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Found 29 results

  1. I have depersonilization, and dont feel real sometimes, but I am still selfaware and conscious, I'm so terrified that one day that I will lose being self aware and conscious or lose being me cause I feel like its coming when my depersonilization acts up, I'm terrified and it makes my anxiety worse when I think I'm about to lose myself for ever and basically non exist
  2. So, let me start with the fact that I'm 23. All my life I have dealt with social anxiety. It use to not be as bad as it is now. When I turned 18 I went to college, a couple times actually. The courses I chose didnt work out because it was sort of what my mom wanted for me. Also the professor had some assignment where I had to speak in front of class so I would drop out. Anyway, I went on to try and have many jobs but I would always quit. Because it is so much easier to stay home then to face my anxiety and work 8 hours a day 5 days a week. So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. He wants a life with me, marriage, babies... and he is the manager of a store. We are struggling for money right now so until things are fixed we can't have a future. I love him to pieces. He recently offered me a job. I want to take it but I don't know if I can ever get up the courage to work. I want to but I'm scared. I don't wanna fail him again. I was walking today and found this website. I don't really know if this is how you're even supposed to use this site but here I am, writing this here. Maybe I really want help this time. So, anyway, if anyone has any tips or anything... It would really be nice. Thanks to whoever reads this. (:
  3. Hello. I've had my own bouts of hypochondria, usually relating to things like cancer (brain, pancreatic, breast) and ALS/vCJD, and I was wondering, is it normal/does anyone else here ever get hypochondria relating to those around you? Recently my hypochondria has come back over my parents, specifically my mom. I've gotten really concerned recently over the thought that she could possibly have cancer (brain cancer) or something along those lines. I don't really have anything to back me up, because she's acting as she usually does and is acting perfectly fine, but I'm still, for some reason, incredibly afraid of this possibility. In my last bout of hypochondria I had something happen like this for a while too, but I'm still feeling really anxious about this today. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this?
  4. Hi I'm new to this but I've had ongoing anxiety related issues for a year now involving clenching my jaw, grinding my teeth, shaking, tingling and numbness in hands and feet, heart palpitations, muscle twitches, tensing up, feeling sick, loss of appetite, feeling as if I'm going to faint, frequent urination, chest pain and frequent panic attacks. I've always had no doubt these were all caused by anxiety either because I've been anxious or I realized I was having an anxiety attack but recently I had a horrible panic attack that seemed to not let up for almost two weeks. Out of nowhere I woke up one morning and had the urge to use the restroom, but after I went I still felt the need to go. This has been occurring on and off and I went to the doctor to have UTI and STD testing, blood work, all came back negative. I've had ultrasounds of my bladder and uterus and been to a urologist to check for inflammation during a cystoscopy test, and had voiding tests. Everything came back clear and multiple doctors have told me there is nothing physically wrong with me and urology related problems wouldn't pop up overnight. Psychiatrists have told me that it could be due to anxiety since it started during an attack but I just can't seem to accept it...
  5. Hi everyone. Even moderators have scary moments. This morning my stool was short and hard pieces that had mucus on them. I am so scared. Has anyone had this?
  6. Hello everyone.I am freaking out. Please feel free to read my other posts as you will better understand where I am coming from. I normally go to the bathroom within a half hour of waking up in the morning usually around 5:15AM. Today, Sunday, I went at my normal time, but also went again around 10AM which I almost never do. Over the past few weeks once in a while it will happen where I go a second time like today. I am freaking out because my grandpa on my moms side died at 61 of CC and my old boss at 35 which I know is not common. My mom was negative for it, but I am scared!!!!
