mandii

tired of panic attacks

37 posts in this topic

Hi Maxxy,

 

I so understand what you mean about "other people". I sit in the window of my home and watch people go by in their cars, presumably to work in the morning wondering what it is like to get up in the morning and just get in the car and go where ever you want without a second thought. I suffer from agoraphobia and panic. I can't even leave the property to work anywhere. In the last 10 years I have managed to expand my boundaries to include the yard but return to the house about every 30 minutes to re-group so-to -speak. I too suffer the depression of the situation and will spend about a week sleeping to recover from one day of trying to be outdoors. I bought Dr Weeke's books on audio and carry her everywhere with me outdoors.

 

I have not seen a doctor in over 10 years, because I would have to leave the house to do it, and my doc is a hour a way because I live in a rural environment. I have resigned to the fact the next time I ride on pavement will be at the curiosity of the county corner. I have been checking out the resources they have on tis site and have found some thought provoking and in some ways helpful, like Dr Weeks's materials. I would like to encourage you to look at some of them as my moderator suggested to me when I first signed on. Chin up  :) we're all in this together --Red Green

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Hi Maxxy. Welcome to the AC Forum. :).

I think it is a mistake to compare ourselves with other people. We don't know what is going on in their minds and many so called 'normal' people have major problems psychologically. Everyone has hangups of some sort and I question the use of the word 'normal'. I don't believe there is any such thing, and I say that after many years experience. In a way anxious people are fortunate. Oh yes they are. They recognise they have a problem and most begin to deal with it. The failure to recognise its existence is what leads to real breakdowns. Facing the fact that we have a problem is halfway to recovery. Pushing it under; trying to lose it or ignoring it is not helpful.

If you still work and have a social life then you have the foundations for recovery. A firm base to work from because it does need work. It won't get better on its own; it needs your active participation. I wonder what you mean by 'life decisions'? Any decision affects your life. Are there specific issues that affect you? Have a good look round the site and see how others have coped then come back and talk anytime. We are here.    Jon.

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Hi wormlady. Agoraphobia is tiring!! Now I have no need to tell you that. You know, don't you. Energy reserves diminish to the point where we can no longer function in any normal way. If you are listening to Dr. Weekes audios then you know she suggests making the effort to go out.

One step at a time. I know only too well how difficult it can be, but the longer it is left the more difficult it becomes. How did it start? Did some life event precipitate you into anxiety and agoraphobia? In any effect there has to be a cause. Many on this site suffer from agoraphobia and many have learned to manage it and are able to go out. It is not easy but a real effort has to be made. Can anyone take you out and give support?

I don't know where you live but in the UK doctors make house calls. I am sure that as you have suffered so long some sort of medication may help you get started. Above all never despair. I have seen sufferers get well after twenty years of agoraphobia.     Jon.

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Hi Johathan123.

 

Thank you for your reply. I'm one of those people that have nothing but "live events" so I can't say exactly when it started, but it got worse after I closed my diner and started staying home more between job hunts. Within 3 months I developed a pulmonary embolism (PE) which is where the rubber hit the road and the panic attacks started one after the other 24/7. I was medicated for them while in hospital for the PE but not offered medication to manage at home afterwards. I am also a disabled veteran (US Navy) so all my medical care is managed by the US Veterans Administration. I was offered counsel if I came in to the hospital for appointments.I begged for phone counsel to help me get there, they said no, and do not make house calls. I have looked at the online counseling now available, but they will not approve payment for it so that's a no too.

 

My husband is very supportive, but hesitates to put me in a moving vehicle that leaves the driveway, last time we tried to go I jumped out while in motion because I couldn't tolerate it. Had I asked him to stop he would have, I just went into panic and jumped out. I was not hurt...he was going very slow as we turned out of the drive just in case. I will not kid you and say I have not debated the sensibility of continuing on this way. I have sought assistance from the help line on several occasions. They are not well versed in panic disorder or agoraphobia but do their best to talk with you, lol, which is difficult when you can't breath because of the panic attack. I have found that just laying on the bed and accepting that I am dieing helps more than anything. I went to the trouble of getting my "affairs" in order many years ago.

 

In an effort to keep my mind busy thinking that would help I sought my masters and am working on my PhD degree and had a Psychology class as part of the degree program. In that class we were to write a final paper on a psychiatric topic we knew the most about. I wrote about agoraphobia. (Laughing) she commented on how realistic and  how well I had a grip on the subject matter and even offered incites she had not considered ...it was a "A" paper.

 

I still have hopes that one day I will find a way on my own to venture past the driveway, for now I am content to be able to go outdoors for periods of time, its progress from being totally house bound for many years.

 

Wormlady

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Yes, it is progress but I am intrigued by your psychological thesis on agoraphobia. Of course you had an insight. Who better to write about it  than someone who has been there. We get so much nonsense talked by those who have no understanding of anxiety that I often despair, and that from so called 'professionals'. There is no way whatsoever that you can relate to anxiety without having gone through it. No way.

Many therapists and others who have not can be helpful, but there is no substitute for actual experience.

