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enidoreilley last won the day on July 22

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About enidoreilley

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  • Birthday 07/12/1983

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  1. enidoreilley

    Climate change and panic attacks

    I had a full on panic attacks last night after reading a few articles about the climate. I am still very anxious and I'm on a good amount of Ativan today just to keep myself from completely coming apart. Anyone else? Any words of encouragement? I always try to stay positive - we are humans! We cure diseases and explore space and understand how our own brain works! But that isn't helping me now. I feel like I'm going to wake up from a bad dream.
  2. enidoreilley

    Lung Cancer fears

    Back again! I have been doing better with health anxiety lately - mainly because I have had so much more urgent stress to deal with. Just a little bit of background - I have a couple diagnosed conditions that cause very real symptoms for me daily. I was a hypochondriac before I was ever developed or was diagnosed with these conditions. I have pseudotumor cerebri which is high intracranial pressure because of too much cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). I also have chiari malformation which is bit of my brain that presses out through the base of my skull and may impact the flow of CSF. Kind of a chicken/egg situation there. Because of these I have severe dizziness/lack of balance and coordination, brain fog, nerve pain, temporary blindness, fatigue, and lightheadedness. I have also had shortness of breath periodically over the past couple years as my symptoms have worsened. It usually comes and goes and I have tended to attribute it to all of my other crap, but TBH, when I go to the Drs, the shortness of breath usually winds up taking a backseat to 1) all of my other going-blind/falling down issues and 2) my health anxiety fixation du jour. But I have been short of breath and have had difficulty teaching because of it for a couple weeks now. I went to my GP the other day with that as my primary complaint, but she shifted the focus of the visit to my dizziness and I didn't really notice we hadn't discussed my shortness of breath until after I left. Now I am obsessed with lung cancer. My back hurts and I find myself having to take deep breaths all the time to get oxygen. I often have stabby pains in my chest and back when I take a deep breath. I am so worried that I have been so focused on all of my other health issues, which, while real and diagnosed, are not going to kill me, and then I'm going to get some aggressive lung cancer that will kill me. I tend to get worried this time of year, and also when I start trying to conceive. My husband and I have recently decided that we want to finally start trying again after 2 miscarriages for our second child and I have found my anxiety flaring up in all areas of my life and I am thinking this may have something to do with that...? I just want to spend time with my wonderful family. I love them and I am so scared that illness will take me from them. Thanks for reading my book. I'm just trying to decide if I should bug my GP again. I am resisting every urge to send her a message that just says ORDER ME A CHEST XRAY
  3. enidoreilley

    Breast concerns

    I've been doing well anxiety-wise, but I quit smoking 8 days ago and it's caused my moods to be all over the place. I've had some health worries, and I can't tell if this truly is something I should worry over or if it's exacerbated by my high stress and quitting smoking fragility. I have had a pink rough patch on my breast for a while. It has faded now to a whitish color and the skin itself looking different. Almost like scar tissue. Most concerning, along with this patch I am having mild achiness in my right breast (same side as the patch), with tingling, fullness, and occasional shooting pain. I can't feel a lump, but I've NEVER known what I'm feeling for. I can't tell if it is cyclical or not. I am pre-menstrual right now (early-mid luteal) but I've had this pain/sensation for almost a week. I am so preoccupied by this. I can't think about anything else and it's eating another weekend. Has anyone experienced this? I've never had a mammogram and I'm so tired of feeling like I'm bothering my GP.
  4. enidoreilley

    Left neck pain when I swallow food and drinks

    I'm always surprised by how muscle pain can feel like something even more internal and (in my mind) more sinister. I hope you can move quickly through the pain and get some peace of mind. I am also sorry about the anniversary. My friend's death date passed pretty recently and I've had a huge backslide in my HA - that's a compelling observation you've made about your tendency around this time of year.
  5. enidoreilley

