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  1. It's five days before Christmas and that has always been my biggest trigger as far as holidays are concerned. I did not do particularly well at Thanksgiving this year and I am struggling through a bout of depression right now, so I'm not really at peak coping skills right now. I think I need to re-read and take notes on some passages in the Panic Attacks Workbook. I'm too tired of fighting the depression and anxiety this week to say anything else - just that it's there, I know it's a lie, and I'm having a hard time remembering that in the moment. I just want to go back to bed until the holidays are over, or shut everyone out of my life so that no one ever expects me to leave the house and I can just stay in my safe little bubble.
  2. I've been doing pretty well for my last couple of "adventures," didn't even need a blog entry about them. I finished the Panic Attacks Workbook and implemented an exposure therapy plan, although I have to admit that it's still pretty daunting and I keep thinking ahead - instead of, "I can handle a 5-minute car ride around the block," my mind is automatically jumping to, "A 30-minute car ride with no Dramamine would definitely cause me to vomit. I can't do that." Earlier this week, I agreed to go to brunch about 30 minutes away (driving myself there) with my dad, aunt and cousin tomorrow - the fact that I agreed and didn't make up an excuse about why I can't go is a triumph in itself, but the closer the date comes, the more anxious I'm getting. That's pretty much par for the course. The thing that's bothering me this time is that I've been having waves of nausea for the last couple of days. I can pretty much put it down to either too much screen time or PMS symptoms (I'm due for those soon and I always spend a day or two feeling nauseated each month, so it makes sense). I also know that when you get a stomach virus, it doesn't tease you for 3-4 days before it hits - you just get sick. But I keep having anxious thoughts - the most common in a situation like this is, "The symptoms start off mild and get worse, so the longer you're not full-blown sick makes it more and more likely that you'll become full-blown sick while driving or at the restaurant." That's nonsensical "logic" and I know that, but I'm still sitting at about a 50% urge to cancel right now. Another stressing factor is the fact that my husband is off work tomorrow so he wants to come - I love my husband and I don't want him to feel like he's not welcome anywhere, but if I get sick in the middle of the meal and he's still eating, I'll feel trapped so anxiety tells me it's "better" to go alone.
  3. I've got an appointment at the Apple Store this morning in about 2 hours to get my laptop repaired and I think it's time for another episode of Adventures in Leaving the House. These seem to be helping. I've had panic attacks at the Apple Store before because of how crowded it is and how much waiting is involved, plus it's just far enough away from my house to be outside my comfort zone. The last two times I went (back in August), I stayed and successfully worked through my panic, so I'm sure today will be the same - plus, the Apple Store is in the mall and I never found a bag I liked for my Chromebook so I want to do some shopping while I'm there. Last night, my anxiety level was pretty low and I was feeling good - I'm still riding high on my success at the ballet (a significantly bigger deal, in my mind, than the Apple Store) and wasn't expecting to have any problems. Then I woke up this morning and I'm feeling dizzy (I know full well this is an anxiety symptom) and I've got a headache (maybe a real headache, maybe a lack of caffeine, or maybe tension from anxiety - either way, it can't hurt me). So on top of the symptoms, I'm feeling frustrated with myself because of the irrational idea that I overcame my fear of the ballet, therefore I'm "cured" or somehow insulated from further panic for the time being. I'd still say that my anxiety today is only about a 3 or 4, when in the recent past it's been more like a 7, but this will be an excellent opportunity to put what I've been learning into practice and work with my anxiety rather than trying to hide from it. I actually feel pretty good right now, which is a weird way to feel even as I am experiencing anxiety. The game plan: I already ate breakfast so I wouldn't feel sick from hunger. I'm drinking a cup of coffee now to combat the headache. I've been practicing breathing from my stomach to fix the dizziness and calm myself.
  4. It's tricky when agoraphobia is such a vague term, and everyone experiences it a different way, but for me the worst part is the physical sickness. I've read a lot of other people's experiences but haven't come across many that I really relate to when it comes to nausea. When I try to go out and the panic starts, it feels like I'm going to vomit. I don't really get the fast heart rate or feeling like I'm dying, for me its all very literal, like I'm going to throw up and be stuck in either the discomfort or embarressment. Sometimes it feels like the nausea will last forever. And I don't know if this is true or my illness but I feel like if I could get the nausea under control then the anxiety wouldn't be so bad? I'm probably talking to a void here but is anyone else experiencing this or feel the same as me?
