peace123456

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  1. peace123456

    Hi guys!

    Its wonderful feeling to come to anxiety central after long time. Just sitting in office, i ,missed those days of panic and asking this forum guys for help. Which really helped. Panic attack has become a great history to me. sometimes i drink more than 3 cup of cofffe a day to bring back those sensations. It comes in a funny way. All what i learned is a Acceptance. This word cured me. Another thing is patience. Anxiety has made be able to understand the life little clear than before. I feel so lucky. I have progressed seriously in all sectors of life after the anxiety. It has taught me acceptance, happiness and patience. I believe anxiety has successfully organized my unorganized mind. Happy New year 2017 to all the memebers. wish you a great peace ahead.
  2. peace123456

    Existential OCD

    wow, nice to come back to anxiety central after so long, nice to see you Jon brother. whole 2015, i was full of panic attacks, fear, existential anxiety etc. again i want to repeat, what a GIFT of PANIC! I am feeling so wonderful now. Feeling energetic 24 hours. Can not explain the life changed so well in all aspects from family to finance and everything. I feel like i am lucky this year with many good surprises as well. If panic had not shown me the path of least resistance, i would be still the same anxious child. Existential anxiety was killing me as well. I was very depressed for not finding the meaning of life. One day i used to have existential anxiety attack, next day another fear, on and on. Finally, whatever name we give, it is only the fear that is the root cause. How this sudden Intense fear appears is difficult to say. The intolerable rushing of adrenaline is the real problem. Once it shuts down and starts to function normally, all types of anxiety disappears. It takes time and patience. Once we are in harmony with anxiety and smile at it, it wont scare us. How to get in harmony? Pray, meditate, let panic over rule your whole body one million times, drink water enough, stop coke coffee alcohol, start running everyday, stop porn frequency, stop bad news in tv, start reading interesting books, read religious books of faith, practice law of attraction, accept everything in life, deep breathing, believe in unknown power.. If we have existential anxiety, believe that we are here for a reason. since we dont know the great mystery, believe in positive than to worry in negative. Once the adrenaline gland starts to function normal, anxiety dissappears. i.e by facing the fear. Anxiety does not need treatment, it needs acceptance, patience and belief. That is how i experience. I love it. Thanks, sorry for disturbing in the middle of conversation.
  3. peace123456

    HELP!

    Guys i apologize for intruding between your conversations, @ John Brother, That was one very important questions which i was unable to answer during those high anxiety days. your explanation proves that i had ultimately understood the anxiety. I had started to have problems even when i was not anxious. 1st case There was a time, During my evening brisk walks, i was listening songs everyday. Everything was fine. I was being proud of myself. I was getting better incredibly. One day i forgot to recharge my mobile to listen songs during evening walk and i panicked, i started to feel like depressed immediately in few seconds, i felt like i miss something very important. Then i felt guilty, weak person.etc trapped again inside vicious cycle. But the gift of being human, i was aware of all these. I already had known that this is just a small set back, relapse can happen. I know i am again bullied once more after long. I will not give up. I told to myself that I have passed even such difficult panicky months. This small setback is nothing. I am really improving. Claire weeks had focused in relapse, guys in forum had said the same. NO, it is not a failure. It is like aftershock of earthquake. It will come back to equilibrium. i will challenge to my anxious self. Oh Lord god, O budhha, O muhmmad, O jesus, O lord shiva give me the strength to live with my anxiety. I pray it even while walking. I challenged myself not to recharge the mobile again . I was self talking all these things at the same moment. Next day i did not charge battery by purpose and i did not panick. Because i wanted to change my habit to accept the situation of listening song and not listening songs. I wanted to have habit of no craving. I had to be happy when i had battery and no battery. This was big lesson for me. 2nd case Also, there was time when i used to be super happy, really happy, not manic happy. But again something in my head says, this happiness is fake. why are you laughing? what is the meaning of happiness in life, one day you have to die? Now i started to think , oh really this is depression, why i cant feel happy? i am negative? why i have no hope of life? Am i s*****al? Now i panic. Because s****de is really scary word. After hours of self talk, i came to conclusion that , Oh really that is f@aking OCD. This thoughts come back to me again and again since i am not accepting it as intrusive thought, scary OCD thoughts. when i think this thought, i am scared, it means i am not s*****al. I am not psycho, i will never loose control. There is nothing like loosing control, only the terrible memory of my first major panic attack is confusing me that i will loose control. .......................and i start counting my breath, make deep breathes. I come back to peace. Those were my self talk routines. Panic, then self talk. then deep breathe. They are just two examples in millions. Today is the end of the year 2015. Looking back, i can say that it was very good year due to my anxiety. The fact is , i accept it as spiritual awakening. This year i have stepped back and looked clearly at my life, i have again come back to the real purpose, I am really living, during those anxious months i really have changed many habits, i have gathered knowledge and built potential, Really Amazing Experience. I thank my anxiety.
  4. peace123456

