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About mla1209

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  1. Thanks, Binn and Jenn. Yeah I'm pretty sure this is work related. And health anxiety is always a factor. I'm trying to remember my dreams last night but I can't. Maybe a lot of my worries were projected in my dreams so it went on even after I've awoken.
  2. I've always known I have health anxiety, having witnessed so many family members succumb to different illnesses. Since college I've been scared of having lupus and diabetes since they run in our family. But several tests have proven I don't have them (fingers crossed I won't ever have those). But the colon polyp made me a total mess that I am now. There was a point I was too obsessed about it I couldn't take care of my children anymore. The exact same questions you mentioned above also run in my head, plus more haha. I still can't think straight when it comes to my colon issues. It helps a lot to know that we are not alone. My GI doc was very straighforward about my case. When he found my polyp, he said it probably had been there 5-6 years and if left for 5 more, it would have been cancerous already. Some of the things he said scared me: 1cm is big, this polyp is normally found in people 50 years old and above so it's not so common in my age. But his confidence that I will be fine comforts me. As long as I keep to my follow up scopes, I'm in a much better position to prevent anything from happening again. But I also get the "what ifs" in between. My doc said if anything alarming comes up, to call him or visit his office. The problem is I have hemorrhoids and IBS so the symptoms are similar and I might mistake one for the other. I might panic over nothing or I might be complacent about something that may already be serious. So yeah, I'm completely messed up. Hahaha. If only I could run to my doctor and get a colonoscopy done whenever I feel like it. Anyway, feel free to message me here. Can't offer much advice but just want to say we have to feel grateful that we caught it early. Others didn't have that chance, unfortunately.
  3. I had the same, also 3 years ago when I was 31. 1cm tubular adenoma. This made my health anxiety worse than ever. They removed it in 2014 and I had another colonoscopy in 2015 just to be sure all of it was taken out. I completely understand what you're going through. It's precancerous but it's been taken out so there's no chance of it becoming cancer anymore. I think maybe you're afraid of another one forming? Believe me, that's what my anxiety is made of. You'll be screened after 3 years and maybe when that's clean after 5 years. So your doctor will be able to detect one much much earlier, if any. Yeah, this is what I've been telling myself over and over. I'm also interested in what others will advise you to do. Hang in there. Think about your dad's case. Maybe we're just unfortunate to be early polyp formers. But we're lucky we caught it early and there's nothing more that will come out ever.
  4. This happened two months ago and it stopped. Now it's back. I've been like this for the last 3 days. I wake up in the morning with this overwhelming fear and worry. I can't pinpoint exactly what I'm afraid of or worried about. I just don't feel well. I feel like something's not right. There's no particular illness that I'm thinking of, just yet. It's just a general feeling of uneasiness. When this happens, I pray right away. I'm so stressed at work right now. I don't like what I'm doing. I don't have the same passion for my job anymore. I want to quit my job and just stay at home but I can't because I'm the bread winner. The only time I'm happy is when I'm with my kids. It's too stressful for me to have to socialize with other people. I also worry still about a lot of illnesses. I worry about my stomach and colon 100% of the time. I've had 2 ocular migraine attacks in the last week. I've had it since I was 10 (now 34 y/o). But every time I still get a mini panic attack when it starts happening. I've had some issues on the gynecology side of things. I so want to be pregnant but am too scared I might get sick or the baby. Sorry for ranting here. I just want to let it out. My husband has not been very understanding about this. Just now he questioned why I can't be happy that i wake up every morning. Thank you!
  5. Thanks for your replies. I really hope it's just undigested food. But my mind cn't stop thinking about polyps forming in my colon. My stomach hasn't been well lately. Morning cramps which according to my GI are symptoms of my IBS.
  6. On a piece of stool I inspected (sorry for the TMI) it looked like small pieces of carrot. There's another piece that looked like a small amount of blood was smeared on it. Not bright or dark red, it was more of faint, light orange. I know I've had dishes with carrots, tomatoes and red pepper in the last 3 days.
