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About Megan1

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  1. Megan1


    So my therapist recommended I see an additional doctor to talk about medication. It's frustrating. I logically know drugs can help. I'm just scared and it's most likely irrational, which just makes me angry. I guess what it comes down to is I don't want to keep feeling stressed; i want to stop hiding in the bathroom, to stop procrastinating, being so absent-minded, to stop getting lost for hours in list making and organizing. At the same time, I don't want to lose me in the process. The other thought is what if it does change how my head works, but doesn't help me improve my life, like a lot of half-finished projects of mine. Also, it feels like I should be able to handle things without, but I obviously have not done a very good job of it. I look back on life and have mostly regrets, so I'm jumping in the deep end.
  2. Megan1

    GF thinks I'm faking

    So the other night my girlfriend and I got into a fight. It started when after a very aggravating/stressful night. My hormones were fluxuating. I barely made it to therapy on time do to train delays, Therapy delved into unpleasant territory. Train delays coming home held me up for two hours and I ended up walking the last couple stops. And someone was fraudulently making credit card purchases with my account. So when I got home I got in my computer to try to deal with that. I was logged on and looking at my transaction history and she decided to look over my shoulder at everything. I asked her to give my some privacy and she got pissed saying that since we have been together for nine years I shouldn't mind. I said I did and that I never did that to her. Things continued until I was in tears from the stress. This just made her more angry at me. Which pushed me over the edge into full blown anxiety attack. Which just kept her yelling at me to stop crying quit fracking it. I eventually was able to get up and hide in the bathroom trying to calm down. This led to me thinking about numerous crazy doomsday scenarios of what would happen if we broke up. I eventually calmed down enough to shower and talk to her more calmly. She said she thought i was playing up my problems to manipulate her, which I'm absolutely not and was horrified she would think that. Part of the problem is that I hid things mostly from her, though she apparently picked up on my bits of my OCD (list making, etc.) before I had come to terms with it and never mentioned it to me. I also hid other personal problems too, trying to take care of things myself. The other problem is that this last year my symptons, I thought I had under control, have started getting a lot worse, which is why I'm going to therapy. I did my best to explain things and we were calm enough to go to bed. Yesterday was decent too, but I keep coming back to what she said and I don't know how to feel.
  3. Megan1

    2 years

    It might be too late for somethings, but that does not mean it isn't possible to salvage what you can and rebuild from there. If you need to vent, rage or cry, that is what something like this is for. You should probably still try to find help. I know how difficult it can be, trust me I was in tears and went for weeks with little to no sleep, but I did find someone eventually and you can too. Just remember, if you need to vent and blow off at least a little steam that it what this site is for.
  4. Well this was kind of funny. Yesterday, I was asked to compile a bunch of materials for a client. Including a list of client data, so as i was working on this, it triggered my thing for lists and sorting. I started working on the list after lunch and ended up working two hours after i should have gone home, when my boss told me to go home. On the bright side, it can off as, "she is a really hard worker" and it was a pretty list, in-depth and had the data conveniently subdivided. Yep, I'm a dork.
  5. Megan1


    It's funny I've always been rather eager to please, can be very talkative with those I feel comfortable around and have always enjoyed seeing people happy. At the same time I have always been quite awkward and have unintentionally made people want to not be around me, particularly when I get stuck on a topic and/or start being pedantic. Still, at least I'm not as bad as I used to be and I do have a gf and a few connections that mean something. Most I just keep casual though, so I don't have to worry about things falling apart. Just something I think about now and again.
  6. So I tend to get on these kicks where I start rearranging files on my computer, or binge watch TV, or other simaler things and I don't notice the time until several hours later. Even after I do, it takes me a while to stop. This isn't a problem when I'm working on a video project, it helps me get things done. It is a big issue when it's the other stuff, because it ends up severely cutting into my sleep time. It's tricky to because if I can bring myself to stop before I reach a comfortable end point, I'll be too antsy and have trouble settling down to sleep. Does anyone have any suggestions, or have techniques that help them shut things down and get to sleep? Thanks!
  7. So I'm a big music geek and I tend to get a lot of earworms, (songs stuck in my head). I've noticed this seems to be a lot more often than for those around me. This isn't a big worry or anything, as annoying and problematic as my brain can be, I do find the functioning and malfunctioning of the brain kind of interesting. I was just kind of wondering if the high prevalence of earworms was related to my OCD and if this happens to anyone else.
  8. So I was running late this morning. I had to sew something back together before wearing it. By the time I got to the train, the door closed in my face, just before I could get on. I was annoyed with myself and worried about arriving late. By the time I got off the later train, I was near panicking. It turned out rather pointless as my one co-worker didn't care and the head of my department arrived later than myself. I feel rather silly now. Have to love my head.
  9. Megan1

    Excessive Writing

    It's funny it took me forever to post anything, but as soon as I started, I really unloaded. I never used to really talk about this. Now that I am, I just feel the need to talk about everything. Sorry if it's excessive.
  10. Megan1


    So today I received a bill for my student loans that I can't afford, (since they're private, there is no nogicating with them,) on top of that, a freelance video project was taken out of my hands. I'm at my other job now reading into every thing anyone says and scared people would prefer someone more competent and a brief flash of worring that I'm going to accidentally stab my eye with my recently sharpened pencil. I've been off all morning. Stomach churning and very antsy. The only thing I seem to be able to do to cope right now is write this and dig my fingernails into my skin. I hate feeling like this.
  11. I've got a combo of OCD and GAD. It creates an odd mix of worries, everywhere from overblown, yet reasonable, worries like panicing over a mistake at work, to the really irrational, like worring that my girlfriend died in a train accident when she was running late. I was wondering, does anyone have stray thoughts that for the most part can be ignored, but always pop up in the background. You think about them for an instant, you get weirded out, then your head moves on to something else.
  12. Megan1

    ... And the result is.

    So I met with my therapist last night and she gave me her diagnoses, GAD and OCD. It's not surprising really. Still to have someone, said someone with a PHD, say it... On the bright side to have someone who understands thses things might help me get on an even keel.That'd be nice. My assignment this week, keep a journal to really figure out my triggers. Here's hoping.
  13. For right now at least: Interstellar Shawn of the Dead Morvern Callar Ginger Snaps Once
  14. Megan1

    Anxiety attack at work

    When i have an anxiety attack at work, I tend to try to sneak off at a quiet moment and hide in the bathroom to calm down. This is not always possible through. How do other people handle it?
  15. Megan1

    Venting #2

    It really depends on the situation and I don't know and won't make assumptions about yours. For me though, it did me some good to disconnect for a while on several occasions preferably if the is someone to talk to in real life even if it's super casual. Other times I've found there is a lot less pressure doing the anonymous social media route for a while. The tricky thing with social media is that people often only talk about the good stuff in their lives. Many people have bad things going on, but nevet post about them. I know it can be difficult to remember this, hence my periodic breaks. Don't give up though, I didn't get into anything long term until my late 20's.