen. She said something as simple as allergies, sore throat can cause it ,we went over some things and I scratched my head and scratched a wart thing on my scalp and she said yep that's it.. that's all it takes. She also stressed do not keep touching it, it will irritate it and can make them bigger. She said it could take weeks to go down. She was right it took 3 weeks to go back down.

Please please when you start doubting , remember all the tests you have had.. and remember that your Dr is looking for things you don't even know about during appts. My Dr told me I can diagnose patients within the first 5min of a visit. We don't give or drs enough credit sometimes probably thanks to pesky ol Google. Lol. Hugs. I wouldn't worry. 

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What makes me really nervous is the itching on my back and the swollen gland. From what I've read, those are two symptoms of lymphoma. I really do have a lot of the symptoms including pain from alcohol. And they are peculiar symptoms. I'm really scared. I honestly don't know what to do and I feel like I've sort of written my death sentence here. 

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A cough, chest pain, shortness of breath, etc can be symptoms of lung cancer - but they usually aren't. Headaches, vertigo, and other things can be symptoms of a brain tumor - but they usually aren't. Same with the symptoms you mention. They "ARE NOT" symptoms of lymphoma; they "CAN BE" symptoms of lymphoma. But again, they probably are not.

I feel itchy, especially on my back, often. I also have an intolerance for alcohol. I also have allergy-like symptoms; probably ALLERGIES. Itchiness, for me, is from sensitive/dry skin. I've had it all my life. The alcohol intolerance, I don't know, but I really don't care because I don't need it anyhow.

Your "symptoms" are not unusual at all, as far as I know. Even a noticeably swollen lymph node is relatively common in the absence of disease. I had a bad cold a couple years ago and a lymph node in my neck/jaw area was visibly swollen, for several days. Something as simple as a cut or acne near the area can trigger a reaction from a node.

If you haven't already, mention it to your doc. Obviously if you begin feeling worse or if symptoms persist for a couple of weeks or more, set up a doc appt.

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I hope you're right, Bin. I've had so many tests lately and feel like all my symptoms have just stumped doctors. 

- blood tests 

- brain, spine MRI 

- brain, spine CT 

- chest X-ray 

- abdominal ultrasound 

I just don't know what to do anymore and I've convinced myself I have lymphoma because of my family history. My childhood best friend also died of it. I still have dreams about her. 

 

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It feels hard and unmoveable. I literally stayed up all night panicking. It was awful. 

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My internal medicine and GI physicians have told me that many of their patients jump to a cancer diagnosis right away, so you are not alone in the way you react. My GI physician once told me to stick to my job as a CPA and leave the medical diagnosing to him. 

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I have a spot on my back that is itchy when I am anxious. It is near a big freckle so I thought it might be skin cancer. It’s just a freckle and the itching can disappear for weeks then return if I am under stress. Itching from disease would not be localized to one place. 

You are getting your test results today, right? I’m sure after that you will be able to put all of this behind you.

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2 minutes ago, Iugrad91 said:

I have a spot on my back that is itchy when I am anxious. It is near a big freckle so I thought it might be skin cancer. It’s just a freckle and the itching can disappear for weeks then return if I am under stress. Itching from disease would not be localized to one place. 

You are getting your test results today, right? I’m sure after that you will be able to put all of this behind you.

I actually haven't seen a doctor about this yet. I'm going tomorrow at 1. I feel like there's no chance it's not lymphoma, but I never feel like my doctors take me seriously. The gland is still very swollen and I am full of panic. 

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Feeling like the doctors don’t take you seriously is your health anxiety getting the best of you. They know what to look for as they have been trained for many many years and see thousands of patients. If they tell you it’s nothing then that is exactly what it is. They are not ignoring you but are not going to run tests or have procedures done when there is no concern whatsoever on their part. 

Think about how many other times you’ve thought you were sure you had a serious disease and how many times you were wrong. We’ve all been there. You’ll get thru this just like you have in the past.

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2 hours ago, armeade25 said:

I actually haven't seen a doctor about this yet. I'm going tomorrow at 1. I feel like there's no chance it's not lymphoma, but I never feel like my doctors take me seriously. The gland is still very swollen and I am full of panic. 