  7. Hi, everyone. I've been constipated for the last 3 weeks or so. On and off. Either no urge to go for 3-4 days or my bowels are hard to pass or the pellet type. For the last two days I've noticed small, faint red, almost orange looking specs on the surface of my stool. Today I "inspected it" and thought they turned out to be small pieces of carrots but I can't be sure. On a piece of stool, it looks like a stripe of light red across. I've been diagnosed with IBS and internal hemmorhoids. The reason this bothers me is because almost 3 years ago they found and removed a 1cm benign but precancerous polyp on my colon. In 2015 I had another follow up colonoscopy and the GI doc gave me an all clear and said I can come back for another follow up in 2018 which is the 3rd year mark. I'm afraid a new polyp has formed. More than a month ago, I went back to my GI because my hemm kinda decided to come out. It wasn't serious according to the doctor and now it's back to normal. Please help me think straight. I'm back at it again. I've stopped worrying about polyps because I haven't seen blood in my stool for a while but now it might be happening again.
  8. Can't say much about Caltrate. I remember taking it when I was pregnant but didn't notice any changes to my stool. But I can totally relate with feeling nervous whenever I go more than twice a day, regardless if my stool is solid or loose. I've been so used to going once a day, usually in the morning, so when I feel another urge in the afternoon or at night, I start worrying. In my case, I'm also afraid of having IBD, colitis or Crohn's. It was suspected thar I could have one of these but my follow up colonoscopies ruled them out. But still, it's never escaped my mind. I also don't want this fear to affect my life. As it is, I've avoided a number of social gatherings in fear of my stomach acting up unexpectedly. I know this has so much to do with my anxiety as well. I hope you feel better and the lighter colored stool was a one time thing.
  9. Wow, hope that will work for me too. Haven't tried it, the drinking water part. But I have tried calming myself down by sitting still for five minutes and taking deep breaths. Before the physical exam I even listened to a meditation app (calm clinic). In both cases my bp was still high, I was still palpitating. But when I get home it's normal. I wonder if my digital blood pressure monitor is defective. I've been meaning to bring it to a clinic to compare readings. But I'm just too scared. I'll try and do more relaxation techniques, but honestly I'm hesitant to get my bp read elsewhere because of the possibility of it being high again, thus confirming I am indeed hypertensive.
  10. I too have fears of getting pregnant again. I have two kids, 10 and 3. With each pregnancy my anxiety has gotten worse. My husband wants us to have our third and last baby. I do want another baby too but I'm afraid of getting sick or the baby inside getting sick. I'm worried about all sorts of pregnancy induced illnesses like gestational diabetes, eclampsia and the likes. I don't know if I can handle it. But I don't want to disappoint my husband either. Right now my problem is my blood pressure. It's high whenever I get it checked at a clinic but normal when I'm at home. I don't want to be hypertensive especially when I'm pregnant. I'll do my best to be really healthy (like keeping my bp within normal range) and then I'll consult with my OB to see if I'm still fit to be pregnant again. I'm 34, by the way. Being pregnant is one of the scariest times of our lives, as women. There are real health risks to the mom and the baby. I hope that when you decide to have a baby that you can deal with your anxiety well and it doesn't get in the way. Easier said than done. But I'm sure there's lots of help and support out there. It doesn't have to be complicated. (Need to remind myself of this)
  11. Thanks for always responding, Ihadcancer. I always appreciate your insights. No one in our family had/has had any of the cancers you mentioned. What do you mean when you said my GI doc was doing it to cover himself?