    HELP!

    Dear Carmen, you are experiencing the high anxiety now. But remember that you are not suffering. In other words as everybody says, you are bewildered. Anxiety may have been building inside you from years before like everybody. Don't try to find miracle cure in a second. Have a patience, stay calm and as observer above your anxiety. Make it a habit. The day will come, anxiety is not there. You will not even notice. I know you don't like what you are experiencing. You want to know the reason why it is happening. You are not convinced. You are being bullied by your anxiety emotions. You have named your anxiety emotion as pain. It is adding more discomfort to you and trapped in vicious cycle of anxiety. By every questions and every effort to find reason to be convinced, you are fighting against it hence, grabbed more and more tightly by anxiety. You dont want to take medicine, that is ok. You dont like what you are experiencing, that is ok. You want to know the reason of your anxiety, that is ok. But you dont need to be fearful with what you want and dont want. It means your fear is maintaining your anxiety. Just accept the anxiety as Jonathan said hereinabove, Utter acceptance of anxiety. Have a patience, face your fear, it will pass.
  5. peace123456

    HELP!

    "I need to be ok i have 2 children to take care of" Since you admit that it is anxiety, you can find the lots of technical articles and cognitive knowledge in this website and read them mindfully. I love the way how you mention about your kids. I have also 1 yr old daughter, she was few months old when i had my 1st panick attack and high anxiety. I was experiencing the intrusive thoughts of harming loved wants against my inner desire. I felt myself as a poor man and weak person to have such terrible state of anxiety. I fight with my feelings of anxiety. I was worried something is going to happen. I needed to be OK. I wanted to take care of daughter and wife. i wanted some one to tell me that i am not mental. I wanted confirmation. I wanted approval from other. My chest tightness would make me think the negativity in life which would fuel on my anxiety and create panic. on and on and on...Uncontrollable. My breathing were short and light. I felt like suffocation. Less oxygen to mention a few. I was helpless. Things became worst day by day and symptoms lasts as long as i fight for months. Symptoms lasts as long as we fight with the feelings of anxiety. Even years. The day i started to learn about anxiety, learned to give up the fight to get back sense of control, stopped believing in intrusvie thoughts, started meditation, brisk walking, accept all the emotions specially anxiety as it is, etc..... the dramatic improvement started. Now i am in a habit of not caring anxiety which give me the sense of control and does not allow me to believe that i am not in control.
  6. peace123456