  5. It helped the other day when I talked through my fear of going to Best Buy, so I'm going to try it again for today's outing. A little background: I have panic disorder and I regularly avoid situations in which I feel trapped. Any type of theater or audience situation - from a movie theater to a classroom to live theater - triggers that sensation for me, and I've been at varying degrees of anticipatory panic for about a week, ever since my mother-in-law bought me a ticket to see the ballet with her and my niece without asking me first. I feel very petty, self-absorbed and ungrateful to be upset that she wanted to include me (especially after I found out the tickets are $40 each), but my brain keeps saying, "This is too big an event for the stage of recovery you're currently in. You are going to panic, this is going to be bad, and you are not going to get through this." Every time I have that thought, a wave of panic washes over me and my bowels begin to cramp at the idea of being in that theater. I start to think of every little step that has to occur in order to get through the ballet and every point at which it would be easy to panic or be trapped, and it begins to feel insurmountable: I have to drive there and I don't know what traffic will be like. I'm not familiar with the parking situation or how easy it will be to get my car back on the road when I'm ready to leave. I don't know where the restrooms are or how many stalls are available. I don't know where our seats are, how close to the aisle and exits I'll be, or how hot the auditorium will be. I don't know the exact run time of the play. These things always begin a little late, so I'll have to wait in the lobby, and then again at my seat. Intermission always takes too long and I'll have to wait again then, plus the bathroom lines will be long. Everyone will leave at the same time, creating traffic jams. Even thinking about all of those things right now is making me feel sick and I probably shouldn't have listed them all out like that, especially so close to the event (I need to leave the house in two hours). So right now, I'm thinking, "This is enough time to bow out and excuse myself from the event. It's still rude to not show up and it's a waste of my mother-in-law's money since I haven't given her enough lead time to find someone to give my ticket to, but maybe she can take one of the younger nieces who will enjoy the ballet more than my nervous ass will. Maybe in a few months, I'll be recovered enough to do something like this." I woke up with a stomach ache and general anxiety this morning. I ate a bowl of cereal because I could tell that I was going to have nausea as a result of low blood sugar problems if I tried to starve myself, and I also know that not eating makes me feel worse, not safer. I also had a cup of coffee because I'm pretty dependent on caffeine, but only one because I didn't want to get shaky, have to go to the bathroom repeatedly, or feel sick on account of the coffee. I've gone to the bathroom twice so far, which is a trigger for the anxious thought, "See? You are sick and if you go to the ballet, you're going to have diarrhea." I'm also feeling warm, but that's an anxiety symptom and it could also have to do with the fact that I'm still wearing my robe, which is too warm to sit around in all day. And I'm experiencing intermittent periods of dizziness, which is absolutely an anxiety symptom and nothing more - I've been tested for vertigo and any other conditions that might make me dizzy and been cleared by a doctor. I'm just not breathing well because I'm anxious. Furthermore, I'm feeling a little hungry again (how could I be sick while I'm hungry?) and all my symptoms magically go away if I distract myself with television, setting up my planner for next week, or briefly telling myself that I can cop out of going to the ballet. If I were really sick, my symptoms wouldn't go away every time I stopped thinking about the ballet. So here's my game plan: I'm going to take a shower and get dressed up because resisting the urge to be a slob always makes me feel more in control. I'm going to use my car time to dictate a couple thousand words of my current novel - and I'm going to be grateful for the distraction from work that the ballet provides because if it weren't for that, I'd be trudging through my rough draft all day. I'm going to bring a pair of headphones in my purse so I can sneakily listen to calming music or an audiobook if I really need to during the play, and I'm also going to bring my fidget cube to use as a distraction. My mantra for the day is, "It's just a temporary panic, and panic isn't dangerous," which I will repeat as necessary to keep myself from fighting the anxiety - I'll call on my