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NervUs last won the day on October 8 2018

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About NervUs

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  1. NervUs

    Reassurance needed - panic has set in - colon cancer

    OMG, Travelgirl, my colonoscopy is on Thursday!!!!! G/L I am dreading the prep!! Never done this before, and I have to work on the day I am not allowed to eat literally anything. Damn it lol!!!
  2. NervUs

    Reassurance needed - panic has set in - colon cancer

    When you are in a panic state, your poop is affected. TMI, but I get very loose stools, and I have to go more often. This happens under a lot of different circumstances, like when I am in an HA spiral or even when I have to speak in front of a large crowed. So, no, your situation does not have to be colon cancer. It is most likely just hypochondria/anxiety. In fact, I had months of what you are describing, including the ribbons. I am less panicked recently, and my poop is pretty much back to normal. Personally, no, I do not believe yours is an emergency situation. In fact, cancer is not an emergency situation and, in most cases, takes months to diagnose. So, if you are sent for a colonoscopy, be prepared that you are most likely going to have a wait for that. I am actually scheduled for one next week, my first, and I am getting a bit anxious about it (I am 47 so of that age). But, I had to wait about 8 weeks between referral and getting the appointment.
  3. That is a really tragic story, and I am so sorry to hear of someone dying so isolated. It happens all the time, and I can imagine the anguish of finding out it happened to someone you know. It sounds like you would have been there for him, if asked. You have a good heart, so please take some peace in that.
  4. NervUs

    Family issues driving anxiety

    Vandels...please don't feel like a failure. I think it's awesome that you are not automatically writing off your mom. I have seen a lot of people voice opinions like Penny's and- no offense Penny- I think that opinion is wrong. Wives are not automatically right, and it is not right for a wife to make a husband choose one or the other. There is nothing wrong with a son maintaining a relationship with his parents (and the grandkids) and not including his wife if that is not possible. (And, it is also ok for your wife to not want anything to do with your family, too. Counseling might help you both come to peace with whatever is going on. But, again, they are adults, and they need to decide if they want a relationship or not. It's not up to you and, IMO, it's okay if they choose not to be in each other's lives-- as long as they don't try to guilt you into giving up on a relationship either.
  5. NervUs

    Family issues driving anxiety

    Well, no, I have not been in the middle of two family members like that. But, I don't get along well with my MIL, and she doesn't get along with me. We aren't mean to each other but don't interact much. I don't see that ever changing. I think the best thing the son/husband can do in this situation is just accept that. Maintain relationships with each, but don't expect one to be in the other's business and vice versa. If they want to mend fences, they will. But, not every MIL and DIL can be friends or on good terms. It would be great if it could be otherwise, but it's really for them to hash out. I don't know how you remove the anxiety over it. I also might stop using the MIL as child care?
  6. I'm sorry to hear this, Molly, but glad it is not the most aggressive type. Of course, you are worrying. That is to be expected. Can you send your biopsy out for a second opinion? It absolutely sucks that you don't have a conclusive answer! Maybe it doesn't even change the treatment, but more knowledge might help the news settle in better. Precancer would be an awesome outcome here! Agree with Binn-- we are here to help when you need it, especially with the anxiety side of cancer. Waiting through this process is so hard, as you know. I hope this month flies by and that you get your answers in the meantime.
  7. NervUs

    This is just getting silly

    For my sake, can you please find a doctor who doesn't mumble? I can't take this wait!! Can't wait to hear your update and so glad it seems like the answer is going to be the one we all wanted to hear!!!
  8. NervUs

    Should have biopsy results in an hour or two

    Damn it, call her already, Doc!!! I can't believe you are still waiting. Sending good thoughts!
  9. NervUs

    Anyone ever had soft tissue sarcoma fear?

    I had a "real" sarcoma I have a hard and fixed lump in my toe--- feels like bone but is actually soft tissue. An orthopedic surgeon started me down the road to diagnosis, after (he believes) I got a misdiagnosis from a podiatrist who did a very botched biopsy. For me, the orthopedist decided not to take it any further than imaging since the MRI was not suspicious for cancer. A second opinion agreed. I was given a diagnosis of tenosynovitis with mass affect. It has been over the year, and I still have the mass, and it worries me sometimes as I feel sensation, but the orthopedist really did NOT want to cut into that area of my foot, so I am living with it. I guess my rambling is getting to the point that there are lots of benign things in soft tissue and it is incredibly likely to be a lipoma...but....I would get it checked if it's still there in a month. That is not to scare you at all, just that that is the recommendation for lumps.
  10. For me, HA definitely relates to death, and specifically dying when I have young children (they are 14, 11, and 4). I do want to live for myself, but my health freakouts ALWAYS comes back to images of them being left behind without a mom. I am sure I will still have fears, but I do feel like some of the edge will come off health anxiety once my kids are grown. I was diagnosed as glaucoma suspect. This means I am developing glaucoma, something that could take my sight. I have ZERO anxiety about it-- it's really just the stuff that can take my life that causes so much dread. Until HA (i developed it at about age 40), mortality was not at all real. HA made it real.
  11. NervUs

    Trying to stay out of patient portal

    You are a strong one, Mollyfin, as I would not be able to resist!!!! It is a good sign that they didn't give you a biopsy right on the table-- I have heard of that happening to people whose lesions are super suspicious. Seems like yours carries some risk but not 100%. I know, when I was going through my breast cancer testing, they rated lumps on a scale of 5, 5 being there is a 95% of this being BC, and 4 being there is a 20% chance of this being cancer, 3 being there is a 2% chance of this being cancer. The 4s and 5s were biopsied but, even in the case of the 4s, the vast majority would be benign. I ended up getting a surgical biopsy, ultrasound guided, but I was in that lucky majority. There is no way an ultrasound can tell you the type of cancer you have (if it turns out malignant). They need cells to do that. So, you are right--- looking is not going to give you any more info than you need, which is that you need a biopsy. Make that appointment, girl!!! It is going to take some time to fit you into the schedule, so just making the appointment is not going to run your fun! Keep your chin up, and keep us in the loop. We are rooting for you and are here for you!
  12. NervUs

    Ultrasound scheduled for Monday

    Thinking of you! Please update when you know and try not to let those thoughts get the best of you!!
  13. I don't mean to give anyone bad advice. I have done this, and it has worked for me. For me, my best times HA wise have been when I actually accept disease and death and know I would deal if I had to. It's when I panic and fight it that I get into trouble. Bottom line plac- you need to shut down the thoughts somehow and not give in to your body's desire to self check. Holls way might work, so try that if it's more comfortable. It is a whole lot of work, so expect that, and why I suggested my route is that it is sometimes hard to believe it could be anxiety. You have to get out of this mess, though, so find a way to not indulge the thoughts. G/L
  14. Maybe you could just reverse the psychology of the situation. Instead of needing to know you don't have ALS, what would happen if you had it? You know what you would do? MOST LIKELY, you would go to work everyday until you couldn't anymore (assuming you need the money and the benefits and all that). You might even feel grateful for being there b/c it meant you were still well enough to have a quality of life. I don't know if it would work, but reassurance doesn't really work. Sometimes, acceptance does. None of that is meant to imply I think you have ALS. Especially since at no point did a doctor express worry, simply caved to pressure it seems like you were putting on them. The bottom line is, you have this in your head and you won't know until you, in those moments of panic, when your brain is wanting to check reflexes or whatever, just say I have ALS and I am living the life I have, and maybe your brain will shut up enough to concentrate on something else.
  15. NervUs

    Blood Test Results- Oy

    Thanks to both of you for responding. Going to try and forget about these results!