    the meaning of life during anxiety

    Really nobody push us to go to spirituality. A time came to me when i had to push myself towards the spirituality 8-9 months before. Before that i never had to stop and look at my life because i was living a life of distraction. Not bad. But i had belief in god. A god who can shoot down the ghost, who can appear like a magic, a god like we see in movie, pictures, etc. I never had serious thought about god. You know what i mean. But i had to surrender to the universal god and my inner self from the day when all my distractions left me. I suddenly felt emptiness and see nothing in life to motivate me. The continuous panic attacks and high anxiety drained away my emotions and sense of control. All the money that i had earned, all those career that i had established, all those relationship i had appeared as of no meaning to me. I did wish that i should have meaning at least in my relationship with my wife and daughter . I was in confusion. I scared a lot since i started to believe that life has no meaning. The fear created by anxiety tricked me that life has no meaning. I started to obssess the -ve things in life, intrusive thoughts etc. I Started to struggle to find the happiness, to get sense of control, to find my distraction, etc. But in journey to find those things i was thrown to the inner world which is rich in motivation, excitement and full of purpose in life. I was actually tricked by my false sense of happiness and control all those years in my life. Happiness is an emotion like anxiety. the way that anxiety cant be permanent, the happiness cant be permanent. They are created by our thoughts. Not by our soul. They are the distractions. The inner peace is our real state of being. The stillness that you find when you are meditating is our natural state of being. It does not mean that we have to meditate and not allow thoughts to bother us. Everything is required in life , even the distractions but anchored to our natural state if being. That is what we are meant to be, the Human being. But i still don't stop here, i always keep my pot of knowledge open. In my experience, it is ok to struggle to the idea of god but not to be discouraged for finding GOD. We dont need to be raised in religious family to know the GOD. You are right, the idea of god as an entity hard to swallow. Just accept it and you can choose option to continue to chase that idea or stop but not get discouraged. The idea of god brings feeling of emptiness and confusion as you said is 100% true. But that emptiness is temporary and it encourages you to feel that void with meaning in long term which allows you to experience the life that you would not even see in your best dreams. Yes, believe in peace that you have it already now , accept that peace is for your sake first. Be selfish at least here. Then only you can take care of people who care about you and whom you love. Don't discourage yourself as a lost soul. Choose not to believe the -ve talk and unwanted obsessions that keeps coming in your mind. If you don't want to believe in God but feel as lost soul, keep in mind that, all the drama of -ve thinking, feeling of lost soul and feeling of emptiness is due to fear. Fear is the root cause. We cant catch fear physically, but we can feel it. Encourage fear to rule you as much as it can. Allow few minutes everyday the thoughts what you are afraid of most, and let it overwhelm you. Slowly it will looses its power and dissappear one day. I did it for the panic attack. Be confident that it is not harmful. Please dont treat it as instruction, i am sharing you my experince. You can choose to reject my suggestion. But the questions raises again, why such things like fear is there? Why can't we catch it physically and remove it. There is notion of fear, it is infinite There is notion of love, it is infinite There is notion of control. but uncontrollabe, There is notion of every feeling and desrire, but not perfect See, that infinity is our source, imprefection is our source, a source out of our control. This is the spirituality and God. Thanks
  7. peace123456

