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Found 14 results

  1. emzi

    Anger

    I'm not an angry person. For most of my life I've been avoiding conflict for the life of me. Even when my brother used to steal and break my dolls I would only cry the most when my mom found out and he got into trouble. In fact, anger is something that's not discussed in our house. It's basically an unwritten rule that we have to smile and act polite or it's just unacceptable. We always have to be happy. I can't count the number of times when my mom has told me I don't get to be mad because I don't have to put up with everything she does or I don't get to be mad because I've had it better than she did. I used to listen. I'm starting to realize that maybe I don't have to. This year has been pretty difficult. I found out a lot of things about my family, I got rear-ended by a drunk driver, and I began to get snippets of memories of sexual abuse from my childhood. I've been trying to be so positive, but lately everything's been changing and it's making me feel like I've once again just stood up before someone's pulled the rug out from under me again. Without alcohol I've had to deal with it, and I've been trying to let myself not be so controlling over what I let myself feel. Sure anger has it's downsides. Sometimes I just want to punch the wall or scream at the world in frustration. It clouds my judgement at times (as any emotion does) and makes it hard to keep up my "nothing to see here" routine. People that I can usually put up with I've had to sever connections with because I just can't do it anymore. I'm less approachable, less of a pushover, but I don't mind. Mostly I'm alright with it because for me the benefits outweigh the detriments. It's a means to an end. If I get angry I can process it all. I get to feel what it did to me, and I get to get rid of all of that negative energy so I can move on. Maybe I won't move on from everything, but at least I can start to heal and take back the power the past has had on me. So if you're reading this, be angry with me. Don't be afraid of it. Anger can be a weapon, but it's also a tool. Depending on how you use it it can sew you up or rip you apart. You can't learn how it works until you experience it for yourself. What is something you're angry about?
  2. I have PTSD following an event in college. That's about as much fact as I know. What I've gathered from panic attacks, triggers, and my husband's deduction work, what I believe happened was a sexual assault of some type outside a campus bar, with my dorm mate failing to have my back when she took me out for my birthday two months into my first semester. I suppressed it like a mf for three years, until I met my husband and discovered - in a most inconvenient way - that perhaps I wasn't a virgin after all, and it spiraled from there. But I don't remember the event, still, seven years later. I don't know if I'm grateful or not because while I don't have to deal with the memories, I still have all the symptoms and reactions. Body memory? My father, a cop, thinks someone drugged me, and my husband agrees. Could that be why I don't remember, along with my brain's protectiveness? Or am I being ridiculous, because it never happened, I have no tangible proof. I'm just a lump on the bed, surrounded by cats, and it may not even be real. Sometimes I want to remember, to validate my emotions and the pain I'm causing my family, but what's the point? Perhaps I'm just like this for selfish reasons, and if it's true it's too late to seek legal justice anyhow. Has anyone else ever faced this? Do you have any advice? Is it all moot because I have no say in selective amnesia anyhow?