  7. I've already talked to two people on here who told me not to worry about it, but this pain of the left side of my abdomen has been freaking me out! It started in my lower stomach, I'd feel a sharp pain when I sat down. Now it's moved from my lower stomach to the entire left side of my stomach. It also doesn't help that I have back pain, but I've been having back pain on and off for months now, which believe is due to my job, but I never can be sure. I googled it. Yes, I used doctor google, and I google everything. I'm so scared of what this pain could be, even though in the back of my head I know its probably nothing serious. I don't know where it came from, but it started last week, and I've already had two anxiety attacks because of it. There's too many things that it could be, from kidneys, to ovaries, to bladder, to uterus, to digestive tract...I'm so confused. I'm seeing a urologist on the 31st, but I'm debating on whether or not to go to an ER or an urgent care. Advice!
  8. I haven't been active for a few weeks on here because I have been doing so well. I kind of just snapped out of it one day and started to feel great! This week I started to feel my anxiety coming on. I was trying to do my best and use all my coping mechanisms to combat the problem. However, yesterday I just succumbed to my feelings and had a panic attack! I was able to calm myself down enough to not be freaking out but I was emotional the whole night. I had to suck it up and go to a family party. Luckily everyone in my family is aware of my disorder and is very non-judgmental so I didn't feel I needed to hide my emotions. Today I am feeling weepy and terrible and anxious. I have an hour and 45 min left of work and I'm pushing through. I'm so frustrated this came back. I don't like setbacks. I get terrified of feeling like this everyday. I try to remind myself that I will snap out of it and feel better. It's such a hard battle. I hate it and I resent it and I know I'm supposed to accept it but I can't. I need some help. Who else has experienced set backs?
  9. Hello everyone!!!!! Someone please help me. I am really scared!!!!!!! for the past week or so, I have been noticing a small amount of white mucus on the tip of my stool which is hard. I have had hemorrhoids before, but I am so scared!!!!!!!!!! I don't have any fevers nor do I see any blood. Back in March, I had a CT of my abdomen and pelvis because I have/had a fatty liver, but the CT also looked at the bowel which showed "no obstruction or wall thickening"........I have had two blood CBC's which included the liver and a separate liver panel, all were ok except the liver enzymes. I have had a digital rectal exam in March which was negative for blood. I am scared that its "c"......I have lost weight, I was 210 back at the end of February and now I am between 183-186. I did drastically change my diet by cutting out fast foods, beer (which I was never a HUGE drinker), pizza, cake, cookies, ice cream, chips.......I started seeing a psychiatrist and he has me on lexapro, klonopin, and seroquel. I am freaking out and so scared because I have a 1 year old baby girl at home and I am afraid I wont see her grow up.
  10. Hello everyone. I recently posted on here about IBS, depression, and anxiety. Well today I am not doing that good in terms of my anxiety. I am so afraid. I apologize for being graphic, but on Saturday, I couldn't sleep and awoke at around 2:30am, I went to the bathroom and had a long narrow stool then pushed out tiny narrow pieces and my lower stomach was hurting. I also never go at this time. The next day it was similar but I let out what looked like mud after the initial solid stool. I am so afraid. I am hoping that I don't have c****r. My left lower back has on again off again discomfort. Today I went to the bathroom at my normal timt and it was short and hard and had white mucus in it. I am freaking out. My daughter will be 1 on the 27th and I am so afraid that I won't see her grow up. I feel like crying under a rock.