meditation knowledge to let it wash over me rather than dam up behind me, and I'll practice staying present in the moment. When it's over, I'm going to reward myself with a trip to Kohl's to buy a purse that my new Chromebook fits into so I can carry it with me always. A few other things I like to remind myself of, which may or may not be in line with Carbonell's methods but which seem to help: If I stayed at home, I definitely wouldn't get sick so there's no reason to expect sickness in this situation, either. The whole event, round trip, will be about three hours, and the ballet will be roughly the length of a movie - I sit through two hours' worth of Netflix every single night and nothing bad ever happens, so this will be more of the same. I'm driving separately so if I genuinely need to leave, I can. If I were to actually get sick, I'd feel the same at home as I would in the theater so it doesn't matter where I vomit. If my symptoms mean I have a cold or flu, again, I'd feel the same at home as I would having a cold or flu at the theater, and I never vomit from those problems so I may as well stay put - people go out when they're sick all the time and it's okay. I still feel strongly in favor of cancelling, but I'm determined to do this because I know the way I feel has nothing to do with real illness and everything to do with anxiety. If I cancel today, it'll only be kicking this problem further down the road and making it harder to deal with later. Half the time when I get this worked up, I don't even end up having a panic attack, and the other half of the time, I do have a panic attack but I survive because there's nothing dangerous about a panic attack. So I'm setting my intention right now. I need to leave the house at 1:30pm and I will return to my house again by 4:30pm. Even if I don't make it to the theater, I will force myself to be away from home during those hours, so I might as well go and hold up my end of a promise I made.
  6. For the last couple of years, I've been screaming my anxiety fears into the Tumblr void and it's not helping anyone - talking to myself just makes me feel more alone and broadcasting my darkest fears only makes them seem bigger. So I thought I'd try writing here instead, and making sure to frame my thoughts in a positive, recovery-centered way. I just started working through the Panic Attack Workbook by David Carbonell because I found his website and was blown away by how much I felt like he was writing about me specifically. I thought, "This is a man who can help me with my exact problems," and I'm optimistic that will be the case. But I'm only up to chapter five so that means I'm in the knows just enough to be dangerous phase of working through recovery. My problem at this exact moment in time is that there's a Chromebook waiting for me to pick it up at Best Buy 15 minutes away, but: It's Black Friday and I know the trip will take at least twice as long as usual because of the lines. I can't stop thinking about an event I'm going to on Sunday that's causing anxiety, and I think if I don't "stay home and rest" now, I'll be too sick and anxious to go. There's a strange aching behind my right ear, my throat's a little scratchy, I'm mildly dizzy, I've got a mild headache behind my eyes, and my stomach is rumbling - clearly a sign that I'm about to be imminently and catastrophically sick and not a result of having skipped lunch and dinner. I've already been to this Best Buy once today in search of the same Chromebook. I left because the lines were long, but that was a function of impatience, not anxiety. I have very good reasons for going and picking it up today and not tomorrow, but the fact that I've already been there once today is making me think irrationally that it's risky to go again because I'm "pushing my luck". Here's what I know when I strip away the anxiety response: I've already 'scouted' the location so I know exactly how it will go - only it'll be better this time because I've pre-paid and it's later in the day. I'm going to have a lot of fun setting up my new Chromebook tonight once I get it home. How I feel today has absolutely no bearing on how I will feel on Sunday, and I have anxiety, not a physical condition, so I am not a "spoonie" as I sometimes think. All of the physical symptoms I have can be easily explained away by a lack of food, a day spent looking at my computer screen, and the anxiety itself. Even if I were to be sick in some manner during my trip, I could be home and "safe" in no more than two hours round trip - and that's being generous. So I'm going to fill my water bottle to stave off the hunger symptoms a little longer, listen to some calming music on the way to the store, and pick up my new toy. Not today, anxiety!
