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About PaulaQ

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  1. So, I finally had the blood specimens taken today and I've been feeling just dreadful, so tired a bit of join pain and, today, some sickness/nausea... I'm trying to convince myself it's just the tummy or the bipolar playing up. I had a scan of the major belly organs including the liver, pancreas and spleen done some 3 months ago which is reassuring in terms of (advanced) leukaemia. I'm also getting a bit scared because of my very increased chances of a volvulus as I have a "final" colorectal diagnosis that is basically that my bowel became very abnormally long and it's got some tight loops and that is causing a functional colitis... Tight loops = ?pseudo-obstructions = ?volvulus. Good lord, what else now?...
  2. Oh, the instructor wasn't there, just the examiner... SCREAMING!! What's the weirdest is that since that day I have been feeling really, really exhausted, like even my head is too heavy for me to hold it straight! I'm not sure if that could have to do with my very nasty "functional colitis" or if it's just my brain/mood playing tricks or if it's got to do with something else that popped up (unexplained bruising, suspicious skin lesions... big red bell ringing in my head saying "AML!!") but I've already done some blood exams and now I'm running away from the country (for some holidays) before the results have the chance to arrive...
  3. Hi all, I've been diagnosed with bipolar a few (circa 10) years ago. I have done pretty well for myself in the last 5-6 years buy, lately, in very stressful situations (such as my driving exam today), I have these really weird blackouts. as for today, I'm not sure what I've done (I consider myself an ok driver, never has any accidents, just lost my license for excess speed previously), all I can remember is being stopped at a junction, handbreak pulled and not being able to understand how I got to that point or why I couldn't do nothing to move out of there. This is a total nightmare: when I can't remember what happened, I am not sure whether I might have injured or endangered someone else. And not knowing is absolutely scary. I begin to feel scared that I might do something harmful to someone or myself during one of these "blackout moments", and that is really scary. Given the nature of my job,!I can't afford to lose control over my actions so this is really s varying me...
  4. Muscle, bone, connective tissue... Could be any of these (unlikely to be lung-related as if it was, it would hurt regardless of the position). Most common back injuries (those caused by sitting funny or lifting weights funny, etc) affect the lumbar/mid-lower thoracic spine (middle to middle-low back). When you're breathing deeply when lying on your back, the movement will cause you to apply pressure on the back and against the surface you're lying on top of, so if you have any sort of minor issue on your back region, that can cause it to hurt. This is probably just really minor and temporary as back injuries that need medical attention can be really crippling (and, yet, most of them still get better on their own). Watch how you sit, the height of your computer screen and TV and watch out for how you carry/lift weights. Also make sure your mattress and pillows provide proper support.
  5. So, I often (not "too often", maybe once a month) go to my GP and ask for exams to rule out c****rs which I have no clear signs or symptoms of but which I am "very sure" I will be diagnosed with. In the meantime, there have been a couple of things lately which could indeed justify the need to rule out leukaemia... Yet, I have been avoiding the idea completely and keep convincing myself that "there are other justifications for this". If someone told me, I would tell them they really need to mention it to their doctor and, at the very least, get a full blood-count done and take it from there, yet, I just can't bring myself to think properly about it and, when I see the GP about my "other c****rs", I can't bring myself to tell her about these things that have been getting worse and have began to slightly make me worried tonight as some of the "things" just suddenly got quite visibly worse... Why am I so "messed up" when it comes to my own health whilst I find myself quite objective about everyone else's?
  6. So-called "blood c****rs" are most often diagnosed "by chance" when routine bloodwork is done - so the fact that your blood-count was alright is pretty reassuring. Lymphoma has also got a number of symptoms which, if you had them, you would have notices them already. In the highly unlikely, nearly impossible event (which is certainly not going to happen) that you have lymphoma (you don't, I'm fairly sure!!), it is quite easy to treat in its initially stages so please don't worry, the odds are all on your side!
  7. If you've had an ECG and the cardiologist confirms you're fine, then you must accept that your heart is working the way it should - abnormal heart function is generally pretty obvious in the ECG graph (different "odd curves" can illustrate different pathologies and cardiologists spend a long time learning how to interpret these). Relaxation and breathing techniques could probably help your symptoms but stress certainly won't so please stop worrying and try to make peace with the thought that you've seen a specialist who, with all their years of training, told you everything is alright
  8. Don't worry about the blood pressure... Very high diastolic pressure is what should be worrying. High systolic pressure (top/big number) with low diastolic pressure (bottom, small number) is not ideal but it's manageable. Some people have naturally low blood pressure which is ok. And blood pressure readings will change depending on a large number of factors (what you've been eating, how tired you are, how anxious you are, room temperature, etc). My mum is quite a tiny woman and she's been told she's got a "cadaver blood pressure" - besides the odd dizzy-spells, that has no impact on her hearth and since most of the family suffers from high blood pressure and some had strokes and heart-attacks, she considers herself quite lucky with her usually pretty low readings. You've got nothing to worry about!
  9. Hi, 33 is exceptionally young for bowel c****r and your symptoms definitely match IBS (are you experiencing weight loss, fatigue, night fever or visible bleeding from your bottom? - these are classic "red flags" for colon c****r and often IBD). Crohn's can go undetected for a while if the symptoms are not severe (some diagnosed people even have virtually no symptoms at all when they're on remission). UC seems unlikely as you didn't mention bleeding (which is frequent and can be profuse with this condition). Some bowel infections that are being fought hard by your immune system but still cause inflammation within the colon can also mimic IBD. The colonoscopy is standard procedure to look at the colon and take samples (biopsies, totally painless) to look for changes in the cells that might indicate some type of IBD - they are by no means exclusive to c****r suspicions and can be used simply to rule out IBD, the quicker you get it done, the quicker you'll see it's not c****r (and possibly not IBD either) and be able to be established a treatment plan to treat (or at least control) the underlying condition and manage the symptoms its causing. You will be fine!