  11. Mike L

    Back Pain

    I am having lower left back pain almost at the top of my buttock. Is there any way to tell if this is anxiety or something medical? I am so afraid. There are other things going on with me which I have posted about, but I am so freaked out
  12. I got hit on the jaw by accident and on my right side behind my ear i chew and it feels like something is moving and i press in my ear and its likee a Crunching sound its only on my right side i eat and its like evrytime i chew my bone moves or something??? no pain i can eat chew open my mouth move side to side its just freaking me out sooo bad my anxiety is over the top right now pleasee help mee/.\
  13. Vincent

    Zeros entry

    4:16am and waiting for my son to wake up so we can go to his surgery thats 45 minutes away. Have to be there @ 7 am and his surgery is @ 8:45am Anxious as ever and hoping everything goes well, taking my spare bottle of valium with me to get through the whole process. Hallucinations are really bad right now, unable to focus or concentrate on anything, hoping a xanax will calm me down but i think im just going to sit in my chair, afraid as always that something bad may happen. They wont stop staring at me and its painful, how can something so faceless stare at me and send pain shooting through my head knowing they want to harm me or my family. The voices are deafening, it's as if a stadium full of people are talking in my head and i can't make out a single voice as they are all yelling over each other. It's getting worse daily, going to talk to my doctor about it on Thursday. Still paranoid over the SSI application and hoping I don't get declined, thats not helping anything either. It will either make my life easier by being approved or make my life just as hard if not harder if i'm declined. I would also like to thank this group for listening to my constant ramblings and understanding of me not being in the right state of mind. I hope i contribute enough in chat that it isn't one sided. I feel somewhat like an outcast because its like joining a new school in the middle of the year, everyone has already established friendships and know each other a bit and i'm just there, a third wheel unable to contribute to conversations i know nothing about and jumping in and asking isn't always my style because it's really none of my business if i haven't been told about it personally. <3 xoxoxoxo Zero
  14. Hello everyone again I really hope I am not being to annoying by posting lots of topics but I'm trying to narrow down my anxiety. Throughout the day I have several thoughts and ideas (fears mainly I'm thinking about) that cause anxiety and make my day miserable. I have been having some physical symptoms that are making the process a bit harder to say the least. I have some bad palpitations like PVCs as well as racing heartbeats and sometimes irregular rythms. This coupled with virtigo (dizziness) spells that come and go as well as headaches, migraines, and other things of the sort my anxiety is always being set off one way or another. Right now I have been having some very DEEP thoughts that get me really thinking what is life? Am I living it to my full potential? These thoughts cause really bad anxiety and ruin my day usually. I'm gonna list some of these thoughts but I hope they don't make you think I am insane because I almost truly believe I am myself. So I have been thinking a lot about getting a job and growing up. How much is sucks to be am adult now. I keep thinking that I wasted my childhood and that I have wasted my teens and now with this anxiety and stuff I am wasting my adult life and life doesn't matter anymore. Also I have been having some serious brain fogging and having trouble remembering things and its been scaring me. Every day I'm having some sort of trouble recalling things and I am always worrieng its because I have Alzheimer's or a stroke or something is not balanced with my diet (I am a vegetarian) and I'm doing irreversible damage and now my life is ruined. I have also been thinking about how fast my past childhood and past life has went by and keep thinking that what's going on now doesn't matter because before I know it in a flash I will be an old man who wasted his life away if that makes sense. To put it better I imagine it's like I'm going to "warp" forward in time and skip this part of my life because my memory is "bad" (or at least I think) and anything I do now doesn't matter. It's like because I don't have full control of my life I think nothing matters. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I'm thinking like a philosopher sometimes. Like I questions every single little thing throughout my day and a lot of it scares me because I realize things like I haven't gotten a job yet and I am 19. So that makes me feel like a failure even thought its because of my anxiety and I am working on that now and hoping to get amjob very soon. The of course I think about the short life and life has no meaning because it will be over before I even live itmssort of thought and it sends me into a bad anxiety attack. Then of course depression plays part in these deep thought trains at times. I feel so afraid of life. And afraid of judgement from others. I'm afraid of death and being alone. And my newest fear is loosing my memory. I am petrified of not having a good memory. I'm so scared I'm gonna loose my memory and its gonna make my life feel like dreams. Have you ever heard of how you always dream while sleeping but you don't remember them alot of the times? Well imagine over thinking about dreams before going to bed. Imagine right before you go to sleep you think I'm gonna dream tonight and it will be like it never happened tommorow. I'm going to experience This dream but at the same time I'm not. Now imagine that's my mindset. Thinking of what if I experience life like those dreams we never remember? What if I'm 19 now and trying to enjoy life get a nice job and car and friends and best my life on track but worrieng its all gonna be gone and done like I will loose my perception of time and I won't live life to the fullest and I will be dead before I know it. My whole life flashed before my eyes in real time. All of these horrifying what ifs cashing bad anxiety andi know most of these thoughts and what ifs are extremely irrational but they are there and my ocd looping thought process wont let me release them. I know mindfulness is my best friend but I have to know does anyone else experience such deep scary what ifs like this? If so how do you handle it? Should I fight this or just try to better understand and accept? I am so confused i feel like I am literally insane now. Anyways thanks for any insight in advanced.