  7. Hi there, I've had agoraphobia for the last 15 years. It was quite okay until around January 2017. Now it is quite bad. I'm really interested in general topics now as it seems to me that everyone (well obviously not everyone) is concerned about their problems. Does anyone have a vague idea that from an analytical point of view what the underlying reason for agoraphobia and social phobia is? In Hungary I talked to a very nice therapist (only email) and he said that both have to do with separation anxiety stemming from childhood. I've found a few interesting websites:
  8. Hi there, I've had agoraphobia for the last 15 years. It was quite okay until around January 2017. Now it is quite bad. I'm really interested in general topics now as it seems to me that everyone (well obviously not everyone) is concerned about their problems. Does anyone have a vague idea that from an analytical point of view what the underlying reason for agoraphobia and social phobia is? In Hungary I talked to a very nice therapist (only email) and he said that both have to do with separation anxiety stemming from childhood. I've found a few interesting websites:
  9. I have to move house soon. Right now I live with my mum, and it's my only safe place. But my sister had a baby and she's moving to be closer to the dad and my mum will move too to stay close to them, so either I move with my mum or my mum, dad, sister, niece and her dad and me will all move in together or I move out on my own and try to find roomates. No matter what I have to move and it's really freaking me out. I don't know what to do or how to deal with it.
  10. i have a major problem getting a job and working, i wanted to know if anyone else has the same issue
  11. I'm a teenager with agoraphobia and everyday I suffocate more and more .
  12. Hi all! I am so frustrated with this illness. I have been doing/trying everything and it just seems as if I take 2 steps forwards and 5 steps back. I just need your support, and hearing from others who are going through this or that can relate will truly help. Today has been so emotional for me, and I am so tired of living like this. Here's my back story: History: I had an amazing childhood! Was a typical kid, played sports, ran track from middle school all the way through college. I've traveled all over, vacationed, had lots of fun, made great friends and lived a pretty normal life. 2013: I still worked out but my food intake was pretty bad lol. I was married in 2011 and had a baby 2012. I had an awesome job and life was good. Around 2013, I noticed when I was driving my grandmother home at night on the freeway, I felt this intense "outer body experience" (unbeknownst to me as panic/anxiety). I was about to pull over but I didn't want to freak her out so I just fought through it, and wrote it off as some sort of gas fumes coming from the cars into my vents. This happened many once or twice more while driving at night on the freeway, but I just ignored it. 2014 My life started to change a bit, my job became extremely demanding, my marriage was crumbling because we were neglecting each other. 2 hour commutes each way, hustling to get to daycare, and scramble to make dinner, all to do it again for 5 days. Weekends were made to get laundry, groceries, and clean up our home as I also work a part time job Saturdays. There was no more time for me, I was always on the go! Feb 2015: This is when disaster strikes. My son was ill for a few days, so as mom, I didn't sleep. My husband and I decided to call out of work as we did not sleep. I decided to go to the gym. I started working out and noticed heart palpitations, but ignored it. Then all of a sudden I had the outer body experience again. I kind of brushed it off but had it in the back of my head. 3 days later, I taught my dance class after work, and 30 minutes later i grabbed my head and had a real intense "out body experience" . I thought I was about to die in front of the class. My heart was pounding, and my thoughts were racing "something bad is happening to me" and I didn't know how to go about things. As I drove home, I began to freak out on the freeway. I didn't know whether I should have pulled over or scream at the top of my lungs, I just felt like I was going bat Shyt crazy and I didn't know why. I thought maybe my workouts are too intense and I need to slow down. It seem to be the most logical answer since thats when these episodes started to occur most frequently. The next day, i was talking about it with my mother then BAM! It started to hit me again. The outer body experience! "oh Shyt mom its happening" I hung up on her so fast and try to calm myself. However the irrational thoughts started pouring in "what's happening to me?" "Do I have a heart issues?" The more I thought, the more my heart pounded, my palms became sweaty. I sat down and thought just calm down...but the more I tried to talk to morsel, it just seem like I was pouring gasoline on a fire! I felt like I had the Panic Demon sitting on my shoulder saying "guys she's not down yet, she's a fighter...lets crank it up a notch". They started to coming in like a Tsunami! My chest started to tighten up, I could breath, and my legs and hands went numb. I collapse in my husbands arms while my 3 year old son was eating dinner. At this point I knew I was dying. I told my