    Big questions - marriage and kids

    Hey, sorry to bring this question here. I need to just pay for a professional to talk to, but, well, here I am. As everyone here knows I have pretty terrible health anxiety. I have actually been doing better lately but in the recent past it has been pretty crippling. I have been s*****al within the past couple years and am pretty steadily depressed. I am 35, I have been married for 7 years, I have a 5 year old son and I have had 2 miscarriages in the past couple years. I was trying for my second child for 3 years. I was taking Clomid and was preparing for more invasive fertility treatments when I had my second miscarriage. I was wrecked by it. It triggered some pretty intense depression and health anxiety crises. I initiated a pause in the trying to conceive nightmare. It weighed heavily on me emotionally. My husband, despite vocalizing a desire for a second child, took the trying to conceive part and the miscarriages in stride. To some degree I will concede that, especially after my second miscarriage, he just kind of HAD to take it in stride for the sake of keeping things going, but he was overall pretty apathetic to the whole thing, besides being enthusiastic about having a second child. 2 months ago I tried to start a conversation with my husband about trying to start trying to conceive again. I had been pretty stable for a while and, jesus, honestly, I am 35. I am realistically looking at a couple-few more years where I personally feel comfortable bringing another child into the world. I also know that there are serious ramifications to take into consideration and don't want to just jump into it. I just wanted to start the conversation. My husband, very casually, told me he didn't think we should try right now because he is concerned about my health anxiety. I asked him to elaborate and he said, "I don't know, maybe later, but you're not fit to have another kid right now". He's not NOT right. Don't get me wrong, I'm a great mom to my son, but from a responsible person perspective, it's best to be sure about decisions as serious as this, but his attitude is what I can't shake. He's always been so flippant about the whole thing. I hate feeling like he has just made this big decision that impacts both of us and then just shrugs me off. I have tried to bring it up to him again and he tends to get pretty defensive and shuts the conversation down. It just shakes me feelings about our relationship. Am I overreacting? Is there something here? Why does this still bug me?
  6. enidoreilley

    Meds that help specifically with HA?

    I sincerely believe that I would not be alive today were it not for Lexapro. I have had no success with therapy largely because the therapy that is covered by my insurance is basically a negligent level of insufficient. Around April I was prescribed Ativan and even though I've only needed it a handful of times, it's been a huge help to get me through the bad panic. Obviously, what works for me may be all wrong for you. Work closely with a Dr you trust to get on medication that helps. If you need medication, get medication. I am still working to get healthy enough to wean myself off, but in the meantime Lexapro smoothes out my moods and makes life closer to what I imagine is normal.
  7. enidoreilley

    Lower neck and left side of chest hurts when drinking

    You've had two pretty serious tests that would pick up most abnormalities local to your pain, so you have nothing there and you should take that and feel reassured. If you've also had normal blood work recently, which I imagine you have because that's usually one of the first things they check, then you can rule out a whole slew of other things. There isn't really much left to be worried about. I have anxiety-worsened GERD and have a lot of throat/swallowing issues and discomfort often. It freaks me out too. But lean on the fact that you've seen a Dr, had diagnostics performed, and it looks good. You are ok. Do something that relaxes you and distract yourself from the persistent thoughts. ❤️❤️
  8. enidoreilley

    Light brown stool

    I was an obsessive stool-observer for years. I was convinced I had colon cancer for a very long time and that fear still pops up from time to time. For some reason, the Internet has really embraced these ridiculous listicles that purport that you can read all kinds of usually deadly health conditions from your stool color when the simple fact is - as many people have already said - if it is brown at all, it's real normal. Even the weird colors are normal from time to time. I drank a smoothie that had beet juice in it and 2 days later it looked like I shat solid blood. A BM that is lighter than normal is still normal. Stay away from those articles! They are silly and I know from personal experience that if you tell a doctor that your read this or that about your stool online they will laugh.
  9. Today I was moisturizing and I noticed a large lump/swollen area just above my left collarbone. I have weird pressure sensations on the left side of my neck but I have had them for a longish time and I have had so much normal blood work and even a neck ultrasound to check up on a thyroid nodule so I have always just assumed that it was fine. But today when I noticed this large, soft lump I got slightly concerned and I pointed it out to my husband who immediately knew what I was talking about. He said he had noticed it a few days before. It's weird - it's not a defined lump like you would think a tumor or cyst would be - it is more like a large, fatty pad. Probably nothing - right? But then I started thinking about all kinds of other things. I have been snoring a lot more lately. My left shoulder/back has had a tight, pinching feeling lately. I am CONSTANTLY tired. Dizziness is really bad. The last two things I have chalked up to my diagnosed IIH in spite of the doctors kind of disregarding them as concrete symptoms of the disorder. Obviously, this turned into Googling. I read about 45 accounts from people who went on to be diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. It seriously sounds a lot like me. I know, I know. I know what I am doing. But now I am on it and I am panicking. I made a doctors appointment for Friday but I am freaking out and I am not sure I can get to Friday. I would take an Ativan but I have grad school work to do and lessons to write for a summer school enrichment camp I am working next week. I really needed to vent without winding up at urgent care tonight. I hope I'm ok.
  10. enidoreilley