    the meaning of life during anxiety

    I appreciate what you said, second hand version can be analyzed and added to our knowledge but can't be taken as fact for believing the reason for inner peace. The curios mind never stops asking. You are right that i have not concluded that i have the final reason for inner peace. The conclusion is the suffering of life. Because 'the continuous search for inner peace' itself is a life. (, hey jon whatever i mention here, the idea of giving up the battle, acceptance, inner conflict , inner peace,i learned from you guys and i bring into practice. The claire weeks audio in the website was amazing. Website itself is an amazing place to visit. You guys have given me unmeasurable help and support. Please keep on commenting me if you find me out of track.)
  8. sorry for putting roughly during office hours why do we try to find the the meaning of life during anxiety or any other tough periods? is tough times really a gift? One answer may be that our survival instinct creates all these drama and also invisible energy (GOD) do it by purpose to make us wiser. My questions during high anxiety and panic period. 1.Why do i breathe? who is forcing me to breathe? why dont i stop to breathe? why i have to breathe? why i have to bear the tightness in my chest? 2. why do i exist? who is forcing me to exist? why dont i not exist? why do i have to exist? May be charles darwin is correct. I am just like a dog walking in street. I have no meaning. Why darwin has to say that. I hate him. But he is correct. Why do i have to exist if i have no meaning . Why i have to bear so much guilt, pain, uneasiness. 3.why do people not just s****de and end the humanity if we are not of value? why we want to work hard, eat good food, earn money, take stress in work, dedicate years and years in career? etc May be we human are like virus to nature. We are just destroying the nature. How can we just live here with so much pain and tightness in chest? guilt? 4. Why i dont harm? why dont i act on my intrusive thoughts? There is high chance that we are uncontrollable beings. We can do any thing any time. All the morals in the community are there to control the humans by humans. there is no god and no morality. I am really a dangerous being , i can act on my intrusive thoughts in future or even now after sometime. Why i have to live with my tight chest? 5. Who is controlling my sense of being? Why am wanting not to harm? why do i want to love and be loved? I dont know. May be it is all illusion. Nobody is controllig my sense of being, since the experience from childhood is embedded in subconscious mind and it is ruling me.There is chance that my subconscious mind be ruled by evil thoughts and i act on them. Why should i have tight chest and feeling of no control? I really don't know officially if it is panic, or anxiety or depression or other mental disorder. i know that i have passed through these experiences, suffered a big fear and have been able to leave them behind in the road of life. Now i am wiser and peaceful than before. It is still a mystery to me how i was able to leave them behind. But i know what i did was a dedicated acceptance of such condition and was optimistic that one day i will be fine , in addition to meditation and lifestyle change. I am proud of myself for not taking even a single pill of medicine in such dark and scary moments. I was alone. Family and friends far away. Missing my lovely new born daughter oceans far away. I had just a 'hope' and belief of ' Universal GOD' as my friend. WOW!WOW!WOW: Analyzing above like a psycho therapist, The common physical symptom was the chest tightness and mental symptom were the feeling of no control and feeling of going mad. I found out from the experience that the questions were asked by my creative mind. Since i was in state of panic, i was doing the risk assessment in different funny and serious ways. I was consciously trying to find the reason of my tight chest and feeling of no control.In that journey, i was asking me the above serious questions about existence. Actually my survival instinct was very active. The day i willingly decided to gave up the fight to such questions and accept my conditions the sense of control began. But i did not leave those questions unanswered. Those questions made me more wise and more peaceful than ever before. In search of answers i read many books, videos, pray, change life style, developed the emotional intelligence, empathy , compassion, more active and purpose to life. I have found a big meaning to our life and existence. The meaning of life is to worship it for its existence and accept it and enjoy every present moment, forgive past and hope the better future. Here is a challenge, Why do i have to believe in 'no meaning of life' and not to believe in 'purposeful life' and GOD? Yes there is an invisible energy which keeps us in control. That energy is GOD which gives meaning to our life and excitement. Thanks.
  9. peace123456

    Getting my life back

    i thank to jon n other friends once again
  10. peace123456

    Getting my life back

    thanks for sharing, i did that for 100 days and stopped, since i had already learned and came to an understanding that giving up the battle gives peace as forum friends were alerting in the website everywhere. I gave a try to give up everything and here i am with a blessed life. During that 100 days time when i was monitoring my anxiety, i had come to a point "why i need to keep happy journal and also monitor my anxiety to be happy? This lead me to the conclusion that life is sad, because the montioring of anxiety and happy journal had become a painful thing . It was actually telling me that i have some serious problem since i have to make journal and control my anxiety. I was panicking more and more. I was f@ked up. However i did not stop ( even now,) the meditation, good intention and reaction with other even though layered with obsessive intrusive thoughts, good food, evening 8 km brisk walk, continuing my guitar playing routine, acceptance of anxiety. These things have given me the extreme peace. What i was really doing was , moving forward with the life and allowing the emotion called anxiety to say hello to me, even trick me, joking me as friends etc. I honestly have to mention that, I had panic last night, i wake up 2 am. Then i count 1-100 i slept back. I laughed as well. The same panic would bewilder me before. Really, panic is nothing, it is as easy as i said. Since i am the real guy who experienced and have laughed at it (recently ). I did not stop last night to find the cause of my panic to disturb my sleep. I mean i gave value to sleep than anxiety, since i know now anxiety in its real form. I may have panicked, since i had a very good job offer yesterday from the company where i am going to leave now, at the same time i have offer from another company where i want to go. I was very curious, indecisive, excited, ate some fast food , car breakdwon, etc. All the activities and emotion brought by them may have panicked me at night. I just don't care. Anyway during firs panic days, the way of note keeping and monitoring as you said helps to bring anxiety in little peace, and gives time to rethink about anxiety, but in long term , giving up the battle brings peace as everybody including the forum friends says . Thanks
  11. peace123456