  15. Hello again I am in the middle of a very rough time right now. I'm about to go to bed and I am thinking about lots of things. Stress of bills and trying to get a job and such as well as if you read in previous posts I was dropped off of my anti depressant medication. My anxiety and depression have been absolutely at their worst ever since the bad experience with weed in January. And since I was dropped off of my medicine I have had constant questioning of everything. Like constantly asking what could be wrong with me. If that little bit of numbness or pain could be a sign of a huge problem like a heart attack or stroke. My last several nights have been a horrible experience with bad sleep. So because of this horrible sleep I have had groggy slow anxiety filled days with dizziness (probably caused in part by other things) just always horrible and scary. I do find some happy times while watching TV or playing a game and my mind is off of it but then I will get the my life is ruined there is no point in going on thoughts and it causes worse anxiety and then that backs up that thought of my life being a constant anxious mess and it will never get better. I'm thinking I can't enjoy the simple things in life anymore like riding a motorcycle or driving without bad anxiety and depression knocking me down and making me feel like I would be best off doing you know what since I can't enjoy life. I know this isn't true. It's just depression getting the best off me but I am having more and more trouble every day not taking the s*****e thing to heart and thinking what if I do it? And than my anxiety gets even worse and so do the thoughts then I feel I actually may do it instead of what ifs and images flash of me just ending it. This is so hard for me to should I be handling this situation? Should I be fighting and thinking its not the right thing to do and you are not that bad off and if will get better and relax you aren't gonna do it? Even though that approach causes and internal clash of what ifs and its to late and stuff. I just say my therapist w few days ago and she was explaining about how it sounds like I have add and ocd and get trapped on these thought loops and can't get out. So I end up kind of playing into them and thinking this is it. And everyone is gonna miss me is guess. But my anxiety just gets worse thinking about it because I don't want this! What should I do I am literally petrified Im gonna do it. I am calling my phyc doc tomorrow to hopefully set up an appointment to get a new med started or something because coming off of that anti depressant has made me hit rock bottom. This is a horrible time for me. Pease let me know when these thoughts occur should one feed into them? If so how by accepting them or fighting and saying its the wrong thing to do? Or should they be ignored and try to out my mind somewhere else? I guess mindfulness is my best friends. Thanks for any input in advance.
  16. I've always been a deep thinker ever since I could remember. I started college last year on April 21st. I was having the best time of my life. Met new people was lifting weights and getting good grades. Second semester came and it started off good but towards the end I started drinking a lot to deal with stress cause all my friends from home left school and classes were getting me down. When the semester was over I came home. I promised i wouldnt drink or do anything bad to my body. Was having an awesome time being around my friends and family. Playing sports going to the gym. Everything was great. One day we were at the football field playing and this guy ran into someone else then dropped and started gasping for air. We did cpr on him for a while had him breathing for a while. Ambulance took to long and when they got to the scene they walked. His cause of death was ruled "Natural Unknown". I didn't know his medical history or if he smoked or drank so I don't know if any of that played a role in what happened. But I do know he wasn't very physically active and only played football once in a while when he was in town. For the next week and a half I couldn't sleep. I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I stopped working out cause I was afraid. I'm not going to school and I don't have a job. So I went from being busy all the time to complete down town. I have heart palps nervous stomach tingling headaches and anything else you can think of. And when I think about it I never had this worry of my health or this nervousness before the incident at the field. No symptoms none of it. I don't go out much and I'm not living my life anymore. I've had test for my blood and heart done a couple times and I've been good. But then I used Dr.Google and read people had all these test done then months later had a Ha. I guess that fear is still in my head. Im only 19 and i used to be the most active person. I guess I should trust my doc and test and try to set myself up for success. Like setting little goals to do everyday. Would love feed back and thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot to me and I would love to know what you guys think. PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO YOU ALL!!!
