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About butterfllyflyaway

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    New York
  • Interests
    Writing. Taking photos.

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  1. No one can hear my cries

    I am on anti depressants and klonopin for anxiety. Some days are better then others, but today I've had to drag myself out of bed to cook and clean and feed my children. Because if I don't do it, it won't get done. We got a snow storm. They want to play and build snow men, instead of telling them my whole body aches from this perminent cloud over my head... I fake a smile and throw some snow balls. They happily go In for cocoa and I go back out to shovel the walkway with gusts of wind so strong that no one can hear my cries. Then I wipe my face, and go back in to watch cartoons under the blankets and snuggle with my two favorite people In the world and remind myself how lucky I've got it. But like I said, some days are better than others.
  2. Well I'm def on to something

    This is great news! It's the little steps that make all difference. I was reading this post and thinking holy crap this sounds like me! Driving to the store gives me such anxiety that by the time I get there I beg my boyfriend to just go in for me. So I can definitely relate In that aspect. If you ever need someone to reach out to feel free to visit my page.
  3. Read a chapter from my novel and tell me what you think.
  4. Can't help but cry

    I can definitely relate. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. But at least you're keeping up with the medical tests and making sure you are there for your children. That shows a lot of character! I was talking to my therapist a few weeks ago.... well I was crying to my therapist lol... and in between sobs I growled, "I'm so sick of crying! My personal goal is be able to NOT cry uncontrollably at inappropriate situations!" Her response shocked me. She said maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, and maybe you should just accept the fact that you're an emotional person. Some people aren't and some people are. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Or worry about. Not to mention if you cry, its because your body feels the need to release Stress hormones such as cortisol. She told me to try instead of feeling guilty about crying (which adds more emotional stress) just accept that you are going to have a cry, and its a healthy emotion. Everyone does it. Some just do it more then others. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Anyway I hope this helps. Thoughts and prayers your way! Feel better.