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Found 68 results

  1. About a month and a half ago I had probably the worst panic attack of my life. Was diagnosed at 13, now 39. The short story is I had travelled to Florida with my family and friends, and already hate flying. On the morning of the day we were leaving to head home, I lost it. I was in complete and utter turmoil. I was convinced I was dying. The fact that I was not home made it all the more worse for me. I contemplated going to the ER, but then all my friends would know and my family would miss their flights. I was so embarrassed, but so damn frightened. I typically take .5mg Xanax and feel better, but even after 2mg I was feeling no better. I have a 6 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old, and felt like a failure not being able to keep it together. It was utterly the worst day of my life and still feel traumatized by it. Needless to say, that next day back at home I had muscle twitches all over my body. I first assumed it was due to dehydration since I had just been in sunny Florida and not drinking enough water and drinking alcohol instead. But it’s now been a month and half and I still have the twitching on and off. Some days are better than others, but of course Google led me to ALS. It’s like I can’t catch a break and feel like I’m drowning in anxiety and depression. I just started CBT therapy, so hoping it helps some. Also hoping you guys can too!!! Has this happened to anyone?????? Thank you soooo much:)
  2. I started having strange chest pain around 4pm today, which of course led to a flight/fight response in the middle of Target, so I left my cart and booked it to my car. (I struggle with health anxiety like you wouldn’t believe.) I initially came on this forum for ALS fears, but now that has passed and I have moved onto a heart attack. Unfortunately I know offhand the symptoms of a heart attack, and naturally I have them all. Pain in my arms, back and jaw. Nausea, lightheaded, tight throat with pain radiating up to my ears. I am trying to convince myself I am manifesting this all, but a little voice inside my head keeps warning me that just maybe I have put too much stress on my heart with all my ALS fears, that it’s finally screaming for help?!! What should I do? Should I go to the ER just to make sure? I am so terrified. Help!
  3. About a month and a half ago I had probably the worst panic attack of my life. Was diagnosed at 13, now 39. The short story is I had travelled to Florida with my family and friends, and already hate flying. On the morning of the day we were leaving to head home, I lost it. I was in complete and utter turmoil. I was convinced I was dying. The fact that I was not home made it all the more worse for me. I contemplated going to the ER, but then all my friends would know and my family would miss their flights. I was so embarrassed, but so damn frightened. I typically take .5mg Xanax and feel better, but even after 2mg I was feeling no better. I have a 6 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old, and felt like a failure not being able to keep it together. It was utterly the worst day of my life and still feel traumatized by it. Needless to say, that next day back at home I had muscle twitches all over my body. I first assumed it was due to dehydration since I had just been in sunny Florida and not drinking enough water and drinking alcohol instead. But it’s now been a month and half and I still have the twitching on and off. Some days are better than others, but of course Google led me to ALS. It’s like I can’t catch a break and feel like I’m drowning in anxiety and depression. I just started CBT therapy, so hoping it helps some. Also hoping you guys can too!!! Has this happened to anyone?????? Thank you soooo much:)
  4. I'm a 20 year old college student, and I think I can safely diagnose myself with health related anxiety. I was always one to worry about my physical health, and I'd always go to the doctor to put myself at ease. I handled it well before, but recently a friend my age died of cancer and it set off the ticking time bomb within me. First, I had an infected cyst under my arm. I convinced myself I had undiagnosed lymphoma. I went to 3 doctors, and they all told me that it was a minor infection. For some reason, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe them even though I was put on antibiotics and the infection and lump went away under my arm. On top of not believing them, I constantly check the internet and check my temperature for that short relieved assurance that I'm fine. Second, I have a minor cough that's accompanied by a tickle in my throat. I then convinced myself I had lung cancer or some sort of fatal disease in my heart or lungs. Went to the doctor and they told me I had a bunch of mucus in the back of my throat and it was a post nasal drip. Third, I started having back pain. Once again, searching the internet made me believe I had lung cancer or failing kidneys. In the back of my mind I knew it was from bad posture, but my body told me it was cancer. Now this week, I'm studying the nervous system and we covered several motor disorders. These include ALS, Parkinson's, Huntington's, and others. Now I've developed weakness in my legs and arms (they feel like jelly), and my hands are shaking a tiny bit. I have been constantly in a state of anxiety since the beginning of November, and this is most likely from anxiety, but I am CONVINCED I have ALS. I can hold a pen just fine, I'm not tripping over my feet, I was able to lift a 25 pound kettlebell in each individual hand, and I walked up and down 6 flight of stairs 3 times yesterday. My legs feel better, and my hands feel better, but are still shaky. Yet here I am. Because I am in such a state of anxiousness all day every day, I haven't been able to eat or study. I am crying nearly every other day. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as soon as I wake up in the morning up until I go to bed. I have avoided hearing or reading the words cancer, death, disease, etc. Every time I hear it, I go into panic mode and I nearly vomit. I'm even bothering my parents because I'm constantly calling them to ask for reassurance that I'm not fatally ill. I'm seeing someone about this when I come home from school, but I am desperate for medication that can help me be in a calmer state so I can deal with my anxiety better. I don't know how this works. Has anyone ever started feeling symptoms when they hear about a new disease? How have you guys coped with this? My goal in life is to work as a physical therapist in a hospital with patients with spinal cord injuries, amputated limbs, and other disabling problems. I can't do that if I can barely deal with my own health.