    Learning to let go: a musician's life with panic disorder

    Hey, you are experiencing panic, but not suffering from panic. Near-death? Fear does not add, fear multiplies- that is my experience. the more you value fear, more you will get addicted in fear. Ultimately fear will be the habit and way of life. Fear is also an addiction in its own way. But fear can never kill. Death experience is a funny thing, because it is funny to hear if somebody says i experience the near death. Somebody once said, "As long as you are living there is no death and when you are dead you are not there." i.e Nobody knows how is death experience to compare the feeling of near death. Hey, Don't get angry, I love and respect your feeling. I have also passed through it few months ago. After living with panic attacks, do you feel closer to death? Has anything positive come from your suffering? Death is you root fear as i see. This cause you panic. To tell you the truth it is same for all living creature. So just accept the fact and let the fear go. Once you develop the habit of accepting the death as as it, your panic will start to reduce and disappear one day as mine. I have felt more worst than feeling of closer to death. Because of the way how i grow up in family and society, the funny fear created by anxiety called violent intrusive thoughts, feeling of doom, etc were more scary to me than the feeling of death. These fears multiplies to create a panic. Then i start to see myself as poor, helpless , hopeless future, etc. and start episode of minor depression, then fear of depression creates another panic, etc. And then i start to self talk, cognitive restructuring myself, deep breathing, praying god, try to feel all the emotions and let go, etc. I come back to my original state of being. Again i laugh back at my fear. Those were my daily routines for past 7-8 months. But not now. And BIG YES, not something, but a lot of thing, positive came from the panic attack. It is not a suffering once you see it at face value. It is a one of the human emotion. Panic attack is a 'fight and flight' response. You can know more about it once you browse around this website. You must let panic to come and go. What happens if you have listen to a funny joke and creates laugh but you want to stop it? Same applies for anxiety and panic. Positive from panic and anxiety are: i started daily evening walk, more confident in work, not nervous in social gathering, not afraid with ghost, not afraid of my thoughts, more mindful in every second of life, start meditation, start really good and healthy food, due to study of lots of things about panic and anxiety the word vocabulary extremely grow up. high emotional intelligence, more happier and peaceful, more helping, attentive, stronger family and friends bond, good dreams, job, business, leading, spiritual etc. We are not temporary Who told you that we are temporary. If you say so, Even the mother earth , sun, milky way, etc is temporary. Even our physically existing universe. Even Einstein does not know the mystery of life. How with our little research and confusion conclude us that we are temporary? But there is one place where research is not necessary. Where we get all answers. That place is, ourselves. Once we learn to remain silent and free from distractions in life, we get all the answers. We will then understand the happiness, peace and transcendence. We are not temporary. We are as big as life. Thanks, God bless you. May you get the strength to face your fear and know what is it.
  12. peace123456