  10. Don't always take Facebook as a true mirror reflecting someone's happiness - very typical social media behaviours are either showing-off, trying to get the online appreciation you don't get in real life or looking for ego-boosting sympathy by making yourself look a lot more miserable than you are indeed. It is only normal to feel a bit awkward when it seems to you that everyone is doing great (even though that might not be actually the case) and you feel stuck in a bad place. Understanding that there are people doing a lot worse than you can be a way of trying to fight what you called "jealousy", another way that may complement the first is acknowledging that you're not where you want to be and making realistic plans to move towards where you want to be, understanding that there will be difficulties and it won't happen overnight but keeping in mind that just because something is hard, it don't mean it is impossible and life is about change, setting targets and fighting to achieve your goals. If you had it all already and nothing else to wish for, your life would certainly be awfully boring. It's the struggles and small achievements that make it worth living
  11. Well, I think most people end up realising that they don't actually have a lot of true friends when they get to the toughest moments of their lives... It's not something I am proud of as a person but the fact is that most people tend to turn away from those who are not doing so well, maybe because by seeing others' misery, we are reminded that our own door might be the next misery knocks at... Maybe you should seek professional support indeed. You might be able to successfully get an addiction under control on your own, but that will demand a lot from you and will introduce changes to your life that, all at the same time, may be a bit too much for any human being to cope with on their own. You might even be able to get everything on right on your own, but it will be a lot easier on you if you have professional support when doing so. You can have a tooth extracted with or without anaesthetic (if you dare), the end result will be the same except that the process will be less painful with the anaesthetic - same thing with psychotherapy: you might eventually get your life all sorted out with or without it, but you'll find the journey easier if you have it. About people turning their backs and being less than sympathetic at your OCD and hoarding, well, it is very hard for someone who's never had to deal with a similar situation (either from a patient, family or health professional perspective) to be able to understand it and cope with it. We're scared of the unknown and we're scared of what we don't understand and - and I'm not trying to defend hooliganism or lack of "human touch" but - well, rejection is one of the most common ways how we deal with what scares us and what we cannot understand. You need support from people outside your household (objective and impartial people, although your close relations are important for your emotional stability as well) who can indeed understand what you're going through and provide you with the support you should be entitled to after the big effort I believe you must have made. Your OCD can be controlled, your emotional balance can be restored and once you are back to being your more confident and relaxed self, new friendships will start more spontaneously, you just need to understand that major life changes can be painful and take time to get fully used to and definitely find yourself some professional support to help you through this rough patch.
  12. I totally get what you mean, last NYE I was on antibiotics (again...) and went to a party where I was literally the only person that seemed to be sober and it can be quite frustrating to be around drunk-ish people when you're stone cold sober - they look funny at you and you look funny at them because they start behaving in a way you'd probably consider alright if you were drunk too but which you end up finding slightly awkward when you're not. But then again, if that happens in a big party, well, that's sort of to be expected. However, if that happens within your group of (close) friends, then there's something not quite right - I have friends who don't drink for health reasons and when we're together we avoid any sort of heavy drinking - not because we feel sorry and want to look charitable but because friendship is understanding and support. It can be weird to be the "non-drinker" amongst drinkers or the "non-smoker" amongst smokers but the awkwardness should fade when you're amongst your actual friends rather than random acquaintances - maybe it's the actual friends you should try to spend more time with? I know, easier said than done but I honestly believe there's very little humans can't learn to cope with as long as they put their minds to it - we're amazingly adaptive creatures and I'm sure you'll find the right way be conciliate your social life with alcohol-free drinking!
  13. That is so common in anxious people! I swear to you that, sometimes, I FEEL my heartbeat on my throat and can actually HEAR the heart-beats! As soon as I manage to relax and stop thinking about whatever is bothering me, it all goes away before I notice. That's a classic symptom of stress/anxiety so the only thing you have to be concerned about is... Relaxing
  14. Everyone is different but, personally, I tend to find my anxiety levels go down when I compare what the disease I'm scared of really is against what I'm feeling and try (sometimes not very successfully, I must admit) to stick to logic and knowledge versus irrational fears. You are probably young since you're studying and unless you are severely overweight, severely anorexic, live a very unhealthy lifestyle (with drug/alcohol abuse, extremely sedentary and with a very poor diet, etc), or other "extreme" situations that may cause otherwise highly unlikely heart issues, it is very rare for a young person to suffer a heart attack. It is normal for anxiety to cause symptom that may prompt even experienced medics to consider a heart condition though, as anxiety itself causes chest pain (often "crushing" or "squeezing" pains, same as with mild heart attacks). However your age and, hopefully your lifestyle should make you a really bad candidate for suffering a heart attack And I am sure CBT will help you learning techniques and developing mechanisms to fight these ideas and live a health-anxiety "free" life!
  15. That's been a while so there is certainly nothing life threatening going on. However, if you don't feel quite right, you should still see your GP and talk about your concerns - sometimes just being heard by someone we know knows about body (and, in the case of a good GP, also mind) issues can be more therapeutic than any pill they might prescribe.