It takes courage to recover and we all have it but mostly unrealised. Progress will be slow but that is good. There Is no quick fix in anxiety and slow progress is often the best way as it allows you time to consolidate what you have gained. Never begrudge time taken in resting from trying. Provided you get up and go on then resting can be helpful. 'Laying on the bed thinking you are dying'. Good!! You have let go, let it take its head and you have stopped fighting with it. Relax. You won't die. People don't die from anxiety although many think they will.   Good luck.    Jon.

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Well I guess I am in good company.  I have had panic attacks for most of my life.  And I am so very very tired.  The thought of getting out of bed just to have panic attacks all day exhausts me.  How can anyone be so tired?  I think all of you are so courageous.  If the general public had to walk in our shoes for one day, they would never make it.  And every day you get up and face the world.  That takes courage.  I have to take pills just to make it through the day.  I know there are people like me everywhere.  But from my bedroom cave, it feels like noone will ever be there.  And the worst part is I am so tired of living like this I want to die.  But I am to afraid of death to kill myself.  This disease or whatever you want to call it is such an oxymoron.  I am so sick, but there is nothing wrong with me.  My family would like me to get over it already.  I would love to get over it, if they could fix all the neurotransmitters in my brain going haywire then maybe I could "get over it"  Also if they could fix the childhood trauma that brought on this panic disorder and PTSD in the first place, that would be great.  

 

I know I am not perfect, and I have done things wrong in my life and things I regret.  But NOBODY deserves to feel like this. (except maybe child rapists and child killers)  And that's what got me here in the first place.

 

Trixxie         

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Hiii I also have panic attack and it is really tiring because my heart keeps pounding fast, I get dizzy, I start hyperventilating and my hand and feet gets cold and that is the problem whenever my feet and hand gets cold I start having bad thought like dying and am really afraid it is taking over me and all dis started wen my close friend mum died and my friend also died and am also having insomnia am really scared. 

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Hi. Adeline. Welcome to AC. :).

Panic attacks are not restricted to supermarkets or when out somewhere. They can occur anywhere the thoughts strike. There is always a trigger. When you say 'trying to pee' do you mean there's a problem? This is not unusual so try not to worry. The muscles in the bladder can sieze up when anxious and so many, men and women, have this trouble. For some reason it can happen in the shower too. Anywhere really.

What do you do when it happens?

I ran from the bathroom borderline screaming because I was seriously convinced that this is it.

Exactly! This is where most people go wrong. If it happens again STAY THERE. Now I know this is difficult and I am not minimising your fears, but running away will not help one bit. Just sit there and let the first wave pass over without adding second fear. If you do you will find it's limited in what it can do. If you ACCEPT without running away you will calm down.

SECOND FEAR.  The 'Oh My Goodness' and 'What If's'.   This increases the adrenaline output and accentuates the fear.

My mom and sister are fed up with me and they secretly laugh at me.

Let's hope they never suffer that way. No one but the sufferer knows. Except those who have been there and that applies to everyone on this site, so you are far from alone.  Come back and talk whenever you want.   You have friends here.        Jon.

 

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Hi Maxxy,

Welcome. I'm kind of new to this site too. I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. I hope that your panic attacks and anxiety get better. Hopefully this support group will help you. I think that is great though that you work full time and have a full social life. Is there any activity that you like to do to help ease your anxiety? Maybe seeing a counselor, might also help you, if you aren't already seeing someone.

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Hello,

I hope you are doing better, because if you do, i know there is hope for me to feel better.. I just hope there is cure for this..

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Hi. Mia. 'Cure' is not a word I would use for anxiety. To 'cure' a disease is to eliminate it from the system entirely. Pneumonia can be 'cured' and eliminated for instance, never to recur, but anxiety is different. It's not organic and there lies the problem. Which means it can't be cured by medication. It can be relieved by pills but not cured. Because it's a state of mind THAT's where it has to be tackled.

But there is great hope in that direction. Learning to manage your anxiety so that it does not interfere with your life should be your aim. Can I suggest a book that may help you understand what is happening, because understanding is a powerful weapon in anxiety. "Essential help for your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes. She was considered an authority on panic attacks and agoraphobia. Well worth a read and available from Amazon.

You WILL NOT be stuck with this forever. No way! Not if you learn not to be so afraid of the symptoms. It's your fear of them that perpetuates the problem. For anxiety to occur there has to be inner conflict: inner fear. By ACCEPTING and not trying to fight and struggle your way out you allow the natural healing forces in your body to operate. Just as you would with a broken leg. You allow nature to heal you, but YOU have to get out of the way. Your illness is caused by the way you think and that can be changed. Have you  looked at CBT? It can help a lot in challenging your thoughts.

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Mandi, I can relate to your frustration! I am there myself . I'm so sick and tired of these feeling I just want it to end ! And I don't care how it ends . I am so sorry you have to go through this as I am for all anxiety suffers . Just know you are not alone and there are literal 100's if not 1000's of use going through the same thing . Stay strong girl and i believe you can beat this . Prayers to you darlin

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