The reason they don't take you seriously is Bec they know everything is ok, that's a good thing. They see anxiety and that's it. The gland will stay swollen for a few weeks. It took mine 3!! And the more you mess with it the longer it will take. 

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Today, I've been exhausted, had overheating and chills, nausea (I threw up after a 30 minute drive to work...) and I literally can't get my mind off of it. The stupid gland is still swollen and the other one on the other side seems completely fine.

On the inside of my throat, there is a sort of feeling of a lump like something is blocking my swallowing. I have had similar sensations before, been scoped, and had little to no results, but it's freaking me out with the gland as well. I do have reflux but I'm having trouble detaching from the anxiety.

I'm hoping for some relief soon. I don't know how long I can take this but I'm glad I can see the doctor tomorrow.

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16 minutes ago, armeade25 said:

Today, I've been exhausted, had overheating and chills, nausea (I threw up after a 30 minute drive to work...) and I literally can't get my mind off of it. The stupid gland is still swollen and the other one on the other side seems completely fine.

On the inside of my throat, there is a sort of feeling of a lump like something is blocking my swallowing. I have had similar sensations before, been scoped, and had little to no results, but it's freaking me out with the gland as well. I do have reflux but I'm having trouble detaching from the anxiety.

I'm hoping for some relief soon. I don't know how long I can take this but I'm glad I can see the doctor tomorrow.

I think the reason you got sick this morning is Bec you are having panic attacks over this fear. I know we talk a lot but I don't think we have ever talked about helping the anxiety? Do you see a therapist? Meditate? Take long walks to clear the mind? Journal? You might try setting a goal, after this next Drs visit I am going to get help with the anxiety... See a therapist or start a routine to help these thoughts. I hate to see you get more and more tests and then still end up in the same boat. 

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As Holls aid it will take some time for the node to go down. Give it a few weeks weeks. I’m sure your doc won’t be concerned. You’re nausea, chills etc is all anxiety. All of your worry is making you physically ill. Please try to release some of that tension by doing some light exercise, going for a walk, anything that can get you moving and keep your mind off of your issues until you see the doc tomotrow.

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Yes, I suspect that the nausea is from anxiety (and a very busy city drive with a lot of stop and starts). I also lose my appetite when I am anxious and have trouble sleeping. 

I used to see a therapist regularly but she moved out of town and I'm so nervous to go to someone new. But, you're right, I think that's something that's getting to be really important. I so badly want to enjoy my life with my partner and my family and I absolutely adore my job but these vicious cycles of health anxiety really get in the way. I think that you're right that it's probably time to really start looking into some additional support. 

You've all been so sweet. I hope you're doing well, yourselves. 

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8 minutes ago, armeade25 said:

Yes, I suspect that the nausea is from anxiety (and a very busy city drive with a lot of stop and starts). I also lose my appetite when I am anxious and have trouble sleeping. 

I used to see a therapist regularly but she moved out of town and I'm so nervous to go to someone new. But, you're right, I think that's something that's getting to be really important. I so badly want to enjoy my life with my partner and my family and I absolutely adore my job but these vicious cycles of health anxiety really get in the way. I think that you're right that it's probably time to really start looking into some additional support. 

You've all been so sweet. I hope you're doing well, yourselves. 

Don't be nervous to find a new therapist.. it's a right step in helping the anxiety.. yes I want you to enjoy your life too, the vicous circles will stop once you start getting tools to help the thoughts. 

I'm doing really well. I might have a few hours a month of panic but it passes pretty fast. .. I journal and walk a lot and I've been eating better, it all helps. I read to keep my mind busy and I never ever Google. If or when I have an issue I go to my Dr and when she says it's fine I believe her and move on. 

Hugs. It's hard I know. It really really is. Making a step to help the anxiety will make it easier and easier. 

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1 minute ago, Holls said:

Don't be nervous to find a new therapist.. it's a right step in helping the anxiety.. yes I want you to enjoy your life too, the vicous circles will stop once you start getting tools to help the thoughts. 

I'm doing really well. I might have a few hours a month of panic but it passes pretty fast. .. I journal and walk a lot and I've been eating better, it all helps. I read to keep my mind busy and I never ever Google. If or when I have an issue I go to my Dr and when she says it's fine I believe her and move on. 

