Angelica Schuyler

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Angelica Schuyler last won the day on September 22 2018

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About Angelica Schuyler

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  1. Angelica Schuyler

    Super Nervous About MRI - Anyone had one?

    I've had a bunch! The MRI machines I've experienced are a lot like CT machines: a kind of donut-shaped contraption with a bed that slides in and out. For a head MRI, they put a sort of cage over your face to keep you from moving too much. You'll get an IV that will pump contrast into you at one point during the scan to highlight the picture - again, a lot like a CT scan. Mine have taken around 30-45 minutes. Like Bob said, the pounding of the machine is LOUD and annoying, but the headphones or earplugs will block out most of the sound. Hope your wife enjoys her salon visit! 😁
  2. Angelica Schuyler

    I Googled Like an Idiot

    Thanks again to everyone for dealing with me on here. I went to my GP today and sheepishly pointed out all of my concerns. He checked my breast, underarm, ribs, and shoulder and found nothing but muscle tension. He was encouraged by the results of my ultrasound and suspects that my upcoming annual breast MRI will be clean. He said that, even with my past cancer and treatment, that the odds of me getting sick again are still small. I feel like kind of a dolt, but my shoulder and underarm are still bugging me. I'm trying to believe him and just live my life. I should be able to get the MRI within the next two weeks (it has to be done during a certain part of my cycle) and, hopefully, this time, I'll be satisfied. I also plan to keep working on my DBT and mindfulness training, as suggested by my therapist. It's hard sometimes, but he told me that, when I feel like hiding away or not doing my exercises, to remember that it's a hell of a lot worse when I don't do it. @Mrsrpmddo, thank you for continuing to be so kind to me. My doctor told me the same thing that yours did - and that the tension can be caused by anxiety. I'm feeling somewhat better and I'm keeping my head up. I'm going to be ok. I definitely think it's posture, @Iugrad91. My shoulder drives me nuts at work. I think I hold it at a weird angle when I'm at my desk. I'll need to be more mindful of that. I'm sorry you're going through a breast scare, too, @Jennie048. I have one breast that's lumpier than the other, too - my current "problem breast" - and it's always made me nervous. If you're working out a lot, you've probably found exactly what's causing your pain. Keep your chin up and know that you'll roll out of your annual and your mammo feeling good. The mammo may not have been the test of choice for me because I'm still pretty young and have pretty dense breast tissue, but I think it would have caught any angry lymph nodes and the ultrasound would've found most anything else. I did have a biopsy, but it was a skin biopsy for inflammatory breast cancer. That came back negative and - surprise, surprise - my GP wasn't concerned about the skin on the "problem breast" at all. @mollyfin, I'm so glad you're still coming to the board because you're so logical. You're right that IBC is close to 100% a non-starter. I'm still worried about other breast cancers but, again, I've had every test but the MRI now and they've been clean. The odds, I'm certain, are dang low. I'm happy to hear you're an Angelica fan, too! I act more like Burr (from the first act!), to be honest, but Angelica is my favorite. I was able to see Hamilton when it came to my city over the summer. Have you seen it?
  3. Molly, you have cancer. It doesn't matter how curable it is and how quickly you'll be cancer-free. You've still got it. You're gonna be nervous about it and the next steps you have to take. It's totally normal. The waiting, I think, is the hardest part. I think you'll feel some relief after you see your doctor, get your marching orders, and start treatment. For me, when I was sick, I was much less anxious when I was undergoing treatment than during the diagnostic process. Treatment made me feel like I had some control over my health. You've got this all under control. Good luck with the surgeon and keep us posted on what's going on.
  4. Angelica Schuyler

    Is My Mind Creating Symptoms?

    I've been there with you, Bella. Anxiety can make your body do all kinds of crazy stuff, especially if there's a trigger. The more afraid you are and the more you think about the symptoms, the worse they become, and it turns into a mad cycle. I get eyelid twitches sometimes when I'm anxious, strong enough that they're noticeable. They lasted for a whole week one time - super annoying. I get awful muscle tension from my anxiety, too. I just ran to the doctor today in a panic because of pain in my shoulder and under my arm. I swore it was my breast. Doctor felt nothing except lots of muscle tension, almost certainly caused by my anxiety. The underarm pain, I realized, didn't start until I Googled about breast cancer yesterday. 🙄 Take deep breaths and try to ignore the twitching. It's almost certainly all caused by the anxiety. It will go away. You just have to let it.
  5. Angelica Schuyler

    I Googled Like an Idiot

    I'm so sorry to be bothering everyone with the same crap and not helping anyone else. I'm scared and lost and don't know where else to go.
  6. Angelica Schuyler

    I Googled Like an Idiot

    Yeah, the pain's been going on for a couple of months. It seems to shift depending on how I'm positioned or moving. I wear a crossbody bag but the strap sits on my left shoulder, so I wonder if that could be the cause. I haven't seen anyone about it yet, but I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow. Obviously, I'm scared to death. I took an hour break at work to hide somewhere and cry. This isn't sustainable. Meds aren't working. I'm trying hard with the mindfulness and DBT exercises.
  7. Angelica Schuyler