  5. I can feel myself fraying again. And it is to do with my boyfriend. I know he would never do anything to hurt me. On purpose. I am a sensitive person, hyper sensitive so the smallest of things can get to me and I have to remember that constantly. For example, last night I finished a show and it was the end of a 4 week long process and I was tired and I wanted to get home because I wanted to get in bed and I hoped there would be a chance that my boyfriend would be back from work and would want to come over. There were no buses home for ages so I decided to walk the half an hour home, which I normally would do but it was midnight on a Saturday and I like to be safe but nethertheless I walked. I was feeling a bit sad and nervy because the rest of my friends were going out partying but I had lots of bags and I wasn’t dressed right and I dunno, things have to line up right for me to feel like going out. So feeling a bit blue and walking home alone, I called my boyfriend. He didn’t pick up. I got half way home and after feeling like I was being followed I was feeling quite on edge. Of course, it was only another person on the other side of the road and someone behind me just going their own way home possibly but it elevated my state of mind immediately. Then I get a message from my boyfriend saying he’s out in a club (next to the theatre I had just left) with some friends. 5 minutes from home I start hysterically crying, I feel alone, very alone. Now I realise, I’m tired from a long week let alone a long day but I felt very alone I started talking to myself, telling myself that I’ll always end up alone because no one is screwed up in the way I’m screwed up and I began wishing that I was normal and wishing that I was like everyone else, without a brain that doesn’t switch off, without nerves that are so easily damaged and a body that reacts to everything. I continued to cry when I got home, I managed to calm down but I forced myself to stay awake. Like I am now, writing this. Because I didn’t want to try to sleep whilst feeling like I did. And I wanted to see, if I stayed up long enough, would he come to me. And I waited and at 3am he asked if I wanted him to come round and I said yes and he arrived. We got in bed and feel straight asleep. I had him in my arms and I got what I wanted. Right now he is with friends drinking again, like he has every right too. And I am sat in bed writing this because I want him here. I don’t know if I’m protesting, if I’m being a crazy woman? I want him to have a life, of course, I want him to do everything that he wants in life but not being a priority scares me. And he shows me I am when it really matters. If I said I needed him right now, he would come running. We are going to live with each other in a few months and that should be enough. But I can’t shake this feeling that he’s going to love his life and I’m not going to live mine because I sometimes only feel alive when he is here. I don’t want to smother him. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t want to be a ball and chain. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want him to run away. I don’t want him to find out. I don’t want to be a second thought. I don’t want to be the first. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly pining for him when he doesn’t pine for me. I’m afraid I love him, want him and need him more then he does me. I’m afraid I want more then he does, that I need more then he does. These are just some of rambles in my head. I’m sure you can imagine how they go on and twist and get deeper and darker. I’m not sure what action I want to take. I just keep telling myself to breathe, that I love him and rationally thinking will come back to me soon. Like it always does, calming me and making me feel like a fool. I’llbefineintheend
  6. For a little over a year, I’ve been terrified of climate change. With Trump’s presidency, it’s gotten significantly worse. I’m terrified of losing my home, family, and things that are important to me. The news makes me so scared and so depressed that I become s*****al and feel absolutely hopeless. I’m only 18, and in 20 years there’ll be so many floods and disasters, I don’t even know what the point is anymore; I’m so young. I just want to live a long and happy life, and I’m enraged at Trump and how stupid he is. He doesn’t care about the future. I feel like it’s too late to do anything. I donate to Trump Forest and other nonprofits, but I’m worried that it isn’t enough. I’ve had severe anxiety and depression since I was little, so this stuff isn’t all that new to me. I feel like the world is becoming a dystopian nightmare, and that all my fears are coming true. I can’t escape.