    lesson learned

    learned the most important lesson of life. Also thanks the forum members who were there in my difficult times like Jonathan. Anxiety is a good thing. Actually it is warning us with emergency bell that we are in a bad habit. That bad habit can be a habit of negative thinking, fear of success, bad eating habit, smoking habit, drinking habit.etc. They may have been acquired from different life experiences like school life, society, culture, religion, family, ambition in life, new life changes , etc. Anxiety make us leave our bad habits by force, by faking us. Now after so many months (approx. 8 months) of self talk, exercise, good food, meditation, therpay books, self help books, etc. gradual improvement has brought me to this stage of inner peace. The magic started from the 3 months of first attack to diminish considerably with rare minor attacks. I know that 99% of my panick attack was intrusive thoughts of loved ones. But i did not focus on intrusive thoughts recently to imrpove my situation dramatically. I used to blame sometimes my porn watching habit, sometimes my childhood, sometimes my ambition, sometimes my eating habits, sometimes only the intrusive thoughts itslef, internet surfing, sometimes my genes etc. Ultimately i realized that it is 99.9% the mix of everything. important is to understand anxiety and what is it for? So what is it for? Anxiety is there to tell us that we have to stop living the life only on distractions. We should learn to remain silent and live happy and longer life. We should be the real human who accepts every emotions and incident in life. I started so hard to find a magic idea to stop my panick from the first day of major attack. Actually there is no any magic. Yes there is magic which is our belief that we can overcome it one day but gardually. Such belief work step by step and every step making us realizing that we have to accept anything in life. Knowledge about anxiety is very important to be in harmony with it. Still i get anxious sometimes, but i have a strong belief that one day it will dissappear completely leaving me in ecstasy. Funny is intrusive thougts comes even now randomly adn automatically. But why no panick? Because intrusive thoughts were not the problme, the unneessary fear and anxiety that i developed myself was the root problem. Thanks God.
  13. peace123456

    don't care the type of anxiety

    by the way can you mention your rituals? and any repetitive thoughts that you don't like? i also had many rituals and scary thoughts started from my younger age that i realize these days after my panick attack. I thought they were just some habit . Now i now why they are there. And the moment when i knew the cause they dissappear. I mean the irrational fear was the root cause for my anxiety, OCD whatever words we use. This is my understanding. OCD my be it has other root. But still i blame the irrational fear or it my be from my mother genes? if not from life experience. But still does not matter. Genes can be changed by awareness. (Consciousness). HEHE
  14. peace123456

    don't care the type of anxiety

    I really dont care the type of anxiety, since i came to an understanding that the irrational fear is the only root cause of anxiety. And there is only anxiety, there is no this and that type anxiety. If we think we overcome existential anxiety, we just came to the rational understanding of fear of death etc. If we overcome intrusive thoughts, we come to an understanding of nature of intrusive thoughts and rationalize them. But deep inside we are again scared and new symptoms appears,i.e another type of anxiety, obessions etc. This is the reason i dont really care the symptoms now. Also with some mild OCD behaviors, i can say it is also rooted in fears. I know i had habit of checking room lock multiples times until i feel stress free, check car key, and many madny other behaviors. Once i realized that my checking has no any foundation except irrational fears, i immediately stopped.I rationalized immediately, it is like a miracle for me. Wow super consciousness. I stopped ocd behaviors in the same way as i understood my anxiety. I Think OCD is also highly linked with anxiety, even though these days they say OCD is different from anxiety.I really don't care the OCD behaviors, I came to an understanding. Thanks. This is my understanding. Anything to say guys?
  15. peace123456

    Hi, I'm Blue, a new member

    what may be happening in your case is, your anxious mind says "yes you are going to have a heart attack", but the real core of your heart, who is the real you says, "NO, i am OK , there is no way that i am going to have a heart attack because of so and so, and also i don't like heart attack". These two opposite ideas create tension. And your conscious confused mind at that stage fuels your imagination and it burns out as panick. This i believe is the whole story happening. That means, when we are anxious we should feel anxious and nothing else. And after regular practice of such habit we will get used to it. Anxious state is subconscious. we cant control subconscious by conscious mind except we learn to accept by our conscious mind that such state of anxious mode is completely natural and harmless. I am also practicing the same and getting better. And i am optimistic that it will even be better than ever. If i were you, i would stop medicine and welcome all the physical symptoms over and over and over and over and let it go. Sorry if i hurt you. But it is the fact. when when such thought pops up in mind, i am aware of my mental movie which is running inside my head at the same time. If i can stop that mental movie, it is easy to overcome such problem.