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Ihadcancer

No anxiety for years and now little stuff

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I've been anxiety free or  able to reason with myself for quite a while (year? years?)  but then my mother came to live with us for over a month.  By time she went back home, I was worrying about little things but also having upper lip twitching twice one day during sleep, clinching my teeth, nightmares EVERY night, waking up repeatedly and starting to think small things are deadly things.  

I found a new bump on the back of my leg while putting on stockings so went to the derm to have it checked.  I told her my mind was going to 'nodular melanoma' and I knew that it didn't look anything like those but she said 'Oh I wouldn't think NM.  Maybe SCC or Basal Cell, but not nodular melanoma'.  She biopsied it and they don't call for 2 weeks or longer.  Today I have googled for a good 45 minutes and think it's a dermatofibroma.  I had one for years on the other leg and it would flare up and get sore so had it removed. I have one on the back of my arm just above the elbow, but it's skin colored.  I didn't think about that when I saw the bump.  It seemed to just be there all of a sudden.  

So,  solitary smooth bump.  Not shiny or flaky.  No rolled borders. About the size of a pencil eraser (I didn't measure) and no itch or pain.  Dull pink color.  Nothing that would shout 'rare skin cancers' or even SCC or BCC to me, but it's all I can think of today. 

Hope everyone is doing well! 

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I'm sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I can totally empathize with you...completely empathize. My mom is a good mom...truly she is. I was very lucky in many respects to have her as a mother. But she can also be very volatile, very demanding, very mean, very demeaning, very self-involved, very....difficult. Yet, I love her immensely and still seek her approval. She is elderly and facing all sorts of medical issues...and that's making her meaner, accusatory, confrontational etc...etc...etc... Like you my household is very calm. Though I'm an anxious person I actually don't sweat the incidental stuff in life (other than health stuff). Like if a bed isn't made it doesn't freak me out and cause massive chaos and world war 57...or if the dvr failed to record my favorite tv show I don't become inconsolable.  Fortunately for me, my mom doesn't live with us. Instead, I have a sibling that lives with my mom. I don't think...no I know...there is no way I could remain sane and live with my mother. I applaud you for having her live with you for a whole month. You are amazing and a good daughter.

Anyhow, my mom's ongoing health issues have turned up her hysterical and often times mean behavior recently and my HA has gone wacko. For me, I think turning to an old familiar fear is somehow an escape. And guess what else? I recently started freaking out about a dermatofibroma as well...like for real. Like I haven't even posted on here about it. I've had it on my arm for years now. It looks just like a dermatofibroma except it kinda has 2 centers but the centers are side by side. I've had more than one doctor check it....and not just any doctor either...like the two most respected doctors  in my community for skin issues and specifically skin cancer. Like people from near and far come to either one of these 2 doctors for their diagnosis and treatment and they both said the same thing..."dermatofibroma, leave it alone the scar will be worse" Yet, I'm still obsessing about it.... I think I'm obsessing because it's easier to think about that than the mean words that my mom has said to me lately or her attitude or facing her failing health and the fact that I love her in spite of herself and don't want to lose her ever.

I think waiting for any biopsy result is nerve wracking. The good news is is that it's definitely not melanoma...the doctor wouldn't have said so and a dermatofibroma just doesn't look like melanoma if you're fair skinned especially and from your pic you look like me, super fair. I bet your doctor is just being super careful and that's always a good thing. Remember, no news is good news AND you can always call your doctors' office to get the results sooner.

Finally, under all of the circumstances, I'd say you sound really rational and are doing remarkably well. I suspect that once you get the all clear test results back and since your mom is visiting someone else right now...in due time, your anxiety will lessen and all will go back to "normal"

Look, I'm just a fellow patient trying to get by in life. I know nothing. I'm just some chick on the internet...but I think, at least for me, that I'll always be predisposed to anxiety...like it will always be lurking in the background ready to come out and "flare up" during times of crisis. The crisis...in this case perhaps was your mother visiting and her behavior. I can't take discord and screaming and histrionics. I can't I can't even watch it on tv. I'm too sensitive to it. So if you spent the last month in the midst of that...well, girl...no wonder.

I hope I've helped. Please keep us posted on your test results, your mom, and your anxiety etc...

 

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Penny, I can't tell you what a godsend you've been today!  Imagine us going through the same thing.  It helps to know someone else is able to KNOW what I'm going through.  

Dermatofibroma.  I had one on the back of a leg after hiking in the mountains about 40 years ago.  It would get angry if I wore boots that hit me in the spot.  The derm removed it about 2 years ago.  I looked at the biopsy spot when I showered and the wound is smaller than an eraser so the thing had to be even smaller.  


Thank you so much for sharing!  You've made me feel a lot less crazy!

Diane

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I hear you and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.  My anxiety gets worse when I'm under stress, and this sounds like the worst kind of stress imaginable.  I hope she goes back where she came from soon.  

As for nodular melanoma, probably not.  Nodular melanoma is rare, and only a tiny percent of those rare nodular melanomas aren't black.  

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Thanks Mollyfin.  I KNOW that and wasn't horribly worried that it was, but that's always the first thing that comes to mind after I read about it here several years ago.  

Last night I woke at 11:30, 1, 2, 3, 4:30, 6 and the dogs woke me at 8.  My head is pounding and my vertigo is pretty bad.  I took my decongestant at 6 and some aspirin just now.  Our pollen count is already high.  

 I sure need some rest!  I'll try to nap today and after church tomorrow.  I've only slept through the night once since before Christmas. First we had everyone here for the holidays and I was so excited, happy, busy. Then she came and when she can't sleep, no one can sleep.  I'm making sure I watch only cute things on TV before bed.  She called 2 nights right before my bedtime.  I have NOT called her.  

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If you've got Netflix, may I suggest 72 Cutest Animals.  It's hard to be stressed out watching that!  

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