  7. I hope everyone had a fantastic thanksgiving! Last night I was so bloated from food and 1 beer to the point I had a headache and could barely breathe. It was horrible! Around 3am I woke up in a literal PUDDLE of sweat from my lower abdomen to my knees. (Not urine). Of course my anxiety got the best of me and I was panicking...today my mind has been wandering, I’ve felt loopy and just not well. My heart seems to beat harder with everything I do, and I have no energy. Everyone around me has this bad head cold thing. I have just never sweat that much at night in my life! Im still just freaking out ):
  8. Hi I just signed up for AC after a few months struggling with what I have been told is a 'panic disorder'. (i'm still not convinced i'm not dying, which definitely doesn't help the anxiety.) Recently i've been struggling with this strange discomfort/pain in the left side of my chest and left arm pit. It comes and goes, but is almost present. I can feel this weird pressure/tension in the top of my left breast, the left side of my chest, my arm pit, and sometimes it radiates somewhat down the inside of my left arm or down the left side of my ribcage. Originally, I believed it was related to my heart, but after multiple EKG's, tons of blood tests, an echo, and a chest xray all came back normal, my doctor is convinced that it is related to my anxiety. It feels like a muscle or nerve thing, but my doctor doesn't see the need for those tests. There's no swelling in my chest and I can't pinpoint where the discomfort is coming from, it truly makes me feel like I am losing my mind. This new anxiety started at the beginning of January, after returning from visiting my parents abroad. About 4 hours after landing I felt this hard thud in my chest, I got super dizzy almost collapsed when I stood up, my heart was racing and my legs were shaking uncontrollably. I went to the ER thinking I was having some sort of heart episode, but they did a bunch of blood tests, an ekg, and a chest X-ray which all came back normal. They hooked me up to 2 IV's which brought my heart rate down, they attributed everything to dehydration and sent me home. A few days later I was watching TV when all of a sudden my legs started to shake uncontrollably again, my heart started to race, my chest was incredibly tight, and I honestly thought that I was going to die. I went back to the ER in the morning and they did more tests but couldn't find anything. They told me I most likely experienced a panic attack and to talk to a therapist It's now almost the end of February, and i've experienced around 5 of these panic attacks. It starts with the shaking/seizing of my legs, the pain in my chest is multiplied by 100, my heart races, I can feel extremely hot or freezing cold at the same time, it feels like theres fire in my veins spreading from my neck down my chest and back, and when it happens theres nothing I can do but sit there feeling like i'm dying. It's terrifying. I absolutely hate living this way. I keep hoping its muscular or a nerve, at least those are treatable with medicine and go away. Now, when I start to feel the pain in my chest it automatically sets off my anxiety because i'm thinking about it. Sometimes my neck feels really weird and tight, it feels somewhat spastic. The neck stiffness/spasms and leg seizures made me think it was neurologic. I get nervous that one of these attacks will happen while i'm in class, luckily so far I that hasn't happened. I've been in Zoloft for almost a month and haven't seen much improvement. My doctor dismisses this pain and basically just sends me home to deal with it on my own but it's difficult when you don't know what you're dealing with. I was on klonopin for a month, 1.0-1.5 mg could usually bring me out of that panic state. I haven't spoken to anyone this in depth about how it makes me feel. I'm sharing my story to see if anyone experiences similar symptoms, and with the hope that someone struggling with similar issues takes comfort that they're not alone
  9. So, let me start with the fact that I'm 23. All my life I have dealt with social anxiety. It use to not be as bad as it is now. When I turned 18 I went to college, a couple times actually. The courses I chose didnt work out because it was sort of what my mom wanted for me. Also the professor had some assignment where I had to speak in front of class so I would drop out. Anyway, I went on to try and have many jobs but I would always quit. Because it is so much easier to stay home then to face my anxiety and work 8 hours a day 5 days a week. So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. He wants a life with me, marriage, babies... and he is the manager of a store. We are struggling for money right now so until things are fixed we can't have a future. I love him to pieces. He recently offered me a job. I want to take it but I don't know if I can ever get up the courage to work. I want to but I'm scared. I don't wanna fail him again. I was walking today and found this website. I don't really know if this is how you're even supposed to use this site but here I am, writing this here. Maybe I really want help this time. So, anyway, if anyone has any tips or anything... It would really be nice. Thanks to whoever reads this. (:
  10. Hello, I'm new here and i have just signed up as i am really struggling with anxiety. It started about 5 weeks ago when i started noticing this tingling in my hands and feet. I tried to ingnore it but when I didn't go away the panic set in as I started to think it could be MS. I also googled it which just seemed to confirm my fears. I went to the doctors who thought it could be b12 but had blood tests done and it came back all clear and the doctor said to come back in three weeks if the symptoms persist. At first this brought me comfort as I told her how worried I was and she said if she really thought it was bad they would refer me. I was also given diazepam by another doctor as I started to have panic attacks which I have found has had no effect when I did take them and I've been trying really hard not to. Since then I have been spiralling. I wake up in a panic in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, constantly thinking I am developing ms. I've lost a lot of weight, feel nauseous and just generally extremely panicked. I'm also struggling to concentrate at work which is making me feel guilty and more worried. I am also developing more ms like symptoms including twitching, pain in my legs and intermittent pains in my hands and elbows which is making me worry even more, each of which are 'initial symptoms of ms'. I just can't stop thinking the worst. My parents are really supportive and I know I am such a worry for them. Ive struggled with two bouts of anxiety before, both of which were worse than this but only lasted a few weeks before they started to ease off. Because my symptoms are persistent it just continues to make me panic and constantly worry. I've honestly got it into my head that I am dying. Sorry for the essay.
