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About Ayumi

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  1. Hi. I just joined this forum because I'm desperate. I want to completely cure my insomnia. But it's been 10 years so it seems unlikely that that will ever happen. Yesterday I didn't sleep at all. The day before I slept at around 4am. And two days before that I didn't sleep at all. This kind of cycle keeps going on. And it's really exhausting. There's no one around me is taking this thing seriously. Earlier I used to hide it and pretend I don't have a problem but that doesn't seem to help. When I don't sleep my whole day gets wasted and that's the worst part. It started when I was about 17 and I'm now 27. Back then I would sleep within 15min without thinking twice about it. But one day I was worried about something and took about 45min to an hour to fall asleep. I could've forgotten about it. But it stayed in my mind throughout the next day and when it was time to go to bed I started getting anxious like what if I don't sleep tonight either. And that's where the whole thing started. The more anxious i get about not sleeping, the harder it gets for me to fall asleep. Now I just hate the sight of the bed, the word sleep. I think it has now started to affect my health and that is really scaring me. I have back problems and I have gained weight. I recently read that some people have died due to stroke due to lack of sleep for many days. This is only scaring me even more and making it harder to sleep. I feel extremely exhausted throughout the day. I get too tired to even socialize and laugh with people. My parents haven't taken this seriously all these years even though I told them about it when I was around 18. My mother just said that it's all in my head and that I actually do sleep well. This discourages any further discussion with them. Friends suggest various things like exercise, reading, hot showers etc. Over the years I've tried almost everything, including pills. But I don't want pills. Because i don't have a physiological problem. It's all psychological. I know it but I can't fix it. If I don't do something fast about this, my life and health is going to be ruined all because of one stupid thing and I really don't wanna let that happen. This thing has ruled over my life. Not one minute of the day goes when it's not at the back of my mind. I just hope this forum helps somehow. Hiding it didn't help. So I'm going to talk about it until there's nothing left in my mind.