  17. Hello everyone its been a while but I have been trying to cope as best as I can. I have a pretty bad habit off constantly worrying about my heart and senses. I have a hypersensitivity to almost anything around me but I am especially sensitive to changes in my heart beat or senses. Sometimes I have a numbness or tingling that's most likely accociated with anxiety but it really scares me because it brings up one of my biggest fears....... A stroke or heart attack. So I am constantly worrieng my heart beat is to fast or my heart will stop and then if I feel numbness or tingling I start to panic thinking it could be a stroke and start going through a anxious checklist of trying to find a difference between the sides of my body in feeling and if I am weaker on the left than the right and if I have trouble smiling ect. I just start loosing self control and have a panic attack. Another thing is I have been having lots of bad vertigo spells and feeling weak and dizzy and light and that's been causing anxiety as well. I start to think I'm having a stroke or ate something that made me sick or maybe I'm dehydrated. But I'm just having lots of trouble lately. I have also been struggling with some depression. Last time I talked to my therapist we set up a safety plan in case I start to feel to s*****al and the thoughts become overwhelming and I feel I will act on them. Another thing I noticed is I have gotten "worse" sense my physiatrist dropped me off my 20mg a day citalopram. Definitely feel worse depression especially after being dropped off of it. Is this normal? I know its probably just me over thinking what being off the med is doing but it did seem to help now that i have been off it for a month or so. So anyways sorry for the ramble but is this more than just bad anxiety? The constant worrieng and this weird check out I have where I check my facial expressions and feeling thinking I maybe having a stroke? One. Things can at least say is even though I do have some feelings of depression and s*****e I am still terrified of death. I'll post in the depression forum about this and how its going as well. Thanks for any input in advance and hope your day has been good!
  18. Hello all. This is a very sensitive subject for me to talk about but I must. So as you may know throughout my life I have had depression on and off that I never really took note too. But now that my anxiety has gotten worse so has my depression. Over the past summer I never really took note to any worse depression just bad anxiety but sense I was dropped off of my anti depressant citalopram hydrobromide about around a month ago maybe a little more I have noticed it has gotten worse. It's not a constant problem like my qnxiety hoenthat is at least once a day but it does come and go and causes anxiety in and of itself. It's weird because with my anxiety and derealization some days I literally feel like s shell of emotions walking numbky through my day but it causes depression. I will start thinking things like maybe I should just give up. All I do is lay around (which isn't true I have done more in the last few months than I usually do) but it still really hits me hard. Makes me feel down. Than I get thoughts like other people have given up and took their live what if I make the same decision. Then it gets bad. Sometimes I'll picture myself jumping off a cliff or something and that causes bad anxiety. Than the anxiety itself causes worse thoughts becasue I think I don't want to live like this. I kind of get a numb emotional feeling while this is all going on which is really scary when I think of it. Then I start thinking what if I actually do something irrational? And on top of those thoughts I get even worse ones like what ifi end up like one of those people on line who are posting and asking for help and then it happens anyways? What if this is all a waste? Lots of horrible thoughts. But I have so many things to live for. I have lots of hobbies and activists I lovemtomtake part in it its like when I try to find happiness in the hobbies or activities anxiety and depression work together to tear that apart for me. It sucks. I mean I know I'm probably being irrational in a lot of ways and if I never heard of the stories of all of the people on line who have taken their lives I probably wouldnt have ever started thinking lot of these awfull thoughts. It got bad about 2 weeks after I was dropped off my anti depressant and I saw one of the YouTube vloggers I used to follow took their lives. It hit me hard and hit so close to home I can't get it out of my head. It's like I keep subconsciously wanting to put myself in the situation or something because sometimes I don't know why I get these wavesmof depression. Anyways thank you so much for reading this in advanced and hope this doesn't hit to close to home with anyone because I know when I read something similar I got caught on the idea.