  11. Hi Everyone, I am a person that has suffered with anxiety for many years now. I have always been an anxious/worried person, even as a child, but I didn't begin experiencing full-blown panic attacks until I was involved in a serious car accident. I guess it could be called PTSD, but the panic attacks continued for several years after the accident and still occasionally happen today. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar evolution in their mental-health and would be open to sharing their story. I am trying to learn more about my panic disorder/generalized anxiety by understanding my predisposition to these disorders, as a naturally anxious person. If anyone is willing to share, I have some more specific questions to provide guidance: 1. When did you begin experiencing anxiety/panic disorder? How old were you and were there any specific circumstances that impacted you? 2. Did you experience any events/circumstances that were particularly traumatic that you believe might have contributed to/triggered your anxiety/panic/PTSD? 3. Would you describe yourself as a naturally anxious person? Do you recall being more worried about things (sickness/health, irrational fears, bad things happening) prior to the onset of your anxiety/panic disorder? 4. Did either of your parents or close relatives experience similar anxiety problems/mental-health disorders? Do you think you were impacted by them at all? I apologize if any of these questions are too personal, of course this is just a forum and I expect that anyone that doesn't want to answer/isn't comfortable won't. I feel that learning as much as I can about my mental-health and the nature of my "problems" is very helpful in understanding why I am this way and how I can help myself and others. I hope that maybe this can help some of you as well. I appreciate any responses/contribution, and I hope that maybe we can spark an insightful conversation here. Thank you! Ally
  12. When fighting a battle, there is always strength in numbers. But, having someone by your side sometimes comes with a cost. Superiority in numbers is something very different from strength in numbers, and, with anxiety, this can be a crucial difference. Late at night, when my anxiety found me alone in the dark and slowly pushed me over the edge into a panic attack, I used to think that everything would just be better if there was someone there with me. I think the isolation that the dark and quiet of night time is what made this the worst time for my anxiety. It was harder to distract myself when I was alone, and I didn't have the helpful distraction of trying to keep a strong mask in places for everyone around me so they would think I was fine. At night, there was nobody there to see me struggle, nobody I had to put energy into making believe I was fine. And, nobody to support me when I finally tipped into panic. I've been with my wife for five years now, and what I have come to discover is that no longer being alone may have helped me in some ways, but it has also presented challenges that I didn't expect. I don't get the night time panic that I used to get, and in some ways have better control over my anxiety than I ever have. But, I've also adopted my wife's struggle with anxiety, panic and depression. In some ways, that's been a tougher battle than the one I faced alone. I suppose I thought that addition would lead to subtraction; I thought that by adding a partner, I would be subtracting anxiety. In fact, adding a partner added their struggles and difficulties to my own. There's nothing simple about the arithmetic. Whenever you add, you add complexity. This is not to say that I have regrets. I guess this initial post is really just a recognition of the fact that a lot of us face what we feel is a solitary struggle, and sometimes we think the solution is out there for someone to simply gift us with it. We want the solutions to be simple. We want someone to take the problem away. But, the world is more complex than that, and the solutions are never simple. The strength we gain in numbers comes with the commitment we have to make to give back to that network of people to help them with their own troubles. My wife has helped me face a lot of my own problems with anxiety, but the struggle is still there and has taken on a new dimension because I, in turn, have to help her deal with her own. And, that's difficult. Just as it's difficult for us, as a community of similarly afflicted individuals separated by screens and distance, to share of ourselves while needing the sharing of others to keep moving forward. I'm here and willing to be your +1, of the occasion. But, can you be mine?
  13. Hi Everyone, I am a person that has suffered with anxiety for many years now. I have always been an anxious/worried person, even as a child, but I didn't begin experiencing full-blown panic attacks until I was involved in a serious car accident. I guess it could be called PTSD, but the panic attacks continued for several years after the accident and still occasionally happen today. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar evolution in their mental-health and would be open to sharing their story. I am trying to learn more about my panic disorder/generalized anxiety by understanding my predisposition to these disorders, as a naturally anxious person. If anyone is willing to share, I have some more specific questions to provide guidance: 1. When did you begin experiencing anxiety/panic disorder? How old were you and were there any specific circumstances that impacted you? 2. Did you experience any events/circumstances that were particularly traumatic that you believe might have contributed to/triggered your anxiety/panic/PTSD? 3. Would you describe yourself as a naturally anxious person? Do you recall being more worried about things (sickness/health, irrational fears, bad things happening) prior to the onset of your anxiety/panic disorder? 4. Did either of your parents or close relatives experience similar anxiety problems/mental-health disorders? Do you think you were impacted by them at all? I apologize if any of these questions are too personal, of course this is just a forum and I expect that anyone that doesn't want to answer/isn't comfortable won't. I feel that learning as much as I can about my mental-health and the nature of my "problems" is very helpful in understanding why I am this way and how I can help myself and others. I hope that maybe this can help some of you as well. I appreciate any responses/contribution, and I hope that maybe we can spark an insightful conversation here. Thank you! Ally