  3. Hi Everyone, I am a person that has suffered with anxiety for many years now. I have always been an anxious/worried person, even as a child, but I didn't begin experiencing full-blown panic attacks until I was involved in a serious car accident. I guess it could be called PTSD, but the panic attacks continued for several years after the accident and still occasionally happen today. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar evolution in their mental-health and would be open to sharing their story. I am trying to learn more about my panic disorder/generalized anxiety by understanding my predisposition to these disorders, as a naturally anxious person. If anyone is willing to share, I have some more specific questions to provide guidance: 1. When did you begin experiencing anxiety/panic disorder? How old were you and were there any specific circumstances that impacted you? 2. Did you experience any events/circumstances that were particularly traumatic that you believe might have contributed to/triggered your anxiety/panic/PTSD? 3. Would you describe yourself as a naturally anxious person? Do you recall being more worried about things (sickness/health, irrational fears, bad things happening) prior to the onset of your anxiety/panic disorder? 4. Did either of your parents or close relatives experience similar anxiety problems/mental-health disorders? Do you think you were impacted by them at all? I apologize if any of these questions are too personal, of course this is just a forum and I expect that anyone that doesn't want to answer/isn't comfortable won't. I feel that learning as much as I can about my mental-health and the nature of my "problems" is very helpful in understanding why I am this way and how I can help myself and others. I hope that maybe this can help some of you as well. I appreciate any responses/contribution, and I hope that maybe we can spark an insightful conversation here. Thank you! Ally
  4. Hi Everyone, I am a person that has suffered with anxiety for many years now. I have always been an anxious/worried person, even as a child, but I didn't begin experiencing full-blown panic attacks until I was involved in a serious car accident. I guess it could be called PTSD, but the panic attacks continued for several years after the accident and still occasionally happen today. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar evolution in their mental-health and would be open to sharing their story. I am trying to learn more about my panic disorder/generalized anxiety by understanding my predisposition to these disorders, as a naturally anxious person. If anyone is willing to share, I have some more specific questions to provide guidance: 1. When did you begin experiencing anxiety/panic disorder? How old were you and were there any specific circumstances that impacted you? 2. Did you experience any events/circumstances that were particularly traumatic that you believe might have contributed to/triggered your anxiety/panic/PTSD? 3. Would you describe yourself as a naturally anxious person? Do you recall being more worried about things (sickness/health, irrational fears, bad things happening) prior to the onset of your anxiety/panic disorder? 4. Did either of your parents or close relatives experience similar anxiety problems/mental-health disorders? Do you think you were impacted by them at all? I apologize if any of these questions are too personal, of course this is just a forum and I expect that anyone that doesn't want to answer/isn't comfortable won't. I feel that learning as much as I can about my mental-health and the nature of my "problems" is very helpful in understanding why I am this way and how I can help myself and others. I hope that maybe this can help some of you as well. I appreciate any responses/contribution, and I hope that maybe we can spark an insightful conversation here. Thank you! Ally
  5. Hi Everyone, I am a person that has suffered with anxiety for many years now. I have always been an anxious/worried person, even as a child, but I didn't begin experiencing full-blown panic attacks until I was involved in a serious car accident. I guess it could be called PTSD, but the panic attacks continued for several years after the accident and still occasionally happen today. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar evolution in their mental-health and would be open to sharing their story. I am trying to learn more about my panic disorder/generalized anxiety by understanding my predisposition to these disorders, as a naturally anxious person. If anyone is willing to share, I have some more specific questions to provide guidance: 1. When did you begin experiencing anxiety/panic disorder? How old were you and were there any specific circumstances that impacted you? 2. Did you experience any events/circumstances that were particularly traumatic that you believe might have contributed to/triggered your anxiety/panic/PTSD? 3. Would you describe yourself as a naturally anxious person? Do you recall being more worried about things (sickness/health, irrational fears, bad things happening) prior to the onset of your anxiety/panic disorder? 4. Did either of your parents or close relatives experience similar anxiety problems/mental-health disorders? Do you think you were impacted by them at all? I apologize if any of these questions are too personal, of course this is just a forum and I expect that anyone that doesn't want to answer/isn't comfortable won't. I feel that learning as much as I can about my mental-health and the nature of my "problems" is very helpful in understanding why I am this way and how I can help myself and others. I hope that maybe this can help some of you as well. I appreciate any responses/contribution, and I hope that maybe we can spark an insightful conversation here. Thank you! Ally
  6. Hi I am new here. I have ptsd and anxiety, and depression. Also get some depersonalization. I have a few major serious illnesses - the most serious of which are a heart problem caused by pneumonia and c****r. I also have sciatica in my neck with 4 herniated discs. And spinal stenosis in my lower back in 4 vertibra. Problems slow me down some, but I never allow them to stop me. I am here to learn and grow - and to receive help and to help others. In my spare time - i go to the gym 4 times a week and play between 2 and 6 hours of piano a day. DO you have any serious illnesses to mention/discuss and how you feel about them and deal with them? hugs
  7. I have severe anxiety, panic disorder and PTSD. I've had a lot of death in the past few years and I feel as though every day I am worrying about not being here, worried something bad is going to happen and constantly stressed about every single choice I make. It's really draining. I can barely remember what it's like to feel happiness as every time I do have a moment of pure joy, I get anxious that I'm focusing on it too much and that too will be taken away. I have been avoiding prescription medications as the idea of not feeling anything at all worries me. I'm not sure if maybe feeling like I do now is better as at least I'm feeling something. No real question here but if someone can relate or has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Thank you for reading.