  19. Hello all I know I have been kind of making threads similar to one and other but I feel worse but better at the same time so I would like to just get it out and feel a little more comfortable. I've been suffering from bad anxiety all my life but sense this past January I had a horrible experience with marijuana that triggered severe anxiety and derealization. Following that was tons of panic attacks and episodes of feeling detached or like I was looking at reality through a TV or glass. Feeling like I'm pulled away from reality and everything seems like a dream and its sometimes so convincing that I will think is this really reality? Which as you can imagine gets very scary to think about. So the past few days into today these feelings of derealization/depersonalization have built up and today seems to be the worst. I truly do feel like everything is a dream. And its causing anxiety which is making my day a living heck. And on top of all this I have severe health related anxiety. If I read it I think I have it. Hypochondriac basically. Lately I noticed I have mild to moderate tinnitus from loud concerts and music as well ass head trauma as a child but lately I'm constantly thinking about it getting worse and driving me "insane" because I've read people supposedly loose of due to tinnitus not letting them ever hear silence. Stuff like that makes me really anxious through out my day. When I go to see my therapist we talk things through and it doesn't seem so bad but then I get home and start experiencing this again and I feel like crap again. Another thing that's been bothering me lately to is I have been noticing this really weird thing where when I get really anxious or panicked I seem to like dwell on sounds and images as memories that have happened and they like repeat because I'm dwelling so much on them. Here's and example I saw a loud car go by the other day. I was anxious while it happened and when I started really thinking about it I felt like I was replaying that car go by over and over like a daydream. Could see and hear it very vividly felt like I am loosing touch with reality when this happens. And altough I don't fully believe I'm loosing grip on reality with the way I'm thinking and experiencing life right now its hard to not second guess. And on top of all of this sometimes I feel depressed because I think that I'm never going to be able to live life like I used to again and that this is basically it for me. I'm just going to live life like a closed in anxious person and not enjoy life. I cant say I've never thought about the whole s*****e subject but I never actually believe in it I never feel its the right answer. To be honest when I think of it I get anxious and panic because I don't want to do that. And also when I think about not living life to the fullest and having fun I always counteract those thoughts by saying I will overcome this and live life like I want to. But anyways I'm sorry for the long long long explanation but wow does it feel good to let it out. Thanks for reading and any input is greatly appreciated.
  20. Hi. Tomorrow I have to face up to something that happened a few weeks ago, something that has haunted me ever since. I have been traumatised by it since it happened. I did something I never thought I would do and I made a terrible decision which has now had big consequences. I don't want to say what it was because if I do I will cry and feel even worse. But anyway, tomorrow I find out what is going to happen to me and I am bloody terrified. I am so afraid and so worried right now I can barely function. I don't remember being this scared for a while and I am so panicky. I hate what I did and I hate what is happening but I have no choice but to face it and deal with it. What I did was so out of character for me and something I wish with every bone in my body that I could go back in time and change. But I can't. I don't really know what is going to happen and I don't know how I will react to it but I have to do it. My family and my friends are being so amazing and supportive so that makes me feel a tiny bit better. I felt like crying all day today and I did for most of it. I'm scared. I am so scared and I'm afraid of tomorrow. Tomorrow will come whether I like it or not and so I have to deal with it. There's no choice for me in the matter, I have to deal with it and I can't avoid it. I'm afraid. So incredibly afraid. But I'm trying to be strong, its just not working right now. - Georgia xo
  21. Hello all. I know I'm usually talking about anxiety or panic attacks but as of lately I've been worrying myself back into a depression. I have so many things I worry about such as what am I going do as a career? Will I be happy with the job I choose? What am I going to do when my parents pass? How long am I going to live? Am I living life to the full potential? And that's just the surface. At times I've been feeling like I have no way out and sometimes the s****dal thoughts pop in. Even though I know its not right and I'm not going to do it I just feel lonely and backed into a corner. Like ive lost my bright outlook on life. Is this depression creeping its way back? I haven't been saying much about it lately as I usually overcome it but sense I'm 18 going on 19 its like the whole world of responsibilities have come crashing down on me and i feel like it will be impossible to enjoy life like I did through childhood. I guess maybe I'm just dealing with normal adult life and kind of throwing daily stresses out of proportion? Anyways any input is greatly appreciated. Just not a great day I guess.