    Hand stiffness is freaking me out

    Oh, absolutely. And it is getting worse as I get older. My hangovers are as much emotional/psychological as they are physical. One night of moderate drinking = 2 days of depression and increased anxiety. I need to just not do it, but I have so many social structures that are built around drinking with friends that it will be a process to really change that behavior but I've already started taking steps in the right direction. I probably only really drink 2-3 nights a month but that does a lot of damage.
  11. enidoreilley

    Hand stiffness is freaking me out

    That sounds amazing, lol! Thank you for the reply. I feel lucky to have had as little health anxiety as I have this summer. I also think that I should take this opportunity to get myself healthy and maybe stop drinking and start eating better since hangovers seem to trigger a good amount of discomfort for me (which I then interpret as something far more serious).
  12. enidoreilley

    Hand stiffness is freaking me out

    My hands are stiff more and more, especially my right hand. I am only 35 and my doctor actually ruled out rheumatoid arthritis this year with regard to other stuff, so I am kind of concerned by this. Of course I jump to the really scary things (like ALS or Parkinsons). I drank about a bottle of wine last night - could drinking somehow cause hand stiffness? Like maybe dehydration or something? Just putting it out there to see if anyone has any experience with this.
  13. enidoreilley

    Females! Bloating. Freaked out

    Oof - I'm sorry for your anxiety over this! Obviously we know that the odds are infintessimally small that your pooch is caused by anything frightening. I don't know how old you are, but bodies change. It sounds like you are generally pretty slim, so this is noticeable to you, but is it possible it isn't even that bloated? Further, it sounds like your weight has fluctuated somewhat and this could just change the way your body is distributing weight. But cramping all month long is a reason to see your gyno. There are all kinds of treatable issues like endometriosis, cysts, etc. that could cause that cramping, or it could be nothing at all. If you are cramping outside of the usual pre/during menstruation part of your cycle, I'd schedule an appointment to check it out, and you can mention the bloating then to put your mind at ease.
  14. enidoreilley

    How do you handle it when someone passes away?

    I just passed the one year anniversary of my best friend dying suddenly of a heart attack at 36 years old. After his death, the autopsy revealed his heart had sustained extensive damage from a simple upper respiratory infection that went untreated and traveled to his heart. I felt guilty for so many reasons. He had just moved across the country and I knew that my health anxiety would have saved him if he was here (ironically). We saw each other basically every day and I would have nagged him into seeing a doctor. I felt like I let him down. I then felt guilty becaause my health anxiety flared up about my own cardiac health. I was positive it could happen to me. It was all about me. I didn't know how to grieve. I'm obviously still pretty messed up by it. There is nothing good about a friend passing - especially when they are young. You feel robbed of time together. I am so sorry you are going through this. In terms of controlling the obsessive thoughts of your own health - please don't beat yourself up about worrying about your own health right now. Grief does crazy things to us, and your reaction isn't that atypical. Lean on statistics. The odds of your being impacted by this disease are very very low. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally and make sure you are talking to people about how you are feeling.
  15. enidoreilley

    More anxiety - wrist twitching

    This is (hopefully) more of a generalized anxiety post than a health anxiety post. I have a very much-anticipated concert to attend tonight but I am up against a deadline for grad school so I am struggling to get a paper written but of course, all of the stress has caused my left wrist to start twitching out of control. It makes typing very hard and spastic, which then makes me more frustrated with my paper, which contributes to more stress, and so and so forth so that now I am just compulsively pulling my hair out and watching the Great British Baking Show. I *know* that the twitching is because of the stress, but there is that little corner of my mind that tells me it's more. At any rate, please send me best wishes to make it to the Pixies show tonight!