mla1209

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About mla1209

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  1. Can't say much about Caltrate. I remember taking it when I was pregnant but didn't notice any changes to my stool. But I can totally relate with feeling nervous whenever I go more than twice a day, regardless if my stool is solid or loose. I've been so used to going once a day, usually in the morning, so when I feel another urge in the afternoon or at night, I start worrying. In my case, I'm also afraid of having IBD, colitis or Crohn's. It was suspected thar I could have one of these but my follow up colonoscopies ruled them out. But still, it's never escaped my mind. I also don't want this fear to affect my life. As it is, I've avoided a number of social gatherings in fear of my stomach acting up unexpectedly. I know this has so much to do with my anxiety as well. I hope you feel better and the lighter colored stool was a one time thing.
  2. Wow, hope that will work for me too. Haven't tried it, the drinking water part. But I have tried calming myself down by sitting still for five minutes and taking deep breaths. Before the physical exam I even listened to a meditation app (calm clinic). In both cases my bp was still high, I was still palpitating. But when I get home it's normal. I wonder if my digital blood pressure monitor is defective. I've been meaning to bring it to a clinic to compare readings. But I'm just too scared. I'll try and do more relaxation techniques, but honestly I'm hesitant to get my bp read elsewhere because of the possibility of it being high again, thus confirming I am indeed hypertensive.
  3. I too have fears of getting pregnant again. I have two kids, 10 and 3. With each pregnancy my anxiety has gotten worse. My husband wants us to have our third and last baby. I do want another baby too but I'm afraid of getting sick or the baby inside getting sick. I'm worried about all sorts of pregnancy induced illnesses like gestational diabetes, eclampsia and the likes. I don't know if I can handle it. But I don't want to disappoint my husband either. Right now my problem is my blood pressure. It's high whenever I get it checked at a clinic but normal when I'm at home. I don't want to be hypertensive especially when I'm pregnant. I'll do my best to be really healthy (like keeping my bp within normal range) and then I'll consult with my OB to see if I'm still fit to be pregnant again. I'm 34, by the way. Being pregnant is one of the scariest times of our lives, as women. There are real health risks to the mom and the baby. I hope that when you decide to have a baby that you can deal with your anxiety well and it doesn't get in the way. Easier said than done. But I'm sure there's lots of help and support out there. It doesn't have to be complicated. (Need to remind myself of this)
  4. Thanks for always responding, Ihadcancer. I always appreciate your insights. No one in our family had/has had any of the cancers you mentioned. What do you mean when you said my GI doc was doing it to cover himself?
  5. I think I've developed the white coat hypertension, probably started this year. My blood pressure has been normal since 2006 (had slightly elevated BP when I was pregnant, but it was controlled). Occasionally, my BP would rise especially when I'm too stressed out, tired or going through something (e.g. my father's death in 2014). It would go back to normal without any medication. One time I was rushed to the ER due to elevated BP (also in 2014) and was told I had a panic attack. This was around the time when I was grieving my father's death and was sleepless and anxious a lot. I went through a battery of test that time; blood chemistry, CBC, 2d echo for the heart, ECG and everything came back normal. Our company is doing its Annual Physical Exam, and my BP was 150/100. The previously weeks, whenever I'd go to the company clinic and they check my BP, it's usually around 140/90. When I monitor my BP at home, it's perfectly normal, any time of the day. In those clinic/hospital settings, I was obviously anxious, I could literally feel my heart pounding. (Btw, I also have Mitral Valve Prolapse, a minor heart condition, that causes palpitations.) But I know very well I'm not okay every time someone takes my BP. My family has history of hypertension so I may have to resign myself to the fact that I could have it someday. My only other concern is, my husband and I still want to have a baby. We already have 2, 10-year old son and 3-year old daughter. I'm afraid that if we've confirmed I do have hypertension (and not just a transient or stress-induced one that resolves itself quickly), it may be difficult for me to have another baby. It saddens me just to think about it. I take an antihistamine tablet to calm my nerves and usually it works. Makes me sleepy though. But I've never taken any anxiety specific medication/treatment. Has anyone here experienced white coat hypertension? How do you handle your anxiety before getting a BP reading? Any moms out there who delivered normally (and had a pretty normal pregnancy) despite being hypertensive?