husband to call 911 and I can't believe I'm going to die in front of my family. I was rushed to the hospital to only be told I was stressed. Stressed...really??? No way, this is bull shyt. In my mind, I was healthy and I worked out to relieve stress, and this couldn't possibly the cause of this non sense. I followed up with my primary care doctor who told me I had just had a Panic attack and I have anxiety. I heard nothing else after that, as she tried to explain what happened. Everything else sounded like Charlie Brown. I couldn't believe she was prescribing Xanax (which made me feel depressed by the way). After this, my life has never been the same, and a can of worms was now opened. April 2015 I took off work for a bout month and a half. I was devistated and crushed. I just felt like something terrible happened to me and everyone was brushing it off because I was young (32yrs old). When I went back to work, I could no longer sit in traffic, ride the metro, take the bus or cross the street without having a panic attack. I was miserable!!! I had people wondering and asking me why I was out so long, and I was so embarrassed to tell them because Im having panic attacks and I don't know why. I could no longer keep it up. The more I went to work, the worse my symptoms became. So I then made the hardest decision in my life, and that was to resign from my dream job (which was a blessing). As soon as I resigned my symptoms started to subside within DAYS! I WAS happy again! I was able to drive on the freeway and teach my dance class again. Life was great! So I thought. I gave up my dance class as I didn't want to add additional stress. However, it seem like once I stopped working out, my symptoms started to slowly creep back. July 2015 I had another MAJOR panic attack while driving on a dark road with no lights. I thought my life was over! I couldn't see, hear, or comprehend anything. I felt as if I had just taken 4 shots of patron, and mixed it with Jamerson. "This can't be normal! This has to be some type of brain disease!" Currently I eat EXTREMELY CLEAN. Almost raw. I still eat meat and I take magnesium at night. I have problems sleeping, and when I do sleep its not quality sleep. The only thing I drink is water. I do not spoke and I don't drink. I pray every morning and show gratitude before I open my eyes. I mediate and stretch before I do leave my bedroom. I speak positive affirmations daily and try to live in the moment. I try to stay optimistic even on the days I struggle with. I have migraines 2 times a month. My skin is extremely dry and now I starting to have stomach issues. I was told I may have an ulcer, and the GT wants to do and endoscopy. I really do not want to do that as I have never been put to sleep. My left arm is constantly numb. I've seen a cardiologist, neurologist, a wellness Doctors, and I had CT scans, etc. Everything is clear. I am slightly anemic but I have been that way all of my life. Today Was emotional for me. I just broke down. I feel like I walk around wearing a big "S" on my chest and try to stay strong, but today I failed. My son wanted to go to the park, but as we walked my Panic/Anxiety started to flare up. I tried to fight it but I couldn't, I tried to breath the way I do when I mediate, to no avail. I didn't want something to happen to me and he was left by himself, so I turned around. That was hard for me to swallow. He shouldn't have to suffer because of his mother. For that reason my entire system shut down. I just feel like this in no way to live life. I am so tired of taking 3 steps forward to be knocked back down. I love nature, I love walking, working out. I find it hard to just take a walk because my body starts prepping for another Panic attack. I feel like I am trapped in someone's body and I want out. I notice when I don't sleep well or eat enough, my aniexy/panic is heighten. I haven't had quality sleep since January 2015. I get tired of staying up to 2/3 am just to pass out to go to sleep. I have the greatest support system in the world. I just feel like I am a burden on my family at times. I just want to feel normal again. I apologize for the novel and Typos. I didn't re-read this post because I started to get a migraine typing this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I pray I wake up tomorrow with a better start. I just don't know what else to do. If you read this entire post. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Even if you don't respond, please just pray for me Positive vibes sent you all. Peace and blessings to each and every one of you!
  13. I finally found someone who will help me with medication . They will not come to me, but they are not very far away from my house . There are little outside of my comfort zone but I have time to get comfortable . Before she will even give me an appointment though, she wants me to get a physical and blood work done. This makes me trust you more and have confidence that she will only do what is best for me . I have an appointment on Friday develop paperwork at the clinic not very far away from me . I have an appointment at the same clinic on Monday to see a doctor . Originally they wanted both of these appointments at the same time and I told him that would be too much. So it looks like they are willing to work with me . I am absolutely terrified.
