Ihadcancer

Anxiety while waiting on test results. HELP!

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I have this heavy feeling of dread, anxiety in my chest and it'll remain for a few weeks, especially since my every 6 months testing is being spread out this time.  

The pit of my stomach aches and I've had diarrhea numerous times in the last few days.  I know that no amount of worry will change the results, tho. 

Yesterday I had an MRU of the pelvic area/  bladder, kidneys and tubing.  The tech said, when holding urine was getting very painful, 'Well the good news is, the pictures look great'.  I'm hoping she meant no stones, kinks, or tumors.  Then I also had an MRI of my liver, pancreas and everything else in the abdomen.  The chances of me having a cancer spread to my liver AGAIN, 8 years after my original cancer and 5 years after liver resection is slim.  Still............. 

Wednesday, next week,  I'm having a cystoscopy of the bladder to see if there's a cause, other than aspirin or exercise, for 'pink urine' I had 3 times after intense, 2 and 3 hours of cardio and aerobics.  I dread the discomfort and I'll be awake so I'll know what doctor sees immediately.

The next week is my Chest CT.  I've had 3 small mm nodules that have never changed. They were on my first CT scan, 8 plus years ago. They are officially 'benign'.  Still, I know that the lungs are the 2nd place colon cancer spread goes, tho 8 years?  The chances are slim.

Then blood work that includes a CEA, which is a test for tumor markers and it can start to rise 4 to 8 months before any cancer is large enough to be seen.  Six months ago it was very low and it does move around from 2.4 to 3.1 with high normal being 3.9.   

This means I have to try to appear fearless and continue to do every day activities for almost 3 weeks as these test results come in.  

I have Chronic Disease Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which manifest itself usually as Health Anxiety.  

I have no idea how to get thru the wait, other than wait.  It will disrupt my sleep because two or three nights after my tests, the hospital or Labcorp will post the results around midnight and send me a note that they're in my chart.  I fight the urge to sit up all night or watch my cell phone for that notification.

Does anyone have any suggestions that would help during this time. This isn't a 30 minute spurt type fear, but a constant fear until all the tests are back.  

Diane

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Oh, Diane, my thoughts really are with you today. I've not been thru it personally, but I've been beside people enduring this very anxious time. There's no getting around it, it's really tough. I hope you aren't alone (physically) but even if you are, you know in your heart that God is with you, and you are certainly being held up in prayer by many, many people who care very, very much about you. I certainly am praying for you, for strength, courage, and a good outcome. It's okay to be anxious. Be extra nice to yourself today, dear one.

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Thank you so much, Pinky.  That means so much to me. 

Yes, I'm alone 90% of the time. My 22 year old works full time and most days is gone by 4 a.m. tho other days he leaves at 9 and works til 8.  My husband teaches middle school an hour each way from here plus he coaches 2 sports, works with Fellowship of Christian Athletes and records the school programs and concerts.  He leaves at 6 a.m. and can get home between 6:30 and 10 p.m., depending on what type event and if he has 40 kids waiting for parents to come pick them up after an away game/ track meet.  He goes to bed not long after supper.  I'll get on the bed and color and watch TV just to be with him, but he's asleep within minutes. He'll be 70 in August. 

My mother lives in Alabama and has a boyfriend 1 year younger than my husband.  She's living with him, again, and doesn't answer her cell.  She calls me maybe once every 2 months.  I don't tell her much because she's not compassionate. Actually, she's  leaving on April 11th for 40 days in Italy and we were told 'even if someone dies, don't contact me'.  She travels several times a year.  So, I don't go to her with any anxiety.  

Most of our friends are both retired.  I do see the women at gym when they aren't traveling.  

I'm alone out here in the county, teeny tiny town with a Walmart and a Home Depot.  Our middle son lives about 20 miles from us, but he's out of work and his wife works 7 til 7.  He's bi polar and has depression that comes and goes so I try not to mention my tests to him.  He's blamed my cancer for some of his worst periods. 

Thank you for your prayers.  That means so much to me!

Diane

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Oh, boy, Diane. I know when I'm anxious, (all the time, really), the best thing I can do for myself is just do all the things I normally do.  It gives me a sense of control, at least I know I can still function, not just fall apart, it really does help me. Do your coloring and anything that can refocus your mind, even minutes at a time helps enormously. I see them as little consolations from God, to help strengthen me. I wish I could be with you, we could color and see who's better at it!! Nothing like a little competition to hone your skills, lol. I'm working on an Elmer Fudd. Right now, it's snowing like crazy, caught in the blizzard. I'll be sewing, cleaning, a cooking. Thanking God I'm able to do it. Talking back and forth with my older sister who has been my second mother to me. She's 15 years old than I am. Life is best in its ordinariness. Hugs to you.

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Dear Diane! 