  22. So for the last month or so I have been feeling 50/50 depending on the day and have seen my physiatrist and counselor a few times to help with panic and anxiety. Last couple days I have been feeling very anxious. Lots of panic and anxiety especially when driving. For some reason when driving I guess its really "stimulating" for my anxiety with all the thinking and things going on at once so I kind of go of on trains of thought. Some times while driving I get pretty scared because I feel as if im taking to much attention off driving and gonna have an accident. Ive developed a few "new" fears that are making my life miserable as of lately. Now this may sound far fetched but I have this fear of loosing the ability to tell the difference between dreams and reality. Like if im out somewhere or driving I keep thinking What if im dreaming and this isn't real? or what if I loose my memory and forget about things and end up in an accident? Just weird anxiety panic provoking thoughts pop into my head at the most inconvenient times. Of course my other fear is that im still high. Ever sense I tried weed back in January of this year i have definitely changed. I keep feeling like i experience life differently like I see things more vividly but at the same time like "too" vividly like im sensitive to light now. I also feel like my senses have changed. Like slower reactions and maybe even hearing kinda dulled or im not feeling the way i used to and im "numb" from the pot. Or im still high and talking slow and averythings slow. Just lots of bad thoughts causing anxiety. Now even though these are almost constant thoughts im fighting with to prevent anxiety I don't think they are really valid as I do not think smoking pot for a few weeks could do that. I think its me overthinking the way im experiencing life with anxiety now. Like a loop of how I feel weird feelings caused by anxiety and then I overthink them as being threatening and have panic attacks ect. So what do you think? I also just a few days ago went up on my celexa/citalopram by 10mg which gave me some anxiety last time my phyc doctor had me try it. But does anyone else with anxiety have the like weird "separated" from reality feeling? Like being sucked into myself and "Detached" or something. And it seems like i see things with a weird depth perception and like I have kind of a sensitivity to light and things seem unreal or dreamlike sometimes in bright sunlight especially. Anyways sorry for rambling but it felt good. i did go for a 4 hour drive on a trip out of state today so that definitely is a step forward. Now most of these thoughts or fears/worries are just me overthinking things mainly. Because like usually im fine until i start to feel weird then i feed into it by saying omg i must be high or theres something wrong with me then bam full on panic attack. but if I avoid those thoughts im fine. Anyways again sorry for such a long post but it really feels good to get this out. Also my hearing may actually be damaged some as I have thoughout my life had lots of loud experiences without protection. From machinery to concerts and within the last year I have been doing caraudio a lot with REALLY loud bass. Like breaking windows in my car for a while loud. Lets just say that system is no longer in my car its a lot smaller now. So yes my hearing is probably damaged (my dumb selfs fault) but it brings on anxiety because I start to think about how I did permanent damage. I mean I still hear very well (pass hearing test up to 17.5khz) but I have lots of ringing/dullness sometimes now. Anyways, Thanks for reading
  23. Hello all again. I really am sorry to sound like a "broken record" repeating myself but, im really starting to feel like im in a balance between controlling my anxiety and feeling like im loosing my mind. So lately the past few days haven't been as bad as they could be. Heck I was actually feeling pretty happy at points through the day today and yesterday. Heres the thing anytime I start to feel good and overpower the anxiety I just start thinking "bad" things and scare myself back to where I was. Like a few hours ago I was feeling pretty happy looking forward to the weekend and finished some jobs around my house. Then im lying in bed and I start thinking things like "am I really feeling right?" or a new though that's got me going the past few days is "Im 18 I don't have a job im not in school so what am I going to do with my life?" then the "you only live for so long" thought pops in and I just loose it. Like full on burning sensation shaking sweating panic attack. . Why does thinking of what I want to do with my life scare me so bad? I have a lot of different career paths im trying to choose but I keep thinking im gonna choose the wrong one and not be happy with my career down the road. These thoughts on top of the health related ones and me looping the thought has been making panic attacks pretty strong. So I can say I did have a decent day today as I was able to get out and do things but once I start thinking these thoughts that's it I just lost control and its scary. I keep thinking im gonna be like this all my life and not be able to get out and go places or anything. Like this weekend Im supposed to go enjoy some delayed 4th of july fireworks with my 9 year old nephew and I just keep thinking about how im gonna be out of my house for to long and have lots of anxiety because of my overthinking and stuff. Anyways Im trying to take control of anxiety instead of vise versa. I OWN my brain and right now Anxiety and Panic are just co-owners and im about to lay them off. Im just sick and tired of living my life like this. Anyways sorry for another long rant but it really feels good to let it out. Thanks for reading in advanced. Also missed my med today so I may be feeling something from that.