  14. Hi guys, i'm new here... I'm starting to feel helpless about my condition... I have hypochondriac which induces panic attacks... sometimes i feel brain foggy, sometimes a sharp pain in my heart/lung, sometimes my heart starts beating fast, sometimes i have fear and the other symptoms without a high heart rate. It almost happens only when i'm at home, as i have some problems with my family and there is a lot of stress associated with this place... but even when i don't fight at home it happens... i just wanna cry.. sometimes i feel like i'm havind cardiac failure, stroke or something like that... i've treated myself between September 2015 to July 2016 with sertraline and valium or xanax... it helped me but i got really addicted to the benzodiazepines, and i dropped out of college because i had memory problems... since July i was trying to help myself without medications, i did selfhypnosis, meditation, then on October i started taking shrooms every friday and it gave me good anxiety relief that lasted for the week... on december i stopped taking everything and stopped meditating... then there was a day which i felt a bit breathless, and with a heart sensation.. i have gone to the PS [ER here in Brazil] and i got some x-rays and ECG... everything was good and i was put again in xanax, i've got a script for 120 pills for 2-4 months, but i abused it and it lasted only 11 days, i've quit cold turkey in 01/8 and i suffered a lot... the withdrawal symptoms has subsidized i think [or not?], but since then i'm getting some kind of sharp pain in my heart, that reaches middle back, and i'm getting a lot of panic... everyday i feel like this, and always at night is worse... the only day which i don't feel like this is at friday, that is when i hang out with some friends to smoke pot, take E or use ketamine [my drug use is very social. spaced, and i don't mix anything and i use small quantities for fear of feeling bad]... so basically i feel this only at my home, in the day is less worse than in the night... Do someone feels like this/ What should I do? I was thinkin of getting back to the benzodiazepines, but letting my brother or mother control the stock so i don't abuse it... sorry for my english, i'm not native to this language and i'm feeling really bad right now
  15. I'm a 28 year old male 6"1 177pds. My conditions are OCD/Contamination&Rumination, GAD, Panic Disorder, Depression, ADD, Social anxiety, Sleep changes I've tried Lexapro & Zoloft before, both at ineffective doses and I just didn't feel like the lexapro worked good enough at 10mg and the zoloft at 150mg made me much more anxious. I worked really hard with a different PCP bugging him and messaging back and forth, I had to get this right. I suggested Paxil 20-30-40 than 60 mg. I'm on 60 mg now for about 4 months and It's finally helping because I've been able to leave my house and go out more and not be so scared and think of my fears constantly. Even when someone does sneeze or is coughing for example or there's something that triggers OCD contamination I cringe for about 5 seconds but I cope and move on. Later on though I noticed I had no motivation for life and felt like a zombie. I researched my butt off and found Wellbutrin XL to be a good add on for this and it can also help with depression and ADD which I also have and which Paxil made worse because it only works on Serotonin and I have other issues as well (ADD/Depression). He prescribed 150mg XL Wellbutrin as a add on and I've been on it for about 5-6 weeks. I feel a bit happier and some more balance but I notice a difference if I don't take it for 2-3 days like I'm more lazy not very happy about life ect, I still have ADD symptoms on 150mg XL wellbutrin like I can't read and comprehend or pay attention to things (boring tasks). I lose focus easily and can be very impulsive at times out of no where. I just asked him if I can take 300 XL Wellbutrin to target the ADD better and he said OK I can do that but if it causes your anxiety to creep up and mess with the OCD let me know after 2 weeks so we can go back down to 150 XL immediately. Anyone know if Wellbutrin XL 300 MG worked well for them as far as ADD/ADHD goes? I mean it is a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor but that works mostly on depression which I do have. But it says It's also a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. Wonder if it works on one more than the other. Stimulants like Adderall I've tried and just didn't like the crash or on edge feeling you know? It works but come on who wants to feel like that. I was on the Adderall for a short time around age 22 and was not taking a ssri so maybe the combination would work, I just don't feel like going through the pain of switching the med wellbutrin to adderall or vvyanse and having to go through the start up side effects or what ever. I'm also on klonopin 90 pills to with drawl from the benzo xanax after being on 1.50mg for a 16 months and that's going well. I stopped shaking as much and all that other good stuff.
  16. I shared this with a new friend and they encouraged me to share it with you all. This is what I do sometimes when I'm having a good moment: I write a note to myself in my phone as a reminder that whatever uncomfortable thoughts or feelings I am experiencing will pass. I write it in a style that speaks to my anxiety and panic...sort of answering its doubts. The next day if I'm feeling bad I open it up and read it over and over. It helps me get through my day. Here is the latest one... "Casey- Relief is possible. You are feeling anxiety free at this moment. And you have joy and happiness and peace and calm. You just need to push through the tough times to get to the good times. You can do it! Anxiety and depression are tricky monsters that LIE to you! They say you can't do it and life is not worth living and to be scared. But they're lying! It's 100% worth it. You will be okay! Don't forget it! BELIEVE IT! If you're crying now, know it will pass. You've got this Casey. You're a fighter and you're strong. You can beat it! Don't listen to the monster. You are too smart! It will pass. I promise it will pass!!! DO NOT LISTEN TO IT. IT'S LYING TO YOU! BELIEVE IT WILL PASS CASEY!!!" I may do a video on my phone next time...we will see! Let me know if this is useful for you! sending positive vibes your way