  8. I'm only sixteen. I know I have severe problems that need to be addressed... I was diagnosed with ptsd in December and re-diagnosed in February. But there's more than that. I feel paranoia. I feel sad a lot. I'm not on medication anymore but I don't know what to do. My mom won't get me help, how do I go about getting help when I'm under eighteen?
  9. 41 people who live with PTSD weigh in on what they wish others understood about their condition. http://themighty.com/2015/06/41-truths-people-who-live-with-ptsd/
  10. Hi, I am a 25 year old woman with anxiety. Usually it comes and goes but my boyfriend is on holidays and he forgot to call after a night out and I had a complete breakdown, shaking, vomitting, calling him every 5 minutes until he finally woke up the next morning and replied. Since then, I have an anxious feeling in my stomach and have had diarrhea and vomiting. This was 5 days ago. He has been keeping in contact but I keep having crying panic attacks when we talk even though I know its nonsensical. I have anxiety breakdowns every so often, usually over my younger brother going out drinking. The last time, I went to the doctor to get medication but because I am highly functioning(I go to work, do exercise, eat properly and appear ok to my peers) she thinks medication is not necessary. She referred me to a CBT specialist who said she could not help me now and that before she could I needed to return to another counselor who I went to during a traumatic event. In university, my college boyfriend went out drinking and was found dead in the river 12 days later. He was supposed to come back to my house and I tried to call him all that night but I knew something had gone wrong.. My boyfriend gets back next Tuesday but I feel like I cannot cope until then. I have called two counsellors but cannot get an appointment until the 20th of July.. How can I cope now?
  11. About 2 weeks ago I had weird sensations like heaviness and numbness and overthink them thinking it was a stroke causing lots of panic attacks for a day straight. Unfortunately during that time I had lots of panic while trying to sleep so now sleeping brings on panic attacks. Was Doing well at my mothers for visitation for a week and a half but now I'm Back over at my fathers where the anxiety all started with the weed experience. No wonder why my anxiety is so much worse here. I feel like I have lots of PTSD here from that trauma but I have to keep reminding myself I'm ok. Right now sense a few weeks ago when my bad anxiety started up again with panic attacks I am now in bed having some more. Trying my best to overcome the fears that are causing them. One being the fear of not waking up or death while sleeping. Another is the fear that something is wrong with me medically. Like a stroke or I'm still high even though I smoked 5 months ago. Which I know is not possible. The anxiety is mainly because of the fact I'm tired right now and feel distant like my world is zoomed out from me. Kind of like I'm trapped in my own mind and thoughts and sounds are bouncing around. I'm pretty That's the derealization for me. I hate the way it feels but I must remind myself I'm ok. I don't know why that's what I keep overthinking but it is And it's causing lots of panic attacks and anxiety. So for me it seems like the more tired I get the more panic attacks I get as well. It's like I keep poking and prying every little detail to find the bad things and then dwell on them overthinking and causing panic attacks. Small things like the weird way I see stuff when I first wake up or how when I'm tired and starting to relax how my body feels heavy and numb or a little dizzy I start to overthink these things and panic. Also like how as I fall asleep sense I'm hypersensitive I some times stay awake through the sub couscous processes and hear staticky or weird noises which has also caused more panic. So I am trying to do what I can to find a way to put these lies in their place and force the truth that I'm fine. Anyone on here have similar experiences?
  12. I keep having trouble with FLASHBACKS. Everyday I have them. I am so tired of reliving my trauma. Almost everthing triggers one or more of my traumas. A hug from my father, a smell, a noise, and even trying to go to sleep triggers it. I am so isolated from people, cause people trigger it the most. I feel so alone, I can't stand it anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions or techniques I can try?
  13. Is it just me, or does anyone else kinda feel trapped, because of their ptsd. Like do you ever feel trapped in your own body.
  14. How can someone suffer ptsd form trauma and another person suffering the exact same trauma be less affected? After having a discussion about this last night I found this very interesting article. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120402093509.htm