  14. Do you suffer from social anxiety when it comes to making friends? Would you be interested in seeking advice and help to overcome this? Award winning independent production company Ponda Films are developing a sensitive and intelligent documentary series for a leading UK broadcaster that aims to explore the issue of agoraphobia and social anxiety, allowing contributors to talk openly about their experiences. To hear more please contact Fozia at Our conversation would be an opportunity for us to explain more about the project, and learn more from you. All correspondence is entirely confidential, with no obligation to take part. We have extensive experience in making sensitive and intelligent programmes on a variety of topics – for more information please
  15. Elizabeth1976


    I may have found a way to get medication without hospitalization. I am waiting on a call back. It is a plqce that offers emergency services. It is very close to my house. They just might be willing to make an exception and see me more than once until I can get somewhere a little further away. I should know sometime in the next few hours. I am waiting on a call from the program director.
  16. Hi, so here is my story, six years ago I developed agoraphobia and three years ago I met my soulmate online. We only chatted online for about less than two weeks before she made the trip to come see me. She lives approximately two hours away. Right from the start we both knew there was some serious chemistry between the both of us. We just knew we were meant to be together. From the very first time we spoke on the phone I laid it out on the line for her that I had a condition called Agoraphobia and I gave her plenty of details about it but she insisted in continuing our relationship and said that she would help me work through it. Everything was fine for the first two years because I started making progress I even started visiting her at her home but she would have to drive. However for the last year things have taken sort of a turn for the worst. My condition seems to be getting worse and not better. Which is weird because I was making somewhat good progress. She has stuck by me every step of the way and has been great so far. A few months back one of her friends asked if I could DJ her daughter's sweet 16 birthday party next month and the location was a bit out of my comfort zone but I agreed to do it anyway as a favor to her. I took a trip to make a dry run to the location and I knew that I was not going to be able to do it that it was just too far out of my comfort zone. As the days got closer to the party It started weighing heavily on my shoulders so much so that a couple nights ago I went straight into panic mode the entire day night and the following morning. I finally had to tell her that I was not going to be able to do it and it stressed me out so bad days prior to telling her because I didn't know how she was going to take the news. And to make matters worse I was supposed to go with her to her house this week to celebrate our three-year anniversary but from all the anxiety I did not feel up to making the trip and now on top of canceling the party on her friend and this she is really angry with me right now and I'm afraid this might be it. She has put up with a lot because of my condition the last few years but I think this time she might just have had enough. I love her so much and I know she loves me too and I would be devastated to lose her.
  17. I have been wanting to get a bicycle for a couple of years. I think it will help me get out more and be more independent. My therapist is behind the idea. My husband is not. I think I finally got him to agree to it. My husband and mother in law are trying to discourage me. Has anyone else done this? Now I hear the two of them talking about moving my daughter out of our place and away from me. I am freaking out. I am also not dumb enough to let them know I heard.
  18. I really need to get on medication . My problem is I can't get to anyone . What do I do? I feel so alone. This morning I had an episode , panic attack, because I couldn't find the phone . I like to have the phone near me and give any to call my therapist oranges I have a medical graces or something like that and need to call 911 . It's something I really worry about . And my husband woke up and he punched me in the back. I feel like I have no words and no support . No one even cared what I told them . My mom is the only one that cared NTQ hours away and there's nothing he can do . I don't know what to do . I can't leave because of the Agoura phobia . I feel so trapped I feel like a caged animal .
  19. Elizabeth1976


    My therapist recommended I check this form out . I was doing so well. I was able to go out about a mile away from home and I was able to get to where I need to get my license, but not get my license yet . It all crumbled beneath me and I feel so alone. I'm so scared all the time. I can't get the anxiety to stop. I went from one their business in a week to three and it doesn't seem to be enough . I find myself calling my therapist of the day they don't care just to try to get reassurance I'm not crazy hopeless like there's nothing left for me to this morning I woke up so angry and I don't know why . I can't stand anyone being near me . I just wanted to introduce myself .