  24. I am trying to type here, and nothing is showing up. Not sure what is wrong. Today I have been separated from my husband for three months by his choice not mine. He is deeply depressed, and we are just in limbo because he will no longer try counseling. We went to marriage counseling, and he had an appointment with his own counselor but he refused to go anymore. I recently found out that I have Apserger's on top of anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. I am lost and sad and lonely. I really have no one to talk to but my mother as I have no close friends. Being in limbo and not knowing what will eventually happen is scary. I am also worried about my husband, but I barely see him. I am seeing a therapist, and I take Klonopin but that doesn't help or change my situation. I can't work and have applied for disability. My two dogs are the only thing keeping me going. It is very stressful trying stretch money when we are living separately. I just wish I had someone else to talk to sometimes. My husband is/was my best friend but I am not sure if that person exists anymore. I have realized that many of his issues don't have to do with me, but that doesn't make me feel better. He never dealt with the c****r deaths of both his parents. He went to a grief group once, but he wouldn't talk because he was so upset. The counselor running the group stopped him when he left and told him she would see him separately but this has yet to happen. He called one and she wasn't in, and I don't think he has called back. I'm sorry if this seems to be rambling.
  25. About 2 weeks ago I had weird sensations like heaviness and numbness and overthink them thinking it was a stroke causing lots of panic attacks for a day straight. Unfortunately during that time I had lots of panic while trying to sleep so now sleeping brings on panic attacks. Was Doing well at my mothers for visitation for a week and a half but now I'm Back over at my fathers where the anxiety all started with the weed experience. No wonder why my anxiety is so much worse here. I feel like I have lots of PTSD here from that trauma but I have to keep reminding myself I'm ok. Right now sense a few weeks ago when my bad anxiety started up again with panic attacks I am now in bed having some more. Trying my best to overcome the fears that are causing them. One being the fear of not waking up or death while sleeping. Another is the fear that something is wrong with me medically. Like a stroke or I'm still high even though I smoked 5 months ago. Which I know is not possible. The anxiety is mainly because of the fact I'm tired right now and feel distant like my world is zoomed out from me. Kind of like I'm trapped in my own mind and thoughts and sounds are bouncing around. I'm pretty That's the derealization for me. I hate the way it feels but I must remind myself I'm ok. I don't know why that's what I keep overthinking but it is And it's causing lots of panic attacks and anxiety. So for me it seems like the more tired I get the more panic attacks I get as well. It's like I keep poking and prying every little detail to find the bad things and then dwell on them overthinking and causing panic attacks. Small things like the weird way I see stuff when I first wake up or how when I'm tired and starting to relax how my body feels heavy and numb or a little dizzy I start to overthink these things and panic. Also like how as I fall asleep sense I'm hypersensitive I some times stay awake through the sub couscous processes and hear staticky or weird noises which has also caused more panic. So I am trying to do what I can to find a way to put these lies in their place and force the truth that I'm fine. Anyone on here have similar experiences?