Hugs. It's hard I know. It really really is. Making a step to help the anxiety will make it easier and easier. 

I bullet journal intensely for self care and definitely agree that it helps! I've walked a lot the past couple days - nice now that the weather has changed a bit. So glad you're doing better. You are such a source of comfort around here.

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So are you!!!!!!! In July of last year I will never forget how you helped me. I was not in a good place and you helped pull me out of it. 😘😍

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Tonight I've been resting a bit. I slept for an hour when I got home from work and then worried more. The one sided headache I've had for a year is on the same side as the swollen node. I've now convinced myself that when the pain shoots through my neck from that, it's from the lymphoma. 

I'm so many steps ahead of myself at all times. 

Sometimes I just miss myself. 

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2 hours ago, armeade25 said:

Tonight I've been resting a bit. I slept for an hour when I got home from work and then worried more. The one sided headache I've had for a year is on the same side as the swollen node. I've now convinced myself that when the pain shoots through my neck from that, it's from the lymphoma. 

I'm so many steps ahead of myself at all times. 

Sometimes I just miss myself. 

You are already in the circle again... The thoughts took over and won. My therapist told me these are just thoughts and thoughts aren't real. I sat there and cried Bec to me what my mind told me was true, I believed it and it was so liberating to not have to listen to it anymore. Now when it tried it's nonsense I say nope, not true and shut it down. 

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12 hours ago, Iugrad91 said:

I have a spot on my back that is itchy when I am anxious. It is near a big freckle so I thought it might be skin cancer. It’s just a freckle and the itching can disappear for weeks then return if I am under stress. Itching from disease would not be localized to one place. 

You are getting your test results today, right? I’m sure after that you will be able to put all of this behind you.

You too huh? I get something similar! I have a mole on my back that, when I was in the throes of melanoma anxiety, I would check numerous times on any given day. I actually get an itchy spot right next to that mole, usually when I'm anxious as well!

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Honey...you are sneezing, have allergies, and sinus problems. THAT will enlarge a node. I know your mind wants to go to lymphoma, but you could very well have a virus for all you know.

FWIW, I am going through the same thing. I have had the lump in throat feeling on the far right side of my throat since Feb. Then, last week, a node popped up behind my ear. Two days later, I have what feels like swelling and tenderness under my jaw-- all of this is on the right side. I didn't wander to lymphoma but to throat cancer, of course.

The node behind the ear has gone way down; its still there but this is day 5 and pretty small. When it was bigger, I couldn't move it but, you know what? What does moveable even mean??? I'm sure it means something different to them than it does to us. It's a meaningless term since something implanted in your skin is not really going to move, lol.

I know its so hard to stop a racing brain. Do you have any coping mechanisms? Nodes take a while to go down and you really do have to be patient. I know you have a docs appointment, but maybe even just telling yourself "I won't go to the doctor until it's been 2 weeks" is a way to starve your brain of the fear. NOdes really aren't urgent and, when you say it's only been there a day or two, they will assume infection anyway. You are jumping the gun, and hurting yourself in the long run, kwim? I know, for me, putting a timeframe- like I won't assume bad for two weeks- does help me deal.

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You're all so lovely. Honestly, I can't wait for this appointment to be over. I need some anxiety relief. I hope that does the trick but you're right, NervUs. Sometimes it doesnt. 

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I had my appointment. She was heartened to see no major results on my ENT appt from six years ago...but I can't imagine six years ago that nothing could have changed. 

I'm still having the swallowing issue. My GERD and allergies have been awful. Trying not to jump to conclusions but my glands are still swollen. 

I also just saw my grandmother in the hospital visiting my grandfather and she commented that I've lost weight. Definitely adds to my fear. 

I have an ultrasound on Saturday. 

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Gerd and allergies can definitely cause swallowing issues. Post nasal drip going down, acid coming up. You’ve been very stressed out lately and if you’ve lost weight I’d guess you’re not eating what you normally would. When my mom had a stroke I couldn’t eat and lost 12lb to get to 112, which was not healthy for me. 

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