My heart goes out to you for having to wait on these results! I wish I could help you somehow. Sometimes a burden appears lighter when carried by many... But Pinky is right, we have to face these things (unfortunately!) but there is no other way. With your history of going through all these unfortunate health problems what comes to my mind (although I don't know you very well but from what I've read in your postings), YOU always managed to get through it all! Yes, you have developed PTSD and HA as a 'result' but you are still here, and you still give so much to your family, church, friends and even the people here on AC! You went through some of the most terrible ordeals humans have to deal with but yet, you are in your core still Diane! Steadfast in your faith to your family and the Lord, giving and caring! Now is the time we need to gather around you -to lift you up somehow, so you can get through this tough challenge that is thrown in your way....for you to overcome like you have been overcoming! We all gather around you and send you the best wishes and for God to keep you safe no matter what happens! 

Now that was the first part of my response I will brainstorm and will try to come up with some more practical advice to hopefully get you some more immediate relief. 

My very best wishes to you in these trying times for now and I will post more later. 

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Thank you both so much for such kind and uplifting words.  I'm having a hard time getting started today other than making my bed and eating oatmeal to help with high cholesterol.  

I'll find something to keep my hands busy and listen to some praise music. 

You guys are so sweet and loving. 

Diane

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I think you should just do what you feel like doing! Don't pressure yourself with chores! Maybe you can just take a day off (unless the chores help clear your mind a little) and make it a Diane day? Just chill in your PJ's, listen to your music, make some comfort food that doesn't put the cholesterol in a frenzy:D, take a bath, whatever FEELS GOOD TO YOU. 

I was thinking maybe you can do a fidgety activity with your hands. Maybe something you have not done in a while? And for the tummy trouble, when this happens to me I enjoy a good cup of either peppermint or chamomile tea. I sip on that throughout the day, with some honey in it. Some people I know put caraway seeds in it, that is supposed to really help too. We know the chest and tummy issues come from anxiety but if we can't stop the anxiety and have to go through it anyway, it's good to still take care of us somehow, right? 

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Diane - wish there was something I could say that could help as I know that waiting through this testing time is awful but its something we all have to do.  I am praying for you!  I know what helps me while going through bouts of HA, stress, testing and waiting is keeping busy.  Also, praying and reading inspirational readings seem to calm me.  Exercise has really helped as well...many days I just dread going and feel awful before but once I go and get in a workout - I feel better.  I have my hubby who is here for me but at times I feel he brushes me off and gets irritated with me and says you are fine - don't worry (which he doesn't realize is easier said than done).  I have lost all of my immediate family members - my dad in 1993,  my sister died in 2013 and my mom in 2015...my mom was my best friend that I could always talk to when I had fears and worries.  I have two small boys that are very active and help distract me.  Please remember we are here for you and I thank you for all the advice and encouragement you have given me!  Let me know if you need anything.

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Thank you Jennie and all.  

GUESS WHAT!  

The email just came and I prayed before going to the hospital page.  ALL CLEAR!  It even mentioned the base of the lungs, tho I know that doesn't mean but just a small portion, but that area was clear, too.   NOTHING in the bladder, kidney, no thickening, nothing on the tubes, etc.  The liver remains unchanged since growing back after my liver resection.  

I'm so happy it came back early AND was release early during the day so I can sleep!!  

Next is the cysto but I don't expect anything bad.  I think taking aspirin and extreme exercise caused the pink urine. Then the CT of the Chest is on the 28th, as if my blood work. 

Thank you JESUS and thank you all for praying and being here with me.  

Diane

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1 hour ago, Ihadcancer said:

Thank you Jennie and all.  

GUESS WHAT!  

The email just came and I prayed before going to the hospital page.  ALL CLEAR!  It even mentioned the base of the lungs, tho I know that doesn't mean but just a small portion, but that area was clear, too.   NOTHING in the bladder, kidney, no thickening, nothing on the tubes, etc.  The liver remains unchanged since growing back after my liver resection.  

I'm so happy it came back early AND was release early during the day so I can sleep!!  

Next is the cysto but I don't expect anything bad.  I think taking aspirin and extreme exercise caused the pink urine. Then the CT of the Chest is on the 28th, as if my blood work. 

Thank you JESUS and thank you all for praying and being here with me.  

Diane

That is indeed wonderful news! So happy for you! 

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1 hour ago, Ihadcancer said:

Thank you Jennie and all.  

GUESS WHAT!  

The email just came and I prayed before going to the hospital page.  ALL CLEAR!  It even mentioned the base of the lungs, tho I know that doesn't mean but just a small portion, but that area was clear, too.   NOTHING in the bladder, kidney, no thickening, nothing on the tubes, etc.  The liver remains unchanged since growing back after my liver resection.  

I'm so happy it came back early AND was release early during the day so I can sleep!!  

Next is the cysto but I don't expect anything bad.  I think taking aspirin and extreme exercise caused the pink urine. Then the CT of the Chest is on the 28th, as if my blood work. 

Thank you JESUS and thank you all for praying and being here with me.  

Diane

Wonderful news, Diane! Sorry, got so excited, posted it twice:D

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