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About BejeweledMexican

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  • Birthday 05/16/1993

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  1. Thanks for your words of encouragement and understanding. Today was slightly better but then as the afternoon went on it felt like there was a huge weight on my shoulders, neck, and back. I feel like I lifted weights for hours lol it's so weird! I'm not sleepy today.....just worn out.
  2. The number one thing to do is stay AWAY from Dr. Google. I know that we think we're being smart checking our symptoms but it's actually making things worse. I remember things I looked up years ago and though I'm not worried about XYZ disease anymore I'm thinking of this other one and that has the same symptom as XYZ per Google and then your brain goes down a rabbit trail you don't want to go down! You are doing GREAT! Keep up the hard work! Make sure you're exercising and eating well too. I know that once a heart attack fear comes on me that is the FIRST thing I think of 'Oh well I may not be having this if I hadn't eaten that Dairy Queen last night' and then the next day I go back for more artery clogging foods lol
  3. I am not an active person in the least bit but I can at least walk around a store without getting tired....normally. Well yesterday when I came to work I was so sleepy. I could have fallen asleep at my desk. It was a dreary day so I just figured it was that....and then I went shopping after work. I started out at my favorite store, TJ Maxx, and within a half hour my body felt like it had run a marathon. I was in PAIN! My legs were killing me and especially up near my hips was killing me. I felt exhausted! My first thought was 'Okay, I stood with my standing desk at work for like 4 hours's probably just that'. But then I fell asleep two hours early and then woke up an hour early today....wide awake! But now I'm at work and I'm super sleepy again! I'm scared.....I know I've been scared a lot but I'm sick of being scared! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.....ugh I'm mad too because I was having a good week. Besides my breast cyst which isn't freaking me out too much. I was even thinking on Tuesday, 'Wow, I feel really good! It feels good to feel good!' And now this... Honestly the sleepiness wouldn't worry me so much but it was that feeling of just utter exhaustion yesterday. My body literally felt like it had been hit by a car. Why is this??? I started having that fullness feeling again....colon cancer that spread? Maybe? Ugh. I hate being a hypochondriac and nothing is helping...not even therapy anymore
  4. Thanks guys! I’m trying to stay sober minded, not freak myself out or anything. I just looked at it and it looks HORRIBLE! My vein was like popping too...but I have veiny breasts so I’m kind of used to it. It’s just been two years since I’ve had anything like this and it just freaks me out. It stopped itching though (for now) so I guess that’s good news! Just trying to convince myself it’s not something more sinister just because it looks so bad and it’s huge! Smaller than my fist but bigger than my nose lol that was the only thing I could think of to compare it to.
  5. I'm so sorry my goal for this post wasn't to upset anyone or be all about doctors, I promise. I've actually had many positive visits in my lifetime. I just always feel like the next one is where I'll get the life changing and fatal news. I don't know why that is. I used to be the opposite and run to the doctor, now I'm not. I can't explain it. I'm working with my therapist. Right now the goal is baby steps which includes searching online to see if there is a doctor that sounds good. So far I've found nothing....only bad reviews. But really I didn't mean to make this post about doctors. I'm just in pain and freaking out. I'm sorry!
  6. This one is definitely the most terrifying that I've had lol I mean I've only had like 3 or 4 but this is the worst. That actually makes me feel a little better though. I've been putting a hot compress on it to try and see if that helps as well as some triple antibiotic ointment (no idea if this actually helps it but it's what I did last time and it helped lol)
  7. It is very similar to the same thing I've had in the past, which they normally go away within a week or two but I've NEVER had one that's itched and that is what's freaking me out. I'm so scared right now and of course you already know I don't go to doctors. I thought about running over to urgent care but I'm low on finances right now and I already know they would give me bad news. I know it doesn't make sense but I'm hoping it just goes away on its own. I'm terrified of breast cancer but there's literally no cure for Inflammatory breast cancer and you die within a few months so now I'm REALLY terrified.
  8. So about 3 days ago I had a breast cyst pop up. I have had them before, never been too concerned about them even though they do hurt. This one is really big and hurts a lot, though the past day it has been feeling better. I'm really just freaking out though because it itches! I've literally never had one itch before and so of course the first thing that comes to mind is inflammatory breast cancer. I'm so mad. I was doing really well with not freaking out about it until it started itching. I'm just scared.
  9. I talked to my therapist last night. She goes on vacation next week (dear lord this will NOT be good) and our first goal is to find a doctor I would like to go to. I'm still scared though. The past two days it has felt like this pressure was fading but today it is there and it is staying there. I'm scared. I don't know what it is. My counselor said she thinks it may go away after a few days but it's been a while now and coming back.....I'm terrified.
  10. Well I know there are weird things that happen in our body all the time. I've just always thought 'If it doesn't go away after 2 weeks then it's something worse than just anxiety'. This has been going on for a while now, not sure if it's been two weeks but it feels like it. Drains my energy.
  11. So I went to the bathroom....yay! And it's odd because I didn't really feel that pressure/rock feeling in my pelvis and now that I've gone to the bathroom it's starting to come back? This is very confusing to me lol is it my anxiety?!?? Just SO confused right now. I'm having a session with my counselor tonight, if anyone has any ideas on what to talk about or how to bring things up to her that would be great.
  12. I have no idea about a bowel exam, I avoid the doctor at all costs but I have also been having problems with my stools. Last week they were skinny and not normal and then one day they were normal (Sunday I believe) and now I haven't pooped since then..... So you're not alone in the struggle. I know that I used to have really bad IBS back in college and my doctor put me on a no gluten and no dairy diet and it helped SO MUCH! This was a drastic diet that I was on for two years though. It was rough at first but I felt so good during it that it became easier. Then I moved back to the US....gluten country lol but I'm thinking about doing it again. It may help you as well. Oh and I heard apples are good. Make sure you keep your fiber up.
  13. OH crap.....I didn't think about that. I've been having some constipation problem. I haven't had a good poop in over like 3 weeks I would say. CRAP! Do you think it's a blockage?!?! Man sometimes I wish I could have someone like Baymax from Big Hero 6 lol a robot who loves me and knows whenever something is wrong with me. That's the mean doctors or waiting for tests or anything like that. UGH WHAT IF IT IS A BLOCKAGE?!?! I read that HPV can cause colon cancer.
  14. Wow that does sound like a hot mess! That’s amazing that you’re brave enough to keep going back to the doctor. I have a feeling i have hit a plateau with my counselor. I mentioned exposure therapy and she didn’t even say anything about it, just went on to the next topic. I’m not sure where to turn. I’m so depressed I came home from work and slept 5 hours. I woke up, still feeling like crap physically and I also remembered I haven’t gone to the bathroom sinc e Sunday so that doesn’t help either. Ugh. I seriously hate being a woman.
  15. I have a counselor and she would love to see me go to the doctor (it’s been like 4 years) but unfortunately I just can’t get over my fear. I’d rather just die than go through horrible treatment like chemotherapy and then just die anyway! I’m a weird hypochondriac I guess.