Angelica Schuyler

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Angelica Schuyler last won the day on September 22

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About Angelica Schuyler

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  1. Angelica Schuyler

    Not sure what is wrong with me --getting scared

    I was thinking hand, foot, and mouth, as well. I've been hearing about a lot of adults getting it recently, including professional athletes! I heard it can be miserable but clears up quickly.
  2. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    Hi, everyone. I got a call from my dermo yesterday evening. Everything is fine. It looks like there's a little inflammation, and that might be either from prodding or some histamines being generated from the cold. She and I were both super relieved. I'm still concerned that maybe she biopsied the wrong area, or that there could somehow still be a problem, but I know, deep down, that it's unlikely. I'm seeing the dermo on Monday to get my suture out and my oncologist on Friday for my regular yearly visit, so I'll be sure to bring my concerns up with them and then let this all go. This was by far the worst scare I've ever had. I want to use it as a turning point to be more mindful, relax, and enjoy my life. None of us know what the future brings but we all have right here, right now. That's what matters most of all. Thanks to everyone who kept up with my saga and gave me words of advice and comfort during my panic. You're the real MVPs. I hope I can repay the favor.
  3. Angelica Schuyler

    How many years have you suffered from anxiety.

    I'm 33 and have had anxiety since age 19, so over 14 years. Definitely not as long as you have suffered, Gale, but I understand how you're feeling. I've gone to the doctor who has told me I'm fine, that I don't even need tests, and still have symptoms. It's scary, but we have to remember that SO MANY of these symptoms are caused by our own anxiety and nothing else. They won't go away until we find the best way to deal with our anxiety - and that's hard!
  4. Angelica Schuyler

    Blood Test Results- Oy

    Hi, resident blood cancer person here! I had some of my "fighter white" cells high on one of my last blood tests, and was no big deal, especially because everything else was in range. If you're allergic to something or fighting off a light virus or bacterium, these ranges might go up slightly even if your overall white count doesn't. When your WBC and RBC get extremely low or high, with or without accompanying levels of macrocytes and eosinophils and the like, that may signal a problem. But we're talking, like, really high. Relax, your asthma is probably just taking you for a ride. :
  5. Angelica Schuyler

    What anxiety symptoms do you have right now??

    Oh, geez, Leah. I have a bunch of symptoms, too. Fun stuff like: diarrhea nausea lack of appetite nightmares exhaustion headaches You're ok and you're not alone. Anxiety is a beast.
  6. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    Sucked it up and called the derm this AM. No results. They're pretty adamant that the results come in between 10 and 14 days, no sooner, no later. I'll have to let them be until Friday at the earliest. My underarm still feels kind of tight/heavy. My breast is still blotchy but not quite as dark. I can still get it to fade by lying down. No other symptoms. Just extremely, extremely anxious. Nightmares. Lots of tears. Falling asleep at the drop of a hat. Has anyone else had a scare like this? How did (or didn't) you handle it?
  7. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    I will, though I’m not sure I want to know.
  8. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    Not for another 5-9 days.
  9. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    No head doesn’t mean no zit. It could be deep. Could be another kind of sore, too. Noses are notorious for those because we rub at them so much. Breast is still blotchy. Neither breast feels cold, but the rest of me does. I want to get home and lie under the covers to see if it helps. Still can’t get the worst-case scenario out of my head.
  10. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    Good and good. Leaving it alone will keep it from getting worse. I bet it's a pimple or something. I get those and so did my mom. Your doc can take care of it tomorrow. ❤️ Meanwhile, I'm going to keep talking to people to stay calm and continue working on stuff at my job so I don't totally fall behind from anxiety. My breast is still looking blotchy, but it's SO COLD in my office. My legs are blotchy, too, and my nail beds are purple! Also trying to remember all of the things my doctor said. Don't be scared. Don't be scared.
  11. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    I'm the same way. I think if I let my guard down and let life get too good, something terrible will come and take it away. It's not a logical way to think, but our anxious minds aren't logical. I also know it isn't logical to check myself every hour or two to see if things change because all it does is feed the anxiety. But I do it anyway, like a compulsion, because I'm so scared that something is going terribly, terribly wrong while I continue to live my life. Like I'm not allowed to live my life unless things are absolutely ok. Thank you for all of your love and positivity. I know you'll be just fine, too. This is the worst kind of fear. I'd never wish this paralysis and terror on anyone else, either.
  12. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    I so appreciate you being here for me and all of your understanding, @Mrsrpmddo. I'm so sorry that you're anxious about a problem right now, too, and that you're not eating. I hope it all goes well. You're right that you haven't been right about having a terrible disease so far, so why start now? And your husband is right, too. Hoofbeats are usually horses, not zebras. ❤️ Let's get through this junk together.
  13. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    You know, I'm a lot like you, even though I wasn't like that before. I try to avoid tests because I worry that they mean there's something wrong. If the doctor doesn't order a test, there's nothing wrong, but there must be if they do is my logic. I used to not believe my doctors WITHOUT a test. It's so weird how anxiety can change. My breast is back to looking purple-blotchy again, but it is awfully cold in my office and I'm not moving much. I have to take the fact that it doesn't stay totally discolored all the time as a good sign, though. I also think you're probably right about my arm. I had my amateur-masseuse fiancé have a poke at it a few times and he couldn't feel anything except tension. Thank you so much for being here for me, and understanding how terrifying this all is. I don't know if a non-anxious person could get it.
  14. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    I hate that you go through this, too, @Holls, but it's comforting to know I'm not the only one. I'm usually a lot better with tests but this one has me thrown for a loop. I am in therapy for lots of things, including my hypochondria and my grief. My psychologist has a wide background in illness-related mental issues and more, so we've been working on everything. He thinks I have some PTSD from my own cancer and my mom's death, and that's why I'm stuck in this horrible spiral right now. What sucks is that he's pretty busy so I can only get in once every two weeks. I talked to him briefly on Friday, though, and I'm going to call him again today.
  15. Angelica Schuyler

    Breast Lump

    Hi, everyone. Not sure how I'm going to get through work this week, but I'm trying. Feeling alone and sick to my stomach with worry. I feel like I just know how terrible this is going to end up and I'm not ready to die yet. I think about how my mom died last year. How fast it all happened. How I cried and prayed for the mass in her lung to be benign but it wasn't and she was gone in a month. I'm crying and praying for myself and keep thinking that it doesn't matter, that it will be the same outcome as my mom. I think the color on my breast looks better (it fluctuates a little) but my underarm feels heavy and sometimes I'm itchy and I remember my dermo asking me exactly where my radiation treatment was when I was sick before and I'm dying, I'm dying, and I feel out of control. I've never felt so out of control. This place is my salvation, and I can't thank you all enough for being here for me, repeating the same things that I desperately need to hear to keep myself moving as best I can. If anyone else has any stories of testing and feeling like they are losing their minds and going to die, I'd love to commiserate.