  20. Last night, like I do several times a day ,, I went for a ride with my husband . We don't go very far usually no more than about six blocks . We got pulled over by the police because the light over the license plate in the back is out . He did not have his license or registration with him . Entire thing took about 10 to 15 minutes . I did not panic and I do not have an anxiety attack . Even now I am scared to death of cops . I emailed my therapist immediately when I got home and she said she was proud of me as well . At least it's a good moment I can look back on and feel good about . I would really like it if everyone that looks at this and reads this post post something they have done they are proud of . It can be anything . Perhaps you went to the mailbox to get the mail ? Maybe you got through a period of time without an anxiety attack ? Anything . I want to start something positive here where everyone can see they did something positive and can be proud of it . The thought process here is to make everyone feel good about themselves for a few moments . Anxiety robs us so much and makes us feel so bad about ourselves . Perhaps if we fight back with something positive it will help . Even if it just makes the next moment good we deserve that , all of us do.
  21. so i kinda wanted to vent a little, this could just be my experience and i hate to be negative although i think typing this out may help me ! .. so after feeling guilty from family to be getting an education and well doing something with my life, which obviously failed since my anxiety and agoraphobia, so recently i decided i will take my time no more feeling guilty, i need to concentrate on myself for the first time, and make sure i am fit to enjoy life and everything that comes with it. its as if i need to prove im unwell, i know its hard to imagine when you have not suffered from anxiety, i just wish mental health was more known about and accepted, im tired of feeling shame for the way i am and hating myself for it,.the guilt i feel for not being able to just pop to the shop myself is unreal and its too much to hold on to recently, its a vicious circle which ends in feeling like people would be better off without the inconvenience. noone should feel like they are not good enough.. is it just me ?
  22. I have OCD and related Agoraphobia, my government provides certain help (a long draining process, certainly not kind to agoraphobics), I'm from Ontario, Canada. I know a lot of other people suffer from similar issues, but this is my first time reaching out to any sort of community. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful live in boyfriend. He is loving, accepting and does his best to understand. He chooses time and time again to stay with me, despite having dealt with panic attacks, nagging, moodiness, depression, agoraphobia, and all else that comes along with living with someone with these issues. I'm tired of allowing him to take care of me and support the both of us without my help. I've tried over and over the last 3 years and more to help him pay the bills, but every time I fail. I can't hold a job, I freak out and go back into recluse. I have no problem getting hired, when I finally am able to get out and find a job, but I can't keep them. This last year I've stopped being able to function the way a person should. I've probably showered 3 times this year, it takes over 5 hours usually because I can't feel I've rinsed enough. I can't touch hardly anything, I wash my hands 5 billion times a day, I don't leave the house because doing so brings on a million problems that I don't know how to deal with without having a panic attack or having everyone stare at me like a freak. The very worse part is that I force him to take part in my rituals, rituals that cause him to live his life in a way he doesn't want to. I can't afford help. I've tried to get my family to care, but they never will and we are not in contact. My boyfriend, bless him, is in over his head. He avoids his problems and tries to pretend it's not weighing him down, but every now and then (more and more lately) you see him fighting not to break down. I love him and I try to help him, but I can't even help myself. My comforting him doesn't do anything to make the situation better. I feel trapped. If anyone who can relate has found a way to help pay the bills from home with limited stress please tell me what you did. I need some way that doesn't involve scams, to make some money and take some pressure off of him. It was also help me to not feel completely useless, maybe get a bit of confidence back. Baby steps right? And I know this probably has sounded pessimistic. That's so not me, I'm just trying to be honest. I AM trying to improve my situation in other ways, I have not given up. Every day I try to improve my OCD in the only way I know how, to resist the urges and change my thoughts. It's gotten a bit better, but unfortunately we need to be able to pay rent and the stress of never having enough money to know that we'll still have a place to live next month doesn't make it too easy. I'm open to any advise or thoughts. Just please be kind because this is embarrassing and vulnerable. I'd also love to know if any one can relate, I feel alone in this.
  23. Sara95x


    So i seen an article on a man who didnt leave his house for 20 years or so and after a few sessions of hypnotherapy he was cured, i only skimmed this article however its actually something ive thought about doing before, anyone had any experience with hypnotherapy? what does it involve, did it have any effect ect. if not what are your opinions on it ? Thanks! x
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