  6. Just to give you updates, guys. I went in for a check up with my GI doc two weeks ago because I saw a lump outside of my anus. I freaked out and rushed to his clinic right away (good thing he was available). He said it was internal hems that was pushed out. Gave me meds to make it smaller. I opened up about my polyp and he said I can have another colonoscopy next year (3 years from the last one in 2015), but seeing that I was still anxious, he said we could do it this year, if only to give me peace of mind. I love this doctor and I'm very comfortable with him. I just don't get why he's willing to do my colonoscopy 1 year earlier just to give me peace of mind. He said if it's bothering me that much, why wait till next year. I remember he said at my age (34), having this kind of polyp (tubular adenoma) is not common. It is common with people 50 years old and above. He said polyps don't show symptoms. They only do when it's big enough, and usually by then it's already bleeding. I'm still concerned about my polyp. It's big and precancerous. And again, the possibility of it growing rapidly without me knowing it. The 1cm polyp found on my colon, my Gi said had probably been growing for 5 years already. Is it possible for me to develop a 1cm precancerous polyp in one year? The only good thing that's happening so far is I haven't seen any blood in/on my stool. And even if I do, I've kind of accepted that it could be coming from my piles.
  7. I've started reading up about the type of polyp I had, which I know I shouldn't but my mind is uncontrollable now. My mind can't stop thinking about it, I'm now thinking of missing work. I'm in the high risk category because of the size (1cm) and they type of polyp (tubular adenoma). The only thing that's not so bad about it is that it's not the flat type, which I heard could be harder to totally remove. I'm starting to wonder what if I have the aggressive type that suddenly worsens from mild to high grade dysplasia and by the time I have my next scope, it's too late already. It's in between waiting for the next procedure that I'm scared of. I'm willing to get the colonoscopy done for as often as needed (it doesn't get easier the more often I do it but I know it's the only way). I'm afraid of the things I can't control, the unknown. So many things are going on in my life right now. Friends getting sick, people I know who have died, seeing my FIL so anxious and depressed because of cancer he's now s*****al. I stare at my 2 young kids and I cry just thinking of how much I love them and I want to live long for them. My mom passed away due to lupus when I was 17 and my father because of stroke when I was 31. I just can't live like this. I need to be strong and healthy for my family.
  8. Wow, that's quite scary. It's just scary to think that they'd always find something precancerous in me every 3 years. My GI didn't seem that concerned back in 2015. I've read a lot about going in one year, then 3 years for a follow up colonoscopy when a precancerous polyp is found. So even though my GI said 5 years, I have intentions of requesting for another one either this year or the next. I'm 34 and have no history of colon cancer in our family. It's made me feel more scared now just thinking of all those possibilities.
  9. Thanks, utrocket. I really hope so. The piece that has blood on the surface is far from the blood dripping on the toilet. I'm thinking that it was the first thing that came out so my period latched on to it first. I don't know if I'm making sense. Sorry for the tmi again.
  10. There's a little bit of TMI here so I hope you don't mind. Today is the third day of my period and it's still a little heavy. I went to the bathroom for #2 and noticed that there was blood on the toilet. For me this is normal, also happens when I pee. What bothered me was there was also fresh blood on one of my stools. Pretty much the same color/consistency as the blood that was on the surface of the toilet. The logical side of me thinks that this is obviously from my period. But of course my mind is starting to wonder if this blood came from my colon. I've fear blood in stool (all my posts here so far have been about this) for 3 years. I'm afraid of getting IBD (UC or Crohns) which was the initial diagnosis of my first GI. This was later on ruled out after 2 clear follow up colonoscopies. I'm also thinking what if a new polyp is forming inside of me and it's the thing that's bleeding. In my 2nd scope in 2014, a 1cm benign but precancerous polyp was removed. I do have grade 1 internal hemmorhoids but honestly I don't take this seriously and find it hard to believe that my bleeding is caused by this. I'm so sick and tired of having to deal with my bowel problems. Hope you ladies can talk some sense into me. Thank you.
  11. Thanks for your replies. I guess that's still something I need to work on- believing in my doctors. With GI problems brought about by my IBS, I still can't shake off the feeling that something is still wrong with me.