  12. I think I've developed the white coat hypertension, probably started this year. My blood pressure has been normal since 2006 (had slightly elevated BP when I was pregnant, but it was controlled). Occasionally, my BP would rise especially when I'm too stressed out, tired or going through something (e.g. my father's death in 2014). It would go back to normal without any medication. One time I was rushed to the ER due to elevated BP (also in 2014) and was told I had a panic attack. This was around the time when I was grieving my father's death and was sleepless and anxious a lot. I went through a battery of test that time; blood chemistry, CBC, 2d echo for the heart, ECG and everything came back normal. Our company is doing its Annual Physical Exam, and my BP was 150/100. The previously weeks, whenever I'd go to the company clinic and they check my BP, it's usually around 140/90. When I monitor my BP at home, it's perfectly normal, any time of the day. In those clinic/hospital settings, I was obviously anxious, I could literally feel my heart pounding. (Btw, I also have Mitral Valve Prolapse, a minor heart condition, that causes palpitations.) But I know very well I'm not okay every time someone takes my BP. My family has history of hypertension so I may have to resign myself to the fact that I could have it someday. My only other concern is, my husband and I still want to have a baby. We already have 2, 10-year old son and 3-year old daughter. I'm afraid that if we've confirmed I do have hypertension (and not just a transient or stress-induced one that resolves itself quickly), it may be difficult for me to have another baby. It saddens me just to think about it. I take an antihistamine tablet to calm my nerves and usually it works. Makes me sleepy though. But I've never taken any anxiety specific medication/treatment. Has anyone here experienced white coat hypertension? How do you handle your anxiety before getting a BP reading? Any moms out there who delivered normally (and had a pretty normal pregnancy) despite being hypertensive?
  13. Just to give you updates, guys. I went in for a check up with my GI doc two weeks ago because I saw a lump outside of my anus. I freaked out and rushed to his clinic right away (good thing he was available). He said it was internal hems that was pushed out. Gave me meds to make it smaller. I opened up about my polyp and he said I can have another colonoscopy next year (3 years from the last one in 2015), but seeing that I was still anxious, he said we could do it this year, if only to give me peace of mind. I love this doctor and I'm very comfortable with him. I just don't get why he's willing to do my colonoscopy 1 year earlier just to give me peace of mind. He said if it's bothering me that much, why wait till next year. I remember he said at my age (34), having this kind of polyp (tubular adenoma) is not common. It is common with people 50 years old and above. He said polyps don't show symptoms. They only do when it's big enough, and usually by then it's already bleeding. I'm still concerned about my polyp. It's big and precancerous. And again, the possibility of it growing rapidly without me knowing it. The 1cm polyp found on my colon, my Gi said had probably been growing for 5 years already. Is it possible for me to develop a 1cm precancerous polyp in one year? The only good thing that's happening so far is I haven't seen any blood in/on my stool. And even if I do, I've kind of accepted that it could be coming from my piles.
  14. I've started reading up about the type of polyp I had, which I know I shouldn't but my mind is uncontrollable now. My mind can't stop thinking about it, I'm now thinking of missing work. I'm in the high risk category because of the size (1cm) and they type of polyp (tubular adenoma). The only thing that's not so bad about it is that it's not the flat type, which I heard could be harder to totally remove. I'm starting to wonder what if I have the aggressive type that suddenly worsens from mild to high grade dysplasia and by the time I have my next scope, it's too late already. It's in between waiting for the next procedure that I'm scared of. I'm willing to get the colonoscopy done for as often as needed (it doesn't get easier the more often I do it but I know it's the only way). I'm afraid of the things I can't control, the unknown. So many things are going on in my life right now. Friends getting sick, people I know who have died, seeing my FIL so anxious and depressed because of cancer he's now s*****al. I stare at my 2 young kids and I cry just thinking of how much I love them and I want to live long for them. My mom passed away due to lupus when I was 17 and my father because of stroke when I was 31. I just can't live like this. I need to be strong and healthy for my family.
  15. Wow, that's quite scary. It's just scary to think that they'd always find something precancerous in me every 3 years. My GI didn't seem that concerned back in 2015. I've read a lot about going in one year, then 3 years for a follow up colonoscopy when a precancerous polyp is found. So even though my GI said 5 years, I have intentions of requesting for another one either this year or the next. I'm 34 and have no history of colon cancer in our family. It's made me feel more scared now just thinking of all those possibilities.