  17. Hello everyone. I recently started seeing a Psychiatrist for a fear of colon c****r. It is so bad that I am crying everyday and I am losing my appetite. Back in March I had a CT and MRI which only confirmed a fatty liver as well as a blood test in March and April which were fine other than elevated liver enzymes. The psychiatrist said he thinks I am medically fine but not mentally. I am hoping that someone can help. He prescribed me Lexapro and Klonopin to start out. He said to take the Klonopin throughout the day and with the Lexapro at night at first I had some diarrhea. Then he prescribed me seroquel. I haven't had a solid bowel movement in a few days. I had a short hard piece yesterday morning that had some mucus on it and now I am freaking out. I am so afraid its terrible. I am scared that I won't see my 1 year old baby girl grow up. I posted my whole story under Health Anxiety - IBS SCARED, if you care to read it in addition to this. I am constantly weighing myself, checking my eyelids to see if I am anemic, and looking at my stools for blood. Someone please help me I am so scared
  18. Good afternoon everyone, I hope everyone is doing okay. I wanted to share this with you all... I find myself constantly "flip-flopping"...in other words, I have a 5 min period where I'm optimistic and convinced I'm going to get through this and life will be good again and it's only anxiety it can't hurt me BLAHBLAHBLAH...and then 5 minutes later I feel the complete opposite ("how can i keep going on?" "this will never end" "I am pathetic", etc) Does anyone else experience this? How can I deflate the negative side of me and inflate the positive side? I was curious as to whether or not this was a sign of recovery...because I am having positive thoughts as opposed to consistently feeling awful, anxious, unreal, depressed, nauseous, etc. I'm working really hard towards recovery, (idk if you all know my story but it's too much to tell), seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist, reading self-help books, exercising, cutting out caffeine, practicing deep breathing exercises, etc. (Recovery is exhausting, am I right!?) Eventually I just have to get better again... I hope? So in summary...Do you guys "flip flop" and if so, any advice or insight on how you deal with it? -Thanks, Casey
  19. Hi everyone. I hope you're finding some joy in your day through all of the struggles. Just curious if anyone else experiences this... I was at my Cognitive Behavioral therapist today and I blurted out "WHAT DO I HAVE? WHAT IS MY DIAGNOSIS". I was first diagnosed when I was 14 but to be quite honest I'm 24 now and I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast! I don't see a psychiatrist anymore because he retired and I was feeling good at the time so my physician prescribes me my meds. Plus 10 years is a long time, what if my diagnosis changed? I asked if I should be "re-evaluated" and he sort of chuckled...(which I did not appreciate, but I could see his point)...He told me I have "panic disorder". I said that I don't think so because I don't show classic signs of panic disorder. I don't feel like I'm having a heart attack or that I'm going to die, my heart does not race, I don't sweat or feel faint... My symptoms are that I cry, feel very nauseous and have a nervous stomach. He told me that I have emotional panic attacks and that my panic has more of an emotional response than a physical one. Does anyone else experience this type of panic? To be honest I don't think I am "panicking" at all! I feel despair, nausea, choking/coughing/vomiting, hopeless, and lots of crying. Sometimes, I have chest pains like a big weight is on my chest. Let me know if you guys have a similar panic experience. Maybe we can help each other by sharing tips on how we manage our symptoms. Thanks! -Casey
  20. Hi there, first time poster here! My name's Sam and I'm an otherwise healthy 20 year old guy from the UK. About 2 weeks ago I noticed a swollen lymph node in my neck, in the middle on the left side. This has since spawned the most hellish, terrifying and currently ongoing experience of my life. The anxiety really began when I googled my symptom - I had recently had a horrendous virus that hospitalised me, and it swelled up then along with the other side, and when I was younger that gland very often came up, sometimes even when I wasn't ill. So it wasn't like this was anything new. I thought I was beginning to come down with something as I had a very mild sore throat and some other symptoms like a cough and runny nose that I had initially put down to allergies. It just looked a little ugly so I decided to see when it would likely go down. This is when I'm hit hard by the fist of Dr. Google. Apparently, lymph nodes that come up without symptoms and don't go down or coincide with some other illness are cause for concern. More specifically, concern of the c****r variety. So I ended up very panicked. About a week after first developing said lump I made my way to the minor injuries unit of my nearest hospital, and was examined by 2 nurses. They both agreed it was nothing to worry about and was either a normal functioning lymph node or some mild cyst, and that I should stop worrying about it but come back if anything changed. So I relaxed a bit and went home, but 4 hours later was worrying again. I googled more. In fact, I began googling compulsively and constantly feeling my neck. I rang my GP at home (I currently live at university which was why I hadn't gone to her in the first place) and she said she would probably have told me the same thing as the nurses and not to worry. By the Friday of that same week, 4 days after I first went to the emergency room and a little under 2 weeks of my little problem's first arrival, I was back in the MIU again, as I was getting pain on one side of my throat. The nurse this time said I appeared to have some redness in my throat and suspected a virus, again telling me the node was functioning exactly as it should. She told me to make an appointment with a GP to rule out any really nasty viruses and to just drink water and take ibuprofen. She seemed much more thorough with her investigation and I went home more relaxed - I now had a probable cause for the swelling. But the next day the soreness in my throat was gone and the panic returned. I cried, then rang the NHS's non-emergency number, explained my panic and my desire to have an actual test run on the gland, and I was given an out-of-ours GP appointment that same day. This time was much the same. She was more thorough than any before, said my throat definitely looked a little red even though I felt no soreness. She said I have an unusual amount of muscle on that side of my neck and couldn't find the lump until I stretched my neck out, so that the skin tautened over it, and pointed it out. She again said it felt normal and that she had no concerns but that I should go back to a GP in a week to review it, as then it would have been up for 3 weeks and they'd just want to check again to make sure it felt normal. That was on Saturday. My appointment to see another doctor is next Tuesday, at my usual surgery at home. I still have a lot of phlegm at the back of my throat, a slight cough in the