mlouise

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About mlouise

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  1. I was doing great today. No self-checking and thinking good thoughts. Then I checked and I feel doomed. I have spent the last 2 hours checking. I feel something here and there and my dr obviously missed this spot and this spot. I feel like I am in a black hole. I don't know what to do.
  2. It definitely feels real. It feels super real. TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ My friend who has BC....it’s the worst kind and it’s Stage IV. 1% chance. I love her and I might lose her soon. Found at her annual appointment by her gyno. That terrified me. Still does. Being with her while she was getting chemo last week was literally me sitting in the nightmare I’ve tried to run from for 7 years. I couldn’t take it. It affected me way than I thought it would. It’s been close to a week and it still gets to me. My friend is getting married Monday because her and her fiancé don’t know how things will be in a month or longer. She is living my hell.
  3. Yes...common sense tells me that A. my Dr. didn't feel anything and B. the chances of being diagnosed with the same exact thing as my friend, who I see everyday and work with, seem pretty slim.
  4. I talked to my dr extensively about mammograms, etc. at my appointment. We agreed to wait until I am 40 or if something comes up. I talked to him about my friend and my concern with BC (in tears, I might add) and he told me the pros and cons and said that he did not see a reason to order a mammogram at that moment. I feel that ordering a mammogram would be like getting an MRI if I thought I had a brain tumor or a pelvic ultrasound for an ovarian cancer fear. My dr told me that my anxiety is the root cause of my fear and mixed with what was going on with my friend, I am in a big time scare. My mammogram comes back clear, great. But what about next month and the month after? My friends tumor grew in a matter of 2 months. I would be there constantly trying to beat a fear.
  5. Long story short: one of my good friends was diagnosed with breast cancer last month (discovered by her gyno at her annual appointment). It has been devastating. I have been self-checking like a wild woman, every time I am alone. I went with her to chemo last week and sat and the bathroom and did not less than 30 self breast exams. I thought I found something but wasn't sure. The next day was my annual and my gyno did a breast exam. He said everything felt fine. There is this one spot that I am sure that he missed. I cannot stop checking. Even my daughter asked me yesterday why am I walking around with my hand in my shirt. I am not convinced that I don't have BC like my friend. Should I believe my dr? What if he was in a hurry and missed something? I am supposed to start my period in 2 days so everything feels lumpy and bumpy. I am driving myself crazy. Should I go back and see my dr?
  6. mlouise

    Breast soreness AFTER period

    Thanks. Its not so much my breasts that are sore, it’s more higher where my underarm crease is. It alternates each side of my body and when I rub either side, there are tender spots. Soreness isn’t consistent. Didn’t have it yesterday. I think I’ve rubbed both areas to death by this point.
  7. mlouise

    Breast soreness AFTER period

    It feels like a sore lymph node when I massage there. It’s not consistent. Comes and goes. Then the other side will start. I have never had a mammogram... my dr doesn’t see the need. But I need to get one regardless. I am 38.
  8. mlouise

    Breast soreness AFTER period

    Anyone? Yesterday I didn't notice much, if anything. I didn't even think about it. Today I am and while it doesn't hurt, my mind is super hyper focused on it. Both are sore if I rub them. Maybe I have self-checked too much and now they are irritated?
  9. Hey. It’s been a long time. Long story short: I stopped my period last week. But my left breast is still sore feeling, especially under the arm. It’s not sore much until I rub it then it’s really sore. Mine of my best friends was diagnosed with stage IV triple negative breast cancer week before last. I’m hoping this is just my HA rearing it’s ugly head during a stressful time. My right side kind of feels the same if I rub it but the left side is more noticeable.
  10. mlouise

    This stupid jaw and ear pain... (TMJ?)

    My jaw hurts by my ear. Massaging helps. Really trying to have a good day with my family and not focus on it. I will be good and out of nowhere CANCER IS THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE REMEMBER THAT RANDOM STORY YOU HEARD ONCE WHERE THAT PERSON DIED THAT COULD EASILY BE YOU
  11. mlouise

    This stupid jaw and ear pain... (TMJ?)

    The ENT said earlier this week I didn’t have fluid. But it feels like there is (both ears) at times. I believe him. But it’s weird. Today I feel good. Not much pain. None if I don’t “look for it”. Sooooooo that’s good, right?? ive just never had this and it’s been over 2 weeks. Scares me.
  12. mlouise

    This stupid jaw and ear pain... (TMJ?)

    I have been for ear pain (urgent care and ENT) and the urgent care dr said I had fluid and the ENT said I didn’t. But I was also on antibiotics for the fluid and that probably cleared it up. But the symptoms have stayed the same, fluid or not. im 38 and I have never had this before. I think I clench my teeth when stressed and omg the last few months have been the most stressful yet. Every day is stressful. The whooshing has gotten more faint. And the pain isn’t as bad. But im still thinking terminal.
  13. mlouise

    This stupid jaw and ear pain... (TMJ?)

    Well I’ve never smoked a day in my life and I’m 38 so the odds of me having oral cancer are slim. BUT it’s still consuming me. I’m holding onto the fact that it comes and goes and it’s not consistent. Like all afternoon I’ve felt relatively normal. Sure my jaw is tender when I really work at stretching it but that’s all. I’m just really ready to get back to ME. I was doing so well & now I’ve set myself back 3 years.
  14. mlouise

    This stupid jaw and ear pain... (TMJ?)

    I’m in HA hell right now. I’m decoding what everyone tells me.
  15. mlouise

    This stupid jaw and ear pain... (TMJ?)

    And that other 1%?