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About Poke

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  • Birthday 08/18/1990

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  1. In December my brother almost died. It's a long story but it was an incredibly difficult time. I didn't feel "this" while my family and I were going through it. He seems like he's well on the road to a full recovery. I guess this could be linked to that but why now? As a boy I have no idea where all of it came from. I like to think I had a pretty happy young childhood. That instance is a complete mystery to me.
  2. Hi, all. I'll preface this by a story of me as a kid. I was around 11 or so and was very attached to my mom. She had got a job for the first time in my life and was gone normal working hours. 9-5. I was so afraid of her getting into a car wreck or for some reason not coming home. I would obsess over it and began doing rituals. Things like... If I shut the front door I would have to open and close the door and on the seventh time I would have to shut it perfectly which would basically be not too hard or soft. If I didnt shut it "perfectly" I'd have to start over. I had a bunch of things like this. The TV would have to turn off on channel 17 at volume 17. If I didn't do things like this my mom wouldn't come home. This went on for a long time until I finally told my self this is stupid and has no effect over anything... so I stopped the rituals and Mom was still OK. I was never diagnosed with anything because I never told anyone this stuff. I kept it all to myself. I'm not sure if it was OCD or not but it sounds like it was. Cut back to 2012 and I was going through intense anxiety. I started on citalopram and in my head it was making it worse but that's another story. My anxiety got super bad. I was getting derealization and my head was going crazy. It gave me some uncomfortable ideas and I just started obsessing over them day in and day out. I couldn't et those thoughts out of my head. When I wasn't obsessing the thoughts would rarely enter my head or even bother me. Eventually and ever so gradually it lessened and lessened and eventually it for the most part went away. Both the thoughts and my obsession over them. I still had anxiety but it was way more manageable. Everything was looking up and up. I was able to live like a normal person. It was great! But the good times had to end and they all came flooding back at the end of May. The same thoughts, the same obsession, everything. It has been around a month now since this relapse and I'm still suffering and today was one of the worst days going through it for me. I have heard of "pure O" and to me it sounds a lot like what I'm going through. I don't have insurance or anything so I haven't been to see a doctor. I've heard I have to relabel these thoughts as just OCD. BUT.... when I'm going through it and just obsessing over it, it feels so real and my brain is making it very hard to do that. I feel like Im working against myself and I just keep over thinking. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice they would like to share with me? I would really appreciate it.
  3. I was reading this list and was mostly picking out a few here or there until I got to the mind section. Ooooh boy I had most of them in there.
  4. Depersonalization/derealization?

    Jessie you are not alone. I have this and reading you describe it is just like me reading a description of some of what I go through and am currently going through as I type this. It has struck a chord. I know you will be fine.
  5. Schizin!

    I worry about this all the time... even now. My uncle has schizophrenia and my mom has mental illness as well. I know it runs in families. Today I have been dealing with crazy thoughts and ideas and my head feels really weird... I can't distract myself and I just keep coming back to the idea of maybe I have finally lost my mind. It really, really sucks.
  6. According to this I definitely fall into the panic side of things.
  7. Supernatural

    I loooooooooooooooved Supernatural. When it first aired I think I was 15 and thought it was super lame... and then years and years later I saw an episode on TV, didn't know it was Supernatural. It was the episode where Castiel is introduced... I was like omg this show seems so good what is it?! I got super into Supernatural and watched the first five seasons. It felt like the story was complete at that point to me. I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way but I don't think they ever really regained all the magic after that point. I know there have been a lot of great episodes since but I've never been able to get into again like I was.
  8. Ashamed to admit you watch it

    I'll watch the Kardashians sometimes. I always feel like I need a shower afterward... but then I'll go back to watching it.
  9. Ghostbusters reboot? Why?

    I liked the original movie and doubt this reboot will be better than that but it will probably end up being a better movie than Ghostbusters 2... which isn't exactly saying much but hey.
  10. The Martian (2015)

    I enjoyed it but can agree with the Disney "everything goes right" part of it. Things are a bit more troublesome in the book. There are situations where he gets really screwed by his situation and his plans don't always work.