mornings, and this raised gland. But beyond that I've been experiencing things that logically I know are a result of severe anxiety from googling, but which are still registering as worrying symptoms. I have a lack of appetite, I'm tired, I felt nauseous last night and for part of today, I'm slightly constipated, and I itch. When I put things in perspective, these things don't seem like they should worry me but they do anyway. The lack of appetite is very typical of me when I'm stressed, and I've had exams this week too. The constipation only kicked in when I really started worrying, and the nausea could easily be a result of stressed bowels too. The itching is noticeable at all the times I usually itch - when I've just got in bed or pulled on a pair of jeans, or got out of the shower, or noticed a change in temperature. And yet I can't. Stop. Worrying! I'm constantly touching the lump; it moves but it's pretty solid. Maybe a centimeter? I know things you can't see can always feel bigger to your fingers. And I'm religiously checking for other lumps or rashes, and stretching my neck to gaze at the damned thing in the mirror. I've been having horrible thoughts - how will my family cope if I have c****r and die. Will I go on my family holiday this summer or will I be in a hospital somewhere getting treatment? Will I see this christmas? What about all the things I've ever wanted to do? I'm on the verge of crying constantly and I've been skyping my family nearly every day. I've only managed to revise for one of my exams and am seeking special consideration for the other because I just haven't been able to focus at all. My current plan is to see this doctor and explain my situation too him and request some test even if he doesn't think there's anything wrong. I need certainty. But then, from more of Dr. Google's wonderful insights, the only way to be sure with that particular brand of c****r that I'm fearing most is to do an excisional biopsy and I don't know if I'll be able to get a referral for much more than a blood test and ultrasound. Will I be able to trust that if that's the case? I'm terrified of getting any such tests because of what the results might be, but at the same time I want nothing more right now than to get properly tested. This is all made worse by being away from home and having exams. I just want to be with my family and try to relax but I can't with this. I guess what I want to know is, how the hell am I supposed to cope with this weight until next Tuesday? It's less than a week but might as well be a year to my mind right now. Does anyone else have experience with stubborn lymph nodes? Especially ones that have gotten this big and persisted for ages? What do you think?
  21. I have severe anxiety, panic disorder and PTSD. I've had a lot of death in the past few years and I feel as though every day I am worrying about not being here, worried something bad is going to happen and constantly stressed about every single choice I make. It's really draining. I can barely remember what it's like to feel happiness as every time I do have a moment of pure joy, I get anxious that I'm focusing on it too much and that too will be taken away. I have been avoiding prescription medications as the idea of not feeling anything at all worries me. I'm not sure if maybe feeling like I do now is better as at least I'm feeling something. No real question here but if someone can relate or has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Thank you for reading.
  22. Really need help. Lately for the past few weeks I have been feeling terrible. A few weeks ago I had a very scary thought while with my girlfriend I thought what if I ever fallen out of love with her? And since then anxiety has completely gone through the roof when around her and brings me to tears when I think about all of our memories together. This is not ROCD. It is anxiety trying to affect my insecurities. If anyone has ever experienced this please give advice thank you, for the past few days I have been slipping into a depressive state and I'm finding it hard to enjoy life.
  23. So, I don't know what this was a couple nights ago. But I suffer from Major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder. I was crying because I felt so worthless. But as I was doing this I was on Skype with my boyfriend. And as I cried, I remembered all of the nasty things my ex boyfriend and his friends told me. And all of a sudden I just started to laugh uncontrollably and then after I laughed for ten minutes I started crying again. Then I felt so alive that I was about to bust out of my body. I told my boyfriend I wanted to run five miles. And I wanted to have sex with everyone. I never acted like this before . And I started to talk so fast. I almost threw up. Then when I calmed down enough and I was about to go to sleep, I was scared someone was going to watch me in my sleep and hurt me. The next morning I clung on to my boyfriend at school, telling him not to abandon me . I asked him to double check his doors and windows to make sure there locked. I was scared all day . Now, two days later I wonder what that even was. EDIT: I am NOT abusing any medication or on any street drugs
  24. Hi all! I am so frustrated with this illness. I have been doing/trying everything and it just seems as if I take 2 steps forwards and 5 steps back. I just need your support, and hearing from others who are going through this or that can relate will truly help. Today has been so emotional for me, and I am so tired of living like this. Here's my back story: History: I had an amazing childhood! Was a typical kid, played sports, ran track from middle school all the way through college. I've traveled all over, vacationed, had lots of fun, made great friends and lived a pretty normal life. 2013: I still worked out but my food intake was pretty bad lol. I was married in 2011 and had a baby 2012. I had an awesome job and life was good. Around 2013, I noticed when I was driving my grandmother home at night on the freeway, I felt this intense "outer body experience" (unbeknownst to me as panic/anxiety). I was about to pull over but I didn't want to freak her out so I just fought through it, and wrote it off as some sort of gas fumes coming from the cars into my vents. This happened many once or twice more while driving at night on the freeway, but I just ignored it. 2014 My life started to change a bit, my job became extremely demanding, my marriage was crumbling because we were neglecting each other. 