  12. Blood in stool is the number one cause of my health anxiety. I had two colonoscopies in 2014 and one in 2015. They found some inflammation and a polyp during my first, so they scheduled a follow up scope to remove it and see if there was still inflammation. My second and third scopes were all clear except for grade I internal hemorrhoids. At the time I was not convinced that my GI had the right diagnosis because when I watched the colonoscopy video, I had some stool left. My GI admitted that I was actually not squeaky clean but he cleaned me up inside as he did his scope. Of course, I was still not happy and have since convinced myself he must have missed something. I went back to his office twice in separate occasions just to get reassurance from him and he said if he knew something was not right, he would have said it to me already. I kinda felt guilty about this but being a hypochondriac, I started worrying again. So, since my last scope in September 2015, I've been pretty much okay. Bowel movements have always been normal, with only the occasional constipation and, rarely, loose bowel movements. I'd still see blood in my stool from time to time- mild, faint red which my GI said I can attribute to my hemorrhoids. I also have IBS, according to him (nervous stomach, urgency). He said to only worry when I'm bleeding a lot. He also said I can come back for another scope in 5 years. I still check out "blood in stool" posts because it has never escaped my mind. I am not completely at peace with the last colonoscopy result. And just before writing this, I checked out the Facebook page of my former colleague who I know was diagnosed with colon cancer. I had not seen or heard from him in more than a year. I was shocked to see that he's already dead. RIP. What bothered me as well were photos of him, skin and bones. He was such a fun loving and cool guy (meet him when we was 59). Now back to polyps- what they took from me was a 1 cm tubular adenoma. My GI said if I'd left it alone, it would have developed into a cancer in 5 years time. It's benign but the precancerous type so it was a good thing I pushed my doctor to give me the c-scope. I'm now scared thinking another polyp might be developing in my now, knock on wood. And I am unaware and- those images of my colleague are really bothering me. I just needed to share my anxious thoughts to you guys. It looks like I'm back at it again. Really really scared. Has anyone ever had the same type of polyp? I'd love to hear your stories. Thank you!
  13. I'm sorry, I accidentally posted three times. How do I delete the other two? Can't seem to find the button. Thanks
  14. Hi there! I'd like to first and foremost apologize for some tmi I'm about to share. I just feel that it's necessary to describe what's been happening to me lately. So for the past 2 weeks, I've been mildly constipated. Longest time I didn't go was 3 days. And when I did I had one solid yet difficult to pass stool. The following morning I had a sudden urge to go which resulted in an "accident" while at home. It was still solid though. The urgency is what's been bothering me. Thid has always been my fear. Then every other day I would dream about something stool related. Seeing a toilet with my stool covered with blood (blood in stool is another fear of mine, this one actually happened to me and U believe it's what made my HA worse). It's weird, my fear of bowel diseases is haunting me even in my sleep. Now today I had a BM (didn't have one yesterday). It was large and hard (sorry for this) and wasn't very easy to pass. When I looked I immediately saw what I think was a small piece of stool with a line of blood inside (I could see the blood from its sideways position, if that makes sense). Then, I cleaned myself up and decided to inspect some of my stool. I didn't see any blood. Tried looking again and still didn't find any blood. Could my mind be playing tricks on me? I was convinced and almost 100% sure it was blood. Could the image in my dream be projecting in my real life? Or maybe I just missed the bloody piece of stool and was looking at the normal ones. But really, have you ever felt/seen a symptom that turned out to be a figment of your imagination? I'm just curious to know if people with health anxiety get this. Thanks!
  15. Hi there! I'd like to first and foremost apologize for some tmi I'm about to share. I just feel that it's necessary to describe what's been happening to me lately. So for the past 2 weeks, I've been mildly constipated. Longest time I didn't go was 3 days. And when I did I had one solid yet difficult to pass stool. The following morning I had a sudden urge to go which resulted in an "accident" while at home. It was still solid though. The urgency is what's been bothering me. Thid has always been my fear. Then every other day I would dream about something stool related. Seeing a toilet with my stool covered with blood (blood in stool is another fear of mine, this one actually happened to me and U believe it's what made my HA worse). It's weird, my fear of bowel diseases is haunting me even in my sleep. Now today I had a BM (didn't have one yesterday). It was large and hard (sorry for this) and wasn't very easy to pass. When I looked I immediately saw what I think was a small piece of stool with a line of blood inside (I could see the blood from its sideways position, if that makes sense). Then, I cleaned myself up and decided to inspect some of my stool. I didn't see any blood. Tried looking again and still didn't find any blood. Could my mind be playing tricks on me? I was convinced and almost 100% sure it was blood. Could the image in my dream be projecting in my real life? Or maybe I just missed the bloody piece of stool and was looking at the normal ones. But really, have you ever felt/seen a symptom that turned out to be a figment of your imagination? I'm just curious to know if people with health anxiety get this. Thanks!