    Crap, here I am again.....IBC

    Been there with IBC scare. Still there with the IBC scare, TBH. But I've been told that IBC gets bad and gets bad fast. Are you scratching a lot? Does the redness disappear or reduce when you stop?
  8. Angelica Schuyler

    I Googled Like an Idiot

    And now I'm sure that the pain I'm feeling in my left shoulder and ribs and under my arm and around my left breast has to be breast cancer. I haven't had my breast MRI yet and I think my breasts are too dense for the mammogram and ultrasound I had in October to be accurate. I just know there's something in there spreading and I'm going to die. I can't keep going on like this.
  9. Angelica Schuyler

    Waking up to intrusive thoughts

    *threadjack* Thoughts like this are what make me fear growing old, despite desperately wanting to live. If I'm this anxious in my 30s, imagine what it will be like when I am older and legitimately closer to death. How will I handle my fear of dying then? */threadjack*
  10. Angelica Schuyler


    Sounds like bronchitis to me. The last time I had bronchitis, I coughed for a solid month - and it's not uncommon. I'm glad that your NP was so understanding and offered you the chest x-ray to ease your mind. I wish you didn't have to wait until Monday, but I'm certain the results will reassure you!
  11. Angelica Schuyler

    My Teeth Feel Like They Are Moving But Don’t Seem to Be

    I get this all. the. time. It’s unnerving, even though I’ve been to the dentist a thousand times and he’s said nothing about loose teeth. I know I’m fine, but the sensation always makes me jump. I don’t grind my teeth, but I do clench my jaw, which is similar. Maybe that has something to do with it.
  12. Angelica Schuyler

    Why Can't I Just Get Over This?

    Thank you for your response and reassurance. My meds haven't been working for me for awhile now, and I'm working with my doctor to try to find something that helps without a ton of side effects - I've gained a bunch of weight over the past few years. I'm actually due for a video call with my psychiatrist tomorrow, so I'll tell her more about how I've been feeling. I just switched to a new medication last week, so there may be some growing pains. Honestly, I think I need a different benzo to get me over the hump, but benzos are hard to come by as it is. Thanks also for the link. I feel like I've been there before but didn't finish reading the whole thing. I'll add the resources to those I've been getting from my therapist (he gave me a DBT workbook) and that I've been compiling from the Anxiety Coaches Podcast. I'm not great at doing all of the exercises - I'd rather eat or sleep things off - but I'm starting a bullet-journal-style checklist to track and try them all and see what works. Oh, @Mrsrpmddo, I'm sorry you're still stuck in the loop, too. It's such an awful feeling to be terrified all of the time. Please DM me if you ever need to talk. I'm also sorry about your daughter and her bedbug scare. They can't really HURT you, but it feels so gross, like you're being violated. Fingers crossed that none hitched a ride with her.
  13. Angelica Schuyler

    Why Can't I Just Get Over This?

    Yes. I've been putting it off because we're understaffed at my job, I've had a bunch of appointments in the past that I missed time for, and I feel like I have to be here. I guess I'm also afraid of what he might say, that I really am sick.
  14. Angelica Schuyler

    Why Can't I Just Get Over This?

    Content warning: Cancer, death As some of you know, I noticed a discoloration on my left breast in mid-October and immediately thought I had inflammatory breast cancer. A biopsy, mammogram, ultrasound, and multiple breast exams came back clear. I'm still panicky about it every day, wondering if the biopsy was done in the wrong place, or missed something, or if the burning and heaviness I feel in my breast is a sign of the cancer, or if the pain and tightness I feel in my left shoulder and ribs are bone metastases. Sometimes I feel ok, but then the sensations start again, or I start thinking about the breast, and I spiral away. I try to tell myself that it's just my anxiety talking and that I have to ignore it or float with it, but another part of my mind argues that it's no use, that I'm dying. I start to shake and cry as I think about not existing and the fear of being turned off like a light switch. I think about never getting married or having a family, and I can't focus on anything else. I can't live. I try to be mindful and follow what my therapist tells me. I'm on medication. I don't know what else to do. I think I know that I'm not dying, sometimes, but I can't fully get past it. Other stressors - almost losing my job this summer, moving this winter with barely a month's notice, waking up with bug bites before the move and fearing bringing bedbugs into my new apartment - are making it all worse. I'm trying to get work done but I'm crying at my desk instead. My breast feels funny. I don't know what to do. I need help. My hypochondria has been bad for 14 months and this particular "attack" has gone on for three. I don't think I can take much more of this.
  15. Angelica Schuyler

    achy muscles back,and legs etc anyone else?

    I think I do. Lately my shoulders, back, and ribs have all been achy, especially on the left side. Everyone says it's probably from anxiety but I think it's a bone metastasis from the breast I think I have inflammatory breast cancer in.