2 hour commutes each way, hustling to get to daycare, and scramble to make dinner, all to do it again for 5 days. Weekends were made to get laundry, groceries, and clean up our home as I also work a part time job Saturdays. There was no more time for me, I was always on the go! Feb 2015: This is when disaster strikes. My son was ill for a few days, so as mom, I didn't sleep. My husband and I decided to call out of work as we did not sleep. I decided to go to the gym. I started working out and noticed heart palpitations, but ignored it. Then all of a sudden I had the outer body experience again. I kind of brushed it off but had it in the back of my head. 3 days later, I taught my dance class after work, and 30 minutes later i grabbed my head and had a real intense "out body experience" . I thought I was about to die in front of the class. My heart was pounding, and my thoughts were racing "something bad is happening to me" and I didn't know how to go about things. As I drove home, I began to freak out on the freeway. I didn't know whether I should have pulled over or scream at the top of my lungs, I just felt like I was going bat Shyt crazy and I didn't know why. I thought maybe my workouts are too intense and I need to slow down. It seem to be the most logical answer since thats when these episodes started to occur most frequently. The next day, i was talking about it with my mother then BAM! It started to hit me again. The outer body experience! "oh Shyt mom its happening" I hung up on her so fast and try to calm myself. However the irrational thoughts started pouring in "what's happening to me?" "Do I have a heart issues?" The more I thought, the more my heart pounded, my palms became sweaty. I sat down and thought just calm down...but the more I tried to talk to morsel, it just seem like I was pouring gasoline on a fire! I felt like I had the Panic Demon sitting on my shoulder saying "guys she's not down yet, she's a fighter...lets crank it up a notch". They started to coming in like a Tsunami! My chest started to tighten up, I could breath, and my legs and hands went numb. I collapse in my husbands arms while my 3 year old son was eating dinner. At this point I knew I was dying. I told my husband to call 911 and I can't believe I'm going to die in front of my family. I was rushed to the hospital to only be told I was stressed. Stressed...really??? No way, this is bull shyt. In my mind, I was healthy and I worked out to relieve stress, and this couldn't possibly the cause of this non sense. I followed up with my primary care doctor who told me I had just had a Panic attack and I have anxiety. I heard nothing else after that, as she tried to explain what happened. Everything else sounded like Charlie Brown. I couldn't believe she was prescribing Xanax (which made me feel depressed by the way). After this, my life has never been the same, and a can of worms was now opened. April 2015 I took off work for a bout month and a half. I was devistated and crushed. I just felt like something terrible happened to me and everyone was brushing it off because I was young (32yrs old). When I went back to work, I could no longer sit in traffic, ride the metro, take the bus or cross the street without having a panic attack. I was miserable!!! I had people wondering and asking me why I was out so long, and I was so embarrassed to tell them because Im having panic attacks and I don't know why. I could no longer keep it up. The more I went to work, the worse my symptoms became. So I then made the hardest decision in my life, and that was to resign from my dream job (which was a blessing). As soon as I resigned my symptoms started to subside within DAYS! I WAS happy again! I was able to drive on the freeway and teach my dance class again. Life was great! So I thought. I gave up my dance class as I didn't want to add additional stress. However, it seem like once I stopped working out, my symptoms started to slowly creep back. July 2015 I had another MAJOR panic attack while driving on a dark road with no lights. I thought my life was over! I couldn't see, hear, or comprehend anything. I felt as if I had just taken 4 shots of patron, and mixed it with Jamerson. "This can't be normal! This has to be some type of brain disease!" Currently I eat EXTREMELY CLEAN. Almost raw. I still eat meat and I take magnesium at night. I have problems sleeping, and when I do sleep its not quality sleep. The only thing I drink is water. I do not spoke and I don't drink. I pray every morning and show gratitude before I open my eyes. I mediate and stretch before I do leave my bedroom. I speak positive affirmations daily and try to live in the moment. I try to stay optimistic even on the days I struggle with. I have migraines 2 times a month. My skin is extremely dry and now I starting to have stomach issues. I was told I may have an ulcer, and the GT wants to do and endoscopy. I really do not want to do that as I have never been put to sleep. My left arm is constantly numb. I've seen a cardiologist, neurologist, a wellness Doctors, and I had CT scans, etc. Everything is clear. I am slightly anemic but I have been that way all of my life. Today Was emotional for me. I just broke down. I feel like I walk around wearing a big "S" on my chest and try to stay strong, but today I failed. My son wanted to go to the park, but as we walked my Panic/Anxiety started to flare up. I tried to fight it but I couldn't, I tried to breath the way I do when I mediate, to no avail. I didn't want something to happen to me and he was left by himself, so I turned around. That was hard for me to swallow. He shouldn't have to suffer because of his mother. For that reason my entire system shut down. I just feel like this in no way to live life. I am so tired of taking 3 steps forward to be knocked back down. I love nature, I love walking, working out. I find it hard to just take a walk because my body starts prepping for another Panic attack. I feel like I am trapped in someone's body and I want out. I notice when I don't sleep well or eat enough, my aniexy/panic is heighten. I haven't had quality sleep since January 2015. I get tired of staying up to 2/3 am just to pass out to go to sleep. I have the greatest support system in the world. I just feel like I am a burden on my family at times. I just want to feel normal again. I apologize for the novel and Typos. I didn't re-read this post because I started to get a migraine typing this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I pray I wake up tomorrow with a better start. I just don't know what else to do. If you read this entire post. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Even if you don't respond, please just pray for me Positive vibes sent you all. Peace and blessings to each and every one of you!
  25. Has this happened to anyone else? Please let me know I'm not in this boat alone. I've felt fear all morning and I've been taking 500mg of Cipro every 12 hours for 3 days.