googooish

Can't be faithful?

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Not sure this is the right place tho post this but here goes...This is embarrassing enough and I sure don't want to get bashed on here. There is something wrong with me, I cannot stay faithful to a man. Idk why. I get bored, lonely. I really have no clue why I do this. I am extremely attracted to men and then I start thinking about what sex would be like. When I am in a relationship, its very hard for me to stay faithful. I'll get a desire for another man,only twice have I actually gone THERE, while being in a relationship, which is bad, very bad, I know. But I usually just break up with the guy,just so I can sleep with my current "Fantasy". What the Heck is wrong with me? It causes me a lot of anxiety. I have no clue what to do? Am I stupid? Has anyone ever heard of this? Like self esteem? Boredom? Both? Anyone have any thoughts? Please be nice, if you aren't,I guarantee you, I've heard it already from my past abusive relationships. What is wrong with me?

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Hi googooish! I won't chew you out, it sounds like you already feel bad enough about it :( It sounds like a pattern of behaviour so it isn't stupid! I would imagine its a self esteem thing. You're probably seeking some sort of comfort, closeness, attention, meaningfulness from other people. Probably in a relationship its still not enough, so you seek even more in other people. Maybe you feel you need validation from other men, that youre appealing or important somehow. In any case, I don't think you're a bad person, just probably needing something that you feel is missing :( Have you spoken to a therapist about it? Also sex addiction type behaviours can be common with certain conditions, such as sometimes bipolar disorder. Or even a compulsive behaviour. I'm just sort of thinking aloud here. Any more thoughts? Don't beat yourself up about it, take care, JJ x

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JJ has said everything I could say too googoo, we are not going to judge you, and I agree it sounds like you are giving yourself a hard enough time about it. These behaviours can also be part of personality disorders but I don't think it's that, I think you might be over compensating because of past experiences, self esteem, validation, affection and attention, like JJ says. I think speaking to a counsellor would be a good idea. 

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Thanks for taking the time to reply you guys. I have had depression for a long I can remember. For the past year or so, I've had bad anxiety. I just feel so helpless about this. I don't know why I just can't be satisfied with one man. I know that I do need a lot of attention for some reason. I do need counseling, for this as well as other things, for sure. I'm just so disappointed in myself. Just wish I could understand the why so I could fix it. Our at least try. Thanks for the kindness. I really appreciate your thoughts.

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Well, the fact that you're beating yourself up over it means you aren't a sociopath at least.  Hopefully it's just that you are young still and that kind of behavior edges out with maturity...maybe you should watch that movie "High Fidelity", as the monologue John Cusack's character gives to his girlfriend about fantasy vs reality in relationships is apropos based on your words...

 

I can't offer as many kind or encouraging words as others because I have a REAL strong thing against people who are unfaithful as the damage you do to someone else when unfaithful can really do a number on them, maybe even be one of the strong reasons they ended up dealing with things that put them on this board in the first place.  Since this is a forum of support I won't say the things I would usually say to someone in your position as I would on Experience Project or other online forums.  Probably shouldn't even post this but I typed it and I can't bite my tongue completely.  Besides, maybe you are the kind of person that needs some "tough-love-don't-be-an-asshole-to-other-people-they-have-feelings-and-aren't-just-your-sexual-playthings-to-use-and-discard" kind of girls and a little spite mixed in with the spice will do you good to keep in mind you need to cut that shit out.

 

 Good luck with your issues I suppose.

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In today's relationships,Infidelity is over rated while loyalty is ignored or depreciated.infidelity has been a common virus in today's marriage,i have been a victim of both emotional and physical cheat,but the truth was able to come to light after i seek for counseling and service of a professional hacker.I never knew that the man i trusted so much with my love and care has been cheating on me,,until i was introduced to a cyber genius(hackingloop)who helped me hack into his phone and gained me total access to all his phone activities without having physical contact with the phone,it hurts to know that the one you trusted could be cheating on you, though i loved him but i really had to let go..if you are having a trust issue in your relationship,just Email=hackingloop6 @ g m a i l. c o m OR text +1(7 1 2)2 9 2 2 6 5 5,he is a professional hacker,tell him i referred you i know he can help you.
 

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On 2/5/2014 at 6:45 AM, googooish said:

Not sure this is the right place tho post this but here goes...This is embarrassing enough and I sure don't want to get bashed on here. There is something wrong with me, I cannot stay faithful to a man. Idk why. I get bored, lonely. I really have no clue why I do this. I am extremely attracted to men and then I start thinking about what sex would be like. When I am in a relationship, its very hard for me to stay faithful. I'll get a desire for another man,only twice have I actually gone THERE, while being in a relationship, which is bad, very bad, I know. But I usually just break up with the guy,just so I can sleep with my current "Fantasy". What the Heck is wrong with me? It causes me a lot of anxiety. I have no clue what to do? Am I stupid? Has anyone ever heard of this? Like self esteem? Boredom? Both? Anyone have any thoughts? Please be nice, if you aren't,I guarantee you, I've heard it already from my past abusive relationships. What is wrong with me?

Ohh I've been having the same issue and I don't know what it is. 
But I think it's ok to experience some urges and desires towards another person even being in a relationship. It's about human sexuality. Some of my friends have this too. But how you react to these desires is more important. I valued my ex too much so I blocked another guy I wanted on social media and got over wanting him.

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Honestly it's pretty common...for me anyway. Difference is usually I don't feel bad... If a current relationship sucks you will seek fulfillment elsewhere. Period. And with another person you can be someone different. Less caring and more risque...alot of times for me a relationship gets mundane...usually a couple years is all I can do before I get bored and need more attention. Sorry not sorry 😬 I've just learned to accept that's how I am. Least I give full warning 

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Hello, I am a man also struggling with this. I’m very impulsive, I feel like a peice of crap because my gf is beautiful inside and out but I feel like she doesn’t fulfill me the way I want to be fulfilled in a relationship. And I’m not gonna lie a lot of it is physical attraction towards other women. If I see a beautiful woman with a nice body I turn into an animal . I feel like the best solution all though not easy is to probably talk to her before I cheat again.

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